(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting holess beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist P dancer or honorary member of the disinformation doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally
(02:46) truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production hello everyone and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and I am here with my dear friend and guide amly who is going to introduce all of you who have not learned about the power of family consolation to her
(03:32) particular perspective on it and to expand what you may already know about this game-changing modality if you have listened to pretty much anything that I’ve said over the past like four years you have heard me reference both parts workor and or internal family systems and family constellation and in so many ways I see them as essentially and I know you do too I’m really like two different approaches to the same ention which is to reclaim that which we are in resistance to and to come into an experience of wholeness that feels like
(04:10) ease in our own skin and I’ll share before we jump in that I know omly through our mutual Angel Daniela Garcia and I remember when I did my first constellation it was years ago at this point I had not been in an active relationship ship with my mom for five years and was doing all sorts of inner work on my mother woundology and all sorts of different modalities and really intending to evolve a lot of the tension I mean that’s like the euphemistic way to put it right but a lot of the pressure and a lot of the sense of
(04:50) righteousness that I was holding in my system and I did a group consolation which I’m going to attempt to explain what this means in a moment and then I’m going to let you with you omly and I sat down spontaneously with my mom four days later and our relationship has been harmonious ever since so I mean if that’s not proof of the kinds of dramatic shifts and I have done infinite constellations since one-on ones and group sessions and every single time there are material shifts in my lived experience that you cannot like
(05:31) otherwise explain that are quantum leaps and when I you know I just referred a dear friend of mine to you last week and I was trying to explain to him like what is this right and the closest that I can come to explaining what family constellation is is that it is not necessarily a psychological modality it’s not necessarily a spiritual modality but it is a demonstration of the power of intention right so you come to a one-on-one session with you or to a group experience sometimes these group experiences can be really big in
(06:05) November we are you know putting on a live event that is going to be a big old experience of lots of women so I know that that is possible but what happens when you come together with the intention to organize right into proper hierarchy into proper order that which is fundamentally disordered in a family in a relationship to a given con accept you know an energy in somebody’s life then all of this information is revealed right either through little dolls and figurines or through strangers who are representing you know your father or
(06:41) your mother or your brother or money or sex or partnership or all of these things you’re trying to come into harmony with and so it both exposes what is otherwise unseen and then gives an opportunity for you to create order you know from that space of disorder and it’s just the most powerful experience so I would love to start emly just with your best effort you know to explain what family consolation is and I know you have you know we share such whether it’s German new medicine you know we we share an approach to reality and I know you have
(07:18) many many different trainings that have informed your appreciation of family consolation but I’d love to know like how do you these days explain like what what it is that you’re doing because I just you know I took Danny’s recommendation I went into this experience with you and I wasn’t informed and it didn’t matter in fact it was maybe better so I don’t know what you think is important for people to know before they even introduce themselves to this field of work absolutely and first my dear Kelly thank you thank you for having me today
(07:48) sharing this space with you and your lovely Community to share about the philosophy it’s more than a method or a therapy it’s the philosophy that has Prof profly changed my own life and that really clicked me into many answers I I was seeking for so thank you so much for having me here to spread this and certainly you have almost a mastering constellation everything that you explain is it’s just like that it it’s a method it’s a philosophy that Empower us to uncover and transform patterns from our past that often go unnoticed or even
(08:28) unseen but significantly impact our present lives what we carry all the burden from the past and how how this is passed down how is that we carry all this we are we are information we are emotions we are energy and energy doesn’t die it passed down to us so whatever was unresolved or not acknowledged or our ancestors didn’t have your opportunity to manage their blocked emotions their toxic Dynamics in a new intent or a new opportunity to reconcile and dignify that it’s passed down so they’re rooted in the traumas in door by previous
(09:17) generations and continue to impact our lives today so family constellations provide a way to explore and heal these patterns allowing as you said for conscious for a personal growth and more fulfilling life by taking our rightful place in our system because those disorders that you mentioned the hierarchy so the respect for the elders because life was given to us as a gift and gift cannot be demanded so we have to take it as it was exactly as it was the hierarchy the belonging everyone belongs so that’s another premis the
(10:00) premise of balance between giving and taking and tell us that everything is compensated somehow by us depending on what our ancestors couldn’t accomplish so it’s it’s more than a method that heal you in one session or resolve of your troubles but it’s a philosophy of leing and when you learn to leave through it you know seeing yourself reflected in in the things you judge or reject and learning how to acknowledge that how that gives you information in everything that resonates with you or irritates you it just really transform your life
(10:42) because it teach you that love is not enough love alone is not enough it requires order and those are the basic principles of the constellations so I want to zoom in on a couple of the points that you brought up and first I want to just sort of paint a picture because this is sometimes how I explain it to people who are curious of how a group family constellation might look and you correct me or add on right so you are somebody who feels frustrated with or in suffering around at you know sort of like the end of your rope with a
(11:20) pattern in your life whether it’s with money or romance or with somebody in your family of origin there’s something that you just keep seeing over and over and over again and you haven’t really been able to break out of this pattern right so you show up to a family constellation let’s say there are 10 people there this a group one and you can also do this oneon-one but there’s 10 people there and it’s your turn to constant right so in conversation with a guide and you are specifically gifted in my opinion because of your worldview because of
(11:54) your own spiritual growth and development and because of the way that you can in it and perceive with Clarity like what is going on so you know I’m going to constantly I’m going to speak to you for five minutes seven minutes I’m GNA tell you my situation and all the while you are in many ways channeling right I don’t know if you would call it that but that’s what I see going on when I’m with you how this should be approached so you might suggest that I choose three people right so let’s say I want to work on issues
(12:27) you know with with my mom right so I’m going choose somebody who’s going to represent my mom my dad and you know I have a brother you know maybe if I have a partner at the time and there are two ways to do it either blinded or unblinded where either I know okay so you say Kelly go choose somebody to be your mom or you just say go choose four people and I’m going to just walk up to the they can be total strangers and I I walk up I just pick someone right quote unquote randomly and I don’t tell them any anything I don’t tell them anything
(13:01) so they know nothing about what they’re doing and I simply Place their bodies as if it’s a theater stage somewhere wherever feels like it makes sense to me even though I might not even know who they’re representing so I thought initially like oh you have to be really good at Psycho Drama or you have to be somebody who’s a channel and really knows how to you know move all of these esoteric energies and it’s just not true you just get a little hit you get a little inclination you have a little opinion a little preference and you go
(13:31) with that and there’s something about the field there’s something about the shared intention of all the people who are there that I can access more information in that setting than anywhere else in my life it’s really uncanny so you place the bodies around and then as the facilitator right amly you’re going to say okay like how do you feel lady in the blue shirt right and she might say oh God I just can’t even look at that woman she’s so disgusting to me and you know she’s saying I have a stomach ache and then we you know we
(14:04) learned later you know that she was like you know full of resentment for this other individual and they’re all of these energies that are exposed through the strangers who are channeling this information and at the end you Prov this is always like an extremely moving experience you put people the folks in what you deem to be and what this philosophy deems to be the proper order and you offer healing statements so I want to zoom in on this idea of hierarchy and order because you know certainly many of the folks listening
(14:43) think of hierarchy as being the root of a lot of suffering right like the root of control and domination and all of the ways that we are disempowered are through like hierarchical structures that persist into you know adulthood and so what is healthy hierarchy right like what is this idea of order and how does it interface with the concept of belonging because I know that that’s a huge tenant of this philosophy is like you said that everyone everyone belongs and when you’re in rejection right so we’ll talk more about that too something
(15:20) is out of order it’s out of its hierarchy and there is a a lapse in belonging that results in you know these patterns that you could argue are simp symptoms of the system right inviting us to look at how to bring it into harmony so I’d love to know yeah a little bit about what you think about this concept of hierarchy and tell us about the idea of order like what is a proper order when it comes to family constellation well I I’m I’m going to now uh put a pin in many things you said that are very important for the audience to understand
(15:53) the phenomenon because it’s a phenomenon we are entangled and in quantum physics the whole is in the part as the part is in the whole so I believe and the German therapist that created the method Bert helinger he did many observations for many years observing many different approaches even how the Sulu tribes in Africa reconcile themselves so the root is based on the integration of many healing therapies Primal scream many many of them so it’s believe that everything is connected we all possess from our heart an energetic magnetic
(16:36) field that encompasses all so yes in a setting in a constellation group we all carry the information of the others so that’s the first premise the client come with me the seeker and tell me a powerful statement let’s say I want to observe this the shorter the more powerful and the more strength because the mental construct it doesn’t give really information the information is onb in the field as you said by the emotions Sensations the essential body movement of the representatives in the field so yes with that powerful
(17:15) statement of the Seeker the facilitator uh support in place in elements or energies in the field and we detect the disorder the hierarchy specifically is when the client is not occupying their own rightful place there’s many disorders sometimes we tend to be consciously or unconsciously the parents of our parents for example symbolic partners of our parents even the Savior the therapist the psychologist of our parents and even the siblings sometimes and all those are even expectations that are p through us when we are in the womb
(17:58) the cons section explore all those Dynamics and they are shown in the field so the facilitator just asking questions and let’s say asking the representative to as you said saying some healing statements or through statements it could shift the energy it could shift and reorder and the client is not going to change the past but a new energy shift that reposition the Seeker into a new perspective understanding the place they were and the new place they have to be to release to be free the hierarchy also suggests
(18:40) to honor life and the past exactly as it was honoring our elders is not about surrendering but to life that way we can make our movement towards life and be for example real partner for our partner or even being real parents for our children when we are entangled in a position that does not belong to us in our nuclear family that creates waste of energy and Disorder so love doesn’t flow appropriately even though when move the systems is unconditional love is not enough it requires that order so we talk a lot about and many of the sessions
(19:32) that I have done with you have revealed that there is sometimes a person sometimes it’s an idea sometimes I mean recently it was even you know I talked about this on another podcast episode like dietary right so Foods right so this idea of exclusions and you know if we’re going to talk about this order this natural hierarchy that emerges from the honoring of Life given and the acceptance of all that actually happened right if it happened it happened right so how to come into acceptance of that as some of the important ingredients of belonging
(20:09) and allowing all to belong then this idea of exclusion I’d love you to elaborate on because both that and this idea of loyalty to certain members of our family grandparents uncles and how those two phenomenon can result in as you said like disorder or struggle or patterns that seem unresolvable yes it’s important to consider and honoring the belonging the first order of love because it involves the understanding that each member deserve acknowledgement regardless of what they did or what they didn’t do in our judgment because what happened with
(20:53) that we reject or we judge it repeats again it manifests again in another form we reject our parents we will find probably a partner that contain all those Dynamics and patterns that we reject and we’re not even allowed to see in ourselves because sometimes what we reject is a shadow that’s the beautiful of the eagle that sometimes show us you know it serve its purpose and even deserves gratitude for because whatever we reject from the past it comes again until we resolve it what we reject could even be emotions that were harmful or
(21:40) hurtful for us a sadness and anger that we didn’t you know allow ourselves or wasn’t permitted to us to feel or to our ancestors usually we carry the block emotions mostly from grandparents I will say in my observations from our parents we carry the Dynamics of partnership abundance success projects from our grandparents we carry the energy of the emotions the blocked emotions what they didn’t allow themselves to feel or to drain or to show we carry in a second intent for that to be managed differently and from our
(22:23) great-grandparents beliefs mandates injunctions what is right what is wrong on religion the Judgment in things that are right or wrong we carry it from that so mandates in Junctions come from far back and we are sometimes the one in charge to reclaim to acknowledge to reconcile to dignify what they pass through so the healing sentences that are meant to do that in the field are you know demonstrated they’re demonstrated to shift the DNA by 98% because the core of our DNA is even made out of words so those words said without
(23:07) intention without emotion because you you mentioned also about the drama the Psycho Drama which is a very valuable therapy that I also practice sometimes it’s not what constellation is constellations is a profound Soul movement the Psychotherapy remains in the mental level in the constru mental level the constellations goes beyond is at a soul level is an energetic level so sometimes the facilitator just wait until the reconciliation happen itself and maybe you have an example because I want to ask you for some cases
(23:46) and examples as we go along but maybe you have an example of how a loyalty could manifest especially a loyalty to potentially excluded you know grandfather or something like that because I think the concept of these loyalties especially as you described in the generations is really new you know to to a lot of us especially those of us who you know don’t really even feel connected to our family lines let alone in some sort of you know sort of subconscious allegiance to their plight right so I don’t know if you have an
(24:22) example so people can that’s a great question because the person that haven’t been able to experience it is asking how is you know is a great question and and the compensation is that is the restore of the balance the equilibrium we compensate by repeating or even in the other polarity for example addictions people that is addicted there’s an entanglement with a rejected man usually one ancestor man that is rejected by the women and The Descendant to restore the equilibrium drinks or do drugs or get addicted to something to destroy
(25:04) themselves and say I am as Despicable as that man for example that’s a compensation that’s a way to compensate many cases that I have attended lately about fertility women seeking to Bear a children and they haven’t been able without explanation without medical diagnose they just can’t and we review a little bit the ancestral trauma and we see that grandmother that had 10 children and she was abandoned for example and she was abandoned and The Descendant in their soul says I am like you or I’m not going to be like you so I
(25:44) don’t bear children so is the repetition or the polarity and that repairing is even manifested in the careers we choose the careers we choose the purpose we choose in life it’s goes oriented to repair and compensate those imbalances back there for example many many more things that in Partnerships that we encounter dynamics that we encounter are lived in the past by our ancestors let’s say um difficulties in children many childrens that have diagnosed of concentration disorders hdhd all that that I observed in the
(26:30) field correspond to an excluded a secret something that was not acknowledged or rejected abortions so that the child show us there are the service of the family system and they show us what the family haven’t been able to see or acknowledge from the past so we developed a illness let’s say is to call the attention of the family system in order to reconcile that ution and that’s such an important aspect of this life perspective which is that children are here to serve right the awareness of their parents certainly and maybe even
(27:11) the rest of the system and even in Psychiatry it’s called the identified patient right so one of the kids acts out even though the whole family is dysfunctional and that kid gets labeled and that kid gets treated when it’s actually everybody in the system and chiefly the parents who are the ones who are unwell right so how can we look at the struggles that children are having as an opportunity for the parents to generate greater awareness around their own incomplete you know self Authority and self-possession and I mean that that
(27:42) alone flips so much of what we understand about the individualism of our human experiences on its head right if a child’s role is to basically and you know we just worked on this with my daughter you know for me to really see like wow what she’s you know what she’s going through is actually in service of my awareness and I wouldn’t otherwise have this opportunity it’s very profound I would love for you to talk a bit about abortions and miscarriages and sibling order and you know death in siblings because I’ve actually I’m one of the
(28:18) only women I know who’s not experienced pregnancy termination and I don’t think that I had any sort of framework within which to appreciate the spiritual gravity if you will before learning about you know family consolation and the specific information that is held by you know terminated pregnancies and miscarriages and seeing in these systems in these ordered hierarchies that these pregnancies are actual you know forces right they’re entities that belong and need to be placed in belonging so I’ve watched girlfriends because of this work
(28:58) with you you know hang pictures on their walls or you know get little you know amulets or so you know something to signify or honor you know a termination or a miscarriage and to really welcome that Soul into the constellated system of the family so it’s not to say like oh wow if this happened to you you know like you’re screwed forever it’s more just that it’s this very almost like neutral concept like there’s order and belonging know here’s how you make sense out of it so how does it work with terminations
(29:32) and miscarriages and and what is the impact on the subsequent children who are born after these kinds of pregnancy related experiences yeah in in fertility there’s many aspects and Dynamics what I have observed is that the dynamic of each is different an abortion uh termination obeys to when the soul that little fetus decided to give its life to serve the excluded even the perpetrators in Every Family there’s perpetrators even if they don’t have the same block they belong just by they came as perpetrators to her
(30:15) to restore some balance and they I want to pause you there am because this is a big concept for a lot of people right so you’re saying that somebody comes in a neighbor a teacher a priest and and molests a child you’re saying that that person actually belongs in that family system right yeah yeah belongs it came and then and it’s hard sometimes to acknowledge but it came if you see it from the whole to restore some lost Balan that was before and the fetus that is terminated or aborted and I have to say an abortion is not judged by good or
(30:56) bad not at all it’s just the destiny of a soul is just Destiny but to heal it is important because some part of the mother wants to go with it the guilt the blame I I have observed it in my in the movements because the the feel is what gives you the observation and the on the dynamic but I have observed that the mother when the aborted child appeared the mother wants to somehow go with it in guilt in blame so to heal that as you said even an name acknowledge and saying thank you for giving your life for us to
(31:33) keep a little bit longer here that was your destiny I honor it I acknowledge it thank you that shi the new energy that makes that fetus to belong to felt care about because he gave it life in at the service of the system that with the termination with the abortions the spontaneous miscarriages the Dynamics different they die for their parents they decided to go for their parents that’s what I’ve seen they go in total peace and grateful and fulfilling a purpose and a mission in all cases the mother just needs to heal
(32:17) that to incorporate and honor the abortions with the idea that is another part of fertility is totally different it’s again I’m going to say it’s good B but there’s many things that needs to be acknowledged and honored and I appreciate that because there’s many lives that get lost in order that for one to make it you know so there’s many Behavior things that I’ve seen in child that are born through ibf just because they’re entangled with their sibling embryos that are still frozen or sometimes they just feel like they don’t
(32:59) have a life or they don’t have the energy and that push towards life because they’re entangled with the sperms that are frozen for example so something in them is frozen so there’s many things to honor around that so fertility is a big big big feel in what the constellation is is all about but it it makes Miracles when the when the soul is ready no long ago I had a case of a woman trying to conceive with no diagnose because if there’s a diagnosed the approach is different is that diagnose needs to be acknowledged in the
(33:34) past but sometimes in the womb the moment the client the Seeker was in the womb of her mother some traumas arise and happened that that client I told her what happened with your mom and your dad because I was seeing in the meaningful project I call it meaningful project the moment that the woman is pregnant with the client that determines a lot of their life Dynamics and patterns whatever they absorb in the womb so I was seeing something reflecting in her meaningful project and I say what happened with your mother when she was
(34:11) pregnant with you and she said my dad hit her all the time very hard so of course what she absorbed is that the children is in danger When the Children is in danger your own biology protect you from bearing a children so she got pregnant twice and when she got in the third four month when she had that trauma unconscious trauma of the father hitting the mother the miscar came because the child perceived the danger her brain was passing down the danger of that moment so it’s it’s sometimes even the approach is to put in that moment
(34:52) and leave whatever belongs to the parents with the parents and decide to do it differently is a profound work in that case and that is something that has come up many times that I’ve seen in this work is to simultaneously like accept and invite people into the system but also to say like right what’s yours is yours yes yes and one of the most powerful healing sentence is I am myself you are yourself and I am myself today I see you I honor your destiny and I decide to see my own life to do it differently and sometimes
(35:33) I can observe when the soul moves towards life that’s a very very important movement but there’s what I call the clarification sentences that show you the entanglement so sometimes I encourage the Seeker to say I am you you see that I am you I’ll do it for you it unveils a new energy that make the ancestors rest in peace everything is paid now there’s nothing less everything is over and now she can face her own life you know the seeker can acknowledge and set herself free from the past you spoke about this provocative concept
(36:22) that we have experiences of abuse of injury of suffering as a part of our destiny and as a part of our systems need for further recalibration right so the idea that we are both right this individual and yet we are part of the system is a nice idea until you come into active conflict or enduring trauma around one of these individuals right so everyone you know listening knows that one of my great passions in this life is to explore victim Consciousness and to engage The Humbling path of transforming that into the experience of sovereignty
(37:11) which perhaps by definition is non- oppositional in nature right it does not declare its I am as an I am not you right like in the end right even though there is this phase we move through where you reject you say like I hate that this happened I hate that you know this is reality and then there’s a place you can get to where this this balance comes forth so the idea of perpetrators and victims is something that’s come up over and over again in these constellations and one of the biggest takeaways is for me has been what you
(37:48) just said which is to see ourselves as the experienced victim to see ourselves in the perpetrator right so I’ll share a personal example from you know a recent one-on-one that I did with you where I’ve been working on integrating my rejection of many things right whether it’s you know certain foods whether it’s money even the concept of marriage and specifically the rejection that I’ve had as an activist for many many years around you know pharmaceutical industry and it’s many offerings and so you know you had me stand on a piece of paper as
(38:30) somebody who is quite certain right that what industry is up to in collusion with many other forces and many quote unquote asleep people who are you know identified with the aggressor that I I think they just don’t get it right but I get it and they don’t get it right or maybe they do get it and they’re they’re nefarious right or they have like evil intent or they’re sadists and all this stuff right so I’ve projected all of this on to them the capital T so you had me stand on this piece of paper and just really feel my own certainty right like
(39:04) feel myself around this issue and then move to this other paper where you know the the aggressor so to speak was you know inhabiting that space and the moment that I stood on my own paper I had and I’ve been doing this work for like you know various forms of this work for like over a decade right and so this was like a couple weeks ago and you know I stood on the paper and just be began like hysterically crying and feeling the rage and the grief that most activists can relate to right it’s so intense it’s like the only rational response to all
(39:43) of the pain you know that has been inflicted all of the violation right all of the oppression all of it and what came out of me right I don’t remember exactly but it was something like I hate you I’ll kill you right so it’s like is that murderous that’s murderous right that’s murderous rage and then I go to this other paper where the murderers live I it’s like it was not funny at the time and you know I start to feel first you know a whole lot of nothing and then as I go back and forth between the papers the difference between the papers
(40:20) and my my position on them began to diminish right and so that was like an embodied experience of I see myself myself in you power right and that has that simple sentence has served me so immensely because every time I feel victimized right every time I feel attacked put upon misunderstood mischaracterized oppressed violated betrayed all abandoned all the things like how can that be one of my first responses knowing what it actually feels like to do this work because a lot of family consolation is embodied say
(40:59) probably all of it right it’s embodied work you’re using your body to rewrite your story and put it back in in order so and I just like I always sort of see your face because you bring such a non-judgmental energy even though I know you and I agree on so many things right like I know that we share perspectives on holistic living Etc but the the way that you interact with these perpetrators if you will whether it’s somebody who was a child abuser or you know whatever it was is from this deep neutrality right like this deep sense of
(41:35) like yeah it it happened and it makes sense and this is kind of how it is and how do we work with this so that you can get to a place where you feel like back in your heart again and and like everything is actually the way it’s meant to be and not just as a like a trait saying right like really feel that that polarity begin to come into harmony so yeah I would love for you to speak a little bit about abuse and the way that abuse and illness you know this this sort of victim triangle these victim triangle spaces show themselves through
(42:10) constellation and how it can be the resolution to really like see yourself in that which you are fighting right as other it’s beautiful only those who recognize that they have harm can heal simp simple as that so I always even encourage a deep reflection processes to see yourself reflected in the things you judge or you reject in your shadows and for that our ego it’s our alley because it show us our own Provisions even Provisions so yes we’re all kind of perpetrators in different areas of life we all have harm
(42:58) and we’re not the judges to decide the harm we’ve made it’s bigger than the harm the other day so there is the key to reconciliation I am also a human being just like you and the real reconciliation is not when one wins but when there’s merge of polarities that’s the real peace no one’s wi but the the real reconciliation between victims and perpetrators understanding that each has a place and the struggle and the fight against those who have harmed us it put us in the no and your audience and everyone everybody
(43:43) can practice this exercise sometimes say no say no go against something or someone and see how your body contracts and energy doesn’t flow that even violates the four or of love which is saying yes to life acknowledging life surrendering to life when you are in the yes and try saying yes yes to everything as it is yes to everything as it was it expand you it owers you and it transform so learning how to identify when you are in that yes and when you are in that no make you get out of the victim is the victim you know it you teach it doesn’t
(44:28) heal but there’s a lot of information and transformative knowledge that we can gain by identifying the shadows in that that we reject in that that make us feel as a victim we are also perpetrators and the other it it has cost to others the same way that it cost to myself so everyone serves a purpose that is mostly the dynamic of course I have clients and Seekers that come with with with traumas and about parents molestation narcissistic parents and what I observe is that children in their infinity and pure love they keep
(45:10) themselves to reconcile whatever was happening in between their parents and I have to say that constellations are not oriented to restore a relationship many times we need to work in boundaries and even set distance in the relationship what it needs to be healed is the link the bond because life was given to you through those two lives that merge when you reject them or reject one of them you’re rejecting yourself it’s a way to reject yourself so the only way to reclaim your power is to acknowledge and take in life at
(45:57) knowledge in life from who was given to you and when clients understand that they recover the power sometimes they put boundaries and limitations toward that relationship and sometimes it heals but the orientation of the constellation is to to seek to heal the bond the link that the client can recover the power from acknowledging life even when they had you know toxic Dynamics with their parents or abusive the parents that happens a lot and still it can be done through healing the masculine or healing the feminine sometimes I have to work
(46:36) with Mother Earth as an archetype to heal the figure of mother the son to heal the father and it takes some different approaches depending of the trauma that the client has passed through but it’s possible that’s such an important Nuance right because obviously I opened up with this the story of a restoration and you are offering a distinction between the honoring of the bond that is there your mother’s your mother your father’s your father and that is and always will be right so the the honoring of the bond that is there
(47:16) is not synonymous with having an active ongoing relationship and and as you’re saying that’s not even really the goal so how does it look in your opinion for a boundary to not be from an energy of rejection or projection of One’s Own malevolence you know when that is what is right for the system how does it look you have to remain the child in your nuclear system I put you as a child there you’re not the adult you’re not responsible there you were given and you take when when you belong there as a child in your nuclear family that way
(48:03) you can become an adult for your new system for your new relationship to be available for a partner for your own children if you’re not the child there you’re going to come to your new system as that needed child you’re going to relate from that wound from that wound yes oh my gosh yes that we’re in the expectations that and fulfilled for you so if you go there and you say I am the child I leave you with your responsibility it’s not mine to carry now I can go to my partner I and I can see it as the woman I want to be I want
(48:42) to become free from that and of course it’s a process but that’s the mostly the the movement and in a big scale but it’s it’s different in each depending of what I observe in the field just being the small one and seeing your parents as the beig and you can see it in the issues the client bring to the session if it’s about projects or work or moving to another country or seeking many things related with work with projects it’s it’s related with the energy of masculine the father Partnerships money abundance in general mother so we are a
(49:24) merage of 50 and 50% those two energies and when we don’t acknowledge them we’re going to start finding blocks in different aspects of our life even illness illness is a manifestation that invite us to adapt to a situation that our soul is not seen from the past it’s a special program of adaptation that’s what I observe and the illness grows when you don’t see it when you don’t appreciate it so I would love to leave people with some of the healing statements because I think that you mentioned a few I think that this
(50:08) combination of very very personal like deeply intimate material and also the universal right so the the statements that you offer when we are in the field are obviously very specific to our given dilemmas right and they are the kinds of sentiments that we all need to hear right we all need to remind ourselves and this idea right because especially when we talk about individuation and what it is to resolve a lot of our childhood traumas and come into our adult selves we lose this idea that to our parents we are always a child right
(50:47) and that that actually is the proper orientation resolving as you said our Dynamic our parentified child Dynamics or our loyalty romantic loyalties to our parents or sibling loyalties to our parents or caretaker loyalties right and to restore that proper placement I mean who cannot relate to that like this is like this is is something that we’ve all experienced in I imagine I mean maybe not everyone but it seems like everyone I know experienced in in some way shape or form and bringing the consciousness of the disordered family of origin into
(51:20) our primary romantic Partnerships into our parenting into our you know new systems is yeah it causes a lot of tension so what are are some of the phrases and statements that you offer to people once the constellation is organized and in case that’s not clear like what that actually means is that you know omly will literally help move the bodies of the people who are representing let’s say the parents and the child put the partner in the correct place you know put the children in the correct place because there is such a
(51:56) concept in family constellation and then these statements are offered and it’s also important right to be facing the future right literally to be facing the future versus the past so your body is oriented not in the direction of what was because you’ve had this experience of acknowledging it and allowing it you know to penetrate you know really your your reality so yeah I wonder if you could share a couple of those that you help I always recommend to participants to place their parents right behind their shoulders at a
(52:38) distance that is safe and comfortable some of them they prefer them further some of them prefer them closer your father behind your right shoulder your mother behind your left shoulder and feel how your body reacts to it allow yourself to feel whatever it arise and acknowledge it the emotion you can even if you don’t feel strong enough of you feeling charged or depleted or pushed back you can even add your grandparents each of your parents parents right behind them so your four grandparents and you can notice how it your body will
(53:22) start probably feeling different you gain more strength his to grandparents have also a role there being the parents of your parents so you can get out of that you can even add as many generations of you desire you as you need and feel like that triangle you’re in the tip and all that back your great grandparents your great great grandparents and then you probably decide and wish to turn a little bit back and look at your parents at your ancestors as a child and open the heart wide and say I see you you all belong I
(54:07) take life from you in its fullest and I’ll do something great with it something great I will preserve my life and take care of it to honor you all and then in front of you you see life in an image in an object in a color and energy whatever gives you pleasing and content and you allow yourself to make a step towards it you are seeing them as a child and with each step to grow a little bit more and a little bit more with each step you feel lighter and lighter and lighter until you’re able to embrace and hug life your life free that
(54:56) is a very powerful exercise that I gives you all to practice as many times as you need in an energetic level it will shift the energy of whatever you’ve been carrying into something new I love this it’s the anthem you know of this entire podcast which is you know the Reclamation process that is required to actually and finally choose life so I’m so endlessly you know I’m so I could cry talking about it so grateful to you women and I’m I’m really excited to share you on this stage and in future stages your site will be in the show
(55:38) notes and so much actually of what you offer is also in Spanish and we’re just all blessed you know that you are here as an ambassador of this just beautifully inspirational and lifegiving work thank you thank you for being an instrument and and your trust your love I am forever grateful to you and your audience thank you for having me my dear Kelly looking forward for many more experiences together to put our two sons
