(00:00) [Music] I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pull dancer or honorary member of the disinformation Dozen what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally
(00:41) truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of Who You Are this is Reclamation radio hi and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and what I love about my containers is that the women I attract always have some audacious questions to ask me so it’s my intention for the musings that I share
(01:18) on these topics to grow the permission field of what’s possible and also to offer relatable reframes that can Jailbreak you from your victim stories so you might notice that I’m a bit more familiar and free when I’m answering these questions in our private spaces so take a listen and I hope you’ll take the opportunity to submit your questions to me in my membership vital life project today’s question I have two young adult children still living at home who are struggling to gain independence is it ever appropriate to
(01:50) say that I can no longer afford to completely support them financially it’s important to give up hope and just let it be okay that you did not know know what you wish you had known at the time you wish you had known it so you know for me that registers as like failure right so my inner masculine is like you know like I don’t know no I’m gonna be decimated by this failure right so I feel that I like failed as a mother and there’s actually nothing wrong my kids are amazing you know like but the feeling was a pre-existing feeling that
(02:26) my daughters have given me the opportunity in many ways um through my narration of what’s happening to meet okay so I think it’s important to to just kind of get to that place where we’re like you know what whatever did what I did and you know I often invoke them my angelu quote you know when you know better you do better I sometimes wish there was another you know stanza or whatever another phrase to say when you’re ready to do so so the Readiness is very mysterious right like what makes us ready who who really knows
(02:58) we just are when we are and not a moment moment sooner so your children are young adults and they are in this likely emancipation window where they are working out how to individuate on this youngin path to really like disentangle from the parts of them that are you and to find the parts of them that are them and there’s going to be a lot of overlap I mean how many of us uncom ably recognize that we are so much like the parents that we reject and sometimes for the very reasons that we reject them when you communicate let it be without
(03:40) an agenda so that you can learn about the experience right if you have an agenda about your son getting a job and you’re hiding that agenda it’s going to be felt so when you say oh so did you submit the application that’s not really a question right it’s a loaded it’s a like a in the logical fallacy territory like it’s a loaded thing that you’re offering and it’s because you have made it mean something that he’s not employed at this point and it scares you I’m guessing which is totally understandable so that’s why getting into your lane is
(04:14) going to be where your system relaxes and it’s going to be because you can’t actually control his life especially at this point right so when you get into your lane you’re going to assess what feels good to me is this working for me to financially support him and the way you’ll know the answer to that is if there are no strings attached so when we give something and there’s a covert expectation for appreciation or some kind of return on whatever it is that we’re giving that’s called manipulation right so what if you fund his life you
(04:51) know for the coming months and he does absolutely nothing that you want him to do with that funding of his life how will that work for you right and if that’s fine then it’s actually a gift it’s actually an offering but if there’s an ask that is tucked into that offer it’s going to really help you and him to become aware of that right so if it’s actually an exchange that is totally fine right it’s just bringing that to your awareness will allow you to communicate that right so if the exchange is you know I don’t know you
(05:27) could make it up whatever you want in 6 months I want you to be able to contribute this x amount you know to your monthly expenses or you know by this at this point in the calendar year I’m going to no longer be available to um support you then it’s something that he can consent to and say yes or no so the strings attached to this offer in the form of what you need in exchange are exposed so what is a flower essence so many people are coming to understand and plant medicine and holistic healing but what I have for you is so potent and
(06:05) beautiful I want you to really get it my favorite brand Lotus way has the best quiz for you to really understand the power of flowers flowers and which Elixir are most supportive for you personally so actually depending on which flower image you’re attracted to you will learn more about your own true Essence and what may be latent or dormant in your self-expression and the kind of support that you need so if you head to the linol show notes it’ll take you to this quiz and then you can choose your most powerful Elixir don’t forget
(06:42) to use my code Kelly 15 for 15% off and in case you’re curious I a Divine truth and Luscious embodiment gal have fun so the idea that you have the capacity to like help him get his discipline in order right and to help him figure his life out is really tempting and I totally get that I I would feel the exact same way right like what can I do to help him he’s not following through on like this is not good and I don’t have sons however I have studied man woman relating at a very deep level and what I find is that is that as a mother you are
(07:21) at a very very important juncture I’m guessing age wise where what you can offer him that will pay the greatest dividends for the rest of his life is to see him for his masculine competence even when it’s not apparent and when you see that in him and you in you trust him to figure things out and that could mean withdrawing all funds tomorrow only you’re going to know what feels right to you right but when you really trust him then he is no longer serving Mommy right then he is in contact with his his healthy aggression because he’s going to
(08:04) figure it out he’s going to grow his esteem and he is going to see the the fruit of his effort in his lifescape and sometimes that takes years and years and years sometimes it takes failures right and one of the one of the ways that we can love and respect the men in our lives as women is to allow them to fail and not need to fix it for them and I think it’s a paradoxical way to show somebody you know respect and love and it also allows him to get in touch with what he wants right so I don’t know the nature of your agreement but it could
(08:39) just be that you know he went from being a kid and now he’s like a bit older and you just you’re still funding the operation right like you’re still supporting him I can see something very similar happen you know I could see how that could unfold it’s never too late to come to a conscious agreement right so you could sit down tomorrow and say listen like I know we’ve never really talked about this but I am realizing that there there may be some aspects of our financial Arrangement or our situation that aren’t feeling good for
(09:09) me and so you know I love you I’m here for you I want to support you and I want to know exactly what it is that you want you know from me and I’m going to see how that feels for me and here’s what it is that I want you know from you if anything and you could see how that feels and that’s called the conscious agreement right you’re assessing the compatibility of your needs so you come to a win-win and I think the hard emotional work for you as a mother may simply be in at some point that feels okay to you allowing him to step into
(09:44) his process as an independent man whose life is not fixed by his mom right so he starts to self-c consult for approval uh so that he is not you know it’s called I mentioned it on day one it’s called the ceration effect so he is not in service of his mom to his own detriment which will play out in his romantic relationships and in his life gape and I imagine that is really difficult and I also mentioned that I’m sure I would have failed in that regard had I you know had I son and this Dynamics are different so people love to ask me
(10:18) questions and I love to ask questions of others because inquiry is play but some of my interviews and answers are too hot to handle for Reclamation radio so in my membership by vitol life project I have created a private podcast that gets delivered to wherever you listen to podcasts where I answer your questions that arise because of my provocative subject matter and I also share interviews that might otherwise be censored that I call the sovereignty Series so you’ll get access to these private podcasts and a private chat by
(10:51) joining my membership vital life project I’ll see you in there
