(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting hollowness beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pole dancer or honorary member of the disinformation dozen what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and
(02:44) your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production welcome to Reclamation radio I Kelly Brogan and today I want to continue the conversation around manom relating the Reclamation of Eros and the organization of our inner and outer
(03:28) energies into the complimentarity that is available through conscious polarity and I specifically want to talk about my new favorite show Outlander so my former self is laughing at my current self because if you listen to my introduction you’ll know that I have been many many different people in this lifetime and I continue to embody many different energies I mean literally the other day I woke up I danced so I was wearing like a pole outfit right so also known as some version of a high cut bikini and then I was all sweaty and I
(04:13) go outside and I decided it’s time to clean my chicken coop so I clean my chicken coop and then I am almost late for a meeting on lawful emancipation and Trust management and later I have an interview discussing anti-depressants and then I’m meeting with colleagues to talk about whether or not cells actually exist in the ways that we were told they do so I’m all kinds of circus up in here and I was somebody who absolutely judged those who watched TV for many many years of my activism probably like six years
(04:49) of my activism career and in my relationship I and we did not watch TV there was no TV watching I didn’t watch shows I didn’t watch movies I didn’t have a relationship to that even that dimension of slowing down and letting go of the fight you know for long enough to do something frivolous and indulgent that isn’t saving the world right so my rescuer was in full flare and when I started to watch TV again it was actually Handmaid’s Tale that I started to watch and of course that ended up just compounding and reifying all of my
(05:25) concerns because of the predictive programming therein so recently I had number of like Scottish synchronicities like people who came into my life and probably six or seven different examples of some sort of awareness of Scotland that I hadn’t had before my girlfriends had watched Outlander many years ago and encouraged me to watch it and I I rolled that there’s no way I was going to spend my time watching some like romantic time traveling show and of course now was the time so I want to share with you some of
(06:00) what I have learned from Outlander which is a lot and that is not to say that I do not have an internal prickle that’s a weird phrase around the programming that is in there I mean there’s a lot of it I mean there’s germ Theory programming there’s solar system programming there is historical narratives programming there’s a lot of germ Theory stuff in there and you know as any good programming does there are many nuggets of sacred truth rolled up into a burrito of inculturated and conditioned
(06:39) deception so that is my caveat because the rest of what I am about to share has impacted me actually quite deeply so I will start with a quote I wish I could do a Scottish accent I will start with a quote from Jamie in the show and he says a man’s life spring from his woman’s bones and in her blood is his honor christened okay so if you heard my past couple of episodes you know that I am a believer that through the sacred dynamics of man woman relating there is an extraordinarily Exquisite experience of
(07:20) our True Divine Nature that becomes available in the space between so I observed that there were many many aspects of the dynamic between Jamie and his woman his beloved Claire that helped me to experience and feel what this kind of polarity can be like because absent knowing what is possible whether through fantasy fiction or through you know those in our community it’s hard to know what to want and that’s why one of my primary advocacies since my mentor passed in 2015 in the health space has been to publish in the medical
(08:02) literature and to share widely you know what is possible when it comes to health Reclamation and resolution of so-called chronic illness because if you don’t know that it’s actually possible how could you know to want it so there were a couple of things I want to touch on that I noticed because there is a clear agenda in this program programming program to foreground a certain kind of polarized dynamic between a man and a woman and You could argue that you know there are elements of you know suppression and oppression of CLA and
(08:38) this Dynamic and he’s not awakened and there of course is a reason for the popularity of the show which is how it feels I can only speak as a woman but how it feels as a woman to watch this couple and specifically how it feels to at least for me to witness his gaze right so that kind of masculine attention that gaze what that feels like even as a Voyer is extraordinary it’s very very powerful and that gaze becomes available because of a lot of the elements of submission that are offered by his partner right so there is an
(09:19) implicit message throughout the show that if you are a woman in Dynamic with a man you better listen to him or you’re going to die there are many examples where Claire literally almost dies or is you know put in great Peril by her own choices and actions in defiance of Jamie right so one of the ways in which we heal the father wound on the outside is to potentially and this also has some Imago elements right to to choose somebody who has some of the aspects of our first relationship with a man her father so which has some Imago
(10:03) Elements which is that in Claire’s case she has an opportunity to be with a man who she trusts enough to be guided by and obviously she has this mercenary impulse that says like I know better what needs to happen than he does and I’m going to do the damn thing I think should happen however the messaging in the show is that every time she does that every time she doesn’t listen to him doesn’t allow him to guide does doesn’t allow him to protect her doesn’t allow him to lead bad things happen
(10:34) right so again through a conventionally feminist lens you could say well that’s very subversive you know for that message to be in there and women do know best what they need and what they should do and they should always listen to that and always trust that and yes I understand that and I am a great Champion for women aligning with their intuition and trusting nothing more than that however in Dynamic when you have chosen a man that you trust fundamentally who offers you containment who knows how to create conditions of safety for you and
(11:13) your nervous system then it is potentially Your Role to actually listen to actually you know assume that relationship to his inner guidance system decision-making and his impulse to protect and listen I mean it’s painful to watch her you know be in this sort of defiant adolescent Dynamic with him and not listen and then get herself into all sorts of trouble so I thought that was super interesting she is in a position to allow him to also put her in her place so allow him to see better than she can see herself what’s going on
(11:51) with her and to adjust her correct her right there is progress that must be made in ending the war with men to relate to a man in such a way and again this is in a certain context of an emotionally compatible needs meeting Dynamic with a man that you trust right because otherwise doing that is buying eggs from the hardware store and attempting to secure love approval and connection from The Impossible place also known as toxic codependent Dynamic right so we are assuming that you’re in a dynamic with a chosen man who offers
(12:28) you the structure of connection that you want in your romantic Dynamic and so how do you organize yourself or allow yourself to be organized by him so I think in many ways through her sort of foibles and missteps she shows us and the agenda of the show is such that we are shown you know what it looks like when she allows him to put her in her place when she allows him to guide and lead her you know I had an experience with my divorce attorney actually where I was in my sort of anxious controlling micromanaging State awaiting something
(13:10) and probably emailed him 10,000 times I don’t even know and I don’t remember exact details it doesn’t matter but I must have been critical in some way and probably in my you know manipulative fashion tried to hide it in some sort of well Justified argument and he absolutely put me in my my place I mean I don’t know how else to say it he just put me in my place and he said you know what here’s what’s going on whatever you’re up to I’m not doing that and you have a choice and I Not only was
(13:43) immediately course corrected but I actually really appreciated it and I kind of liked it so and I know that many of you can relate to what I’m saying when you are in the presence of a man who has that kind of discernment that strong a spine and whose judgment you trust you want to feel that containment you want to know he’s watching he’s attuned enough to recognize when it is that you to go this way versus that way so we’ll pause here for a message from our sponsor my membership Community vital life project so if you want to
(14:21) hang with me ask me questions in live coaching get free access to my master classes curated content discounts and to the incredible human that I attract my membership vital life project is where it’s at it’s the only membership of its kind and you’ll shed your struggle transform your victim story and level up your Reclamation game with others who get it join at the Lincoln show notes and at Kelly brogen md.
(14:47) com okay so there is also you know so much of what is out there in terms of you know from 50 Shades of Gray or you know sort of Kink fiction and the way ways that BDSM is represented in you know multimedia is without the sacred contract of consent and a deep understanding of parameters and boundaries and limits and that being what it is there is certainly if you remember if you’ve seen you know I think it’s the first season there are energies of punishment play and even impact play that wouldn’t have been included in the
(15:28) show if it was not engaging for people to watch and there are many of us who are intrigued by how it is that we can translate from the trauma field our expectation of being punished you know for being a naughty girl into the bedroom with somebody that we trust where we can alchemize that latent even desire for that kind of constraint that kind of anticipated recourse and how it can be turned into consensual play that’s actually enjoyable so there is illusion to that possibility even though its initial expression where he’s literally spanking
(16:12) her for not listening to him isn’t exactly the most conscious portrayal of it they have a scene later where they are wrestling and you know in this sort of intense you know sort of like romp energy that you have a sense that there’s a blend here of anger and there is also desire and there’s that Alchemy of like how can we stay connected even though you know there’s all sorts of potentially disconnecting energies here there’s also the fact that they are building something together and you know one of my friends colleague
(16:51) Mentor said recently who’s in a long long term happy marriage he said you know a relationship that is just built on ideas is bound to encounter an idea that represents a rupture or a Divergence right so if you’re not building something together you’re not working the land together you’re not creating something in the material realm the three dimensions together there is a lot of room for Divergence and I don’t think that that includes just kids in a family right so we see them you know create this community they’re always
(17:24) working with their hands they’re always in their bodies in that way and they’re contributing each their specific gifts and I think that is a very lost Dimension as we have all gone into the workplace in this egalitarian fashion you know what are we especially in the virtual realm you know what are we creating together in our coupled relationships of course there is the illustration he asks her at some point you know do you trust me and you can all everyone watching can feel of course she does and she offers him that right so
(17:57) this idea of the currency of of trust real trust coming from a woman to a man and specifically that she trusts him with her heart right which means that she trusts him to caretake her emotional Dimension to attune and invest in it in the way that for many of us did not happen you know with our father figures and what an extraordinary gift that is in Partnership there is the idea that they don’t ch chat so if you listen to my last episode you know that I was sharing rani’s wisdom around you know not wasting a man’s attention and there are
(18:39) so many parts in moments in the show where I’m thinking wow like they don’t even talk about what’s going on you know it’s like happening on a daily basis and I know with my girlfriends I mean there is an Impulse that I have that I want them to know everything that’s happening all of my thoughts and all of my feelings and all my experiences and does that have a place in a primary relationship or is it a better use of the currency of his attention let’s say and even her own energetics to connect
(19:08) about what is you know what grows their intimacy and to leave everything else for somebody else to share or or for one’s own internal world I love the scene where he expresses wanting to have another baby and she’s like perimenopausal or maybe even post a later season and how interesting it is is in this moment in time where we have options to engage in conscious contraception or natu conscious contraception and what that has done to the fabric of man woman relating where it is the natural impulse of a man to
(19:47) want to have a baby with a woman that he loves right and what it is to be with a man whose baby you don’t want I have a friend who is in the world of contous sex and teaching around that and we had a conversation about contraception and I said you know a lot of my girlfriends are talking about like vasectomy for their partners and you know there’s the Billings method and there’s all these methods and a lot of my girlfriends and I have had this experience of being like absolutely petrified of becoming pregnant and I
(20:19) said what you know what do you think what do you recommend and she said I don’t think you should have sex with somebody whose baby you’re not willing to have and that is obviously comp and she’s very nuanced you know so this was just taken out of context perhaps but it was provocative for me because if you imagine only ever being with you know in intimacy with a man whose baby you are willing to have that is quite a different level of sacred commitment right and I’m not sure what the implications are if you’ve already had
(20:52) the babies that you want to have with the man and now you don’t want anymore I’m just saying you know that what her response was what Claire’s response was was so affirming of her receptivity to him that that is the kind of energetic intimacy that then affords them the EOS that is clearly foring between them I like can’t get over the fact that these people are not actually together in real life having trouble suspending disbelief and then lastly is the observation that I have made actually through this show
(21:27) that I had this felt experience that has served to resolve a lot of gaslighting for me within my own life experience and for many of the women that I you know interact with which is that there you know there’s a scene where Claire is one of many where she’s in trouble right and she is rescued by Jamie and the crew right so Ian and Roger and others and they basically ask her permission to defend her honor and go slay all the people who violated her and that’s what happens is you know Jamie secures her and all the other men
(22:12) go take care of the situation and then later at the end there is a situation one of many where you know Jamie’s basically you know left for dead and you know Ian comes with all the Indians and comes and rescues him and it’s this feeling I don’t know if it’s just me if it’s my like Celtic lineage or whatever it is but there is a feeling that I have of like tribal support that is very specific to the experience of having many men at my back right it’s like this this longing for that this this sense
(22:49) like a phantom limb that that is missing and it’s a woman who needs not just one man right and um Rani says you know every woman wants the man who will kill right the most effectively and she wants him killing on her behalf so to speak you could take that figuratively or not right so if a woman needs not just one man but many men at her back and so does a man he needs not just a guy friend right and he certainly doesn’t need just a woman he needs many men at his back and you feel you know there there’s a
(23:25) scene in the show where they don’t actually have their man crew you know come to rescue them Jamie and Claire when their you know home is under siege and you feel the vulnerability of that so what is it when we are let’s say as single women living alone with our children our pets on our land what is it to feel this white noise of not okayness well that’s probably a wise response to what’s actually happening it’s like what I always said to my postpartum patient patients you know if you are raising your baby by yourself
(24:03) every alarm that your nervous system has available should be going off because never before in human history has a woman been alone with a baby when there weren’t many horrible things happening for her to respond to right so to pretend that this is normative to pretend that we are supposed to feel well is the ultimate Gaslight and so if we require all of us that Brotherhood you know contextual experience of men at our backs then it makes a lot of sense why there is sometimes a not okayness at the core of
(24:40) an experience that we’re having that we’re trying to paper over or that we’re trying to potentially you know mitigate or self-medicate in a certain way assuming that something is wrong with us rather than something is misaligned or incompletely fulfilled in the arena of our needs are real Primal needs and just feeling that in that show it helped me to see oh this is something that you know absent this and you know maybe the closest we have to that is like gangs right so absent this experience of not
(25:16) only Community but Allegiance it’s going to be really hard for our nervous systems to find equilibrium and the modeling of what becomes available the cre cretive sacred erotic potential in a relationship where a man assumes the masculine pole and a woman assumes the feminine and she is not you know some shrinking violet doormat clearly is extraordinary for me to witness and for me to have patterned within me as you know a metric of remembrance you know a metric of sort of like ah yeah I want that because I’ve known that in some
(25:57) dimension of my being I’ve known what the masculine and feminine in complimentarity and polarity actually looks like so very much looking forward to the next season crack myself up just being myself all right hope that was fun talk to you soon
