(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting holess beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist P dancer or honorary member of the disinformation doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally
(02:46) truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production hi and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and today I would like to Muse on the subject of faith and specifically the fertility of a crisis of Faith what becomes possible in a crisis of
(03:35) faith I had the opportunity over my decade plus of Private Practice to Bear witness to was really the honor to Bear witness to this chnal ground this moment of decimation this rupture of empathy where that which we thought was invested in our well-being has now been exposed to have forsaken us and this can manifest in the form of all sorts of devastating occurrences illness loss divorce even longing for the seemingly impossible to come and it just isn’t coming and we start to tell the story that it never is coming the victim
(04:28) narratives that sept attend these crises and that lead us to navigate adversity from a posture of disempowerment often ride the underlying beliefs that I am flawed so I’m damaged goods I’m broken that’s why this is happening and also that I am unique right that this is something that is happening to me because I am specifically who I am I am exceptional in this way and it doesn’t happen to other people because they’re not but this crisis of Faith represents the opportunity to meet the Divine spark within to reclaim it
(05:18) and also to begin to develop an intimate relationship to the source of that spark without and to shed the identity that was keeping Your Divine relationship at Bay I often say that these moments of expansion growth and personal Evolution require the sacrifice of that which you formerly thought you would die without and often it is the Persona that is keeping you in your secular atheistic skepticism and this victim Consciousness that says you do not deserve you are not worthy you are not not held and this is not a
(06:01) benevolent universe that you are walking in so if you know me you know that I am a massive David data fan and I recently purchased and listened to I thought I had listened to every single recording of his but I just came across one that I had missed and it in many ways relates to what I want to talk about today and he discusses and talks about in this interview actually this kind of a crisis as it manifests for men but of course I could very deeply relate and just to sort of set the backdrop for a lot of what he teaches he talks about the
(06:41) masculine Essence experience as being defined by freedom and the pursuit of freedom and its antithesis feeling trapped so the masculine is either free or trapped whereas the feminine is either loved or unloved and the masculine is seeking emptiness the freedom that comes through that void while the feminine is seeking fullness and connection so he talks about how often we progress through these stages and one of the characterizations of this progression is that first we are interested in more so More Money More
(07:28) connections more understanding in more status then we are interested in better right so we begin to have the things right and we have the house we have the relationship so we want the better house we want better communication with our partner but then he describes how we and I guess specifically men get to this point of having acquired the better things and achieving all of these external trappings of seeming fulfillment but then beginning to experience the pain of form and the pain inherent in simple Human Experience
(08:08) inclusive of everything right and he talks about how suicidality can arise from this place this existential moment because it is a yearning for the seeming nothingness that would become available through death so in this existential crisis a man is actually presented with an opportunity to access his inner Divinity through his Consciousness to begin to plumb the depths of his being through a new approach to reality and so he recommends that you know in this moment of pain a man would begin to cultivate Solitude
(08:49) Stillness and the practice of awareness of awareness and that through that he could connect to that and open that Divine Chann Channel and I think that that is so relevant to the existential crisis that so many of us face when we encounter the exposure to our own disconnection from God many say that we must come back around to make peace with the god that we were raised with especially if you have rejected that Paradigm so I was raised Catholic by my father and my mother was an atheist and while I attempted to secure
(09:38) approval and connection by being a good Catholic girl and going to CCD and mass I decided for reasons I actually don’t recall and can’t really bring myself back into the vivid memory of not to be confirmed so I decided not to be confirmed and and entered into an era of Atheism in my own lifescape and this atheism was a perfect gateway drug for my subsequent scientism and Devotion to The Cult of medical allopathy so my Awakening process that attended my births and the rupture that I experienced with the same Medical
(10:29) system I had devoted myself to when I was diagnosed with Hashimoto thyroiditis also ushered forth within me an openness to spirituality and so I evolved from my atheistic scientism based belief system into a fairly conventional New Age perspective on the divine nature of this realm I trained in Kundalini Yoga and even tried on aspects of seism for the duration of my training and found a lot of Beauty in that space and also a lot of the structuring elements of devotional practice right a pedon sadna and the Fulfillment that I experienced
(11:18) conforming to certain types of spiritual discipline the thing is that I became a believer in the universe quote unquote right and how it is that I can manifest what it is that I want through certain kinds of self-improvement practices and I was living in a spiritual meritocracy where the bad things that happened were a reflection of my spiritual immaturity or Badness or misalignment and the good things that happened were some sort of cookie like reward and at the heart of this is still my will I am still in charge Kelly is still essentially God
(12:00) and of course that is true right of course that is true and it also doesn’t feel good to live in a world where I have full Dominion rather than a co-creative Divine experience with potentially a larger energy field outside of myself so I had effectively outgrown my atheism but I was still living in a world and a realm of fixing and doing I remember Nick Gonzalez my mentor wrote me once in an email he wrote I approach atheism the way I approach adolescent acne as a phase many go through that is meant to be outgrown discarded and forgotten and
(12:47) he was a Christian and a Biblical scholar and I remember at the time finding that intellectually fascinating that he would spend this time devoting himself to this study but also like experiencing it as like a bit quaint right like why is that necessary and recently in my life as was predicted you know by that sentiment that you are invited at a certain point to revisit that which you have rejected in terms of definitions and paradigms of godliness Christianity has entered my field through many many many different
(13:31) vectors and this is something that I actually haven’t apart from you know my experience of Nick’s relationship to his own you know religious belief system hadn’t really even thought about hadn’t devoted any energy to and it’s come into my field very strongly recently and not only because of my interest in BDSM and the polarity Dynamics therein and consensual hierarchy where I have considered the fact that Christian women walk the earth believing to my best understanding that there is a dominant masculine field of
(14:11) energy all around them this energy is trustworthy it is safe it is benevolent and loving it’s sacred this energy has got them they can rest their beautiful feminine form into this God energy that is all around them at any moment in all moments right so these women on a nervous system level are way better off than the rest of us in you know the spiritual Community who are frantically cobbling together you know manifestation boards and saying all the right incantations and affirmations and fundamentally walking the Earth in
(14:57) charge to an extent that is is imbalanced and non-tic that there is something to the diad with a masculine deity or Triune that confers whatever are the gifts of submission and I’m sure this is not the case obviously only for this one denomination but confers the gifts of submission to the female followers so if I am a woman who wants to be domed but I am walking the Earth ding in my own existential experience one of the ways to properly organize that hierarchically is to have a Dom that is in the spiritual Dimensions right to me this
(15:51) makes a lot of sense so as I’ve been exploring Christianity because you know once I see and hear about something three times that is the indicator that it’s time to dive in and begin to open myself to exploration that absolutely occurred and you know I am going to a church in Miami in a few weeks with a friend of a friend I’ve been binging Eric dubet you know biblical truths and interpretations I’ve been watching Jordan Peterson with his you know biblical lecture series I’ve been learning about the Aramaic Jesus from
(16:29) Neil Douglas clots I have been taking a deep dive into you know of course some of the truthing around you know Jesus Christ and the the man the myth the legend but also the religion of Christianity versus the messaging therein and this is in a broader landscape a context that I am referring to as the neutralization of rejection so if I am committed as I am to ending controversy in my own life and to alchemizing my Victim stories into properly energetically organized polarities within and without and really experiencing my own Sovereign power this
(17:22) is just another example of something that I have rejected that I can come into neutrality with so I’ve had this experience around food I I recorded a whole podcast on maturing my food boundaries around activism around money and around the concept of marriage this is another opportunity that I have to come into neutrality and it doesn’t mean to swing into the embrace it just means to open myself to curiosity and to resolve a sense of superiority especially that I may have had over those who who practice religion right so
(18:02) I have said especially as an atheist that those who are religious are really subscribing to some sort of Santa Claus like fairy tale that is a self- soothing mechanism that can allow them to navigate life without actually you know growing a spine and looking it dead in the eyes so that superiority is not something I want to bring with me into this next phase of my life so how can I be curious enough lean in enough and explore the dimensions within me that are actually quite receptive to that which I imagined I was better
(18:39) than I’m going to pause here for a quick second if you are into the topic of man woman relating polarity and what the Reclamation of Eros has to do with holistic health then I invite you to check out and download my free ebook on the subject at the link below and to also check out a Blog I wrote that goes deep into the subject of BDSM some of the science supporting it and why these reframes and tools may be exactly what the world needs to move out of confusion resentment and victimhood and into personal empowerment and pleasure hope
(19:15) that helps so I am personally not at this point very susceptible to a crisis of faith that would come through you know my health or some sort of financial challenges or logistical lifescape dramas however as I prepare myself for healthy love at this phase in my life I of course wrestle with the uncertainty that so many single folks experience and the uncertainty sounds something like is my partner actually out there am I worthy of healthy love and again have I been forsaken look at all these people who get to experience this and I am
(20:08) going to die alone with my cats kind of a thing so of course I’ve spoken extensively about how I have chosen a path of celibacy for the past you know several years not quite two years at this recording and it has conferred extraordinary benefits mostly the development of a level of intimacy with my own Sexual Energy my own Eros I have come to unlock creative gifts whether that’s through you know dance or sewing or singing and also I have Des secreted a lot of spaces where you know shame was hiding in my sexuality and even my
(20:50) mothering probably one of the areas I have a recorded Master Class called victimless mothering one of the areas that I have really humbled myself in a way that would not have been available when I was not physiologically capable of holding shame energy perhaps because I was in a pattern of relational sexuality and in a pattern of relating to my own inner Dimensions selectively I didn’t have a lot of practice holding shame and in the past you know years so holding shame has been a practice right entering through
(21:33) the upset has been a practice and this window has been extraordinarily powerful I recommend you know celibacy to anyone who is especially any woman who is really interested in deepening her intimacy with her own vital force energy so I’ve come to see this moment in my own life Journey as an opportunity for me to connect to God so in my spiritual World there isn’t really a god I haven’t really used the word certainly not a personified you know Singularity there is a sort of you know the universe does this thing the cosmos does this thing
(22:21) and there is a navigating that ultimately has a point of reference within me and only with within me so if I am going to come into dietic relationship if I’m going to feel held in my process if I am going to surrender right this magical word if I am going to surrender to that which is destined for me and also recognize the Choice points then it’s a moment for me to deepen my understanding of who God is to me and what God is to me and and the framework that we all are finding ourselves sitting in so recovering from the
(23:06) feminist programming that good men don’t exist that trustworthy men don’t exist that men are toxic right and mostly to be managed or avoided the recovery from that has been Hol fractal because I have had the opportunity to develop a respectful and admiration based reverence for my own inner masculine right to come into comportment towards my own inner masculine that is balanced and harmonious and that allows for the Divinity of this dimension of myself this inner King I have had the opportunity to end the war with men on
(23:56) the outside which I discussed in a lot of my early podcasts and to no longer speak ill of men to show them appreciation and respect and to really look at the fear that I have of a man killing me punishing me the consequences for the expression of my vital force energy and what’s left is in that Hol of fractal dimensionality is my comportment towards the masculine in the Divine realm my comportment towards and mission to God so somehow believing that this life partner this Soul partner is out there for me is synonymous with believing in
(24:43) God those track together and you can insert the material and content of your crisis into this right believing that your body has the power to heal believing that that you can have an ecstatic birth you know believing that your financial struggles can spontaneously resolve themselves through a gift from on high believing in all of this is synonymous with believing in God it is synonymous with the engagement of the benevolence that is holding you and the experience of Divine Design so I thought it would be interesting to
(25:32) share a depiction of I thought about sharing a recording of it but I think that it wouldn’t really translate well of a partsw work session that I had recently and I am very very passionate about Parts work about family consolation because it is unlike recruitment of Clairvoyant right whom I have enjoyed over the years and have deep deep respect for the gifts that so many clairvoyants have and my own capacity to access that you know at some point in my life through some process of self alignment in my recent experience there
(26:13) has been this subtle reification of a lack of trust in my own intuition a lack of trust in my own process anytime I have recruited a Tarot reader or you know any sort of a kosic reader or any sort reader right and so in lie of that I have found Parts work and family cancellation to provide me the only insight into my own inner landscape and the Unseen dimensions of my psyche that I need so I had a partsw work session scheduled just gosh it was yesterday and I never know what I’m going to work on until right before the
(26:52) session and I had spent some time with my mom and she said to me as we were talking about you know just sort of what’s up with me you know she said well I just like I don’t know how you’re going to meet a man in Miami there’s all sorts of embedded meaning in that and I found myself you know she said this with the best intentions and with that I could perceive and really just conversationally right wasn’t like meant to be a hex or condemning or or anything like that but I found myself playing like a spiritual Devil’s Advocate where
(27:32) I was like you know what I just I know that my destiny is written and I know that this is what I incarnated for to experience and I know that it’s coming and you know there are so many different avenues that we can encounter new individuals or transform existing relationships and don’t worry about it as I said that I felt myself right like I felt the pretend energy in that and I wonder if any of you who have come through atheism to spirituality ever have that experience where you’re interacting with somebody who has doubts
(28:13) about life and is expressing those doubts to you and you find yourself sort of playing the you know it’s all the way it’s meant to be everything is perfect card but like yourself not fully believing it and I do think that when we are triggered by those who don’t share our worldview those who don’t share our beliefs it’s actually because we ourselves don’t fully believe otherwise why would we be triggered so I decided to do a parts work session on this experience of my own lack of faith my own lack of belief and specifically the
(28:53) pretending that I do believe the wanting to believe on some level right so here’s how it goes with parts work you enter into a feeling state right so I was brought back to that moment of that interaction and I felt what came up in my body and I shared any images that were associated with the feeling so I felt the feeling in like the top of my stomach and the image that came to me when I was feeling that wanting to believe what I was saying to my mom was this little girl in like business clothing right like she’s
(29:37) wearing like adult business clothing and often in Parts work you’re then invited to share how it is that you feel towards that part and there you meet another part so how I felt towards that part was embodied by this image of like a this cool glistening gleaming in cylinder off to the right and of my body and this cylinder had this very stable grounded still secure energy and the cylinder was not judgmental or reactive it was stating matter effectly that’s just silly that’s just silly and it’s really not true and when I was asked how I felt
(30:28) about the cylinder part I met another part and this other part was red and like tendr and kind of like wild hysterical and this part was very emotional and was blaming the cylinder part and saying that cylinder part is the cause of all the problems that cylinder part is the problem at the root of your you know singlehood if you will and the eradication of that cylinder is going to bring us exactly where we want to be delivered so here is assembled a triangle of Parts the little girl part with her you know adult business clothes
(31:10) the truth-telling cylinder part and the reactive emotional red tenderly blaming part okay so an additional part additional aspect of internal family systems is to interrogate apart for its positive intent and its purpose right so I was asked to describe what the cylinder part imagines would happen if the cylinder part stopped telling the truth doing its job holding its space and by the way I am not like somebody who channels consciously actively right or whatever happens in the parts work space is shocking to me right it’s it’s
(31:58) like plant medicine level visuals it’s a shocking unfoldment what becomes available to me like what I am depicting now is extraordinary to me as it’s happening that it is available and I do think like family constellation there is something in the intentionality there is something in the field that allows for these intuitive Expressions to reveal what is within so anyway I am exploring what the cylinder thinks would happen if the cylinder part stopped doing its job of telling the truth and the cylinder part basically is like look at these
(32:36) fools right what would happen is that little girl in adult clothing and that hysterical red tenderly blob would be you right emotional pretending silliness okay so you’re welcome that I’m here to keep you calm and stable and reliable and organized and clear and as I was saying this I started crying and the tears came from this acknowledgement that this part has been responsible for my entire defensive structuring for my as David data would say masculine shell that this part is the one that has made it so that I have never freaked out in
(33:26) my life I have never had a freak out in my life I have always been the one in control cool calm stable I mean it’s not to say that I haven’t yelled in my life but however I have not embodied the red tenderly part and when I encounter that pretend part which I did in that in that moment with my mom I pretend that I’m not pretending so there is not intimacy with what it is to be that part and what that part’s energy is and what the pretending part imagines would happen if she stopped acting as if right so I started
(34:06) crying and I was prompted to acknowledge the possibility that there is a blending of parts that’s the cylinder has another part inside of the cylinder and as I was invited to separate these parts this smaller entity was removed from the cylinder and the cylinder began to dissolve as I focused on this smaller like child like energy right so when I have retrieved what are called Exiles through Parts work and by the way I have a full video therapy session like depiction in the sovereignty series that maybe at some
(34:47) point I will render in this podcast although that’s like the visuals are probably somewhat important I don’t know anyway maybe they’re not regardless I talk about the Exiles that I have had reclaimed connection with and they are like these little girl parts that want to dress up in two basically everything that I’m doing in my past couple of years want to have like long pretty nails and dress up in tutus and they want to play with cats and chickens and you know explore life and this was very different however it was a childlike
(35:20) energy initially and then it became freaky scary and started to grow these like quills okay I know this sounds really wild started to grow these quills and I found myself feeling almost repulsed and as I shared this it was described by my therapist that probably this part still needs a defense so this part was hiding in the cylinder the protector of the cylinder and when I removed it it grew literal quills so as to protect herself so I was invited to offer protection so I put this like I love opalescent everything so I put this like opalescent
(36:03) bubble around this child part and what happened then was extraordinary so what happened then was that I witnessed this morphing feminine Divinity inside of this bubble it was like all of the faces of the Goddess right like all of the energies of the divine feminine I do not use that phrase lightly I actually find a lot of cringe in that phrase these days however that’s that’s all that I can describe what was actually happening it was it was like every glorious woman’s face was morphing one into another into another with Halos and
(36:46) wings and all of this radiant energy you know moving in this bubble and I was for moments in rapture like in in Total Rapture with this part of myself that I had just reclaimed access to and how I interpreted this so I I was invited to put her into any part of my body put her into my heart and how I interpreted this was that is what the Reclamation of the Divine spark the God within me is about because it is not believing right it’s not choosing to believe or having faith it is the rapture with that Divine energy that is within me my
(37:39) feminine Essence that requires the polarity of the masculine without right that animated masculine energy of God outside of me that is the sacred diet and the restructuring of that through this you know very secular psychological practice was one of the more profound therapeutic experiences that I’ve had in recent times and that is saying something and I do believe that we were designed to find God through polarity the feminine Essence and the masculine holding or as data would say the play of Consciousness and
(38:25) love and that we can come to deeply know that our desires matter in the face of all that would seek to disturb that channel of knowing so just thought I’d drop that little share in your lap I will speak with you soon
