Are You A Girlfriend or a Wife?

(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting holess beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle

(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the

(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the

(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist P dancer or honorary member of the disinformation doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally

(02:46) truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production hello and welcome back to Reclamation radio I’m Dr Kelly Brogan and I am here back by popular demand with Omani and between our first discussion which is one of my actually I think it is the most download

(03:30) of all of my episodes and now I have had the pleasure of spending time with om in person one of his workshops in to Lum which was absolutely game-changing experience I also spoke with Lori on the podcast about the experience and there are so many topics that I enjoy unpacking with both of you actually and that we are you know in communication about and what I want to focus on today this this should probably be like a nine 10 12p part series but what I want to focus on today is specifically manom woman relating in a

(04:10) committed Dynamic also known as marriage this is something I’ve been exploring recognizing that I just didn’t have the Consciousness at the times I have previously engaged said Covenant to appreciate its full potential and what is really being asked of a man and what is really being asked of a woman when they elect to participate so I want to frame our discussion as far as you know what we dive into around what it is that women want what is according to you and me what it is that becomes available in the exchange of you know what you call a

(04:54) sacred marriage what I would call a sacred marriage and of course the ways that women are getting in their own you know in their own way they are interfering with what it is that they State they want through their behavior and what I love about your work is that you call men and women to the carpet equally when I listen to your videos I never know what I’m gonna get whether I’m gonna be like you know enjoying the shoden frey of the punishing energy of calling men to task or whether I’m G to be myself you know like blushing and

(05:25) with my tail between my legs by the end of the video so today I want to focus a little bit more on the role that women have in this in really what we’re seeing as a failure of the potential you know for this Dynamic to really bring us home to God so I want to dive in first with something that you’ve spoken about recently I really enjoyed your video on the subject which is the relationship between fear and feminine turn on and female turn on because I do think that if we don’t address this specific speically right like this tangly taboo

(06:03) then I think you would agree that that is the energy that presence unconscious presence of that fear in a woman’s system her inability to consciously connected to her Heros can destroy a relationship and we spoke in our first interview a lot about the micromanaging and henpecking and the ways in which women diminish men and turn on their red light right as you would say and it’s driven by that fear and I remember I’m going to give you the mic I remember when my coach Whitney asked me to design in my mind’s eye a scene of what would

(06:38) turn me on in 30 seconds I knew immediately right that it involved you know pushing me up against a wall grabbing my hair like deeply penetrating me with a gaze and like the tension before a kiss like it was just unfolded immediately that image right and there’s a lot of aggression in that image and I’m sure for other women it might involve you know things that invoke a lot of the classical BDSM material you know whether it’s choking or different kinds of bondage or whatever but for me it was at 30- second image and the

(07:10) experience of a man’s aggression artfully right administered is something that you are expert in so i’ I’d love to talk first about the taboo of fear in a woman’s turn on and how we often choose right safe men nice guys as you call them because we don’t have a conscious relationship to that or we eroticize the wound we eroticize the fear and unconsciously choose men who then bring that aggression to us rather than you know be the monster at our side you know as you would say so so speak a little bit about that before we get into the

(07:46) Dynamics that are possible when women develop Consciousness around their relationship to fear and their their turn on it’s a very rich topic that you have expressed it’s like I could write at least six essay say and everything that you just talked about so let me try and unpack it a little bit so you you’re entering into in this particular inquiry kind of on the erotic aspect so let’s use that as a doorway why do women have fantasies of least the one you described grab me pin me take me so at beginning level of inquiry I’m not even interested

(08:22) in the why I’m interested in observing oh this actually creates true erotic ignition in women if if you read women’s romance novels erotic novels this scene you described is present throughout and throughout and throughout and throughout women are living these scenes through their heroins they want to be the heroin they want this moment with the right man right so this has and again I’m I’m not the first to articulate pretty much any of this you can find this other places but I have one modle for men regarding

(08:56) what do women want erotically what do women want romantically women want to be desired women want to be pursued women want to be taken it’s a good piece of wisdom to keep in front of you it’s pretty reliable under the right circumstances that energy of taking a woman it pays off great dividends it turns honor IRAs like nothing else and also this seems to be pretty Universal I don’t think it is some peculiar women who have these fantasies I think it is very much in the feminine system and then my nerdy mind comes in and says

(09:28) well is there a particular reason why this is so Universal and I do find answers that man is aggressive he’s assertive he knows what he wants he has the courage to go after it there is an element of dangerousness in him all of these elements actually qualify him as a partner all these elements are present in men who make something of themselves in the world he’s not a shrinking wallf flower he’s not afraid of women big one today today’s men would not even think to engage in that way with the Wom ically because they have been taught

(10:02) continuous consent and be a good little boy let her take the lead and women are yawning and going to sleep with these men not not in a good way so in that way a man who evokes a little bit of a Zing even a little bit of a fear I would say even borderline of excitement and fear that in fact checks off a box in a woman’s brain this man has access to his dangerousness this man has access to his Primal energy it is the same primal energy that he uses to protect her it’s a very very significant first chakra evaluation if a man does not have that

(10:36) energy the woman feels when push comes to shove this is not the guy I want with me in the back alley right so I think there is a reason why even the erotic template in women is what it is I don’t think it is random and I don’t think it is actually intrinsic only to your erotic desires I think it is based in survival and the man’s Fitness and what else does that imply about the man’s character and his makeup and usually what works in the erotic zone is also makes him a better qualified partner generally his temperament right I find

(11:13) there’s a logic why the OS works the way it works you don’t get turned on by weak men you don’t get turned on by men who you feel don’t have access to their Primal energy and they can’t access their dangerousness it doesn’t turn on your earos and it doesn’t make you feel secure to have this man as your partner in life right so I don’t think the sexual desires are kinky I think they’re actually rather elegant that you get to firsthand in your IRAs test the men’s energies and women are very good at testing men’s energies you will feel it

(11:43) in your own system that power that strength that access to his primality right men can’t fake it and if they don’t have it you will feel it right away so I think that’s starting to unpack I think there’s a shadow aspect when you say again fear is a big word and it has many things that come out of it so I think this is like a man who evokes good fear in a woman because he actually is dangerous he has boundaries he’s assertive he’s not afraid to go after what he wants and yet he’s not violent crazy sociopathic and a violator

(12:15) we never advocating for that and I think women know that too so within the container of consent within knowing sanely that if I tell this man please stop he will stop knowing that feeling the man having access to all those parts of him is a turn on and it should be right and I imagine that that energy is also a signifier for other qualifications that you’ve identified right like one of which is a man who wants to know the truth can handle the reflections of his own failure and is non-defensive right and another is the

(12:50) general competence right you talk about how women should pair with men who are better than them specifically at masculine proficiencies but maybe in General and obviously coming out of waves of feminist entitlement this is a a challenging we can absolutely again it’s a very rich topic but we can even Explore the dark aspect of it one step further it’s good to be with a man who is scary enough that other men are scared of him it’s a turn on to women to be with a man when you walk into the room with him you see other men going

(13:28) you’ll see it in movies they know how to create capture these things the gangster walks in with his girl and everybody Parts ways and the girl goes that’s status that is acknowledgement and even between men and men now this man is not being sociopathic he’s just walking through he’s not hitting anybody he’s probably smiling being gracious but you can see in the other men and that’s that fear is inseparable from respect acknowledgement of status that is a very significant qualifier for men and women have a very sharp radar how do other men

(14:05) respond to this man right if the other men are like walking all over your guy doesn’t Bodwell we are both fans of Yellowstone I believe there are beautiful scenes in the bar when she is with her various men and one of the ways you can see is how do other men respond to the men she’s with in the bar right you know what I’m talking about in the show yes and this hierarchical energy yeah so all of that and all of that has an element of fear to it and that’s kind of inseparable from respect and this healthy combination of fear and respect

(14:38) I say usually it should have come to us to the father energy we should have feared Our Father a little bit I think that and should have been an integral part of a respect and not in any kind of abusive way that the father was violent or unpredictable or abusive it’s just he was a man of substance you did not cross him you did not speak to him badly and he deserved that respect and I think it is great when a woman feels that way towards her own man it’s a healthy Dynamic we’ve spoken about how Even in our private conversations how respect is

(15:14) the primary Vector of bonding with from woman to man right that that is what women should be looking for in their potential partners and committed relationships is a man that they can thoroughly and completely respect and yeah go ahead again my inquiry really I am totally unbiased in my inquiries I sit down and I observe what makes relationships work I have seen relationships work where the women where the woman has a lot more money than the man I’ve seen them make it work I’ve seen exceptions where the woman comes

(15:47) from money and the man does not have nearly as much money as her and she’s like I don’t care I have the money right I’ve seen that work I have seen marriages work where the OS is no longer a centerpiece either the couple is older or there are other things going on and it’s not a primary thing so they may not have a vibrant sex life but I have never ever ever seen a great dynamic between a man and a woman where the woman was rolling her eyes at her man where the woman was holding her man in contempt where the

(16:18) woman thought her man was an idiot never ever ever once in my lifetime on this planet I challenge anybody to find me one couple where the woman has absolutely no respect for her man and she’s still just crazy about him it sounds like an absurdity right so yes there are many metrics and I would love for women to have multiple metrics I would love for you to have a man who actually knows how to handle you sensually right but I have seen relationships work without the sensuality piece I’ve seen relationships work with the women has so much more

(16:51) provision herself because of family money and her own things than her man can provide and I’ve seen those relationships work loving brilliant dynamically I have never seen a happy healthy relationship where the woman looked down on her man where the woman disrespected her man ever so I’m like okay well let’s start with this as this is an indicator right how about that this is observation if you find exception to this you tell me I have a like what I think could be considered a viral like million plus view video the

(17:22) only one of my entire library of you know yapping online and it’s about what happens when a woman loses respect for her man the moment that she senses that in her body and it could be for Myriad reasons right it’s extremely personal although there are very Universal vectors of respect and how that is the first seat of infidelity right of a man’s infidelity and I think it’s popular because we know how essential respecting our man is and there are so many ways to cultivate that and support that you know when it was initially

(17:57) available so you talk about I pulled this from one of your courses you talk about the exchange that is available when perhaps you know that initial Bond of respect is cemented in place and you talk about the a balanced exchange of a man’s attention for a woman’s enthusiasm yeah and I love that because just remembering for a woman to remember that her offering to her man is her enthusiasm is such a freeing imperative right if that’s what I am here to provide I’m not here to help I’m not here to make things better I’m maybe

(18:35) here to support but really what is wanted is that energy then a beautiful Covenant you know can come online and you have described what you call the seven chakra marriage which of course could be you know an entire Workshop I would love for you to paint a picture of what you know what you believe perhaps what you’ve seen perhaps what you live is possible through this kind of dynamic you know between a man and a woman right as you say it’s a rich conversation again because we as human beings are so complex and there are so many ways that

(19:10) we can contribute to each other and by contributing to each other demonstrate our attractiveness so there are many metrics and I like the chakra system so I like organizing things in that way but I I’ve mentioned to you that I am putting out a short free course self-study course which is based on the seven chakra marriage model only it only covers the first three chakras because I need to give people a [ __ ] sheet so many people are coming these days and they are seeing the attraction they’re like I think we want to try this polarized

(19:41) Dynamic and how do we get started and I’m like I think I need to put something in writing and offer it to people for free so they can at least read it and you know it’s my version of it but that’s the best I can do that you can read it and say oh I see what he means by it because today if you say dominant man submiss a woman man leading his woman they’re like well okay but what does that mean and it’s a very legitimate question because we’re not living we don’t have living templates of this in our culture in our TV and our

(20:11) movies so we have people have no idea what this means even though they are being drawn to it they are seeing the frustration of egalitarianism and they’re like is there something else this is why I’ve created that thing and in that three chakra model I start basically one two three I can kind of walk you through them and even even I think better than thinking that this is an exchange like a onetoone exchange I think the better under model is this that at every Center there are ways a man can contribute to a woman and there

(20:41) are ways a woman can contribute to her man and every way which we can contribute I call it a Mastery this is a Mastery a man could have if he has this this is something women will find attractive he has this Mastery and there are many many masteries and the more master you acquire the more attractive you will get right and they are associated with different centers so instead of thinking like we are making a onetoone contract you give me this I give you that you give me this it’s like I have these masteries which I have to

(21:10) offer women I want to look for women who has offer these masteries and then let’s see are we a good match right so in that ve we can kind of mention a few of them in this conversation one of the basic one I would love to start with is containment it’s pretty reliable men can come into their core men can come into their ground energetically they can be contained energetically they can have access to their dangerousness which is actually needed for them to give containment interestingly men who don’t have access to that can’t actually give

(21:42) solid containment to women and even at the material Level I will lump it all in one even at the material Level a man needs to have his life together he needs to have money he needs to have a nest he needs to be solid in the material world because if he’s broke a woman will not feel contained in his company period he needs to be solid in the 3D and if he has that in place and he has the energetic skill to contain a woman that is a huge Mastery for a man to have and women want that so that’s a massive offering Mastery he can offer at the

(22:15) first chakra level to women and when women are around that man a man who has his life together a man who has his money together and he is energetically and in his character someone who can hold her and contain her women are going to find that attractive right it’s it’s very non-controversial it would be hard pressed to find a woman who aside from all other metrics does not value that metric in a man right that’s a starting point we can go up at the second chakra and talk about sexual Mastery erotic Mastery I tell my men for the modern

(22:49) women maybe this was not the case 200 years ago because erotic expression was not a very big priority for people people were interested in surviving and having children and just surviving and surviving and surviving and having children and hoping the children survived and the second Center was mainly serving a procreative function right erotic expression and sensuality and pleasure was really people just did not have the resources for it maybe the only the very rich did not Cas today it’s really not the case today women are

(23:17) seriously leaving men who sexually bore them it’s a deal breaker why because our first chakra is relaxed because women have their own money and women want pleasure women want that connection women actually want erotic Journeys and this is a great Mastery to acquire this should be a easy sell to people Men Please learn to handle your women’s bodies this is this should not be a hard cell but many men are still not really stepping up to it you’ve been in my classes and you know the complaints you made them yourself like

(23:46) please God send me men who know what to do with a woman’s body and I’m with you it’s a very important factor it’s a very very pleasurable Mastery to acquire but it is a Mastery as you know even in a classroom when you’re doing PG exercises if the man doesn’t have it it’s like get away from me right that’s not a man you’re going to lean into that’s not a man you’re going to bond with that’s not a man you’re going to be thinking about when the data is over right that’s an important piece and at the third chakra

(24:15) level I would say be a man who commands respect again make something of yourself have solid boundaries have strong values and command respect from men and from women and if you evoke that response in a woman like this is a man of substance I would be proud to be seen with him that’s a huge attractor is integrity of word absolutely part of your containment you can’t be a liar and give containment to a woman you can’t drop you can’t violate a trust and provide containment you can’t be inconsistent and provide containment

(24:48) it’s all part of the same thing many men say well I provided her containment last week why can’t I be in Breakdown this week I’m like it just doesn’t work that way that’s not the energetic contract i provider containment three days of the week she provides me containment three days of the week I’m like no woman wants that contract they don’t they just don’t right your woman will give you containment once a year when You’ had a death in the family right and that would fall under her feminine nurturing and caring for her man and that’s beautiful

(25:16) but even that should be really shortlived truly if you if you get knocked on and you don’t get up that [ __ ] will dry up it will as soon as women go into caretaking even if they are happy to give that caretaking to their man it’s like in that time the OS stries up right I’ve heard this is the equivalent of like when women are nursing their sex drive goes down and it’s simply hormonal it’s like that nothing wrong with being a mother but it’s like in this period expect the iros to fall off while you’re Cur taking your

(25:46) man it may be necessary it may be part of your love but generally the OS will fall off and that’s a very strong indicator they taking an OS they just they’re like seesaws they don’t work and with is seeking containment from their women it’s absolutely disastrous and that’s what the nice guy is seeking that’s what the Mama’s Boys are seeking that’s what the UN individuated man is seeking if he is not individuated from his mother he’s seeking that maternal energy from his wife and the wife’s like not really don’t want to give it and on

(26:16) this subject you’ve distinguished helpfully for me and other women that service right that devotional service yeah some of us may confuse that with helping and with with caretaking and support and you invoked you know the sort of Master Slave energies and that was helpful to me rather than the mother’s son I’m not against the word help helping is fine I I I I love the term that comes straight from the Bible be a helpmate to your man I actually think that’s a good marker but that is energetically it’s not caretaking energy

(26:51) it’s not mothering energy it is not giving your man containment helping to me would be help your man build the life he’s building for both of you abs absolutely work with them cooperate with them to me I would put it under cooperating with your man right use whichever word works best but coming into agreement with your man cooperating with your man preferably while he is in a healthy lead position so you’re not carrying him but you’re helping him the way I don’t know pick a hierarchy where somebody who is in a hierarchy is

(27:20) helping the mission that they are part of the way a secretary would write like yeah yes the wife is not a secretary but let’s say in that context and energetically right that you are helping the man do the things he’s trying to do in this world supporting him helping him being being a helpmate to him and yeah all that is I think great I think that is what partnership is about use the word Partnership if you want being in Partnership and pouring your energies with his energies to help create your life together I think we are here to

(27:50) contribute to each other but that does not mean carrying him or mothering him in anywh okay so what about the the women’s role in the three chakras I would actually say that would be her biggest contribution in the first chakra would be whatever your man is building help him build it provide the complimentary pieces right in the home setting it could be take his house and turn it into a home I really believe women holding the heart is a beautiful important significant thing it’s really the feminism movement has killed many

(28:22) many beautiful important Central things that are well it’s amazing how they’ve done the job but like holding the heart heart they have basically stigmatized it right and I think heart is extremely important not only for yourself and your man but for certainly for your children I mean I don’t I don’t really even understand women who are like I never go I’m like what are you going to do if you have children are they going to starve day after day if you don’t cook are you planning on raising your children in a

(28:49) filthy home because cleaning is against your ethos like this is ridiculous right and keeping hard is part of your social standing it is part of your Prosperity it is a place where it can be a center social Center for your community it actually is a part of you having higher status as you have a beautiful heart this is the place the community can come this is the place where not only your own children are thriving but their friends come and they’re like your home is so great your mom always has the best food that

(29:20) matters it really does does matter when all that is in play that those are just you know some of the factors and really cooperate with your man and expand his life in the first chakra in any way possible take his money and expand his money take his money and use it but use it well right create a beautiful life for the both of you contribute to his work in any way you can be a great work wife instead of complaining he’s working long hours reward him for it and nourish him for it so that he can be even more productive

(29:53) often times I see high achieving men their secretaries are better wives to them than their wives are right be a helpmate truly in the second Center in the erotic Center it is not rocket science we are so your femininity and your sex is such deep nourishment for the masculine that please do not hold it in reserve and do not withdraw it and do not get lazy it is an essential nutrient keep yourself buzzing keep yourself beautiful keep yourself embodied in your feminine and keep those channels open and that can be such a vibrant way to

(30:28) create intimacy to nourish your man to nourish yourself to keep that buzz going between the two of you of a man who knows how to handle as a woman and his woman who’s like basically pouring her femininity and her sensuality on her man day after day and it’s the best way to keep IRAs alive in the long term right I have a section in the course in this particular area called domestic erotic I’m like if you are at home be in lingerie really I’m sorry this is not a male fantasy be in your lunder or be only in an apron in the kitchen if the

(31:02) kids are not around you want to know how to create a great sex life that’s how you create a great sex life it doesn’t happen in the bedroom at 9:30 p.m. it happens in coming to your man in lingerie in the morning holding his cappuccino in two hands and bending over and serving it to him you want a fun playful life that’s how you create it created from the morning onwards I just said that to my girlfriend I said you’re going to spend $300 $ on a negl that you wear for five minutes before he takes it off wear it

(31:32) while you’re cooking wear wear it while you’re bringing him his Scotch wear him while you are lounging around while he comes through the door for Christ’s sakes your sensuality your femininity is such deep nourishment to man it isn’t even about having sex sex sex it’s about like oh God he for him to just look at you and it’s like like a head of nourishment it’s like just a wave of stress relief can happen it is so rich and nourishing and resetting and it’s so much fun right long-term couples are always whining

(32:11) there is no fun left there it’s all Domesticity it’s really up to you and I really put that on the feminine it’s like the feminine is the keeper of that erotic energy and the men are always open to receiving it right and that’s that’s a life you have to create this is again where people to BDSM shine because they create strict protocols for the submissives because they want to have this right submissive gets Specific Instructions when you walk through the door this is how you will be dressed this is how you will greet me this is

(32:41) the posture you will be in and there’s tremendous erotic tension in that right the best I can do for married couples is turn them into Doms and Subs right this is an interesting topic I’ve discovered which I’m articulating sex does not live in the wife archetype for women but this may sound strange to people at first when they hear it first but I’m like there’s a reason women find their way to BDSM is because they realize my sex actually lives in the submissive women archetype all your heroins all your fantasies all your bodess Ripper

(33:13) novels your heroine goes into her submissive archetype or is inspired to go into her submissive archetype by a dominant man and that’s where she discovers the Fountain of her IRAs so when the woman is stuck in her wife duties for years or mother their duties for sure there’s no iros there and the best contribution we can make as coaches is help them transition from the wife and the mother to the submissive and that’s where the IRAs flourishes right and having these domestic setups and initiatives is really an opportunity for

(33:44) a women to make room for her submissive women archetype where her iros lives right if she’s stuck in the mother archetype for sure she will not have access to IRAs sex does not live in the mother archetype and interestingly it doesn’t even live in the wife archetype life is a partnership archetype it is brilliant it is very important it is where lives are built together right but it does not hold the IRAs pieace it does not hold sexual surrender right so these are I think all invitations for us that we want to create this really vibrant

(34:16) life and these are the masteries we can bring that can really raise our living and our connection to almost a level of Elegance it doesn’t happen automatically it has to be created these masteries have to be cultivated ated if you don’t you just end up in a lazy grayness after a while where nothing much is happening which is where most people just end up there’s no effort being made nothing really gets created if no effort is being made you have to be deliberate about it you have to cultivate these masteries yeah it’s like the circuit is

(34:45) broken when I say Flower Essences do youall even know what I’m talking about so many people understand plant medicine and holistic healing but this medicine is potent and beautiful and it refle ction of how we are understanding human physiology to be a resonant field of energy my favorite brand Lotus way has the best quiz for you to really understand the flowers and which Elixir are most supportive for you if you head to the link in show notes it’ll take you to the quiz and then you can choose your most powerful Elixir don’t forget to use

(35:18) my code Kelly 15 for 15% off and in case you’re curious I’m a Divine truth and Luscious embodiment kind of gal have fun I want to dive a little bit more into these archetypes that you brought up because I find it personally extremely helpful to organize the intentional expression of my energy as a woman through these archetypes and I have talked about how the presentation of the wrong archetype if you will at a given time and in a given context particularly when what you’re interested in is you know committed sacred Union can result

(35:57) in the either the sabotage of that dynamic’s potential or just not attracting it to begin with and you speak a lot about about how we get in our way as women I’m gonna lift this sentence from an email that you wrote me because it’s hilarious so you’re write the way that women say they want a certain thing and then do something that is entirely at odds with securing exactly what they say they want so you say is the equivalent of a gardener attempting to tend his plants by pouring gas vasoline over them instead of water

(36:29) and then running over them with a bulldozzer instead of carefully pruning them and then setting the whole thing on fire and then standing around and wondering why the flowers are not coming out right so apparently this is what we’re doing women in our expressions and you’ve talked about the girlfriend archetype and the wife archetype in one of your pieces you talked about you know the fabulous woman which may be you know paired with the girlfriend archetype The Fabulous woman archetype and I think it will be really

(36:59) helpful for women to hear a sketch you’ve touched on this but a sketch of the energies and intentions embodied by each of these different archetypes and the ones that are most important to hold in partnership with your man okay this does take a little bit of explaining and I encourage people to visit the free course which is on my website omron.

(37:26) com we’ll have a link in shown just created a dominant man submissive woman we call it dominant man submissive woman relationship primer it’s the best I could title it it’s only three modules for men three modules for women and it kind of really takes you through these particular aryes because I think this is at the heart of the conversation but it takes a little getting into I believe the girlfriend archetype is a false archetype it is an incomplete archetype it is an archetype that is a result of feminism of wounded feminine it is a

(37:58) hodge podge conglomeration of a woman who has not done her work who has not healed her relationship with the masculine but still needs to interact with a masculine somehow she still wants to go on date she still wants to seduce she still wants to have sex she still wants to have connections with men and she’s like how can I do that well you can do that as a girlfriend and this is obviously not an exceptional action on the part of women this is Universal at this point the world is filled with girlfriends and there is nowhere a wife

(38:28) in sight and I know that sounds like a bit of outlandish assertion but it is what I am observing you can read through my modules and feel them out for yourself I don’t believe the girlfriend is interested in bonding I don’t believe the girlfriend energy win the girlfriend energy the woman actually ever gives herself to a man it’s a temporary Connection by its very energetic configuration the girlfriend archetype is not a partnership archetype you think she could be sorry to interrupt you do you think that she

(38:59) could be consciously interested in Partnership but that this is a subconscious you know Shadow element that she says that she wants partnership but her energy and her actions and her behavior are not yes it is the equivalent and I wouldn’t even say that I think it is the equivalent of wounding it’s the equivalent of wounding which is somebody says they want intimacy but they have deep issues either around attachment or abandonment and as soon as the actual possibility of your intimacy shows up they are the ones who sabotage

(39:34) and run and then they say but I want intimacy yes and the possibility shows up and they are the ones who sabotage and run this is what PM Melody who writes about love addiction she talks about how the anxiously attached the love addicts are actually subconsciously afraid of intimacy and consciously afraid of Abandonment and that the avoidance are the ones who are conscious L afraid of intimacy and subconsciously afraid of and both of them will find their own ways of sabotaging secure attachment right so this is what I

(40:06) observe do when women say they want a deep partnership with a man do they mean it absolutely they mean it I think it is a cry from their very Soul part of them knows what am I doing where is my partnership where are my children where is my home where is my heart what am I heading towards it Life The Fabulous woman looks at her fabulous life and says great why don’t I feel this as being amazing and fulfilling I should have been there by now instead I am panicking in here that I am off course right these are direct conversations I

(40:40) have with women not making this up and I believe the structure of that is the call for partnership and that deep connection with a man is real except the wounding part is she actually still is stuck in the girlfriend archetype and the girlfriend does not Bond the girlfriend does not get converted into a wife and I see women chasing their tail with this they will have the opportunity they will have an engagement ring on their finger and they will sabotage it for no good reason just not feeling it panic in my system yeah that’s what the

(41:16) girlfriend’s Panic is she is not built for connection she’s not built for bonding and if you are in that energy you will find a way to exit and then you will try and justify it to yourself and you will also know I think all my justifications are [ __ ] but what face am I possibly going to present to people that this is the third engagement I broken off and I keep yakking I want partnership with a man and people ask what was wrong with the guy and she will essentially say nothing nothing so I’m like what do you want what is going on

(41:48) with you you 70% of divorces are initiated right these are the numbers on Google check them out 70 to 75% of divorces are filed by women and when they say no fault divorce generally there isn’t any fault at best the women will say I don’t like him anymore I don’t feel passion for him anymore there isn’t like a real first chakra reason for leaving it’s just like I just not feeling it the girlfriend never feels the joy of commitment the wife archetype does this is why I expressed you could be married with a ring on your finger

(42:21) and three children by the same man and have never been his wife you’ve been a girlfriend the whole time and in fact when the woman divorces that man with two or three small children in toe part of her system actually feels relieved you know why because the girlfriend has been released from a configuration that she never wanted because she’s still a girlfriend she never was a wife I see this clearly because I really work in archetypes to other people this may sound like a crazy conversation but if you believe in

(42:49) archetypes it really matters what your energetic configuration is and the wife’s energetic configuration is extremely different from the girlfriend’s before we move on to that I want to clarify and reiterate some things that you shared with me about this that I thought were really helpful so you said that the girlfriend she walks around the world yeah and she she holds an energy of Don’t You Wish I Was Your Girlfriend yes so it’s a tease it’s a teasing energy because subconsciously she’s actually afraid of that it’s a

(43:18) third chakra energy it is an esteem energy she is constantly seeking her value this is why it’s wounded it is all about me and myself so right in one of my modules you see eyes on you on the street the beacon you’re sending out don’t you wish I was your girlfriend you see a coworker staring at your cleavage the beacon you send out is don’t you wish I was your girlfriend you’re walking home leaving your office and passing the janitor in the hallway the elderly man and you say hello and good night to him believe it or not even then

(43:50) you’re beaming don’t you wish I was your girlfriend I try this out for yourself maybe I’m completely nuts I have no idea what I’m talking about but that’s the beacon of the girlfriend archetype and she is beaming that at every man she encounters and I call it the auditioning energy she’s auditioning herself to every man she encounters and she’s auditioning every man to herself she’s like a diligent actor who goes to auditions every single day and Never Lands a part because auditioning is where she lives and in that energy she

(44:24) hops men very easily and readily in fact that feels natural she doesn’t expect these relationships to last I don’t care what women say I believe there’s a relief the girlfriend feels when she hops from one man to the next I think that is a natural movement and you’re also saying it’s possible to remain in this wounded archetype in the setting of seeming commitment right when you say that the girlfriend does not give herself she actually does not offer herself fully to her man and then there’s a woman he say well what do you

(44:58) mean I’ve had his kids I’ve been married you’re talking about a kind of a level of commitment that is devotional in nature that is comprehensively offered right so it it is and I would say it’s not even like the girlfriend is at a low level and the wife is at a high level I think these are different energetic configurations and yes they have different characteristics but I don’t think the girlfriend ever graduates to a wife they’re just entirely different and in that line yes the wife archetype is interested in building with her man but

(45:34) it is not a Time determined archetype a wife is a wife on the first date just as a girlfriend can be a girlfriend even after a 10-year marriage a wife is a wife walking down the street without any relationship inside it is who she is right and this needs to be understood this is I think it is has many layers and it has to do with many ways we are living incorrectly in society because that energy of the wife extends Beyond her man it it certainly applies to her man but being a helpmate to her own children to her men is one step of it

(46:09) beyond that she’s a helpmate to her Village it’s a completely different energy it is not a nuclear family cellophane personal wrapped Life Energy right it is the life in which we build our community our family through which which is in our community which is in our village and and it extends to our social Fabric and the wife is an absolutely integral part of creating that fabric girlfriend isn’t the girlfriend comes and she hops herself in front of a man she finds attractive today and if anything goes wrong here

(46:41) she exits and hops herself in front of another man till this game starts to look not very sane and it has a diminishing return as the woman ages right you know this is an exercise that’s not in the primary it’s in the main course but I offer this exercise to right say your name close your eyes as a woman say your name because and really listen to the energetic hit in your system and you say your name because it registers as your home say your name like Kelly and say I am you’re a mother right yes say Kelly I am a mother and

(47:16) see how truly that resonates in your system because it’s a true archetype and you can use that for other true archetype like you’re a daughter might be a sister and then say I’m a girlfriend and see how that rings in your system you’re likely to find a little cringe in it past the age of 14 15 you’re not supposed to be a girlfriend the girlfriend archetype was supposed to be like a courtship rehearsal archetype preparing you for bonding with a man it was just a dress rehearsal just stepping into the role of true bonding a 30y old woman a 35y old

(47:52) woman a 40 year old woman calling herself a girlfriend feel into it and you will know I feel ridiculous calling myself a girlfriend the archetype Rings false in your ears in your chest it’s like I don’t think I’m supposed to be a girlfriend at this age and I think that’s because the archetype is false it’s a mismatch it’s an archetype that actually doesn’t even evolve interestingly the girlfriend the woman who girlfriend at 20 is actually doing the same things that a woman whose girlfriend at 40 is doing the archetype

(48:26) doesn’t evolve she’s playing the same game an Arrested Development yeah it’s an Arrested Development because the archetype isn’t real right I hate you know I’m not I don’t want to in a very fasil way compare things to NPD but I find parallels this is the same structure that people with narcissistic personality disorder have that’s why they never evolve that’s why they can never self-reflect that’s why when you encounter them 10 years later it’s like no time has passed because their entire Persona is false they have a false

(48:56) identity so I think these energetic configurations are not just theoretical people with NPD have had to create a false Persona early on in childhood and they live in that and they can’t destroy it because underneath that is an abyss that they are terrified of but one characteristic of this and even even therapist will tell you this is they simply don’t change they don’t change you can show them the dead bodies they have left behind them and any emotional process like remorse like guilt like self-reflection that to a normal human

(49:29) being would cause turmoil and cause us to change like I can’t be this person I must change they will find a way to get rid of it this essentially is the process of gaslighting they Gaslight themselves on what they reality is so that they can maintain the identity and any archetype that doesn’t change it is a false Persona and I see this parallel in women sometimes these days and it is wrapped up in a very innocuous container called the girlfriend which I don’t think is a real archetype it really is a wounded package in which women function

(50:04) it is allows the woman who disrespects men thinks men are toxic to still go out on Friday night and get a date and get late and wake up on Sunday morning and say men are horrible men are toxic that makes sense to the girlfriend the way things make sense to a narcissist they don’t see the contradictions right and it is absurd to observe all this and when you see so many so many events happen happening where women are saying I want partnership I want a man and you see her with a great man and then she destroys

(50:32) that connection you’re like what are you doing it’s here it was served to you on a platter why can’t you bond with a man and start your journey and be his helpmate and let him take care of you give you containment and build this life together it’s in the wrong archetype it won’t work try it out for yourself I don’t know how this is landing on you I know some some of the ideas may sound a little weird to people no here’s what I’m us those yeah this is very helpful and and you know even in conventional Psychiatry a lot of what you’re

(51:00) describing would be considered rather than narcissist when they land in a a woman’s body it’s a borderline personality construct a lot of these patterns and they stem yeah from I’m speaking as a lay person I’m I’m not I mean I don’t subscribe I have encountered enough narcissist that I have to study it just as a lay person yeah so I’m seeing this this structure I’m like well this is fascinating that this is also what the therapists describe on why Nar just don’t change because usually therapists are not that

(51:29) quick to give up on people but with narcissist therapists just wave the White Flag they like leave them alone we can’t help them I’m like wow that’s unusual right the only way you can get through to them if they decompensate if they actually give up the false identity which you know is difficult to do what I’m seeing is and this may be a dichotomy that I see and you don’t but is the girlfriend you know woundology let’s say and then the mother archetype because a lot of what I you know help women with and myself is maturing and

(52:01) healing and integrating this rescuer impulse right where the victim triangle you know this sort of covert victim Consciousness that lives in The Rescuer that says you know I will it’s co codependency right that I will give you this but I’m expecting that you know that’s how I can achieve what it is that I’m unwilling or unable to ask for directly and a lot of that ends up relationally looking like mothering right this shadow mothering that you talk about it’s that is not erotic and so I think a lot of us experience this

(52:33) you know I will remain in my woundology or maybe I will you know help my man out and I’ll you know make sure that I help him to be a better man right but really a lot of what you know Laura Doyle talks about and wife is like how that that is actually fear-driven and it doesn’t result in the kind of Union certainly not the polarity that you’re interested in and what you’re positing is this archetype the wife archetype that is compatible with the choice to commit and bond that is the archetype primarily and there are others you know the submissive

(53:06) archetype and others that you can invoke at will so how would you describe the wife archetype as being distinct from the mother from the girlfriend so this is again actually connects to the very first point we talked about on fear I was about to tell you about the shadow of fear but we never went there so this is why and one word control girlfriend wants to control the wounded feminine wants to control the woman who’s afraid of the masculine want only way she can have her way with the man is to control she’s not interested in surrendering

(53:37) she’s not interested in showing up in good faith and saying we have to work together which is in fact the entire home of the wife we are in this together I don’t want to control you I need you to lead me I need to see your strength day and night if I see you drop your strength that will piss me off I’m counting on you to be strong I’m counting on you that you will remain a man I can keep looking up to and Trust that’s the wife’s demand he’s not without demand she’s like I need you to hold up your end so it’s not like she’s

(54:08) just showing up without any parameters but her parameter is I am showing up in good faith I am showing up to cooperate with you and just as I am giving all of myself to you I have expectations from you for starters I am choosing you because today you’re a man I respect remain that man this is not unconditional love if you lose my respect if you turn into some other man if you lose your job if you become a drunker if you start acting like a man I don’t want to be seen with it I will leave your ass and go find another

(54:40) husband but this is a two-way contract right but she is interested in a win-win game in we are building this together she’s not interested in controlling him she is interested in showing up in good faith and contributing building something together whereas a woman who is not really in a place where she can offer that to a man but she still needs men she’s not happy with being a lesbian and saying I’m just leaving men alone like no no no I need men I may even want their resources I certainly want to have sex with them but I really don’t want to

(55:13) show up in good faith so what am I going to do I’m going to control so that was the dark side of the fear if a wounded feminine fears that male aggression she will try to control it right and it’s a very different energy so if you want to know what kind of of woman inspires a man right women are always complaining men are commitment phobes men don’t want to commit to women I’ll really make this easy for you when a man feels the wife energy on the other side he commits to that woman quickly rapidly and out of

(55:47) self-interest he doesn’t do it because he’s being a good man or he’s doing his woman any favors he’s going after that woman that way Apple will go after some pop coder in the world it is completely selfish I need you I can already feel being with you my life is better with you you’re already contributing so much to my life oh my God what can I give you so that you will have me so that your masteries you will choose to pour them on me right just as in the business world please come work for us what can we do to sweeten the deal your Genius

(56:29) come pour it on our projects it is an entirely self-interested decision and men who are building their lives they don’t need to be convinced to go and grab the wives and say please be mine right it is nonsense if the man is hesitating it’s because he’s not seeing a wife here he is not seeing the contribution this woman is making to her his life and he’s like she’s asking for all this commitment I may do it to keep her happy I’m not seeing the upside in it he’s not seeing the partnership when men see that partnership possibility because the

(57:06) woman is already contributing to him he’s like with this woman my life is bigger and better his commitment to her is based entirely in self-interest in a healthy self-interest right and again very different energies when he encounters a woman who’s not that and who’s interested in controlling him for her benefit we can feel that in our court that is not an inspiring energy with that women we’ll be in constant negotiation till this thing fractures and competition right competition to see well I still want certain things from

(57:37) her maybe I can give her a few things to keep but this is like this is a hostile tuug of War that’s going on this is a constant haggling that’s going on between a girlfriend and a man right which I’m sure is familiar to most people it’s what the controlling woman inspires if inspires the word we can use it’s not a good word it’s it’s too much of a word but when a woman shows up as a helpmate to a man she actually inspires his commitment in a literal sense because she inspires his self-interest because she qualifies she’s contributing

(58:10) she’s bringing so much to his life that he’s like my life is better with this woman in it and that absolute self-interest is a root of his adoration for his woman it’s not just some kind of infatuated boyish energy I adore my woman is like I [ __ ] adore this woman right when marriages Work men say that being with the woman for 40 years you will see it it’s cute and you know it’s true because they will both Giggle and get goosebumps he’s like this goddamn woman can’t imagine life without her right that’s adoration like I don’t even

(58:45) know what my life would have been without this woman in it that’s a marriage that’s bonding it’s because a woman has contributed so tremendously to the man’s life is like I would be lost without her right that’s a great love that’s what we want but that’s based in contribution that isn’t based in a tug of war that isn’t based in a woman trying to control her man yeah it’s based in complimentarity and polarity and the organizing forces of hierarchy I think in the in the woman always wanting her man to win because she knows that’s

(59:16) who I want to be with why would you want to be with a loser why would you want to be with a man who is so easy to control and who you can make wrong easily who you can make wrong and this is a this is is like a cycle of hell anyway the more a woman succeed at controlling her man the less she respects him and down they go the less she respects him we have entered through the portals of Hell there are only more and more rungs down here once you start that cycle and the more the weaker the man is in holding his

(59:42) boundaries and compromises himself the less she respects him and anytime the less she respects him you have begun your descent into hell nobody ever recovers from that Loop ever right I love this conversation I love this this there’s just so many pearls in here and when we encounter these words there’s a remembrance right like I think a sober woman can hear this and say yeah yeah yeah that’s right okay got it so I want to leave women um with a couple of I don’t know tips pointers you know when it comes to embodying the wife archetype

(1:00:19) you know what would you say are things that a woman listening can open her door walk out into the world can you know wake up next to her man turn turn her face towards him you know how can she live into this embodied archetype if there were just a few pointers you could give well absolutely this is again why I’ve created the primary course exactly because people keep asking this validly and I’m like I’ll give you my answer at least I want to articulate it and give it to you so that it can be out there and I will I will read to you the titles

(1:00:51) of two of my three modules for the women the third module has to do with IRAs which is great but but I think erotic exploration is kind of its own lovely Mastery to keep the two that have to do with relationship are the first and the third module in this free course and one that has to do with the third chakra says to women find a man you can respect and then give yourself to him there’s one clue I believe you can take that to the bank find a man you can respect that in itself should be that can open portals for you because too many women

(1:01:25) don’t have never never kept that metric they’ve been chasing attraction they’ve been chasing desire they’ve been chasing lust they’ve been chasing other things they haven’t had their focus on respect like wipe everything off the table I’m not saying you can’t have any of the other stuff it can’t be your number one priority right find a man you can respect and then give yourself to him these are two very big propositions and they both will reveal wounding because there are many women who are not ready to respect men there are many women who

(1:01:54) are carrying a lot of energies in their systems that sabotage their ability to respect the masculine so in a way they’re shooting themselves in the foot if your respect mechanism towards a masculine is defective your very mechanism for bonding with a man is defective you will never have a happy relationship with a man you do not respect so if there’s wounding in there heal it and then the idea of giving yourself to a man it is a very big proposition you will have to go and bury your girlfriend archetype in the woods

(1:02:26) for you to be able to give yourself to a man most women don’t I lay down this Gauntlet most women have never done it in their life times you could have had 30 years of relationships serial monogamy or one marriage and most women have never given themselves to a man I take women’s surveys and they nod like you do yeah they know what that means energetically women are very sensitive they’re like yeah I know there’s a guarding there’s yeah and there’s it’s a different frequency it’s a a different energy but that is the bonding frequency

(1:02:59) if you want it that’s the third chakra instruction right first chakra instruction it really goes against 50 years of feminist conditioning and it it reads serve your man serve your man’s life serve your village and I really go into what the third piece means it’s something I feel women have completely lost track of I think women are living such nuclear cellophane wrapped lives that that is the main cause of their Neurosis the feminine archetypes were not supposed to grow in individual green houses they grew in villages you became

(1:03:39) a woman in a village of women you became a wife in a village of women and this idea that you’re going to become this independently grown independently magnificent woman I think it’s Arc typically incorrect I think it’s energetically incorrect it’s not how it happens this is structure of partnership of men coming together with a woman but their partnership was never meant to be some isolated thing at minimal it was supposed to create a family between them and it was supposed to tie in with their tribe and their extended family and

(1:04:10) their neighbors earlier in my process that you sort of dovetailed with and inspired on a deeper level I had to do the work in order to make every man bigger as you describe and to interact with you know my plumber and the father of my children and you know the guy behind me at the supermarket with that energy of I am looking for ways to make you bigger right a genuine expression of appreciation a graciousness whatever it might be I had to decouple sexual vulnerability from that energy because previously I had imagined that if I give

(1:04:53) my heart energy in this way uh to to a stranger to a man that I don’t want to open to then they might get the wrong idea right and that fear of course is something that you know I think can be I would call it father wounding that can be healed and integrated so that you recognize that this kind of way of moving through the world is actually not only in service to the recipient but it’s actually in service to your safety your system safety to live in a world where you’re in Dynamic which I think you might call the wife archetype

(1:05:26) every single man you encounter let me let me tell you what the wrong idea is that you will give to the world if you walk in the wife archetype every man you meet will think damn I wish I was with this woman or I wish this woman was mine every older man you meet will think I need to get this woman with my son as quickly as possible every older woman you would meet would think exactly the same thing this is the daughter-in-law I want that’s a bad idea you would leave everywhere you will be your partnership qualification in the wife energy it is

(1:06:00) not a lust energy but it doesn’t need to be and it doesn’t mean one iota that you need to Tamp down your sexuality or sensuality it’s just it’s a different frequency the girlfriend leads with her Sexual Energy the wife really doesn’t doesn’t mean the wife can’t be sexier harder more erotically expressed than the girlfriend it’s not her calling card she doesn’t dangle her sexuality in front she’s like this sexuality is here for my man to bear his children and to Thrill him day and night and to bring him his morning coffee in my lingerie

(1:06:35) while I press my boobs into his face to wish him good morning it is not an asexual archetype right but it leads with the partnership piece I am here ready to partner and have qualifications I am a great partner that’s what you will beam and you know Kevin Samuels used to make this point I will second it he a different language for it but when a woman is in that energy they get swept off the shelf and off the market men are like oh my God engaged and married in three months be mine before somebody else catches you right their partnership

(1:07:15) beacons goes off like I found one I found a wife I found a woman I can feel as my partner my helpmate somebody I can build a life with that’s same man he may be very Urban and accomplished and good income and he can be a catch to the girlfriend and he probably has scores of girlfriends he can dial up three four rotation per week none of them fulfill that criteria and he knows you’re going to stay in my girlfriend rotation I enjoy you right but as I write in the module I hope you find it funny and not obnoxious but I’m like the girlfriend is

(1:07:55) good for two things which is sex and brunch a little bit of reliable sex and a little bit of companionship and it is a model that has been championed all your four women on sex in the city they’re sex and brunch Cals they’re girlfriends there’s not a wife among them it is a model that has been sold as a fabulous women the sex and brunch Cal that has been sold to you as Independence and empowerment it’s my empowerment that I can switch from man to man ain’t that grand yes the girlfriend can do that but then don’t

(1:08:25) whine no man sees you in that partnership energy you’re not even trying to show up in that right it’s what I’m seeing out there and I I see the anguish and the conflict in women like one part of them does want that bonding and it’s like they are stuck in this archetype I’m like it is never going to happen in this energy yeah and truthfully the reason you can’t step into the other energy is because there’s wounding here that you have not healed working on it all of us with your help and you know I just love your particular flavor of keeping it

(1:08:59) real it’s very much my style and I do find you hilarious every time I listen to One your videos I’m literally laughing out loud in my bathroom so this I feel first of all I want to say like you’re welcome to the women listening because I think that this is such an important point of clarification that gets lost in a lot of the covert service you talk about this the way that coaches and so many people out there really serve the pain body I would call victim consciousness of women who are arrested in that space and you’ve given

(1:09:32) it a name I love this conversation I know that we will have many more and I just so appreciate you and we’ll make sure that this link is in the show notes so people can begin their journey into Clarity and self-possession and the alignment of their subconscious and semiconscious and conscious desires with what it is that they are materializing in their lived experience so thank you so much um I love this thank you thank you for having me it’s always amazing to talk to you it is so wonderful to find people who are as interested and

(1:10:05) obsessed with these topics as I am and so that we can actually go down the rabbit hole this deep and ask ourselves what is going on and you know the answers you discover there they surprise even me when I first find out but that’s like the thrill of like discovering like is this actually what’s happening but it’s like the thrill of discovering you know the clarification that ideas bring when something clarifies you’re like is this what’s actually going on and you know what believe nothing that I say but if you’re interested in this

(1:10:34) conversation if even if some of it rings true Try It Out Try It Out Try It Out there’s no ideology here my passion always is like things really don’t seem to be working that great great out there can we do a little better and I don’t know see if any of this helps you you be the judge let’s disrupt the pattern thank you absolutely thank you talk to you soon there