KELLY
[00:00:00] You told me once that gluten is the father and dairy is the mother. I’d love to hear from you about that.
AMERLY
We are fed by our mother when we are born in that collective unconscious. The milk represent the mother. The bread was related to God. In this bread, you have the presence of the father. The father lives within you.
Our brain has this ability to create symbols to adapt. If I am probably in rejection of the mother, my biology will reflect that
KELLY
rejection. Is there anything specific that family cancellation has to say about so-called eating disorders? I, I’ve
AMERLY
done several constellations the past few years about eating disorders and the common is.
KELLY
Hi, and welcome back to Reclamation Radio. I am Dr. Kelly Brogan, and today I am in conversation with Amli Santano, who is my friend and family, constellation trainer, teacher, mentor. And if you don’t know, somehow having [00:01:00] listened to me, I am like a salesman. I joke, uh, for a family constellation, but if you don’t know what it is, it’s essentially a modality that allows you to see.
The dynamic origins of persistent conflicts and patterns in your family system and your ancestry and offers remedy for that. It’s one of the most powerful modalities. It has changed my life, and so I often tap amlie for my questions. And today we’re talking specifically about food. Because I have had a wild and weird journey with food, and there is a previous solo cast that I’ve done called Maturing Food Boundaries.
We’ll link to that and previous episode with Omer Lee in the show notes. But today we get into specifically the topic of gluten and dairy and what they represent on a subconscious level. Who’s talking about this we’re okay. [00:02:00] And then also the origin of food allergies. According to Family Constellation work sprinkled in a little German new medicine, uh, theory and perspective.
And then what drives, what actually is behind eating disorders when it comes to these dynamic subconscious processes that ultimately frame these behaviors and expressions of self as being extraordinarily wise. Hi, and welcome back. AM Emily. Hi.
AMERLY
Thank you so much for having me again.
KELLY
So excited to share.
So you and I chat a lot about sort of big picture perspectives on relationships and health, and I am often seeking not only professionally in sessions, but also just personally your perspectives on. You know how, because you know so, so much about German new medicine and family constellations and you bring [00:03:00] so many different, first of all, your own wisdom and you, you’re like me, like you, um, curate a lot of different, you know, bodies of work and material and you synthesize them in a way that I feel is like the only, it’s the only lens to look through, like one that is informed by many different modalities.
And so one at one point you mentioned to me. Something about gluten and dairy. From a family constellation perspective and, and you mentioned to me that there was a teacher, you work a lot with Spanish speaking only teachers, and there was a teacher who you weren’t sure if his book was translated or whatever, but you know, his teachings on the subject and you drop this bit of information that we’re gonna get into in this discussion.
And I said, I have never heard that. I have never seen that out there. And we just need to come on to record. A short conversation so that, you know, this perspective can be, um, can inform the lifelong [00:04:00] journey that we take into, you know, the, the, the mastery of self nourishment, right? So I know that most of the folks that I work with and in my own process, knowing how to nourish yourself, like knowing what the hell to eat, can be a very.
Masculine, a very intellectual process. There’s so many Infowars on the subject, and it becomes hard to know how to toggle between intuitive eating, right? Do you just eat whatever the hell you want, whenever the hell you want it? ’cause that’s what your body’s telling you. Um, or do you listen to some of the information that is informing the fact that maybe something that tastes good may not actually serve your, you know, uh, optimal mortality, et cetera?
So. I wanna get into that and first I wanted to give a bit of context about my own sort of food journey and, uh, especially [00:05:00] on the public stage, like how I have represented my perspectives on certain so-called food intolerances. So I’ll do that if you’ll permit me for a minute or two. So I, you know, I was raised Italian American and I ate.
Gluten and dairy every single meal. It was literally bread and cheese and different varieties of dairy, every single meal. So on top of that, I also have always been like thin, right? I know it’s an annoying thing for people. It’s like I’ve always had naturally thin body, but it’s true. And I never exercised.
I did literally zero self care at all. I was completely disembodied and. I ate whatever the hell I want. I treated my body basically like a dumpster for the first couple decades of my life. And so it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s and I ended up seeing a naturopath who recommended that I take gluten and dairy [00:06:00] out of my diet.
That. I ever considered even modifying my diet. ’cause I had no, no intrinsic motivation to do so. ’cause I wasn’t ever trying to like lose weight or whatever, count calories, what people do. I took gluten, dairy out of my diet because I did not want to take Synthroid for the rest of my life. So I had a. A lot of motivation, and I trusted this woman, so the woman that I saw was very academic and she was not, you know, I was totally a secular person at that point, and she was not like, no crystals and sage and nothing like that.
Like she, she really spoke to me in the scientism language that I was used to hearing. And so I took gluten and dairy out of my diet and I went from literally having like one bowel movement a month. Like I remember I would literally poop like once a month, and it was not even something that I cared about or noticed because I never really learned what was [00:07:00] healthy or normative that, you know, and I was a straight A medical student, so I, it’s not like I wasn’t paying attention.
We just don’t learn about optimal physiology for obvious reasons. So I went from that to having like perfect digestion overnight. And I also used to like always have like gas. I never thought I’d like come on a podcast talking about this stuff, but it’s true and the contrast is important and I, and I literally had overnight, like none.
I had this layer of kind of like puff over me. If you look at old pictures of me, that totally disappeared. And then of course the Coda Gras, which is that my Hashimoto’s disappeared on paper and I was sold. So this was my initiatory ritual, and I went off to, you know, um, share the, the good word to everyone who would listen.
Of course. Then I did all of this research into the role of glyadin proteins and caine proteins, so gluten and dairy proteins in inflammatory processes. I [00:08:00] researched how these, they’re called glio endorphins and komo morphines how they plug into your opiate system and they actually. Induce this, this primal reward system cascades, and that’s why they’re addictive, you know, in ways that like broccoli isn’t.
And for 15 years I traveled the world. I, you know, lived my normal life and I did not have a molecule of either. And honestly, I was part of the wave of people who brought this into normalized culture and even dominant culture. So it became easier and easier over the, over the years. And I just thought, okay, this is my.
This is my diet. This is what I’m eating. I eat kind of like, you know, the diet that I have in my program. It’s kind basically like an ancestral diet. And I didn’t modify it until I became a vegetarian in 2020 when I started adopting animals and had this, you know, somewhat predictable shift. But other than that, my diet [00:09:00] stayed exactly the same.
One time. My daughter is a baker. I am my youngest. And one time she made a like a strawberry shortcake. And the strawberry shortcake had of course, like whipped cream in it for my mom. And she offered me like a taste of it. And normally for many, many, many, many incidences, I said, I would always say no to whatever she offers me because I didn’t wanna like contaminate my system, you know?
And I don’t eat that kind of a thing. And by the way, I raised my daughters this way where they went to birthday parties and they. Never one time ever when they were little girls ate the cake or the pizza. Okay. So it was when, you know, they turned tweens and teens that I allowed them to emancipate and experienced their bodies, I guess with, with sovereignty.
And so one time I tasted this like it was a taste okay of whipped cream. And this was maybe, I don’t know what, two years ago, something like that. [00:10:00] And. I got constipated from that, right? So I, so it was like confirming, oh yeah, I still can’t have that, I still can’t mess with that. So fast forward, I go to Europe, and this was last year.
So let’s say not even one whole year ago. And I’m single, and it’s one of the first trips that I’m taking my daughters on, like on my own, which was like a pretty big deal where I’ve, you know, in my single life I’ve developed masculine competencies that I didn’t have as somebody who always had, you know, a partner and a husband, um, and or like friends around too.
Compensate. Right. So I’ve also, as you know, and you’ve helped me with, been doing a lot of work toughening and seeing myself in the perpetrator as you have taught me, and to recognize that there’s nothing [00:11:00] I have superiority over. There is nothing to judge, there’s nothing for me to fight, right? So I’ve, I’ve been doing this sort of maturation like work and getting, I guess, developing.
A sense of identity that is not predicated on hard lines. Strong opinions, which has pretty much been my whole personality. Okay. So I go to Europe and I always like eye rolled when people were like, oh, in Europe it’s so different. You can eat the bread there. The gluten is totally different because I always thought in the materialist almost perspective that it’s the proteins like con, like it doesn’t matter.
Yes, glyphosate is bad. Yes, these chemicals are bad, but don’t eat it just ’cause you’re in Europe on vacation. So I always would judge people who did like vacation versions of their diets because I went on all these trips. And stuck to it. Right? So I did a good job sticking to it. And so if you’re not gonna stick to it, then you know, it’s easy for, it was easy for me to judge.
So it’s not like I had that belief, is what I’m trying to say. It’s not like I had the belief that [00:12:00] European gluten and dairy is somehow different. I actually didn’t have that belief and I was more dogmatic. So I’m there and one day I’m on this trip and, and we went to London and Paris and I, I’m just like.
Like in a, in a state of joy, it could bring tears to my eyes just talking about it. I don’t know, it just, I felt just, this is the fucking best thing ever. This is the best thing ever that I have these two incredible humans that I get to go to these like amazing places with and we just get to like fuck around.
So. Wonderful. And I have, you know. I can do it right. So it’s like my adults and my little girl were sort of like both on board and just like having the best time. And I’m sitting at a cafe and of course my, my girls eat literally whatever they want. And so they probably had some kind of like hot chocolate with whipped cream and a croissant or whatever.
And I just felt this inner tap where I was like, I’m gonna have a cassan. [00:13:00] Okay. What went into that honoring that little Yes, as I would call it, was not only recognizing that there was some value in the impulse, but it was also committing to holding myself through the identity disruption that even having one.
Intentional and witnessed bite of gluten would require. So somehow I was ready to do that and I did that and I just decided like, you know what? On this trip I’m going to eat whatever I want. And I was not only fine, I was actually probably better than fine. Like I felt so vital and my digestion was like, better than ever.
I know again, this is a common refrain, you know, when people travel, but for the most part, that is continued, right? For the most part in my life here in America, that’s continued and somehow it’s completely [00:14:00] fine that I am now eating these things that I for so long believed were problematic. Now you could say, oh, well maybe it took 15 years for my gut to heal, and so I can capacitate these.
Foods now in ways, you know, that I couldn’t before, but I knew there was more to it and I didn’t know if the softening of the rejection actually was a safer space for my body, whereas the rejection 15 years ago created a safer world for my body then. Right? Like. In, in a, in a lawless world, having the laws back then was actually, it felt safer to me, given my consciousness then, whereas now it feels, I guess, somehow safer for me to just trust myself moment to moment and to just be, you know, more flexible and more okay with who I am if I’m not somebody who is rigidly, um, defined by [00:15:00] her dietary choices.
Now, I also have. A program, you know, if I don’t mind reset, that very strongly suggests, you know, certain kinds of dietary elimination. And I’ve always come at it through the physiologic lens that says, this is how you calm, you know, inflammation. And you also increase nutrient density. ’cause the other stuff you’re eating is probably gonna be more like than processed, you know, wheat and dairy.
But I still knew there was more to it. So that’s when I remembered. That you told me once that from a family constellation perspective, or at least one of them, that gluten is the father and dairy is the mother. And I said, wow, what if I needed those boundaries, you know, for a certain window of time, just like I’ve needed boundaries in my process with my family of origin, and then there’s a point at which boundaries when.
Unconsciously [00:16:00] maintained or unintentionally maintained, actually sort of harden right the system and limit the system and become a cage rather than, you know, a source of sovereign connection and. To know when it’s time to revisit those boundaries and to take in and welcome in and neutralize rejection, which is so much of what you’ve taught me and Family Constellation has taught me is the neutralization of rejection.
And it’s not to suggest that there isn’t a time for it, right? In your process. This is, this is what I would love for you to, to speak on, because I think many of us think that these foods, especially those two, you know, there’s either the, the physical lens to look through a scientific lens, psycho neuroimmunology, and, you know, everybody now is like, you know, a biologist and they know all about, you know, um, how the body does everything apparently.
And then there are some folks who, who. Reject all of that and [00:17:00] say that it’s, you know, it’s just a matter of eating to your preference and trusting your intuition. Right? So it’s super masculine and super feminine poles. And to look at the, this subconscious or spiritual perspective, I just don’t hear a ton of people talking about this, this symbolic nature and how much sense it makes.
So I’d love to, with that, uh, preamble, I’d love to Yeah. Invite you to, to share with us. How you look at these two specific foods also. ’cause I know you have your own journey with restriction and you know, sort of re-embrace. So yeah, I’d love, I’d love to hear from you about that.
AMERLY
Well, thank you because what you resume right now is the process of many and I will give so much credit to your own process of awareness and evolution that probably you can say now.
I am perfectly fine, but you had to pass through this process for your biology [00:18:00] to adapt to this symbols that we’re gonna discuss, and it’s, thank you for bringing it up there, because I’m never against or in favor. Of all of these theories that are there, everyone in their own experience have, you know their own conclusions, and that’s okay.
But what I invite the collective is to think that we are a compound of many different layers, many different bodies, and of course all the symptoms in our mental body, emotional body, energetic. Body reflects and manifests in the physical body, which is our first body, but we have many others. And when we’re able to solve conflicts at the level of the ancestral body and resolve conflicts of at the level of the mental or emotional, our body will show later.[00:19:00]
This shifts. So what happened with the body that when it’s not able to find a conscious solution, our unconscious biology work in our favor in all these memories of life that are contained in these, what we call in bio emotion, biological unc. So our biological unconscious has many, let’s say, characteristics, and one is that it’s innocent.
It doesn’t distinguish between the good. They’re bad. Their, their moral consciousness there. There’s no moral consciousness there. So if I am probably in rejection of the mother or inability to take the mother or receive the life from the mother, my biology will reflect that rejection. Into aion or even rejection of food.
My, one of my master JIT says that people that reject food, reject people because [00:20:00] food is, let’s say a metaphor. And we’re gonna talk about gluten and, and, and, and dairy as a, as these symbolic, yeah. These symbols from the archetype mother and the archetype, archetype father. But it, it’s important that, that first we distinguish how our biological unconscious works in our favor to protect us to, to regulate our functions, our, our biological functions.
We breathe all the time, day and night, even when we sleep, and we’re not even conscious of it. So that’s the way our unconscious do things for us. Other thing is for our unconscious, the other one doesn’t exist. So every rejection, every judgment, every avoidance. And in theory, we’re gonna talk about attachment types because the milk is our first attachment to life when we are being fed by our [00:21:00] mother.
Whatever milk is it. It doesn’t matter. It’s, it’s breast milk or it’s formula milk. We associate in this biological, unconscious, the mother. It’s our first attachment to life. So if we develop these, uh, disorganized attachment or avoidance attachment, and she couldn’t be, for us a figure of nurturing protection care, we are going to probably develop and we relate with milk later on because it’s part of our unconscious biology.
We’re gonna develop these. Intolerance and if it’s more severe, probably this allergy, severe allergy. I’m gonna tell you a personal story with that. Um, my son developed a very severe allergy to milk in his first months of life, and it, it was because of me. I was in [00:22:00] a very difficult emotional stage with my little daughter that was two years old, and she got very, very sick.
And she was separated from me to protect the, the new baby. So I was feeding, breastfeeding that boy crying, crying for the separation. So in that milk, he swallow probably all these tears and he swallow a lack of connection that I was having with him that I wasn’t able to have with him through that milk.
So he says milk is. Dangerous or, or poison. So that type of attachment, that something that I later had to work deeply. And he’s out of all, all his allergies. ’cause also knots. I was eating a lot of knots to produce more milk and he developed that. So in those knots, in those, in that milk, he swallow all my discomfort and sadness and pain.[00:23:00]
So this is what the collective unconscious said. We all share this. Reserve of experiences, memories, even knowledge and wisdom that we, we share. And every family has, depending on their culture, their moral patterns, their, so these become like universal symbols and they manifest through behaviors and they become in this unconscious, a love related to the way we perceive the work.
So again, we are fed by our mother when we are born in that collective unconscious, the milk represent the mother and because the unconscious is innocent and doesn’t distinguish between real and imaginary, the mother could be the real mother, your own mother, the archetype mother for your family or even mother earth.
So in, in, there’s [00:24:00] people that is, um, intolerant or allergic to grass. To to earth. To the sun in the beach. So there’s a lot of, of symbolic meaning into these archetypes too. So the mother could be the, the real mother or someone that represent the mother for you in, in your life, the glued and the father.
And why the father? Because in this duty of Christian culture that we all share first, the, the, the bread was related to God to. You know, in, in this bread you’ll have the presence of the father. The father lives within you. So we all symbolize as a, as a shared archetype of father the bread. And always our brain has this ability to create symbols, to adapt.
So by cutting the bread or developing this [00:25:00] intolerance to bread. You know the father also in the archaic brain, in this primal brain that we have, the father, the man brought the bread to the table. So the mother nurture and the father brought the bread. So we all had this share. Common archetypes. So in German new medicine, and I love to, to mix it with all this, Carl Young, the way he worked with the archetypes and these shared symbols in the unconscious, German new medicine tells you the symptom, whatever, intolerance, allergy, or, or just even, I don’t like it.
I don’t like it. It’s, it’s a biological solution. Biological solution that allows your survival, that allows your adaptation and protects you. So when you said that, that at some point you need it and now you realize that probably was certain kind of boundary. Yes, [00:26:00] absolutely. And, and in Constellation, we said many times and even.
These women that come to me many times with this difficulty or even journey of life, of taking life, taking the place of force, and for them it’s challenging or even sometimes impossible to take. The parents. I start with working with these symbols, go out, look at the sun. Look at the sun. The sun also symbolized the father and the moon symbolized the mother in these archetypes or go to outside to grounding step in the earth.
These are ways also to embrace these, these energy. In another journey, uh, reverse when there’s, you know, difficult parents, narcissistic parents, abusive parents. So it’s a journey for, for, for everyone. But the way they find probably this adaptation or [00:27:00] this solution many times is through food, because food is life.
In general, food is life and mother is life in general. All food. I have women that come to me and tell me, Kelly, like my kid doesn’t eat anything, doesn’t like anything, but past, and when we see and represent in the field what these other foods represent, they are excluded. They are mothers. For many generations that hasn’t been taken or embraced or acknowledged or included.
And as well, uh, with gluten. So if I do these allergies and I’ve represented in the field for many years, the gluten goes straight to the father, the gaze of the gluten goes straight to the fat, and the gaze of the dairy goes straight to the mother. That’s the way I have observed that It’s. From this [00:28:00] biological adaptation, there’s a big representation or symbolism of these two components in food related to parents.
And we are in a wave, as you said, in a wave of evolution that now we probably are compensating for all this past her, full past that. And because people said, yeah, the food is made differently, we have. Poison the food. Yes, we have poisoned mother and father. We have, we haven’t done that. We have demonized many times, mother and father.
We have dismissed the possibility to see them as ordinary people, as people with mistake with, with, um, you know, uh. As an ordinary people. That’s what I say. And of course we have injected the, the gluten, we have damaged the dairy. We have get out of that [00:29:00] purity for sure.
KELLY
But
AMERLY
that also
KELLY
has a meaning. It’s a mirror.
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Head over to Kelly brogan md.com/rws. So it sounds like you’re suggesting that. There is a process that involves understanding the early infancy context and even ancestral dynamics that can be engaged. And over the course of that process, the allergies or intolerances could shift, change, resolve. Then you’ll see it in the relationship upon reintroduction or whatever of the food.
So, I mean, [00:31:00] we talk about this all the time, but I, I’d love just for the benefit of those listening for you to talk a little bit about what it means to. Restore, restore this balance, what it means to, you know, as you say, like take your mother and your father to say yes to these energies. Be they specific, you know, to, to your actual birth parents or collective.
You mentioned a couple of examples of like what it would actually look like to, you know, go outside and, and connect, you know, with, with Mother Earth herself. And I wonder if you could just contextualize like. What that looks like, because that’s exactly the process that I feel like has underpinned my capacity to maintain and maybe even like, optimize vitality through the incorporation of these demonized, truly demonized foods.
Again, through, through the lens of, of my own, um, training, you know, in holistic medicine. So isn’t that interesting how that works? Uh, but yeah. So what [00:32:00] does it mean to, to restore this balance?
AMERLY
It means that. To locate yourself into a place that it’s more philosophical and existential, more than behavioral because the what your parents gave you or didn’t give you, now it can, it cannot be fixed.
It was like that. So you consider yourself as the daughter of these two imperfect people that they gave you life. So basically you are their success. And if we locate in that realm of the experience, consider yourself as the daughter of these two that gave you life. That way you can say, yes, it all start with a yes.
It all start with a yes. Don’t go, but they did this or did they, they didn’t do this because those conditions. Get you far from these, uh, what we call [00:33:00] Ascend, which is an adult consent of the life. You have that exactly as you had it, and it was meant for you to serve your individual destiny, your collective destiny, and your family evolution.
So when I consider myself as daughter of these two, that gave me life with their imperfections, I situate myself in another. A space of force. ’cause when I said yes to my father, even though he couldn’t be present, even though he couldn’t, you know, uh, provide or he was absent or even I didn’t meet him at all, you know, we, we reconnect with these energies of authority, boundaries, protection with the reality.
Let’s say the father is more the reality and, and the mother is life. And the mother is, is, is that our, our source of life, modern life, our romantic relationships, partner, sexual pleasure, all [00:34:00] that comes from these modern energy from saying yes. I would say three words, yes, thank you. When we are able to even go be beyond the yes and go to.
Thank you for giving me this life exactly as it was. What you didn’t give it. I give it to myself Now as an adult, what happened is that this type of attachment that we developed in early childhood, even as a fetus, what we call meaningful project. That is this attachment with a mother. Our, our first figure of attachment is a type of attachment that we usually will bring to all the, the, the next experiences in our life.
Partner, friends, food. It’s, it’s going to be similar. So what is important there to re resource ourselves? Re resource [00:35:00] now neuroscience. You know, states that our brain can learn from repetition, repetition, and substitution. So work with these energies of life and it’s a journey for many is not easy for many, but it’s, it’s their own journey of.
Greatness, I would say to, to heal these first type of attachment and, and connection with the caregivers, with the parents.
KELLY
And so if you are new to this concept and you are ready to embark either through Family Constellation or you know, another modality on. The journey of taking your parents as they are and saying yes and expressing gratitude for life.
If you’re new to that, you know, it may take a bit of time. Right. For me, it certainly took, uh, years to, to work with the [00:36:00] many layers that kept presenting themselves of protest, of rejection, of No. And I wonder, in the meantime, what I’m hearing you say, and also your mentor say, is that it doesn’t serve to reject.
Right. And if it’s the case that you feel better, feel different, see, you know, improvements in your health. When you exclude processed foods, let’s say like, like dairy and gluten, how would you suggest to navigate that? Without the energy of rejection, like is there a way to, from your perspective, to keep that boundary with a different kind of intention and a different kind of energy while you’re doing this deeper work?
I
AMERLY
think it’s stepping and tapping into the adult self. ’cause many times we, the way we bring things to the transaction is from the child ego state or from the parent ego state. In the parent negoti state, we imitate our parents, even though we reject them. What [00:37:00] that radiation makes is that we act more like them and that we tap more into that excluded energy.
And in the trial we’re dragging all these type of attachment, disorganized attachment, avoidance attachment into our life. So tapping into adult and, and take the decision. Only the adult can decide. The child cannot, and the parent cannot because the parent copies. So in the adult, I said, you know, I, I decide to do this.
And, and what you said for me, uh, at the beginning was difficult and it was a lot of rejection. There. I will embrace my, my, my clients. Um. They’re part of their identity and, and the, those beliefs is what they hold the person. So I will never fight these resistances. But again, there’s invitations to. If you need that, you need to stop eating dairy and gluten.
You do [00:38:00] that, and in the meantime, you allow yourself to imagine your parents behind you, um, stepping into the grass, drink some animal milk, and or fill your bathtub with milk and, and. You know, there’s even psychomagic. I love Alejandro Hoki because he proposed a lot of psychomagic because he goes to this unconscious that is innocent.
The, the, the unconscious doesn’t distinguish. So you can practice resources that goes directly to the unconscious. To help you to adapt to a new reality. Negotiate with these parts of you from the adult you negotiate. Okay, we’re going to try this. If it’s for you, it’s important. It it, it’s important to enjoy a pizza or not.
It depends on what you said, the intuitive. But if I feel restricted, angry, or. You know, bored that I go on vacation. I cannot have a pizza in Italy. It’s worth to try. You know, it’s worth to, to say, lemme [00:39:00] see what else I can dig into these other layers of my being. The ancestral, the emotional, the mental patterns.
What do you feel about food? What is it, food for you? What is. The meaning that in your unconscious you give to these foods and we can access that. And even a constellation can help you to, to release at some point. Your biology will adapt. Your biology, always respond to the work in all these. And of course the, the, the God is another brain that we have there and we also have to nurture, of course, but the polarities to go in one polarity, you know, rejecting this food or doing this campaign for everyone to avoid gluten and dairy.
It’s what we, it get us to tap into this energy of know it all. Or perpetrator exactly that. Right.
KELLY
Yeah, you might have a sense that supporting your energetic and subtle body is important, but [00:40:00] how exactly does one do that? Like short of scheduling regular sessions with an energy healer, how do you do that?
Most of the time I find that when we take supplements, it’s from the energy of fixing ourselves, and honestly, it’s really no different than taking a medication at that point. That’s why I love flower remedies, and specifically my girl Katie, has his elixirs from Lotus Way. The formulations that she creates are.
So nuanced that sometimes it feels like I wrote the descriptions myself. The last one I took was designed to dissolve, go, go, go mentality as well as fatigue, weakness. Apathy and resistance to self-care. Relatable. Okay. I have a monthly membership called Flower Revolution, where I get a new and super powerful on point Remedy sent to me every month, and it blows my mind how resonant each one is with exactly where I am in my process.
I think of this as a truly feminine investment that harmonizes my process and allows me to walk, talk, and [00:41:00] interact with grace. You can try it for month. War six at the link below. And if you just wanna dip a toe in to learn more about how flowers heal, you can take their quiz and it creates, you know, a taboo, right?
So it energizes that which you are rejecting and then that so-called enemy is holding a lot of your vital force, right? So, um, it’s interesting ’cause when I look at even, you know, in my program. Now I’ve come to see, you know, this 44 day thing as like a masculine initiation, as like showing up as, as the adult who’s in charge of taking care of you, right?
Who’s giving enough of a shit about you to actually eat, um, in this particular programmatic way. So it’s quite rigid. It’s very rigid, and to make these, you know, different choices all day long for, for a six week initiation and, you know, if, if you get stuck there. It’s like, it’s like the tyrant energy.
It’s the immature [00:42:00] masculine, and it’s the difference between, you know, a a, a mature adult man who can assess a situation and know exactly what’s needed in that situation versus, you know, a teenage boy who’s gotta like consult the rule book or something. Right. It’s like a, it, it offers a very different kind of containment over time to the feminine energies inside and.
I still feel like there’s something to the relationship to food where showing up for a period of time, maybe a month or something, and again, whether it’s through some kind of a retreat or a fast or whatever, you know, comes into your field where you say, now I’m making the choices, right? Like now I’m deciding.
It’s almost like. You know, freeing yourself from a lot of the collective noise. And of course, you know, it’s just meant to be a portal, right? So, and there’s so much like what I would refer to as like no SIBO kinds of beliefs that can come on board when you decide that’s inflammatory, that’s bad, that’s got toxic.
This, that’s [00:43:00] got, you know, problematic. That, and you start to live in a world where, which is actually through one lens, very accurate. Where there, there isn’t much available actual nourishment, especially here in America. Right. And still, you know, you’re going through the experience of eating food every day, so how are you gonna get right with it?
And that’s what I hear you suggesting is there’s like, there are. Ways to acknowledge that bringing a yes energy is going to serve your experience of eating. Like pretty much no matter what you’re eating, literally. So I wonder what Family Constellation has to say, and I know it’s on a case by case basis, but generally about so-called eating disorders, right?
Because from my psychiatric training, of course, you know, they’re considered some of the most recidivistic pathologies and, and especially anorexia, but also binging, purging, you [00:44:00] know, bulimia, that kind of a thing, or even overeating. You know, they’re, they’re considered chemical imbalances that you have that need to be, you know, treated psycho pharmaceutically, behaviorally, et cetera.
And of course, from a spiritual and emotional perspective, it’s quite easy to see, you know, that these are adaptations of the wise child. So I wonder is, is there anything specific that Family Constellation has to say about different
AMERLY
Absolutely. And, and in my constellations, there’s one element in common.
One element in common, specifically with anorexia, and thank you for bringing that. I, I’ve done several constellations the past few years about eating disorders and the common is a, someone that died, a father or a mother, usually the father is usually the father. What I also serve the more the father dies and the daughter, unconsciously the soul.
We’re talking in the soul level, the the daughter says. I go with you. So in [00:45:00] the I go with you, there’s a rejection of life. If I don’t eat, I reject life. So I wanna go with that person that couldn’t leave. So I, instead of you, it said, um, that is the message. And what is interesting is that the anorexia and the bulimia are part of the same, the same illness.
Bulimia is in the phase of reparation, the second phase. Of repairing because in that second phase and, and anorexic always, it re while it recovers later on, it develops that bulimia. And the bulimia is, I’ll go when it vomits. I’ll stay when I eat. So that’s why it is the recovery. When I throw up, it’s, I’ll go, I don’t wanna leave.
I reject my life and when I eat, it’s I’ll stay. So that part is important in the recovery process of an anorexic. I’ve had cases [00:46:00] of usually. Fathers that die in tragedy accidents. Fathers that commit suicide. So the daughter, or usually the daughter, it’s, I, I cannot hold this grief or the guilt of becoming alive or couldn’t have saviors.
So I’ll go instead of you. That is the, the, the message of the soul in eating disorders is a rejection to life. The, uh, desire, the unconscious desire of dying.
KELLY
Amazing and interesting that it crosses over to the father because I think I, I have always sort of like assumed like, oh, eating is, is the mother always, it’s, it’s feminine, it’s nourishment.
And so there are these like little nuances, uh, because it is. Something that we can effectively control in a world of variables that we often feel we can’t. So we feel disempowered, you know, generally. And so it becomes a specific, you know, focal point where we, we can gain that sense [00:47:00] of like a surrogate hit maybe of power.
And so it makes sense that it would invoke a lot of these yeah, complex dynamics, including probably even in, in generations. Past
AMERLY
and many other disorders about compulsive eating and all that are related to compensate for probably lack of food, um, starvation, hunger in previous generations. The need of also to.
Fulfill the emptiness of the mother. This, these are things that I have observed in the field in different times. There’s an emptiness of the mother, so I try to fulfill it by just eating everything. And even I saw in, in some constellations, people that is so addicted to sweets that they are entangle with someone that missed.[00:48:00]
Someone loved that could fulfill love and they are entangled with that love, that it was broken or not possible. So they, in that. Sweet. They eat. They are just realizing and fulfilling this lack of love that those are other observations.
KELLY
Amazing. And this is like the power and beauty of, of Constellation work is it just exposes with a kind of sacred neutrality, like what is, you know, exposes all of these otherwise covert dynamics to your awareness.
So you can just. See what might be driving these patterns that otherwise seem, you know, they invoke the victim, right? Like they’re unfair. They’re hateful, they feel oppressive, and you just, I don’t know. I feel
AMERLY
the soul always seeks to soar modern fire that’s in [00:49:00] the level of the soul. The love there is intact is it remains.
What happened is in our. Patterns And mental, yeah, mental patterns, emotional patterns, type of attachment, biographical trauma, ancestral trauma. There’s this lack of permission to, to embrace these energies, but in the soul, there’s always this need. That’s why the bio, the, the, the physical body embraces all these disorders.
Into symptoms.
KELLY
So much wisdom there and you are such an epic resource, uh, in, in this, in so many. Yeah, related existential questions that I have. I’m always bringing to you and I, uh, I will make sure that everybody knows where to find you and your, your glorious services. And I, you know, I often joke that I’m like [00:50:00] a door to door salesman when it comes to family constellation, like literally like such a zealot.
And it just, it’s because it makes so much sense and it allows me a very easy. Honestly, like truly easeful path to experience compassion where I previously felt. A lot of the energy of, of my own victimhood, and it’s, it’s deep and it’s lasting and it’s transformational. I was just with two of our friends over the weekend who, who sat in a group with you and I just, I sat at that table.
We had dinner and I was so excited for them about what’s gonna unfold in the, in the ensuing weeks, like after their constellation, because I just know how. Mysteriously and wonderfully powerful. This work is, so, it’s, it’s amazing.
AMERLY
Thank you for, for your service also to the collective because right there, right here in this conversation and the ones that resonate, we are creating new [00:51:00] fields of possibilities.
For many that because the, you know, as these also are speaking about don’t do this, do that, this is bad, this is good. Those are also fields there that dominate the collective. And, and when we, you know, explore a new possibility, something different that can be done, ways to re resource ourselves, we are creating these.
Awareness and contributing to, to another possibility. So thank you for open your, your, you know your microphones for that to be exposed. Thank you so much. Amazing. I adore you. Truly love you. Love [00:52:00] you.
