(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting holeness beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times best-selling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pole dancer or honorary member of the dis information doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and
(02:44) your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production welcome to Reclamation radio I’m Kelly Brogan and today I would like to kick off a two-part series on the Trap of feminism and ending the war with
(03:25) men so I plan to be sharing what’s alive for me and typically that will take the form of the surprising ways that Reclamation can look and one of the topics that I have been taking a very deep dive into is feminism and man-woman relating so I will be sharing with you a little overview of all that I’ve been exploring over the next two episodes and I want to start out with what I have come to refer to as the Trap of feminism so it’s clear that man woman relating is a mess right if we look back over several decades I’m
(04:15) not sure any of us would say that we have made much significant progress I can probably count on a couple of fingers if that how many healthy erotic Partnerships I have in my life Escape right like how many amazing couplings I can point to and say that is an example of what can happen when a man and a woman come together in love this is what they create together this is what channels through them I am really looking forward to inviting more of those kinds of couples into my life because I don’t know many and I wager
(04:53) that you don’t either so if you know my work you know that I am very interested in victim Consciousness I call it the only human pathology and the ways in which relatedly Warfare Consciousness threads its way through dynamics that give us this sort of like surrogate hit of satisfaction or fulfillment while we are starving and slowly dying on the inside so you know there are many ways that the domination and control approach to seeming difference seeming conflict seeming adversity have taken hold right so you know we might lock the criminal
(05:33) up in a cage we might you know burn and cut the cancer out we might seek to beat the government at its own game you know we might disown that family member who did the horrible thing when it comes to intimacy and romantic relationships being right about being wronged is unlikely to confer further depth in the relationship there’s no winning this particular war and that’s why I have turned to the Reclamation of this Dynamic and specifically the Reclamation of Eros as one of the most subversive ways to
(06:19) disrupt the agenda that is underway in many uh different facets of our lived experience now so the rallying Cry of the modern feminist is and has been for as long as I’ve been an adult they should pay right it’s our turn they should pay but when we think about those of us interested in you know man woman relating when we think about men apologizing cowering scared of us and in appeasement of us is that like really what we want do we want to continue to be the you know most powerful man in the room I don’t know about you but I’m kind
(07:05) of sick of being like the best man for the job that experience is not something I am necessarily looking to perpetuate right so do we do we want that compartment ultimately expressed or are we really longing for that existential exhale right so we can finally get down to the business of doing what it is that we arguably came here for which is to feel to create to intu it to connect so this reframe invites the question you know what is our part as women in healing correcting and evolving this Dynamic into the antidote to power over
(07:53) unconsented power over which is in my perspective complementarity so how do we come into to our respective domains recognize that we are not the same and simultaneously fulfill both of our needs right is that even possible when we are engaging and celebrating difference that we could come together and find ways that that our needs actually meet the others needs that’s complementarity and I think there are many applications of this to all of the seeming polarities and divisions out there in the world like there are ways that we can find
(08:30) our place our role and organize ourselves around the meeting of our own needs that ultimately serves the collective so how did we get into this situation I am a believer that feminism as we know it is a psyop, is a psychological operation and I talk a lot about psychological operations as a psychiatrist I have some insight into what the ingredients might be for the manipulation and specifically trauma-based mind manipulation of the masses through tactics that fundamentally disempower induce fear and then render
(09:12) dependent those who any given Authority might be seeking to control so the combination of some alt history perspectives discuss it as a Rockefeller funded movement this socially engineered feminist movement that had the result of bringing women into the workplace right and actually having us demand that we have a place in the workplace right we have a position there rendering us taxpayers removing us from the home and specifically from the primary caretaking of our children which then necessitated that they be warehoused in
(09:56) industrialized educational systems making them you know conditioning them into good workers the result of this egalitarian mindset is such that we are disconnected from all that would have conferred our feminine impulse to our lived experience and awareness and we did the thing right we’re girl bossing all over the place we have the income parody we have the opportunity we have the entitlement on many different dimensions that we can expect to be regarded with equality and I’m not sure that there is a woman I know who
(10:43) imagines that there’s such a thing as truly balancing mothering let alone self-care self-exploration self-development self-pleasure and working right especially you know in a corporate setting so you combine this movement if you will that somehow achieved women begging demanding and otherwise expecting exactly what it is that would serve to disrupt the potential power of sacred Union between a man and a woman and the sacred dynamic between a mother and her children and you have a very familiar pattern right
(11:24) where we end up asking for exactly what it is that would further the agenda so you combine that with the New Age movement which I have also come in a you know blog I wrote on spiritual bypass you can learn more I’ve also come to see as a least dimensionally and as it was seated in multimedia efforts and dissemination and supported specific gurus specific speakers the New Age movement I have come to see also as a s up so in this New Age movement you also have the encouragement of men to feel their feelings to eliminate their anger
(12:01) to apologize you know for their existence in many ways to women and you also have largely the decentering of more segregated you know gender connection right so like the Brotherhood the tribalism you know sort of men going out hunting shooting otherwise spending man a time together the new age has encouraged men like women to feel feelings I’m not sure and and many agree with me that men actually need help feeling their feelings it might be the case that what men need help with is getting in touch with their strong spine
(12:44) cultivating that sense of self-possession and unwavering Consciousness whereas as women I don’t know about you but I needed many many years of work to begin to even generate awareness of my feelings let alone learn how to feel them and I really don’t need much help with my spine right I need help with my heart and so this inverted polarity has rendered us in a position where we can’t possibly come together and meet each other’s needs because we don’t have an awareness of what our fundamental primary Essence as David Deida would call it
(13:20) or our needs are and we are so practiced in exercising the defenses that keep us from that awareness of our needs and we are so brainwashed around not even imagining that we’re entitled to want the things that we need and maybe even feeling ashamed for wanting to play these more traditional polarized gender roles we’ve come to believe all sorts of interesting things so I have like a little list here right so we’ve come to believe that women have suffered and are now entitled we’ve come to believe that women can do
(13:56) what men can do and don’t need them women should act strong and independent women know better how to do things women should hide their sexual energy unless they want to invite harm there are and there are respectable women men owe women men are violent and Savage fundamentally men only want to take sex men are stupid actually men can’t control their sexual impulses men who don’t acknowledge a woman’s sexuality are actually respecting them so I have believed all of these things as I mentioned in my introduction I was a
(14:36) card carrying righteous feminist from probably like the womb I don’t know and I very much aligned with the part of me that found survival through I’ve got this I can do it let me fix it you know that immature masculine dimension of myself that found the experience of feminine energy and emotion so terrifying that I would literally do anything immediately reflexively not to feel any feelings right so that’s who and how I developed uh to be because of my experience in my you know early years and I also was very excited about many
(15:21) little bait traps that were set for us feminists including things like the HPV vaccine that came out to you know theoretically help women to never struggle with the side effects of sex if you will right like that’s sort of like the rubric is you know you’re going to catch this thing and this thing is going to cause a cancer in your body and kill you I mean there’s like eight layers of of victim fueled mythology in in that whole belief system nonetheless when that came out I felt like we had scored
(15:58) one for team woman I absolutely believed that you know childbirth was a cardinal inconvenience that if you choose to have children then you should really schedule an elective C-section because why would you ever subject yourself to you know discomfort and pain when you don’t have to and you can Avail yourself of the gifts of modern medicine I myself continuous cycled it’s called which is a euphemism for allowing a pharmaceutical to hijack my endocrine system and I took birth control for 12 years straight
(16:29) great because I found any reminder of my feminine body to be a nuisance and an inconvenience and something to complain about so before I was in a position to awaken to the greater truth about the medical system I just translated all of that energy uh into my activism when I did wake up so then I became you know an angry activist and I still was fighting to win I still was you know Jonah barking like running naked on the battlefield with my sword aoft and all of that same energy of I will defeat you you know whether it’s my body when I was
(17:16) thinking all those you know conventional things or whether it’s the industry or system aggressor it was still very alive and I call it the erotic caress of the enemy because in the activism space there is an obsession there’s like a literal obsession with the energy of that which you seek to defeat when you’re thinking about it you’re exploring it all the time I mean it’s just this um endless focus and that’s not sovereignty right sovereignty is recognizing there’s nothing to be nothing to see here let’s go over there
(17:57) where it’s more fun I have only recently come to recognize that what was driving all of my self identity and Associated choices all of these years prior to I would say like the past two is fundamentally a fear that I believe all women possess at their core one of the core drivers that if unexamined if unmetabolized is such a source of projection and Associated struggle like ongoing unresolvable struggle that it is the place to start it’s honestly like the deepest part of the pool is where you got to jump in which is that we are
(18:45) fundamentally afraid of being killed by a man and Alexander loen is a psychiatrist who wrote a tremendous book called fear of life and in it he talks about the edible complex and kind of resurrects this you know the bath water that was thrown out with the baby of Freud’s work to remind us that in that triangle of Early Childhood in that experience of our opposite gender and same gender caregivers there are some powerful Dynamics and with women there is the the fear that develops that we will be killed for our sexual expression
(19:24) now as children sexual expression can be literal you know like you’re caught masturbating or something like that more often it is the expression of vital force so this idea that Eros that that vital force energy is coursing through us from toddlerhood and it’s the same thing that makes you dance around into choo choo and jump on the couch and all of the ways that your animation is an inconvenience at best and a threat at worst to your parents becomes manifested as the coupling of Shame and Punishment
(20:03) with that vital force so whether your mom yells at you for jumping on the couch or you know you have an experience of sexual abuse with your father or you’re caught masturbating you know in your room and punished for it there are many ways that we carry forward into our adulthood that it’s safer to develop a relationship to our sexuality that is very strategic and for most of us women that involves either rendering it invisible right so becoming that buddy you know to our male friends or otherwise more Puritan relationship to
(20:42) our sexuality through dress and habits and expression but then there’s also another shadow dimension of relationship to our sexuality where we end up working with it to manipulate to seduce and to to drive this battle to the death competition with men even as we’re attracted to them right there’s this sense of of fierce competition and rage that is just just beneath the surface of the use and you know employment and leveraging of our Sexual Energy to gain that leg up that sense of uh surrogate safety so when he talks
(21:29) about the castration Dynamic is an essential part of this examination of how it is that men also develop shame associated with their vital force energy and their Yang energy and their animalistic AGG aggression which is that they are raised by mothers who fundamentally felt hurt or disempowered by men specifically potentially around their own vital force energy and now they’re raising sons who are in a position to secure love from their mothers only when they are pleasing them right so the quiet good boy the nice guy
(22:06) right those are the ones who secure the love of their mother so fundamentally we have created a situation where women are in their defensive manipulative control-based management reflex and men are in their appeasement fear of women you know cowering dancing around castration Dynamic many of them even those who are seemingly more you know sort of expressed in the entitlement narcissistic realm you know who are more sort of like machismo they are still fundamentally afraid of women and we are still fundamentally afraid of men so
(22:50) this fear unacknowledged is what can perpetuate not only this cycle of warfare fundamentally but also it’s like a membrane and you can’t pass through it to understand how it is that you might want to as a man step into dominance step into alignment with your killer impulse step into this comportment towards caretaking honoring and adoring women and as women we we can’t pass through that membrane to see how it is that we want to submit to a more powerful field of energy in our midst how we might want to serve and devote
(23:39) ourselves how that might actually be the only way to meet the needs that we so deeply have around that complementarity and around that polarity it’s possible that the only way we can touch God in male female relationships is through this organization of our energies and coming into a deep understanding of our our different roles so one of the ways that we can be impeded as women is when that father wound when that inner masculine that inject of the father is not examined right so the ways that we get arrested in Father woundology are
(24:23) often seen when we treat ourselves the way like a teenage boy you know would treat us like boyfriend would treat us so for example a little list here so as a woman arrested in her father wound right like I might ignore my body’s signs and cues I would push myself through with caffeine I would like touch myself to take orgasm from myself like a kind of rapy energy I would tell myself to just like walk it off power through and be like generally unattuned to my body’s needs I would yell at myself to get over things and
(25:04) stop being such a bitch or stop being such a diva or stop being such a baby so I would relate to my emotions as like an inconvenience or a nuisance I would tell myself to stop being so needy and experience like my own feelings as a burden right so neediness is like the most repugnant Realm for some a woman in her her father woundology I might also dump storms of emotions right so they sort of get bottled up and then they just dump themselves on other people blaming reactive and then otherwise in self-suppression so this kind of roller
(25:47) coaster and I might also functionally lack a structured but easeful relationship to commitment and follow through right so I might also be somebody who struggles to hold myself my interests my passions my desires in a container we’ll talk more about that so in many ways we become these like hyper independent productivity focused you know entities who are completely avoidant of our own Sensations and emotions we become and we treat ourselves the way an abusive man might treat us and then of course when we
(26:26) become a match for that it’s externalized and we imagine that we are victims of that Dynamic when in reality it’s a reflection so when we don’t know how to like get ourselves when we don’t know how to hold Sacred Space for ourselves we Soldier on right with this like girlish fantasy that one day the right man is going to come along and make it feel totally okay but we have this undercurrent of fear and we have a relationship to our own sexuality and sexual embodiment that is fundamentally coupled with punishment
(27:03) and with shame and so the ways that we can work to mature heal and integrate our inner father our inner mother our inner polarity in service of our inner divine child right so in service of love in service of sacred Union in service of the power of Eros that we came here to experience through our embodiment we have an opportunity to step into that complementarity and then invite it in dynamic in our lived experience of romantic relationship and it’s not going to come through any of the means we’ve explored
(27:48) thus far right so if you look at like the 1950s model of like you know man overcome power we swing the pendulum to woman over man power and all of that heart disconnected hierarchical control and dominance-based dynamic does not afford US the opportunity to come into true Union and to to really feel what becomes available when we are organized into roles when we acknowledge our fundamental differences and we come to understand that when I am in service to my own Essence to my own needs I naturally find myself in service
(28:30) to that which appears you know to be irreconcilably different outside of me so this is complementarity as I experience it and we have a choice now we find ourselves in this incredible moment in time where we have a choice I mean you can be any kind of woman to men that you want right you can comport yourself however you would like you can choose whatever rallying cry Suits You you can fight you can you know lay down and doormat you can find any Lane that feels like the expression of your femininity and that feels like it both
(29:13) affords you a sense of personal safety and also access to that which you say you want it’s just that many of the folks um that I have had these discussions with agree that what we say we want is not available it’s literally not available through the dynamic relationship that we have thus far established with men so if what you want in your Dynamics is to feel that your man is so attuned to you is so observant is so aware that he can read you even better than you can read yourself and he can come into that that
(29:58) comportment of containment around you that his energy envelops you stabilizes you and provides you that sense of protection and safety that you long for that experience does not come through demanding it does not come through micromanaging it is certainly doesn’t come through you know scaring your man into some sort of submissive posture and it doesn’t come through the unexamined fear that you fundamentally have of his masculine energy right so how can you bring all of your parts up to date how can you begin to develop a
(30:38) relationship with all of these inner parts so that you can put them in conversation with each other and begin to reclaim your Power of Choice as a woman so I want to end this episode for the second part with a beautiful quote and in the next episode I’m going to talk through many of the resources that I have found to be extraordinarily enlightening in informing my process of Awakening beyond the hypnosis beyond the brainwashing and conditioning of disempowerment that I experienced as a practicing feminist and have brought me
(31:23) into the dimension of choice when it comes to man-woman relating and specifically what I’m referring to as ending the war with men so this topic and these conversations are also what I put a spotlight on through master classes and q&as in vital life project and that’s where I’d love to be in conversation with those of you who are interested in exploring you know how we can think differently about what it is that we are so sure is true when it comes to how we’ve been wronged so so that we can finally actually secure what
(32:01) it is that we say we want so this is reportedly a Cherokee proverb that says a woman’s highest calling is to lead a man to his soul so as to unite him with Source a man’s highest calling is to protect a woman so she is free to walk the earth unharmed talk to you soon
