(00:00) hi and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and what I love about my containers is that the women I attract always have some audacious questions to ask me so it’s my intention for the musings that I share on these topics to grow the permission field of what’s possible and also to offer relatable reframes that can Jailbreak you from your victim stories so you might notice that I’m a bit more familiar and free when I’m answering these questions and our private spaces so take a listen and I hope you’ll take the opportunity to
(00:34) submit your questions to me in my membership vital life project today’s question I’m just out of a breakup and in newly found singlehood and unexpectedly I stumbled across another person that feels so different in a good way and I’m conflicted about the timing because it feels so soon and I’m concerned about upholding my sovereignty in my experience both with girlfriends and in my own you know my own unfoldment sometimes especially in in the wake of a challenging breakup that in invoked some of our you know deeper
(01:10) woundology we might encounter like a 2.0 right shortly thereafter which is actually my my coach says she sees the same thing which is not make it obviously fact or reality but just patterns which is somebody who has a lot of similar attractive signatures but is like more available emotionally than potentially the previous partner and there is almost like this test to see whether you can recognize the incompatibility such that you’re not going to take the bait right so like a typical example would be like let’s say
(01:51) you’re coming out of a relationship where you were the anxiously attached partner typically and you are in Dynamic with somebody who is more avoidant and you go through this breakup and then you know the next two people who express interest in you are married so the most concrete example of an unavailable man right and so how might you not take the bait of like o I wonder what could happen here like I wonder if he might you know maybe he’ll have an open relationship or maybe he’ll leave his woman or whatever and I well let’s just
(02:25) see what happens you know let’s just like text a little bit or whatever and instead of taking that bait you’re going to recognize that even though this person seems so into you and so amazing or whatever that they’re not available and you can see that and this is a lot of my interest in in sobriety as a concept because I found that we can become intoxicated by our you know we can become intoxicated by psych drugs you know by alcohol and by our you know our projections and how can you see with sobriety like what’s actually in front
(02:59) of you and I have a sense that’s what you’re asking is how do I remain sober so that I can stay with myself and you know if it’s not that kind of a situation then it may very well be you know a new kind of partnership right so there are all of these different kinds of Partnerships that we can cultivate and the karmic ones if you want to call it that like the twinflame kind of Dynamics are very specific you know type of toxic right very specific type of growth oriented you know churn of your inner World however you know you may be
(03:32) onto a different kind of partnership that is in service of a totally different kind of experience and so all there is to do is to simultaneously explore the partnership and husband yourself right so there’s no like world where somebody meets all of the needs that you’re not already practiced in meeting yourself so when you’re in that dependent position where you need someone’s feedback you need someone’s validation you need somebody’s emotional stability you need them to behave in a certain way in order for you to feel
(04:07) okay we know that is not sovereignty that is dependency and it’s the same with your relationship to the world as it is you know in specific dynamic because it’s Hol rectal so how can you begin to husband yourself emotionally to interact with your own emotions in such a way that not only do you offer yourself the conditions for what it is that you need for your emotional needs to be met which actually can extend all the way to stay in this relationship or go but also it is on the micro level like this is what I need for my needs to
(04:44) you know for for the Fulfillment of my needs on this Friday night right and you know that you’re aware of it and you are in service of providing your own need meeting right so when you’re in that Dynamic with yourself it’s very hard to get lost it’s hard to get lost because your commitment is to yourself your devotion is to yourself and you’re not going to take bait right you’re not going to abandon yourself one of the things that I have witnessed is the way that we can be really clear like if you’re really clear that you feel safest
(05:19) in relationship when the man is the financial provider and caretaker for example and that’s just how that’s just what you want it’s what you require actually to feel like you can relax into the polarity that you want to exist in okay well let’s say you go out to dinner and he or you travel somewhere together whatever and he wants to go dutch and you might say like oh well you know he’s getting his together financially and like I’m sure eventually it’s going to work out the way I want it to I’m just going to give him some time but you
(05:56) don’t say anything and you ignore that you already know this is a part of your requirements right because there’s preferences but then there’s requirements and this is just an example this may be a crazy requirement for somebody to have I don’t know it doesn’t matter your requirements are your requirements so for you to get really clear on what it is that you need that you’re going to manipulatively try to get right so later in the relationship you may be keeping tabs on like who’s paid for what you may actually generate
(06:26) the conditions for your own lack of success so that your finan caret taken by this person so you’re going to meet the need if it is one consciously or unconsciously so upfront the first moment there is a flag of incompatibility if you don’t interact with that with acknowledgement that if you pretend it’s cool you’re self- betraying right if you pretend that you are somebody who can be with somebody who in Conflict just needs as much time as they need no container they just need time I’ll get back to you when I’m ready
(06:56) and you pretend that that works for you but it really doesn’t then you are self- betraying so as long as you are a Vigilant keeper of your own needs then you’re not going to be in a position where literally anything that happens is you know hurtful to you because you are the one who is managing the Fulfillment of your needs and you’re not actually requiring that somebody be who it is that they aren’t because you’re in sober assessment of who it is that they are and communicating around how that interacts with your needs so I would say
(07:31) enjoy this sounds super exciting and fun and also keep that red flag list close to your heart and interact with it and be really honest with yourself about when it is that you feel like you’re Safety and Security being challenged see how you can interact with your own needs it may be voicing your your needs it may be creating the conditions for your needs to be met or maybe acknowledging that you know this person isn’t actually making that available and how does that work for you is it enough of a priority in your needs value system you know that
(08:05) it’s a deal breaker and outside of that it’s not going to be a problem so what is a flower essence so many people are coming to understand plant medicine and holistic healing but what I have for you is so potent and beautiful I want you to really get it my favorite brand Lotus way has the best quiz for you to really understand the power of flowers flowers and which Elixir are most supportive for you personally so actually depending on which flower image you’re attracted to you will learn more about your own true
(08:41) Essence and what may be latent or dormant [Music]
