(00:01) you ever feel like you are living behind a glass wall where even good moments are flat and the complaints are juicy are you constrained by lots of dos and don’ts around how to be a good woman but you also feel like you could be exposed at any moment maybe you’ve done like all the healthy holistic things and somehow the same patterns keep showing up in your relationships with money and in your mothering you’re bitter disappointed and resentful there is a better way to woman and it involves shattering the illusion that there is a
(00:42) better way to woman it involves expanding your permission field to woman in ways that you never thought possible I would love to help you based on my very rich experience of all of what I have mentioned I am super excited to announce my latest book The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link and show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and we can walk this path home [Music] together I’m Dr Kelly Broan you may know me as a New York Times best-selling
(01:27) author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pul dancer or honorary member of the disinformation doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing
(02:02) Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production hi and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and today I would like to talk about the sexual Revolution and I’d like to add this topic to the dimensions of the bait and switch that women are experiencing the poor bargain where we said we will abandon our intuition we
(02:50) will abandon our Instinct and we will take the offering of power and freedom and strength that femin feminism and Pharma and sexual Liberation have promised so we are at a really weird moment in our Collective history where we’re confused we are confused about how to woman we’re confused about what femininity is we are confused about how to live in to our own biology and whether you are in romantic relationship and having sex with men or not not you are living in a relational reality that is defined by men living here in this
(03:39) realm with you you’re also living I would say in a biological reality that is informed by your vulnerability on a body level right I like to be blunt and say you know any man could kill me with his bare hands anytime he is displeased and that I feel my biology is running that that white noise of vigilance whether I’m consciously aware of it or not and how might that be especially if it’s unacknowledged informing so many of my behaviors and meta strategies for securing safety in the world so Louise Perry says that the sexual revolution of
(04:20) the 1960s brought the fertile woman whose fertility has been put on hold thanks to the gifts of Pharma and you can certainly learn a bit more from me on my blog about the bait and switch of birth control and related contraceptives and it is in this Liberation from motherhood and our own fertility that we imagine that we could engage in you know what ultimately has landed Us in what’s called like hookup culture right this social milu where we can have sex just like men and isn’t that great well I want to highlight a
(05:02) couple of points that I took from her book and three specific myths that I feel she does pretty excellent job at busting the first is that status and power are what we are after the second is that sex doesn’t really matter and the third is that we’re actually better off because of the sexual Revolution so the first status and power are what we are after right so if I feel vulnerable disempowered and fundamentally afraid as a woman then I might look to whom I experience as more empowered and say well if I’m just like
(05:43) them then everything will be well I mean that’s logical makes sense it does make sense how we got here however the freedom to be more like men in the workplace and at home rather than the safety to be more full fully a woman is an illusion right it’s an illusion that what we are after is available through that freedom so she says the atomized worker with no commitment to any place or person is the best worker able to respond quickly to the demands of the market this ideal liberal subject can move to wherever the jobs are because
(06:23) she has no connection to anywhere in particular and she can do whatever labor is asked of her without any moral objection derived from Faith or tradition and without a spouse or family to attend to she never needs to demand rest days or a flexible schedule and then with the money she earned from this rootless labor she’s able to buy consumables that will soothe any feelings of unhappiness thus feeding the economic Engine with maximum efficiency so she goes on to basically depict how rendering us better workers and better
(06:57) consumers can’t possibly have been what it is that we are after and have been after since the dawn of you know feminism and Associated agendas you know that the freedom of the constraints of mothering the freedom of the constraints of the female body somehow leave us in this place that we’ve wanted to be so she suggests that as we throw family and marriage and you know motherhood out the window we are invited to to embrace a culture of sexual freedom and this culture this revolution so to speak is based on what she described she borrowed
(07:42) this phrase as sexual disenchantment the idea that sex itself doesn’t really matter does it and that it’s just like any other social behavior and it has the meaning that you give to it she says and I would agree that people do not behave women specifically do not behave as if sex doesn’t matter that if you study whether it’s in polyamorous circles where there are endless you know blogs and Communications around attempting to mitigate like jealousy whether it’s the struggles that women have finding themselves you know longing for
(08:22) communications after a hookup anxiously attached to their you know casual sex partners she says that we don’t behave as if it’s true that sex doesn’t matter because we have a deep feeling that sex is special and she suggests that if we didn’t then rape would be no different than any other form of violence and harassment would be no different than any other form of you know bullying and we know that that is not the case she says that liberalism sees having sex as a man as a means through which women can free them themselves from the
(09:01) expectations of Chastity and obedience like this is the medicine so she writes but the liberal feminist argument leads us to conclude that if you are going to destroy the sexual double standard then you must use your own body and the bodies of other women as a battering ram against the patriarchal edifice the advice to young women is that you must back if you want to be a good feminist and mostly it’ll turn out okay and when it doesn’t when a sexual encounter turns out to be not ideal or Worse well then we must fall back on the
(09:34) liberal feminism’s old standby teach men not to rape so she describes this idea of back or like what is depicted in you know like sex in the city or this idea that we can have this kind of sex and do so with a kind of aggression right with a kind of self- assertion that is throwing women and girls to the wolv and that the fallback of teaching men not to rape has been notoriously unsuccessful as an approach you know she talks about and distinguishes rape from a power abuse behavior and describes it essentially based on the demographics
(10:16) and her research as an expression of male sexual appetite right and that will come up later in terms of like the remedy that she suggests but she identifies that when we pretend that the consequences are the same for men and women when we pretend that the appetite is the same for men and women we are ignoring a body of published literature on what’s called sociosexuality that very clearly demonstrates that men have more Diversified sexual interests than women and this to me tracks well with other teachings including those of David datas
(10:55) where you know a masculine Essence being is interested in female diversity and there are many ways that you can satisfy that that don’t necessarily involve multiple women however a woman’s feminine Essence is attracted to male Singularity and that a woman’s feminine Essence is attracted to a masculine male Singularity so she says that this no strings attached sex is a male model that benefits men at the expense of women and has led to what she refers to as limic capitalism and highlights the porn industry and some of the female
(11:41) whistleblowers from therein who argued for the industry itself and defended it and celebrated it while they were in it and then once they escaped they exposed all of the ways that they were coerced into self- violating and betraying and she says that consent is is too low a bar it is not sufficient because there are so many aspects of influence that are really not captured by the simple is this a no question optimizing the body’s water Integrity is the foundation for your health in this human vessel and it turns
(12:23) out that there’s way more to it than just drinking more water even more structured water more filtered water better water it’s about minerals because we are electrical beings and that electricity conducts through the gels of our water because of minerals and Trace elements so every morning for years I have taken a product called Kinton from Quicksilver scientific and I either take the isotonic to support my parasympathetic system so rest digest repair regener or the hypertonic to support my sympathetic system which is
(12:58) for alertness and stamina and it is just plasma seawater I think it’s amazing so you can check out the linkoln show notes or head to Quicksilver scientific.com kellyb and use the code kellyb at checkout to save 15% off your first purchase so the last myth that she busts is we are actually better off and of course there is you know as I described in a recent podcast on the feminine home coming a pendulum that swings back and forth in ever refined ways and this isn’t a linear progression it’s a spiral path so there are so many dimensions of
(13:42) what these agendas and you could even say scops have you know brought to our attention and brought into sociocultural Norms that are valuable and essential and she makes the case for the fact that the prescription of Freedom doesn’t cure the disease we have to ask a deeper question about why it is that women want freedom she highlights something called she calls chronological snobbery which is in different terms something I’ve spoken to this idea that we look back I talk about how we look back on ourselves right so I could look at my Pharma
(14:20) prescribing McDonald’s eating birth control enjoying self and feel Superior to that version of me I could make that version of bad and wrong and the trouble is when I’m in a spiritual meritocracy I end up resisting change because then change means that I was bad and wrong before and we can get stuck in dogma and rigidity this also happens generationally where we imagine as women that we are better than our mothers better than our grandmothers and feel almost like a kind of pathos for these sad primitive women who just didn’t know
(14:58) what we know and and this chronological snobbery would lead us to you know see a news clipping from the 1950s that talked about 10 ways to keep a more beautiful home for your husband and we would feel aomination probably of revulsion and superiority and you know some degree of just dismissive patronizing attitude and she makes the point that if you look at Cosmo magazine today the Modern Woman is reading about 10 ways to you know please her man in the bedroom so if we look at this Continuum from the domestic
(15:40) appeasement of the man to the sexual appeasement of the man like have we really escaped the manipulative strategy that is trying to secure what I would describe as safety through these different means like is it just a whack-a-mole is it just a shifting of the sands she talks about how there are so many ways we are not better off according to her whether it’s pornography or fetish culture she certainly throws BDSM under the bus because she says that violence is not love I think it’s a bit of a tourist’s perspective on the matter but
(16:18) nonetheless the buying and selling of sex and this sort of Playboy archetype she says that men are the ones who benefit from all of those burgeoning Industries and opportunities shocks about how single motherhood is rampant right so despite contraception we have many many a baby out of wedlock and that this primary difference in consequences around casual sex cannot be ignored and also that we are having less sex than ever before that outside of monogamous relationships it turns out that people have less sex and this may also be
(16:57) courtesy of the porn industry she says that there are tabos you know and I’m very interested in exploring tabos and she makes the interesting point that taboos that have been normalized and legitimized may include some that we would rather retain including the way that you know the normalization of pedophilia or you know sort of Manchild love is the result of sexual liberalism so she suggests then I would agree that we are in the midst of a sexual counterrevolution I would call it a Reclamation I recorded an episode called
(17:39) the Reclamation of courtship because of what is you know sort of bubbling to my awareness around the role of marriage and the way in which sexual gatekeeping confers status and power to women and when we relinquish that and we throw chivalry under the bus in favor of egalitarianism we are not served that’s the reality so this notion of what marriage represents and what it offers to women and children is something that I’ve been in deep exploration of and she offers this quote she says under these circumstances if a man wants to have sex
(18:23) in a way that’s socially acceptable he has to make himself marriageable which means holding down a good job in setting up a household suitable for the raising of children he has to tame himself in other words fatherhood then has a further taming effect even at the biochemical level when men are involved in the care of their young children their testosterone levels drop alongside their aggression and sex drive a society composed of tamed men is a better Society to live in for men for women and for children so she seems to be
(18:55) suggesting that it is incumbent of upon men to develop a relationship to their sexuality that serves themselves women and children and Society at large that they engage higher levels of Integrity discipline and restraint I would offer the caveat that there is a lot to unpack here right that simply requesting that men do so obviously doesn’t work she talks about the failed agenda of liberal feminism around rape education and teaching men not to rape and I would suggest that the fragmentation from erotic energy thanks to Shadow mommying
(19:38) and the castration effect for so many men has created a generation of nice guys and like volatile hysterical unpredictable you know aggressors so the symptom of many generations of injured women is men who are not in touch with their healthy aggression and because of that there is an unsafe sexual environment for women and she suggests that the remedy is to create and reclaim and embrace the age-old technology that seemed to offer a containment strategy to men in service of women and children and she says that if you don’t
(20:27) understand the purpose of marriage then you should probably be the last to attempt to reform it and I think that certainly makes a lot of sense I’ve witnessed in the Zeitgeist that there is a lot of interest on the part of women to reestablish so many of the elements of chivalry and traditional manwoman Dynamics and the technology that monogamous marriage represents not because of some apologetic spineless perspective on what women are entitled to but because of what women recognize is the path towards claiming what it is
(21:08) that they want and of course I’ve spoken a lot about this in previous podcasts that if what we want is to feel safe so that we are free to express and embody our feminine gifts then we have to acknowledge the ways in which we have participated in creat creating a dominant culture that compromises our bodily our psychological and our spiritual sense of safety and I do think that resolving the gas light that is casual sex is something that I enjoy casual sex is something that I am entitled to casual sex is something that
(21:53) represents empowerment and freedom when I am relieved of the burden of my body body’s physiology then I will finally be able to enjoy what it is that I imagine men have been enjoying since the beginning of time this is all a Gaslight and I think she does a tremendous job helping us to awaken to many of the ways we have been self deceiving so I will leave that with you and speak to you soon
