(00:03) [Music] I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times best-selling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pole dancer or honorary member of the disinformation Dozen what can I say I’m a born provocateur I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally truly
(00:43) own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of Who You Are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and
(01:30) meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting Hollow beneath the huge complaints what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just
(02:13) you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the only spiritual practice you’ll ever need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to
(02:47) your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the path hi all and welcome back to the sovereignty Series so I want to take you down a little bit of a different path than you might have anticipated because in this space we speak a lot about the
(03:25) the many ways we can connect dots in our lived experience so that we can start to live a more Sovereign existence and reclaim all of the power that we’ve given away to our victim based Illusions and I would like to foreground what I have come to understand as being one of the greater psychological operations that are being run on the population right now which has roots in feminism and really extends into an expression that could actually be characterized as a war on masculinity and this is certainly not a conversation I
(03:58) anticipated myself having you know maybe even 10 years ago when I thought of myself very much as a a militant feminist a belligerent against all things on mankind kind of a feminist and believed in elective C-sections and birth control and you know I can do what they can do bleeding and I’ve come a long way so I’m excited to be in conversation with Omani who I think is one of the most important voices out there on this subject and many others we’ll sort of touch on a collection of issues today so welcome um thank you for
(04:30) being here with me thank you yes glad to be here so I I would like to talk really about the war on Eros and I have conceptualized the role of Eros and and really what it means to me when I look at you know what the state of humanity is and what it is that we can and should be doing about it as the potential you know sort of destination because there is a a Warfare Consciousness that we are steeped in whether it’s our antibiotics and our anti-press Ence whether it’s the way that we interact with all that we
(05:03) hate about our lived experience or government or systems and it’s certainly very present in the patterns of our romantic relationship so if we can transform this Warfare Consciousness where are we going right so one of the places where we might be going is into complimentarity and the ways in which we can organize ourselves into mutually beneficial roles so I would love to really begin with your take on OS what it is and why you think it’s such an important topic at this moment my Approach has always been very practical
(05:38) very pragmatic I’m not an ideologue I’m actually very liberal and uncommitted as far as ideologies are concerned I am interested in what works I am 52 years old right now anybody of my generation Our younger generation we all grew up feminists we are all in the soup since the 1960s you can’t really avoid it even when you think you’re not you are even the people in the midwest you may think they are traditionalist they’re all feminists we don’t even have a conception of what it means to come out
(06:10) of it we have received a certain message about masculinity and femininity and we are imbued in it and we grew up in it and we all want to be successful in life women want to be successful women men want to be successful men men want to know how they can be successful with women what is it that that women want from men how should they be and the message that both sides have received is seeped in kind of the feminist framework for pretty much everybody of Our Generation and younger pretty much everybody alive today and I would be
(06:44) totally okay with it I would be totally okay with that saying the future is female all the feminist agenda yay hooray if it worked if it worked if it made women happy if it gave women my God my life is good if it made men happy if we had thriving relationships everywhere women could say I adore my I adore my feminist submissive man I adore my nice guy I do I love him oh my God what a wonderful world we are living in filled with nice guys with submissive men willing to respond to our emotions be there for us it’s not
(07:30) working it’s not working the results aren’t there yeah women are not doing that well they may be doing well financially they are not doing that well emotionally these days they’re not feeling great about themselves they are not happy in their relationships their relationships are a mess they are not doing great in their life choices they aren’t they are living in such a way that does not correspond to their biology right your own gynecologist will tell you your fertility Peaks at 28 your own gynecologist will label your pregnancy
(08:11) at 35 a geriatric pregnancy this isn’t ideology except women are zipping by their Peak fertility at 28 not even thinking about getting married or having kids till mid-30s not being able to conceive being being really old by the time the first child comes then coddling that child to death spending a lot of money a lot of misery in artificial fertilization is not an easy process I have friends who have gone through it your life choices aren’t working your lives aren’t working according to this agenda men are
(08:50) miserable men are flailing around men don’t know what to do with women they can’t find a way to succeed with women this model isn’t serving us you want to destroy polarity turn women more masculine turn men more feminine let’s try it all we have run this experiment if the results were oh my God have you ever seen such a thriving population of men and women we finally cracked it we finally figured out what the stupid things we’ve been doing for hundreds of years and we finally adjusted and look
(09:25) at us this is the kind of progress we have made in medicine in other areas we have reduced poverty we have increased our health our lifespan there has been progress in the world I don’t see the same progress in man women relating I don’t see the same progress in family life I don’t see the same progress in our happiness in relationships so the model needs to be reevaluated right it’s really not working and I approach it from that perspective what works what’s effective what so what adjustment can we make post
(10:00) feminism to get back to the goodness and that’s my investigation I want to fix problems I want to make things better in my life in other people’s lives I want relationship to be better I want iros to be better our fertility rates are dropping all over the place that’s a big marker in society when your fertility rates are dropping when reproduction rates are dropping that’s a downfall of a culture that’s a downfall of a society that is not a mark of success right so if we don’t look at this and think hey
(10:33) this is not working something needs to be adjusted I think then we truly are being willfully ignorant then we are so gung-ho on our ideology like I’m going to take it to my grave but I will not change your choice entirely up to you I think part of how I began to wake up to this is because I would look at the fruits of feminism right and I would look at the birth control pill or medicalized birth or women in the workplace and paying taxes and valuing that kind of hustle up the the ladder more than their role in the family unit and each
(11:10) one of those I’ve come to challenge you know the value of and so all of these fruits of feminism seem to also stem from a woundology right if I could borrow Carolyn Ma’s term and the resentment and bitterness and victim Consciousness that comes with that woundology which is a whole string of beliefs right that men owe women that the only way out is to establish egalitarian you know sort of gender roles and I personally am of the belief system that feminism is actually a socially engineered psychological
(11:43) operation that was at least in part intended to get women into the taxpaying workplace get children into industrialized Factory oriented schooling and to fragment the family so as to remove the protective influence of the the masculine figure and so here we are right in this sort of charnel ground that you’ve described yeah you talk a lot about and I had come upon this this ideology actually through the Freudian literature the what is sometimes called the castration effect or or the ways in which a wounded mother right which
(12:18) probably could describe all mothers at this point in our Evolution the way that she mothers a son in particular and emasculates him subconsciously perhaps for her own protection and you see that as you and many others as as the root of a lot of the tension that is I mean to put it euphemistically that’s created for men right now right that they they have to be nice boys that Mommy loves and feel safe around but then the women that are seeking to relate to men as adults want these Alphas right we want a man who who knows how to be an actual
(12:52) man so I wonder if you could talk a little bit about the the origin story at least in these Dynamics between men and women and how in many ways it starts in the mother son Dynamic you the Damage Done in that area is absolutely incalculable you speak of feminism being a deliberate sabotage Ploy I don’t know about exact conspiracy theories but if this is the conspiracy theory they succeeded because its effect has been essentially that either they were doing it deliberately or they were doing it non- deliberately but feminism and and
(13:30) this ideology has been absolutely brilliant in destroying the fabric of so many aspects of our life and that’s one of them right single motherhood right I came to this country 1983 at the age of 13 any immigrant who comes to this country watches a lot of TV and I have been seeing single motherhood glamorized and pedestalize worship ooh the poor single mother and the only time the father would come in would be as a dead beat dad how can you not hold up the poor abandoned mother with her children needing help needing help from the state
(14:14) and all the terrible men abandoning their children yeah good narrative is it true is it really true 85% of divorces seem to be filed by women women break up most of the engagements who is destroying the family who is ripping apart the parental unit why are they doing it right and the result of that both on men and women but I coach a lot of men without exception it almost seems these days men have been raised by mothers and absent fathers and that’s destructive enough what goes beyond that is the mother they were
(14:53) raised by was not a very big fan of masculinity was not a very big fan of of their own father so you got all these boys first of all who don’t have a father figure who are being raised by Angry resentful mother who’s telling them men are crap your father is crap our life is worse off because of your father my life is worse off because of your father even when he’s absent the level of damage this does on the psyche of boys and young men is incalculable it’s incalculable sometimes I wonder whether it’s even reversible
(15:30) because it goes in there very early the absolute destruction this does to the psyches of boys the message they completely incorporate into their internal narrative men suck grown men are useless grown men cause good women misery grown men cannot make women happy right eventually these women who we want to make happy they’re going to end up hating us wow you want to take on that challenge you want to look forward to being a married man after that point you want to pick up that Gauntlet I wouldn’t and whether they are
(16:09) able to articulate this or not the message is in there the self-defeating message that relationships basically are not going to work I’m going to fail in my manom relating even the woman I think I love I’ll probably end up disappointing her she will probably end up hating me she’ll probably end up leaving me nobody talks about this because nobody’s interested in talking to men nobody’s interested in talking about men and men don’t talk about themselves so we think none of this is actually occurring right but this is
(16:37) like you know how they say sometimes I’ve heard this that children sometimes when they are hard of hearing and they have not been diagnosed with hearing problems people think they are stupid because they don’t respond so people think they must be dull a stupid kid no he’s he has a hearing problem he can’t hear you I feel kind of a Sim problem going on with masculinity men don’t talk about these things men don’t hold up placards on Washington DC now these days they are a little bit more so we think
(17:08) everything is fine men are fine men are still the evil patriarchy and inside his men are destroyed they are so filled with self-doubt their esteem is so damaged that and on the outside you’re telling them you are the evil power that needs to be taken down men aren’t feeling terribly powerful these days I got to tell you young men are not feeling terribly powerful and esteem they don’t feel like villains they feel like they should just crawl into a cave and die that they are no good never will be any good nobody wants them they’re
(17:41) not good for anything anyway so if there was a conspiracy to destroy a culture they succeeded there’s no better way than to say we are going to take a generation of men in a country and we are going to obliterate their self-image congratulations we are there now deliberate UND deliberate I do not know but it’s it’s here and it’s tragic it’s heartbreaking right and then what happens you think any part of society is going to remain isolated no these are the men that For Better or For Worse you
(18:15) women now have to partner with and how great is that and then the litany starts men today are boys men today don’t have a spine men today are not growing up men today can’t hold us men today have no confidence no [ __ ] really what do you think was going to happen have a generation of man raised by Angry women who hate men what do you think was going to happen we have a problem yeah I mean I’m very interested in I do tend toward the conspiratorial mindset and I’m very interested in the role of trauma based
(18:51) mind control and I know that if you want a population that is living with a baseline of fear you create the condition for there to be an absence of this vibration of masculinity right like I was watching this show Outlander recently and I’ve learned a lot about man women relating from that show actually and there was a scene right where the protagonista the woman in the show is abducted essentially and all of the men from her community her tribe come and rescue her and like slay all of the offenders right and the same thing
(19:29) happens for the protagonist at a certain point he is rescued by this actually several points but this like group of men who come like strong powerful courageous men and all I could think was I need that as a woman I need men behind me of that caliber and men need men behind them of that caliber and we don’t have that so how could our nervous systems possibly be in optimal balance possibly be in the the state of the sort of predatorial state where we can make our own decisions engage our Sovereign choice we are very vulnerable right now
(20:05) whether you know you’re looking at it through that lens or just sort of having you know ridden the different waves of you know moving from heart disconnected polarity in the50s where you know the housewife was doing her job in her role and and the man was in his role but there was you know a lot of lack of sacredness in the dynamic and we needed to go there we needed to swing all the way into this feminist Pole to really make the conscious choice and I want to talk about that at the end you know you know what conscious Kink is in BDSM and
(20:34) where that fits into this sort of menu of choices that we have but I want to talk specifically about something I really have appreciated the way you’ve spoken about which dovetails on on the end of what you were just saying which is the role of esteem for men right so for a man his reputation his esteem his sense of worth his actual sense of usefulness for a man to feel needed is actually a very different thing than it is for the average feminine Ence woman and you speak about one of the remedies being that women can choose to no longer
(21:10) speak ill of men and I had come to this practice maybe a month before I watched your first video that I came across on it where you talk about speaking ill of men and what it actually says not only about you know the woman’s relationship to to men and masculinity but actually about herself you know when she is in a practice of speaking this way about men and obviously we do this I call it commiseration communication we do this as women you know we do it and I have an agreement with all of my girlfriends
(21:41) that we we catch each other when we’re doing that whether it’s about you know the pool guy or the husband enough and so I would love for you to speak about you know the the role of that commitment um and why why why should we engage in sort of speech hygiene when it comes to you know the way that women speak about men in general well in a way I think the two big topics you mentioned uh just now they’re very interrelated maybe we can start with the first one and kind of see how the other one shows up the first one
(22:16) is about men being Fearless men being protectors and you need a certain element of dangerousness in men for them to be able to fill this roles if you’re going to go protect your women even if if you’re going to go protect and rescue a man you have to be willing to face danger you have to be in touch with your killer you have to be willing to sacrifice yourself you have to be willing to do harm that’s what it means to be a protector you can’t be a protector if you’re not willing to get into confrontation you can’t be a
(22:47) protector if you’re not willing to attack if that need be you need to be Fearless you need to be strong you need to have that as part of your character uh that part has been dramatically destroyed the second part of women disrespecting their men follows from that the first part is this is again so you know this is not even like we are we are talking about the angry feminist in the origin in the 1960s this is like literally a couple of weeks ago I mentioned this in a video about women are paying the price for the destruction
(23:20) of masculinity I mentioned some very specific points because I really like to be specific I don’t like to talk in generalities one of the points is the feminists will are saying these days we want men to be afraid of women I’m like really are you sure but they are saying it you can probably find this on YouTube there was a panel on Piers Morgan and he was talking about men don’t want to marry these days men don’t want to approach women these days men are dropping out of the dating game or The Mating Game or the marriage game and
(23:52) he was saying is it me to part partly responsible for this you have made it so difficult you’ve made it so punitive for men to even approach women that they are they’re afraid and the feminist on the panel said good good I want men to be afraid of women well that’s how you punish you punish the bad daddy that way through proje no no well but here’s the thing those are not going to be your Heroes you think that is what inspires a man to be your hero and your rescuer and your protector and your Defender that
(24:26) he’s afraid of you are you kidding no and the tragedy is the feminist has succeeded men today are afraid of women men today are afraid of women and you know what that evokes in women disgust yes so if out of that disgust they start bad mouthing men that part actually is natural that’s actually the natural response in the feminine when they see a man who is that weak so this is what you’re creating the these are the dominoes you want men to come on college campuses and you want to sit them down and tell them don’t be rapists be scared
(25:08) of women and feel your feelings that’s the other part of and feel your feelings and you have succeeded and men are terrified they’re absolutely terrified of women these days your last vice president Pence saying I don’t want to be in a room alone with a woman it’s not a heroic statement it’s a practical statement based in fear he is saying if I am alone in a room with a woman in today’s climate she could destroy me that’s the way you’ve rigged the game that’s where you have
(25:41) brought these supposedly guardians of patriarchy white men don’t get whiter than Mike Pence Mike Pence is saying Mike — that was his name, right? — the Vice President that I don’t want to be alone in a room with a woman it’s not judicious for me that’s a man afraid of women so congratulations to feminists you’ve scared the most powerful white men in your Society the keepers of your patriarchy so-called in being afraid of women and what is your response as women to men who are that afraid of you it’s
(26:16) revulsion you want to gouge those men’s eyes out right are we allowed to curse on your broadcast yes you certainly don’t want to [ __ ] them you don’t they don’t don’t evoke your arousal they don’t evoke like I want that man who the man who’s so afraid of me O come take me now no it doesn’t work that way it evokes discust it evokes revulsion every Primal circuit in your brain says this is not the guy to be with how the hell is this guy going to protect me if he’s afraid of me right
(26:55) because if you need protection that means bigger villains than you you have gotten hold of you if this man is afraid of you how the hell is he going to face bigger monsters it doesn’t compute you want your man to be a [ __ ] monster and be your monster that’s always been the logic you want a man who’s a killer but who’s your killer that’s always been the equation since caveman days get me the most dangerous man who can kill on my behalf get me the most dangerous man who’s not going to kill me but is
(27:31) completely capable of killing me that’s the one I’m going to open my legs for because that makes sense because this world is terrifying and it is filled with horrible people and you are a frail little woman with two babies on your TS you can’t do anything when you’re that vulnerable you need protection if you’re going to procreate who is going to protect you men who are afraid of you no your entire system says wrong choice absolutely wrong choice and if we as a culture including those dark edible
(28:06) Mothers are creating sons that are such milquetoasts that they have no Edge to them we are [ __ ] you’ve also talked about two other corollaries to this which I think are essential because this disgust is the barometer almost every woman I know can relate exactly to what you’re saying and and one of the corollaries is that we have girlfried our partners right we want to be able to chitty chat with them and we waste the currency of their the greatest superpower which you say and others say is their attention and then we also are
(28:39) encouraging culturally which I think is a part of this scope: men to feel their feelings isn’t it time for men to get in touch with their emotions and you have I think spoken to this so powerfully because that sounds like a nice idea sounds like a compassionate idea actually but is that what men need to be doing in order to get in touch with their power and is that what women actually want men do they we we actually want hysterical tantruming men or does that you know sort of clench our rectums as you say right does that also Inspire
(29:14) disgust so I think that those are other you know parts of this yeah it does inspire discussion and I think there’s a false premise in the middle of this argument which is we are equating men being being emotionally complex and mature beings with men being emotional MH there’s no equivalency you can be a solid man an impassive man a ferocious man a killer of a man and in the evening sit down with your glass of Brandy and read Emerson so any idea that men Emerson Whitman thorough men Shelly Byron Shakespeare men wrote about
(29:59) emotions wrote great plays excavated human nuances and feelings and emotions wrote poetry so where did this premise come from that somehow men are separate from their emotions you never have been separate from our emotions no the [ __ ] is do you actually want emotionality in men there is no equivalency between emotionality and a man having passions a man having Nuance in his emotions and feelings man falling in love man being tender man loving his children man loving his pets man loving nature when when has there ever been of
(30:39) greatest poets through history have been men right Robert Frost simply communing with nature writing poetry doesn’t mean he has to be a emotional mess in life where did this equivalency come from that men are just emotionally [ __ ] you’re best [ __ ] liter was written by men and those men weren’t [ __ ] those men carried daggers and Sabers and went to war so this whole idea is [ __ ] that somehow in our generation we are going to allow men access to their emotion [ __ ] nonsense no in our generation we’re going to teach men how
(31:20) to become watery women that’s what’s actually happening and I would I would Echo that this is the beginning of the erosion of the contract the sacred contract is because when a woman is with a man who does not know how to self-contain and who is emotionally demonstrative or reactive is you know the sort of psychological term she cannot respect him and if she cannot respect him she can’t give him the admiration and the guardianship of his reputation and all of that appreciation that he deserves and needs in order to
(31:57) fulfill his end of the contract which is containing her right would you would you agree with that I would completely agree with that I would say I always trust genuine response in both men and women a wet [ __ ] does not lie a hard [ __ ] does not lie a woman who is embodying her femininity in such a way that she inspires adoration in a man that’s a genuine circuit you want to shave off your head put on 100 pounds and tattoo your face and then complain no man responds to you is because you have [ __ ] up the circuit of what
(32:39) inspires adoration in men towards women similarly when you create emotional weak men your third chakra will not respect those men that response is correct your system has not gone a right compared to that a man who can hold his own he will command your respect that’s appropriate circuit right so I would be like trust your own turn on even the stun feminists today sometimes are honest enough to say we [ __ ] hate feminist men we don’t want to [ __ ] these feminist men I’m like good good at least you’re checking into
(33:17) your sex and saying hey it turns out all these allies we have we don’t want to take them to bed they Revolt us good you’re listening finally can you see the discrepancy between your internal energetic body and the ideology you set up in the political real trust your body trust your turn on trust your turn on over all ideology right create the kind of man that does evoke respect in you you want to go further create the kind of man that makes you a little bit afraid the kind of man you would think twice before
(33:55) [ __ ] with him you want a revere that circuit you don’t want a man who’s afraid of you you actually want a man you are at least a little bit afraid of and you know who the first man to embody that energy was supposed to be your father your father was supposed to be a man that made you think do not [ __ ] with this man fear this man and that was good that was healthy hear that correctly today we are like hellbent on hearing everything badly not saying the father was abusive or psychopath think no no no
(34:30) a good solid father should command that respect should command that tiny dose of healthy fear in children that’s a correct circuit that’s a man you look up to right you want to destroy all of that you want men who are weaker than you who fear you you want men who are so weak they create revulsion instead of respect things are not going to work out right trust your system your your circuits are still correct those are the CC I am trying to realign things with that’s my guideline I’m looking at the real data
(35:04) I’m like well weak men are not inspiring love and adoration from women so obviously this [ __ ] isn’t working weak men aren’t inspiring women to have sex with these guys that circuit isn’t working who are the men women are actually going for I trust your turn on I trust your arousal I trust the man you get crazy about and have infatuations about I trust where your heart goes who you fall in love with you don’t fall in love with weak men you just don’t yeah you call them nice guys right yeah we
(35:34) have a pandemic of those right now and so you you offered a caveat about abusive Dynamics and I think that part of why I find this you know Arena that you traffic and so fascinating is because there is a fine line between and I want to read a quote from your book there’s a fine line between what we would otherwise recognize as potentially abusive or even you know trauma based Dynamics and the Reclamation of this polarity so yeah talk to us about what a sacred Dynamic you know you you can even teach if you want a little bit about
(36:12) what you call the seven chakra marriage not in depth obviously but just touch on that like what does this sacred Dynamic look like and how does it look different than a little girl scared of her daddy you know what are the components of the contract like what is the woman’s role what is the man’s role generally and what are some of the ways that this sort of intentional and conscious hierarchical engagement are actually devotional in in nature at the first chakra level protection and provision these are the two energies that live
(36:46) there right you want a man who’s capable of protecting you well what does that imply he needs to be dangerous he needs to be powerful he needs to be ferocious he needs to be a wolf are you the kind of woman who recognizes that wolf who actually nourishes his wolfishness, right? we used to you know when we used to when your lives were really perilous out in the frontier where there were actually enemies coming to rape and kill you in the middle of the night you had no doubt that the men you were surrounded with they needed to
(37:15) be Killers as early as possible you would turn your sons into Killers you would hand them a rifle at age 10 11 12 13 and put them on the porch you did not have tolerance for weak men they would get them s killed and you killed there’s no room for error there when there’s that much danger right so if you want protection from that wolf nurture the wolf be a woman who can be with that wolf be a woman who inspires that man’s wolfish being a scary woman scarier than your husband doesn’t Inspire that right
(37:49) provision help him do better in life instead of being some kind of a consumptive succubus which is what women seem to be these days women hit 35 they want get married but it really seems like they want to marry a wallet are you going to build his home no are you going to clean his clothes no are you going to cook his food [ __ ] no what’s your contract in the provision part what are you bringing what are you magnifying right is this actually a marriage if he’s bringing in money and provision what are you doing with that to create a
(38:19) bond at the first chakra level what is your part in the protection provision circuit that would be a good marriage at the first chakra level that would be a good partnership because then together you are strengthening what needs to be strengthened and you’re helping each other build the heart with good protection and good provision to see each other through winters at the second chakra level your sex only opens to a man you can Surrender Your Sex to what kind of man is that pick that man I’m not deciding your ideology you ask your
(38:51) own sex where do you actually Thrive you thrive in sexual surrender what kind of man inspires your sexual surrender the boy who’s afraid of you or the man who knows how to handle your body and take you into Subspace into your sexual surrender who knows how to take you into your suppleness that would be a happy second chakra marriage at the third chakra what really works what really works is a man looking at a man and almost can’t believing I have this man that’s a happy thing at the third chakra
(39:22) where the woman looks at the man and like look at this guy wow that’s my guy that’s my man right and it’s also great if the man can look at the woman and and almost feel that same adoration can believe she’s with me look at this amazing woman if they both feel that way that’s a great [ __ ] romance right but do we have that these days are women living in such a way that men can give them that adoration are you’re going to decide your own roles I’m going to have a triple digit body count but when it’s
(39:54) time for me to settle down you should just think of me as that Wonder like no sorry you don’t get to determine everything men have their own standards about which women they’re going to be with for a night and which woman they’re going to say look at this woman this woman has value this woman is a prize and I have this woman which means I must be doing something right in life and I want to keep this woman happy I want to be deserving of this woman that’s a great circuit to have are you creating
(40:23) that are you just demanding men just give that to you are they giving it to you is it working out right just those three levels are enough we don’t even need to go higher if you can make those three levels work that’s a brilliant relationship but we are stumbling and falling at each one of those make those three circuits work and you’ve got a great relationship I’d love for you to talk a little bit about containment because you have a whole video series which is incredible about it and you give this
(40:52) example that I thought was extraordinary about the hug yeah ation and that you know if a woman’s offering devotional offering to a man is to guard his reputation to show him appreciation to make him bigger as you say and the exchange is this containment offering absolutely speak a little bit about that I wouldn’t even put it as exchange per se I would say this is one of the gifts a masculine has to offer the feminine is to offer her containment and again to give that containment he needs that first chakra in place he needs his own
(41:28) strength his own stoicism his own wolfish his own bigness his own lack of emotionality so that he can offer this containment to his woman he can make her feel held and grounded right it doesn’t mean processing her every day and being her girlfriend and listening to everything she has to say but it does mean giving her this energetic and emotional containment especially when she’s flailing around right and sometimes a great hug and a hold between a man and a woman does that but as I explained in the video it isn’t
(41:58) necessarily about the physicality of it because the example I give is you know give your woman a nice big hug like she is your mommy and she probably will kick you in the nuts and slap you in the face and tell you to get the [ __ ] away from me she will feel the energy right women are already sick these days of being their men’s mommies because that’s that’s the UL complex coming back to hit you in the ass there’s so many of these problems happening boys are not growing up they’re growing up with the Tantrums
(42:24) of their mother and that’s what they think intimacy is and then that’s the energy they’re bringing to their wife and they’re like I got a boy at my hands and as like given the example the boy could be 200 lb of muscle right and it’s still the energy is the same and the woman’s like I can’t stand it when he touches me CU he’s still a 200 lb 7-year-old boy wanting Mommy and she feels no containment from that she feels no security in the first chakra she feels no real power even though the man is
(42:51) built like a mountain physically emotionally he’s still a seven-year-old boy looking for Mommy right and without that containment you women are going bad [ __ ] crazy it is like the most widespread energetic problem I see in women’s bodies it is manifesting in so many ways that you don’t even have language for it I think it is what’s mainly at fault for this quote unquote masculinization of women because they having to self-contain it is this self-containment they’re doing that they are referring to as I feel masculinized
(43:22) because there isn’t never got it from your father and the boys you’re around they never got trained in that this is what you’re supposed to give to women if anything they got stuck in the horrible edible circuit with the mother where they were stuck in the emotionality of the mother’s overwhelm right they were getting containment from their mothers which we really should not be getting past the age of 7 or8 right and then they come to you expecting that from you thinking that’s what feminine love
(43:49) should do and deliver to men and you’re like get the [ __ ] away from me what are you talking about revulsion once again revulsion is what that creates in the feminine system when men come to you for containment right and this illness seems like all over the place is that every other conversation I have kind of trcks back to this the basic complaint women are making these days is there is no way I want to be with this man I I just they literally make a gesture of revulsion they make a gesture of cringing like
(44:20) their energetic body cringes when the man approaches them this is what the body is doing like the wrong energy get the [ __ ] way compared to a woman feels that solid containment from a man she leans into him right you can spot it across the room you can see that room like when when a woman can get that from her man at a party at a function when her system is getting a little rattled she’ll kind of SLE over to her man and kind of lean into him almost like she’s recharging and grounding herself right
(44:50) because her system is going a little as it does in Social occasions and a man can just put his arms around her and she’s like right compared to that a woman who will avoid her man when that’s happening you that way you know the circuit is not there so it’s like one of the basic things women want men for if men are not delivering there forget about having trust and intimacy that goes beyond that there’s no way your sex is going to open up to a man who’s not giving you containment either it’s
(45:16) impossible it’s absolutely impossible your sexual opening happens on the other side of receiving that containment and it’s a huge concept obviously but how would you characterize it you know how would you how would to somebody who’s never heard the concept of containment how would you introduce them to even the idea which obviously is viscerally known yeah as I do in the in the videos the simple way would be imagine how your system feels when you get a good grounding hug somebody who’s good at giving a hug gives you a hug and
(45:49) you receive their hug you like their energy and your system just goes you settle into their body you receive their hug and your system quiets down your breathing slows down you feel more relaxed your head noise goes down that response in the body is what containment is now men should be able to give that to their women from across the room not only just to their hugs they certainly should be able to give it through their touch and their hugs if they can’t do that even with their touch there’ll be no sex afterwards impossible
(46:24) if the woman is coming in like in in this kind of energy and you’re not not able to like she’s not going to open up sexually to you won’t work try it not only does she need that before sex she needs it after sex and she needs it the day after this is one of the biggest way I see women truly screwing themselves these days with the level of promiscuity they’ve got going on you women have all the sexual choice in the world you have Haw on call these days with your apps there’s no shortage of dick but the
(46:53) problem isn’t getting a dick through the door and having sex the problem is next day when you need containment and the man is not there wasn’t part of your app contract and women are flailing they are really not happy the next day when they don’t have anybody when their system goes into that and it creates it is creating a lot of internal damage and they don’t have the language for this all they know is I feel dropped I feel rattled and I don’t know what to do about it and there isn’t any contract in
(47:24) this dating and hookup culture to have those cycles of good containment from the masculine to the feminine and sex is simply in the middle middle of that neither do men have the awareness for this nor do women have the awareness for this so what we are getting is a lot of rattled women all over the place and this is not doing any favors to their psychological health over the long run it really isn’t yeah I think of it as the perfect match between a man’s Attunement presence and attention and a woman’s receptivity you know and and
(47:57) surrender to that Dynam feeling contained opens up your receptivity receiving that containment from the man opens up your receptivity to him naturally you don’t have to decide it in your head your system will open up to him and you know this is this happens at every level in in Romance and love but this is kind of the bread and butter of the BDSM realm where we have a very specific concept of a Dom taking a submissive into space and it’s exactly the same energetic if you’re a well-trained d and you have a receptive
(48:32) submissive first and foremost you take them into deep containment and the submissive pretty much falls into a Trans State and at the bottom of that Trans State the sex opens up arousal opens up anybody who has done any kind of a rope play will receive rope provides amazing containment people fall into a Trans State right away into Stillness your head quiets down and that Stillness and quietness there’s trust there’s bonding and now there’s receptivity right the same logic is needed whether you’re doing Kink or not
(49:05) whether you’re doing in a scene format or not but the Dom energy again is a very big energy it’s a very coherent solid energy just as you don’t want any shaky DS right we don’t want DS with chihuaha energies we want DS with bulldog energy and the same logic applies to men in regular interactions you are not going to to feel contained with men with chuaa energy you just you won’t right you need that big great T who just sits there and stares at you puts a B on you and all of a sudden your
(49:39) system goes that’s how the energetics works this is not ideology if the other way works for you but God bless you get the chihuaha all you want world is filled with them right now right but you you know it and I know it that’s not how things actually work so you wrote book called prerequisites to ecstasy and I want to read a quote from it to close us out because you’ve already touched on how this all fits into BDSM and I know for I imagine for many listening this is an entirely New Horizon so I want to read
(50:13) this quote because it speaks to what it is that I opened with which is why the adoption of these principles of polarity and energetic complimentarity can be the way out of War fair and endless you know struggle and and strife and unfulfillment so you say we all have a visceral understanding of what nonconsensual domination and submission is every headline in every newspaper on every single day is pretty much a story of non-consensual domination and submission what the structure and protocol of consensual domination and
(50:48) submission is requires some learning and mentorship consensual domination and submission Is Anchored in two people giving each other what they truly want it is anchored in creating games and making agreements in which both parties Win It Is Anchored In affection and love between two people it is anchored in two people wanting greater expression and joy for each other consensual domination and submission in fact has a higher standard for how two people need to show up for each other if they are to do this dance well they have to be in a deeper
(51:19) state of agreement they need to communicate more and better they need to be skilled at playing their roles individually and they need to be invested in their partner doing well because the two of you are on the same ride I love this and I want to just sort of close out if you could speak a little bit to how could it be you know if in the Dom and the sub R people have such different desires intentions how could it be that both of these needs are possibly fulfilled isn’t it just one serving the other at a time right or
(51:53) isn’t it that one is sacrific right these are sort of like some of the resistance to this model is like well one is sacrificing in service of the other what you’re saying is no this is actually a mutually beneficial contract that has a lot of transparency and a huge amount of consent I think the fact that we even have to make that point shows how far we are from like actually understanding how nature is built nature is built on complimentarity nature is built on polarization Nature has created two Sexes and the two Sexes are not the
(52:22) same but they need each other so this is like saying how can the [ __ ] and the [ __ ] need each other they are so different well of course they need each other of course when they come together they both should be happy that’s how things work we are built that way at every level we are built to fit we’re not built the same way we are we are not supposed to be at War because we are fil built differently we are supposed to mutually fulfill each other because we are built differently that’s how we are
(52:46) built we are built to fit right and that is like should be the default wisdom that if there is a difference between us we should be looking for ways well how to we fit we should assume we fit we should assume we are built to fit together in a happy way and let’s look for that right but this is you know we can come back to your original Point what is the core premise of feminism the core premise of feminism is men have been winning at the cost of women and now women need to win at the cost of men that’s the whole theory of
(53:19) patriarchy and it is so plausibly sounding and it is entirely false it basically says men and women are in a zero sum game we cannot win together we are at War and only one of us can win men have been winning so far and that’s enough now women need to win that’s why feminist will say if men are failing good men are dropping out of colleges good 65% of college is filled with women men are not going to college good it’s our turn it’s our turn to win okay have it that way see if that works I don’t
(53:57) really believe that’s ever been true I don’t ever believe that’s ever been true win-win games is the way we are supposed to work win-win games are really productive Zero Sum games are very strenuous and they are very limiting Zero Sum games are the games of hustlers you always have to watch out for number one it’s very isolating it is very stressful part of the reason women are so stressed out is because they’re locked in this zeros some mentality that I have to win at the cost of others I
(54:23) cannot be in an interdependent win-win relationships with men that’s an exhausting mindset to have right create win-win relationships there’s an Artistry in that there’s a Artistry in creating that you know it is the very common analog for that is ballroom dancing you need your partner to play a different part than you that’s how this particular Dance Works you’re not doing the same dance like two tab dancers performing in front of an audience you’re dancing together creating one dance but your steps are
(54:54) not identical and one is not winning at the expense of the other you’re creating this one beautiful dance making each other brilliant right when I took my ballroom dancing class the instructor would repeat or over he says you know why women have more steps in it than the men it says because the men’s job is to make the woman look good that’s what you do in ballroom dancing usually the men has fewer steps the woman has much many more flourishes in her steps she’s more beautiful she’s more feminine it’s
(55:23) better to put the woman on display and you’re going to help her be brilliant you’re going to help her be more beautiful that’s one of the functions you will perform in this dance excellent complete yes to that Doms will do the same thing for their subs Toms love to see their submissives getting off our Brilliance is in taking you on a big ride men are desperate to make their women happy men don’t want to be happy at the expense of women men can’t even compute that when they are buying women
(55:58) when they are buying strippers and prostitutes they want to be good to them they want to deliver they want to they don’t have to but their mind goes was it good for you here’s a gift they actually want to make the woman feel good we can’t even completely unless the man is totally Psychopathic when men have a very hard time even completely going into a mindset that I’m just going to get mine and screw the girl really our esteem is not built that way our esteem is am I offering something to the woman
(56:30) did I move the women’s system in some pleasurable way did I give her pleasure does she like me because of it men are built to please women so we are not in a zero sum game with women ever we’ve never been truly we completely believe that if I can please you if I can give you an orgasm if I can put a smile on your face that says I’m doing right as a man I’m doing something good as a man and I think that’s a healthy instinct so we are not stuck in a zero some game with you it’s women with this ideology
(57:01) who are stuck in a zero some game with men men are still sitting back here saying I don’t know what to do all I want to do is make this woman happy and I’m just I just don’t seem to be succeeding at it very much and they feel demoralized we are made for interdependence we are made to create win-win games together I would argue that the the poisonous nature of this ideology is also pitting women women it’s the same energy that actually is responsible for you know Sister shaming and the competitiveness Between Women rather
(57:35) than sort of bringing all women up women bringing all women up and I actually think that a lot of the subjugation of women now is being perpetrated by other women I mean it’s it’s like a full circle you know snake eating its tail kind of phenomenon so I can yeah I can certainly second that when I talked to women about when they certainly if they leave the ideological line they hear from women very quickly right I mean this is I tell people the biggest we are in the 21st century and we think you know we must be so sexually liberated by
(58:10) now we really aren’t we seem to be going backwards and the biggest sexual taboo for women is to go into their submission so women are not going to say oh you have a genuine desire for submission you go girl you express yourself uh-uh uh-uh submission to a man no we don’t do that anymore and you do that and you’re going to hear from other women although I will tell you I was recently speaking in front of about 2,000 people at a nutrition conference and as a part of the Q&A it was Western price conference
(58:39) as a part of the Q&A somebody was asking about the you know my thoughts about the sort of gender sociopolitical culture right now gender related and anyway and as a part of my answer I said the phrase I don’t know any women who don’t want to be well handled by a powerful man and there was literally a collective like pleasure-filled exhale that just swept the entire room so I do think we’re at an inflection point where when you offer these this Vision really it’s it’s like a remembrance it’s a
(59:13) remembrance for our system and that’s why I’m so grateful for the way in which that you portray this vision of man woman relating because I do think that we feel it we feel the longing for it even if we have res even if there’s confusion even if there’s like a yeah but doesn’t he have to huh there is a sense that the Reclamation of of sacred erotic Union is not just something that you will into existence it’s not just something that you claim it’s a practice that you choose to participate in and
(59:45) you know it’s my belief that that is how we connect most powerfully to the Divine and to the the source of our animated embodied sensual experience and that is the antidote you know to so much of the fragmentation and disconnection that we are experiencing on Hol fractal levels on all levels of our our life and that make us vulnerable to certain agendas so I want to thank you you know for being out there speaking pleas speaking truth to power in this in this way and you know that you provide a lot of resources
(1:00:14) many of which I Avail myself of for people to learn more about this both for men and women in person and online and love your book and yeah thank you for being but I I want to add one final note to what you just said that this isn’t just about it is women often are in the mindset that if I get all those goodies that I want I’m going to have to give something up that it’s going to cost me there’s a cost that comes at the end of it and I would like to challenge that proposition so put it bluntly if I were
(1:00:45) to tell a woman that if you go into your submission you will get good sex you’ll be like oh that sounds like a cost I have to pay to get my good sex even though I Read 50 Shades of Gray know there’s something in it for me and the deeper offer is this is a very superficial assessment that there are other things waiting for you in the in the true embodiment of your femininity and submission there are gifts waiting for you that you you’re not even aware of yet there are expressions waiting for you that you’re not even aware of yet
(1:01:13) and it is not going to have to be the sacrifice is going to be about sacrificing the ego and the bad ideology but going deeper into your femininity going deeper into a win-win modality with a man going deeper into your heart going deeper into your devotion there are necessary spiritual pieces waiting for women there that they don’t have access to right now very resonant thank you thank you so much for sharing
