If You Always Need to ‘Be Right’ As Woman, You Need to Hear This
Reclamation Radio Transcript
Kelly
[00:00:00] Hi, and welcome back to Reclamation Radio. I am Dr. Kelly Brogan, and one of the things that I love about my containers is that the women I attract always have audacious questions to ask me. So it’s my intention for the musings that I share on these topics to grow the permission field of what’s possible, and also to offer relatable reframes that can jailbreak you from your victim stories.
So you might notice that I’m a bit more familiar and free when I’m answering these questions in our private spaces, so take a listen and enjoy. Maybe you’re doing a lot right. You’re working out, you’re eating decently, and still your body feels puffy, your hair feels thinner, and your skin feels crepey.
You were taught to call that aging, but I am choosing not to. I don’t believe that beauty is vanity. I believe it’s a hobby. It’s a skill. It’s something that you can practice and learn at any age. So I’m hosting a free beauty backroom event for midlife women who are [00:01:00] ready to glow up and feel leaner, stronger, and more radiant than they have perhaps in their entire life.
I will be sharing exactly what I’ve done over the past couple of months to do just that. So if 2026 is your rebrand year, come play with me, kellybroganmd.com/bb. Today’s audacious ask is I’d love to know how I can work on the need to be right. This is a very, very effective strategy. It’s a very effective strategy.
When you are raised in victim consciousness, you do not want to be caught on the villain, you know, angle of the triangle. You can be on the victim or the rescuer, and of course, they’re all victims, right? But you can’t be on the villain, right? You can’t be on the villain side because the villain gets punished.
The rescuer doesn’t get punished, and the victim doesn’t get punished supposedly, right? So most of us grew up with finger-pointing [00:02:00] and blaming and the projection of badness and wrongness because our parents didn’t ever learn and couldn’t model for us what it is to wear the villain crown, right, what it is to own our shadows, what it is to recognize that we are prismatic beings who are full of dark and full of light.
That was not a thing when we were growing up. So the way that you escaped consequences, punishment, and loss of love was to be right. I have litigator-level skills. I am not trained as an attorney. I have litigator-level skills for argumentative, um, whatever, engagement and strategy from my upbringing. That’s actually where I cut my teeth, right?
Like that– It’s from growing up in my household, I learned how to, you know, always carry with me a ledger of I observe everything, right? Like everything, everywhere I go. It’s, it’s a trauma [00:03:00] response. I observe everything. I’m always taking notes. I’m always keeping this ledger because I might need that information at some point.
This is a poison to an intimate relationship because this is the psychology, psychoemotionality of a zero-sum game, of a win loss. And the trouble is that intimacy cannot ever be cultivated in a culture of a zero-sum game. It’s just not possible. So if what it is that you want with your partner is intimacy, meaning a sense of belonging, a resolution To that, you know, aloneness that plagues us once the um- umbilical cord is cut, right?
If that’s what you’re after in your dynamic, let alone if you’re curious about, you know, the sacred technology of a man-woman dyad and, you know, what it [00:04:00] is to circulate energy, you know, between a man’s body system and a woman’s body system and to create an orbit in these two systems. It’s literally a fucking free energy device, okay?
Actually, the man-woman dyad. If you’re curious about that, then submission and surrender are essential masteries. In fact, my teacher Amritani says that the submissive woman archetype is right next to the wife archetype, and that these live in the relationship with the man that you have chosen. And it’s not an offering, right?
It’s like that lie we tell ourselves about vulnerability that it’s gonna cost us. It’s gonna cost us something Right? It’s not, it’s not actually true. It’s not only not true, it’s an inversion, right? Because the dividends that you get from assuming your proper position and for recognizing that you are choosing to be with this person, and that the only way that you [00:05:00] can reap the benefits that you are seeking is to get on the same team and to take your proper place.
That was, like, a triggering sentiment, right? When you’re on the same team, you have resolved the triangle. There’s no more victim triangle. So you’ve probably heard about diversifying investments and saving for the future, but what about becoming your own bank and opting out of high-interest loans and difficult decisions about whether to sell off an asset?
As a single woman and a mother, my whole system exhaled when I learned about the specific and unique whole life insurance policies that my now friends Josh and Ken offer. So unlike crypto, stocks, and even gold, you can borrow the money that you invest in this policy even days after you deposit it. You can actually choose never to pay it back because it comes off of the death benefit, which is exponentially more than you put in over the years, and your policy keeps compounding and growing [00:06:00] as if you didn’t touch it.
There’s nothing else, based on my research, not one other type of investment that allows for that. Every other investment or asset depreciates the minute you liquidate it. And by the way, try not paying back your home loan or HELOC. The strategy is super flexible, and it’s super low stress. These guys go above and beyond to make sure that you and your family are set up with the best policy, and I’ve now referred them hundreds of folks who have given me the same feedback.
I’m pretty skilled, I think, at attracting sleeper resources that are game changing, so I am delighted to put you on. Go listen to episode one fifty-three of Reclamation Radio. We unpack the whole thing in a way that makes sense. And if you want someone to run the numbers of your specific situation, book a free call with my friends Josh and Ken over at kellybroganmd.com/whole.
When you’re on the same team, you’re not invested in making your husband wrong. Do you want to be with a [00:07:00] wrong husband? It’s so corrosive. To be right relative to your husband even one time is like an administration of poison to the relationship. So, um, Rupani and others, I’m sure, you know, like Laura, Laura Doyle, there’s so much overlap in all of these teachings, talk about finding him right.
Go out of your way. Just try it, like, for the fuck of it. Like, go out of your way, and I’m sure you’re doing this, to find him right And like an easy way to say that is like, “I see what you’re saying,” or even, “You could be right.” You know how disarming that is? It feels like, “Oh my God, I just gave my chips away and I need them,” right?
But it’s… Just think of it as like a game, like a strategy, like you’re learning like some courtesan, you know, level skills or something, and try it on for fun. And to do that as an adult who’s making choices, you’re going to need to develop intimacy, [00:08:00] of course, with yourself, but specifically with the protector, if we want to use parts work terminology, specifically with the protector that believes something horrible will happen if you are not right.
So that protector was charged with this job decades ago, has done a really good job probably. And so often the question we a- ask the protector is, “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t do your job? Like, what if I told you like, ‘I’m manning the ship, everything’s cool. Protector, you can go chill over there.'”
What are you so worried would happen in that case? Asking that question is really powerful, and I encourage you to sit with that and really deeply explore, like, what is it that you’re worried would happen? I know for me, I get worried that I would lose value and worth, especially if I’m inconsistent. Like, that’s a big, big one that I am working on, is, like, that [00:09:00] I’m allowed to be inconsistent, you know?
Like, that that’s okay because I’ve developed such a sense of worth and value from, like, being able to use absolute language and saying, like, “I never do this. I never do this,” or whatever. So there’s something that you’re imagining would happen if you were wrong in your relationship, and that needs to be brought up to date, right?
That you’re electively in this relationship with somebody you want to be with who is not a parent, right? Who is not an authority figure, who is on your team and must be. That’s the moment your husband is wrong, we have a problem. We, especially as women, have a problem because you lose respect for that man, and then you’re fucked.
Basically, the relationship begins the end. It begins the end of the relationship, and usually through the infidelity channel, I would say, one, on one person’s part or the other. So I get it. I know how hard it is. I [00:10:00] so applaud your openness and willingness to explore this. Laura Doyle’s work, from my exposure to it on her podcast and in her books, has been really game changing for me, even just in my life in general, and I think it’s probably essential reading for every woman in, in a heterosexual marriage or a polarized marriage, even same-sex.
So, like, you know, like, where it’s very clear that you are in the, the, in, you’re in the submissive, you’re in the feminine essence, whatever you wanna call it, depending on whose teachings you’re recruiting.
