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What if everything you think about parenting is backwards?
In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Tom Cowan, physician, author, Waldorf school consultant, and someone I consider a true elder in the space of soul-deep wisdom. Tom has spent decades questioning dominant narratives in medicine, biology, and now parenting. His latest book, Commonsense Childrearing, brings a radically different lens to the way we raise our children, one that’s grounded in trust, presence, and actual lived experience.
We talk about what it really means to get on your child’s team, how “bad” behavior is often a form of communication, and why the instinct to punish or correct usually backfires. Tom shares stories from his clinical practice and personal life that reframe everything from food fights to emotional outbursts, including why you probably shouldn’t play with your kids. This one cracked me open. I hope it does the same for you.
You’ll Learn:
- What actually stops kids from drawing on the walls, and why punishment backfires
- The real reason food fights happen at the dinner table
- Why “tolerance” classes often teach the opposite of what they intend
- The surprising link between parenting and government-style control
- What it feels like to truly get on your child’s team, even when you disagree
- How emotional maturity in parents unlocks deeper connection with kids
- Why you probably shouldn’t play with your children, and what to do instead
- The quiet damage of coercive schooling and praise-based discipline
- A radical reframe of “bad” behavior as a form of communication
- What happens when you give your child full sovereignty over their choices
Timestamps:
[00:00] Introduction
[08:49] How “savage” behavior reveals deeper parental lessons
[14:58] Parallels between parenting and government authority
[23:31] Getting on your child’s team and staying there
[24:52] The story of the student who wrote “tolerance is bullshit”
[33:06] The vulnerability of letting go of control and embracing the child’s reality
[42:17] How parents rob kids of perseverance by meddling
[38:28] The crayon-on-the-wall story and staying on their side
[48:27] Why you shouldn’t play with your kids and how to foster true play
[53:10] Ending food fights by giving autonomy and restoring natural consequences
- Resources Mentioned:
- Commonsense Childrearing by Dr. Tom Cowan | Book
- How to connect with Dr. Tom:
- Website | drtomcowan.com
- Instagram | @talkingturkeywithtom_
- X | @drtomcowan
- Garden Products | drcowansgarden.com
- Clinic | newbiologyclinic.com
- Podcast | Spotify or Apple
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