(00:00) if you can remember to align with and Orient towards what’s wanted and only communicate around that goal and not take the bait of reorganizing somebody’s perspective you will be in an advanced Mastery track of feminine embodied experience hi and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan I am here with a another quick hot take on the subject of a woman’s Shadow I have talked about this extensively and I felt inspired to talk about it some more perhaps as accountability for my own damn self and perhaps as a gentle
(00:49) reminder around where your alchemical potential lies where your power and where your experience of of reclamation and specifically the Reclamation and recollection of negative projections onto other people right so how do you recognize these opportunities well I had an experience recently where I was delivered a very disturbing email from a gentleman that I have professionally contracted with okay and I have been quite dissatisfied quite disappointed as is my fetish by his fulfillment on our contract okay so the
(01:36) truth is that I saw from the very very beginning like probably the first Zoom call that we had as a team that he could not fulfill what it was that I was wanting I knew that okay in my bones and I have said that I believe romantically all women know like from the get you know from the first date whether this man can actually meet your needs or not it’s a bones level thing it is your intuition it is that little no that we ignore and we make the poor bargain that says this is convenient this is good enough I’ll make it work I will find
(02:14) eggs at the hardware store okay they will sell them to me okay so I did that again still doing that still doing that occasionally and I have this pattern and I wonder how many of you women listening can relate I have this pattern where um I experience men as obstructing the connection let’s say so these are men that I choose either in professional Dynamics or romantic Dynamics whatever it might be they are the ones obstructing the potential for connection and fulfillment on whatever was the promise and then I end up being
(02:52) blamed and punished somehow and even gaset because these men don’t take responsibility for their role and it becomes my fault that they failed right so this is a pattern and in this pattern I have um historically taken the bait of defending myself and attempting to get these men to see how it is actually their fault that things are going so shitty okay so I got this email recently and I felt delivered to that very familiar terrain of the Twilight own level crazy making like are you kidding me that you’re saying this to me right now I
(03:37) have kept an internal Ledger of all the ways that you have up I found myself delivered to this terrain and thanks to the people that I surround myself with and that’s why this kind of community this kind of accountability to your own Evolution Beyond victimhood is essential when left to our own devices I think we will maintain this reflex until the grave and when we surround ourselves with people who get this as you know I like to do in vital life project and the community as a part of reclaimed it just becomes more available it becomes more
(04:13) available so the opportunity that I had to deliver a retort and mind you I am really good I’m especially skilled at proving a point especially skilled at maintaining an internal Rolodex of all of my Grievances and delivering them with cutting Precision okay this is a skill I have had I can write one of these emails in about 90 seconds and I’ve recorded another podcast on this subject about you know the the feminine Shadow which is that we have this capacity to shame men right it’s the equivalent of their capacity to kill us if you want and
(04:59) because I I have this very well sharpened sword I am also given the opportunity to see my own reflection in it right and so a lot of times I will just ignore that and ignore that I even know better than to take this bait on this occasion I did these couple of things however that I want to share with you so that you can potentially access them or at least know that you didn’t access them in a moment of a similar kind of trigger where you you want to get I would say specifically a man but let’s just say anyone where you want to
(05:35) get someone could be your mom could be your kids could be your friend whatever where you want to get someone to see what it is that you know I was talking to my girlfriend Tara and she was saying it’s interesting because my shadow lives under see me right and I was like wow that’s so interesting that’s like you know this this immature feminine see me see me see me whereas you know my version is like an immature masculine it’s like I will get you it’s penetrative it’s like I will get you to see right whereas the other one is more
(06:06) passive it’s like you know this H withdrawing and H see me right um so whenever I find myself needing to persuade somebody of my perspective whenever I find myself with a A list of points that are illustrating my perspective I am in that Terrain and I could rationalize so many reasons why it’s actually in my best interest it’s a way of protecting myself it’s a way of honoring myself it’s a way of on principle not letting somebody get away with gaslighting me not letting them get away with narrating the situation as if
(06:50) I have done something wrong when they are clearly the one who has okay so what I would encourage you to consider the next time that you feel triggered the next time that you feel that you want to get someone to see one of my uh coaching clients was actually telling me that with her clients she uh sometimes is defensive about like the the nature of the agreements that she has with her clients right so there’s so many Arenas where this comes up for me and mostly um has come up historically in manom relating so I’m calling all of my
(07:25) overachieving under receiving ladies who have been giving it their all girl bossing wifing mothering and somehow instead of feeling happy content fulfilled and grateful feel bitter overwhelmed numb and resentful so I’d love to give you some of my hot takes and quick tips to end this overwhelm to shift your nervous system into a state of receiving so that you can have and hold more and so that you can handle what comes at you with more grace and ease and relaxation because a relaxed woman is a powerful woman so I’d love to
(08:01) invite you to Exhale my free Master Class where I will share reframes to disrupt your burnout patterns I’ll be offering my signature solution as well as a free gift so register at Kelly Brogan md.com exhale or at the linkoln show notes I’ll see you there Beauty so the next time that you are pulling out all the evidence to make your point I want you to remember a couple of options okay first and foremost remember remember that the pattern disrupt of all time for a woman is to honor align with and be with what it is that you’re feeling okay so I
(08:44) got this email I felt tightness in my chest I felt rushes up my neck I felt my stomach dropping down and I sat on the couch and I set a 90-second timer and I was with the the feelings I self- husbanded I grew my spine I said I’m here for you what you got show me and I watched okay so part of the the the trick of what I teach in the reclaimed woman in my companion program reclaimed is part of the trick of this self- husbanding thing is that you are activating your witness Consciousness right you’re activating the part of you
(09:21) that remembers that you have designed all of this okay if that’s what you believe it’s certainly what I believe I’ll tell you a brief story which is that I had an experience a couple of years ago uh where I was in a ceremony and one of the chief persecutors okay as we call them in family consolation one of the chief persecutors in my life story showed up in my inner vision and he looked at me and he had like two if you’re watching this on video he he was like he like had two thumbs up and he looks me playfully and he’s like so how
(10:03) did I do and in this moment I had a lived experience of the fact that I now believe is a fact that I have given every op in my life a script to play the part that they’re playing right that I am the author the main character and the one reading the story right that I I am the one who created all of this for myself am I really going to give my energy towards like fighting with it’s like that’s like being upset about what’s happening on the pages of the book or like watching a movie and imagining that you can influence what’s
(10:45) going to happen between the characters if you like throw a tantrum from aisle three okay so I’ve had that lived experience this may just be a concept for you to play with but there may be a moment where you remember that this is your story and and it is destined right it is written this way for a reason and everybody in it is playing the perfect characters that they need to play okay so number one is you are going to enter through the upset and you are going to self- husband those 90 seconds of being with your somatic
(11:23) experience of the trigger you are not going to fly into your head space into dissociation and into the mentation that is your learned reflex for self-defense which is pointing the finger and shaming okay even if you couch it in spiritual language okay it doesn’t matter you’re going to enter through the upset number one number two is you’re going to access and it’s going to be so much easier after this moment I mean you can spend five minutes you can spend 10 minutes you can spend an hour whatever the commitment is where the Alchemy
(12:05) happens in my opinion and that’s why like in my program vital mind reset the daily meditations are three minutes okay this this program literally changes people’s story about their lives and their health and all they do is meditate three minutes a day it’s the meta commitment right it’s the meta commitment to prioritize your felt experience that actually delivers a new signal of safety to your system as a woman and allows you to align with your creative and playful impulse so number two is you’re going to access some
(12:34) degree of playfulness right for me the easiest flavor is like a mischievous a mischievous energy which I can’t access in the moment that I have had that what the experience right but shortly thereafter when I’ve prioritized aligning with my feelings and being present to my felt experience I can remember that I’m creating all this I can access the like oh look at you showing up in my story being a total dick like oh that’s so amazing and here is how I’m going to play with this right because I am not going to take the bait I am not going to match
(13:15) the energy I am not going to be that bothered okay I am not going to forget that I have this creative power and one of the ways number three that I’m going to do that is to focus focus on what the hell I want right so in the reclaim woman I talk about what I worked a lot with my coach on which is fixing versus creating right so when you are in fixing mode you are defending you are expending your vital force energy on getting somebody to see or on persuading them to see you and that fixing energy right so that I don’t like what’s happening here
(14:00) I’m going to improve upon it I’m going to change it is not compatible with your Creative Energy so your Creative Energy will help you to identify what it is that you want okay so let’s say you want somebody to sign some papers and they send you a an email complete with a character assassination or an accusation or whatever but you know after doing these other steps that what you really just want is the paper signed right or whatever you imagine is going to be afforded you know through and by the papers being signed you are not going to
(14:35) take the bait of engaging whatever other stuff they’re saying you’re going to allow them to have their experience of you and to be Sovereign right they want to narrate you this way great that’s on them and you are going to only reply with a question about what it is that you want I would love for you to sign the papers by Wednesday let me know what you need to accomplish that you’re going to focus train your Gaze on what it is that is wanted in my case with this email that I’m referencing there was really nothing like there was really
(15:11) nothing that I wanted from the interaction there’s nothing that I wanted from this individual and so there was really not much to say right and I had actually taken the time to pen my defensive retort which was like three paragraphs and a bulleted list of my points and it turns out that none of those is necessary and I get to retain my vital force and direct myself towards my actual life my actual lived experience and to retain my energy for other creative expression Endeavors for connection for what it is that’s wanted
(15:53) so if you can remember to prioritize entering through the upset if you can remember to access that playfulness and if you can remember to align with and Orient towards what’s wanted and only communicate around that goal and not take the bait of reorganizing somebody’s perspective you will be in an advanced Mastery track of feminine embodied experience so I hope this helps as a reminder until next time [Music] here [Music]
