(00:08) I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as the New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist P dancer or honorary member of the disinformation Dozen what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my or victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally truly
(00:43) own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of Who You Are this is Reclamation radio hi and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and I am already crying just chitty chatting with this woman before we have even gone live I am in conversation today with Lindsay Ridgeway and she is one of the golden
(01:24) Freds that has been woven into the tapestry of reclamation that I have have been honored and privileged to witness over the past decade or so and I want to talk a bit about her story and also for you to experience what is possible right so the shift that I made from fighting Pharma from fighting the allopathic system from my exploding pill on the cover book Treatise to Celebration of what is possible was an intuitive you know shift that was probably necessary even for my own soul my own energetics but the reason that I I do this now is
(02:12) because it feels so good it feels so good to expand the permission field and Lindsay does just that so welcome Lindsay I’m super excited to be in conversation with you we had the pleasure of meeting at my live event audition embodiment and it had felt like I already knew you for go I don’t know my whole life and the only reason you even came into my sphere is because you read my book right and you had an experience of what you understood yourself to be as a woman with bipolar disorder as a woman who was mentally ill
(02:50) as a woman who might have required medication for the rest of your life and so I’d love for us to backtrack into your story because I want to paint the picture of where you’ve you’ve come to even at this moment and I know where you’re going is just Magic Carpet Ride level so that we can drop in and I want to focus Lindsay on specifically what it is that you used to believe about yourself because I know that those beliefs have shifted but maybe you can take us to whenever is that you can remember you began to develop beliefs
(03:28) and a self-concept around found this idea of your mental illness what that meant for you and how that impacted your life and then just sort of take us take us through the Journey yeah so it starts as I reflected surprisingly young like I remember this moment at like 11 or 12 actually I have like a totally distinct memory that I find hilarious now and 11 years old I was like wearing Amber croman Fitch and like trying to fit in with the popular kids and literally the next year it was black lace gloves and neon Tut and like totally different
(04:06) totally like colorful and vibrant but I think that was kind of my Pivot in my life of self-realization and realizing just how sensitive I was to everything and that really came outward in my appearance as well but yeah I think that was the point in my life that I noticed that I felt different than other people and I I have a better understanding of what that is now but at the time it really the canary and the coal mine analogy really resonates now reflecting back on that period in my life because I just felt like I was seeing things that other
(04:42) people weren’t seeing and I like really was banging my head against the wall trying to get other people to understand like things are weird here things aren’t right and you’re all like at surface level and I’m like seven miles deep in the ocean with how much I’m experiencing and it was incredibly isolating and as I developed through my teen years it was like you know I grew up in a standard American family and if you’re not feeling well we take you to the doctor and I remember that five minute consultation with the nurse practitioner
(05:13) and she’s like oh you’re sad okay here’s some meds and I remember telling my mom in the parking lot I’m like there’s no way like there’s no way after five minutes I just felt so like pushed to the side and like get out of my office you’re wasting my time here’s some meds and I took them for about six months and it was awful I hated it I felt like I was a zombie I was not myself so I quit I think after that experience initially I knew like okay meds are not for me I can’t do this with meds at all and I was 18 at that point and so being medfree
(05:51) and dealing with the symptoms of bipolar and depression and anxiety and all of the things I was so like scared confused lost suffering if I’m being totally Frank and honest did not see myself living a full life I was like I don’t know how but there’s no way I’m going to make it to like 30 like there’s no way I can do this for 10 more years and I was really soul searching at that time I was really going through the depths of like what it means to be a human too so Not only was I experiencing all of this suffering but I was also like really
(06:26) trying to dig into what it meant to be a human being and what it means to be alive on this planet and I feel like it was unavoidable for me so it was like this constant like a brick building on my shoulders at all times in my life constantly drained constantly feeling like nobody sees me nobody understands me I am the only one that’s really experiencing this which like now feels ridiculous because I know how many women are experiencing this but at the time like you could not convince me otherwise like I am one of one nobody else knows
(06:58) what I’m dealing with right now and it was about that time in that heaviness of my life that I heard you on Joe Rogan and I remember listening to the podcast and thinking like wow that is like that’s too good to be true there’s no way like that’s really awesome what this woman is saying but like that’s not going to work for me and then it was like a month later I remember getting in this argument with who is now my husband boyfriend at the time and he was like basically pleading with me he’s like we’ve got to do something we you cannot
(07:32) keep living like this and and it was like out of that desperation in his eyes at that moment that I was like okay this is it felt selfish to me at that point to not heal myself to not try to find another way out because I’m like realizing how it’s affecting my friends and my family so I was like you know what she has had the most convincing argument of anybody I’ve heard yet and I bought your book and I was like screw it I’m going to do it I’m going to do the 30 days and I don’t care and it’s going to be the most challenging thing I do
(08:04) but I’m going to do it and I did it and everything just completely changed after that it was like that initial moment of holy like I think I can do this I think I can not just survive but like have a livable life like there was like this tiny little glimmer of light in all of that darkness that I was in and I was like gosh sorry it’s like already making me want to cry I was like finally seeing that there could be a life for me like even the possibility of a life for me and that’s all I needed and I know that
(08:38) is now your vital mind reset the 44 days but at the time it was just the 30 days in the book and I remember having this I journaled all of it and I remember having this distinct realization that it didn’t like fix all my problems and it didn’t like take me to this place of rainbows and and butterflies but it felt like I had removed the shap Shades that had been on for the last decade of my life and I could finally show up to do the work like I was in a space where I could finally have the capacity to do the work and after that point I
(09:14) continued to heal through you know taking care of my body through breath work through meditation through self- Grace self forgiveness and it rippled into where I’m at now and I can’t imagine back then the life that I’m living right now like when I think back to that girl that 18-year-old girl who was like so gone I just I root for her sometimes because I do think that there is a connection and I root for her and I’m like you you have no idea like what this life is going to hold for you you have no idea the person that you’re
(09:47) going to be and the reality you’re going to live in and I can so confidently say that I am happy I I’m I’m happy every day I wake up I feel blessed and grateful and I’m I’m moved to the appalachin mountains it was like my dream to live out in the mountains and I’m out here constantly inspired constantly in love with my community in love with my husband in love with my friends and in love with this life that I’m living and my art and this direction that I’m going with my life it’s just stepping into more and more love with
(10:18) every moment so to come from a place where life didn’t seem like an option to a place where life is the ultimate blessing it just feels like I can’t believe that it happened in the frame that it did and the six years it took to get here so it’s so I just live I wake up for this feeling of the Reclamation the Redemption The Becoming and you probably look back on your story I imagine and recognize that it needed to be this way right like it needed to be this way so you are an artist right a classical artist we all are artists in so many
(11:02) ways but I noticed as somebody who was totally disidentified with much of my inner child’s Pleasures when I was practicing in New York City and you know had no idea how you could even unlock those as somebody who’s not like a you know a painter or a singer or a dancer right so I was a doctor right so I was on that side of the desk with my crazy on that side of of the desk you know talking to these women and I started to notice a trend of how many women were singers were dancers were you know artists with different mediums and how
(11:37) that would come back online usually because they usually had a relationship to it it went dark during their period of struggle in the system and then it would come back online and so I started to see as they reclaimed their souls literally you know their souls came back into this safer body I started to see you know them enliven in this way and so you know when when we learned about your story which is pretty much like I think you know right after you did the protocol you were starting to talk about how it was coming back online for you
(12:14) and I’ve come to believe that you know you mentioned the canaries and the coal mine that women who are rightly sensitive get easily captured by the promise it’s a very Loring promise come on I mean you had you know medication effects that were undesirable but that’s not true for a lot of women right like a lot of women start meds and the fragmentation that occurs in Consciousness is actually preferable to whatever hellscape they’re otherwise living in with even a degree of awareness right so they take that bait
(12:45) they stay on meds for decades so your you know your sensitivity in so many ways was a blessing right where you you didn’t have to unwind Decades of of medication but I wonder how you experienced your identity as like an artist you experienced the expression itself like did it e and flow did it go quiet because you know and I want to talk more about like the life of an artist in a little bit but that’s been also how we’ve had a relationship over the years is because I commission art from you and literally my entire
(13:19) house like most walls is something that you have created you are extraordinarily gifted and to think that this was like buried and might not have ever surfaced it’s I mean it’s that’s like a true tragedy to consider so I imagine that many who have you know been medicated are medicated are identified with being mentally ill can relate to what it is to have a type of creative expression that is hard to balance energetically or that they just need to like pack up and put in a closet because they’re just trying to survive you know
(13:55) so what has that been like for you over the years so and I’m glad you brought this up because this is something that I have like really pondered on with myself and to this day I don’t fight my creative luls anymore I really don’t because if I force myself to show up then you can tell as I’m creating and with the finished product that like I didn’t want to be there which is why sometimes it can take me a year to finish a painting because I only show up when I want to be there when it feels authentic when it feels good in my body
(14:28) so when I was in the depths of the darkness that I was experiencing it was I was I had a Sketchbook and I would kind of come to it and I would kind of come back and it was I remember that was another thing that my husband had told me he’s like I just want to see your paint again we were at a therapist’s office trying therapy and she and he’s like I just want to see her paint again and I just there there’s no it really is it’s a survival thing it’s like are you kidding me I’m trying to get out of bed right now you want me to show up to paint this
(14:56) is crazy but I I have experience Spells Of Darkness throughout my healing journey and I acknowledge it and honor it and I say okay I’ll come back to you when I can and what I love about artwork is that my relationship with my craft is rooted in so much love that it’s like it’s patient it’s okay it it doesn’t matter I could stop for five or 10 years and come back and it’s like welcoming me with open arms it’s saying okay we’re glad you’re here let’s start again and it’s like that feeling is is beautiful I don’t encourage creation through
(15:32) Darkness I don’t think that’s wise I think giving yourself that space to heal is important so when I did start to heal and the little tiny spark that was my creativity turned into a candle flame and then turned into a house fire and now it’s like it’s lit up my entire life and I can’t imagine my life without it there is healing in your relationship with your craft in general so like how you speak to yourself in your craft is probably the biggest thing that deters people from wanting to create art any form of art is that self-judgment that
(16:07) I’m not doing it right I’m not doing it well enough when the truth is there’s no right or wrong way to do it there’s no good or bad art it’s all coming down to your self-limiting beliefs your self- judgments so as I healed as an individual I was able to give myself more grace in my art which means I was coming back to it more often because I wasn’t judging myself as much I was allowing myself to take risks I was allowing myself to fail I was allowing myself to make mistakes and not be happy with things and just move forward and I
(16:40) have found through my life that my art is a direct mirror to everything I’ve experienced and it’s so cool because I have this visual diary and if you look back at my art when I was like a teenager it was very angsty and very like weird and dark and like you could sense like the Mis that I was experiencing it and you look at it now and it’s like colorful and vibrant and it just like punches you in the face with so much energy and it’s like that is what I’m experiencing right now in my life is like this huge Vibrance in
(17:13) everything the Readiness to reclaim this dimension of Your vitality because that you know that’s what we’re talking about it has fascinated me for a decade and a half like what what is it that makes a woman a person but mostly I’ve seen these these cases in women ready you know to walk through the birth canal of her becoming and to shed a self-concept that is meeting needs right so when you were struggling and swirling you know however that looked for you it was meeting some dimension of your basic needs and then there was a moment you
(17:59) said it was you know when your boyfriend at the time right encouraged you but that’s not sufficient right like we need to meet with fertility that penetration right and so there was something in you that was also ready so I want to zoom in on that moment and see if you can remember like what is it that he was seeing do you think and what is it that you were experiencing like literally what were your quote unquote symptoms like what would have been convincing evidence that you actually were mentally ill and why did he encourage you to take
(18:33) a different path if he believed as well that you were mentally ill and what was it that you think looking back made you ready to try something that could have been a waste of time right could have only affirmed your sense that something’s really wrong with you but instead ended up being this Doorway to an entirely different story about yourself so take us like zoom in to that moment and and see if you can help me understand at all what your Readiness consisted of yeah so oh gosh like just reflecting on that time I like there’s
(19:11) so much resistance to like go back to that place but like I know I’m safe right now it’s just wow it was absolutely not sleeping whatsoever having no energy I was having anxiety attacks that were so heavy and intense that I was hypervent ating to the point of passing out on multiple occasions I was in a constant like braced state in my body very easily triggered by everything always in a defensive State always ready to fight like huge bursts of like manic energy and then these deep like long bursts of not wanting to get
(19:51) out of bed for a long time which is where the bipolar diagnosis came in I didn’t have a will to do anything like the will for anything was gone so as what he saw in me was the girl he fell in love with was only there in these tiny little windows and then the remainder of the time it was me zoning out disassociating just not present and when I was present it was erratic and wild and angry and sad and I think the moment that made things shift was him looking at me with so much love like I really do give him a lot of credit in my healing Journey too
(20:33) for being that that rock for me but it was me realizing that I was deserving of a sense of love and that’s what it made me want to fight for I think was knowing that knowing that there was something in me that that could be expanded that like you said it doing it was either going to prove me right and that there was it was a lost cause or it was going to tell me okay like we can we can grow from this and it very much was like a planting of the seed and what happened with those symptoms exactly did they just like stop
(21:06) on a dime do you struggle with them do you relate to them differently yeah definitely relate to them differently my relationship with my symptoms is very much it like a messenger their messages now they’re not I don’t see them as bad I don’t fight them I don’t run away from them anymore and it took some time to build that relationship of trust with my body and not immediately brace up and turn away from them now if I’m again like I said if I experience Darkness I don’t force myself to create I take that as a time to nurture I take that as a
(21:37) time to slow down to listen to really shower myself with love with gifts with things that make me happy I I treat myself really like that inner child and I really come back to her I’m like okay what do you need right now and I just trust I have so much trust that I will get through that period because I’ve been through so much worse and it’s like when I have that that trust in myself it kind of quickens the the period of Darkness a little bit it’s like okay the second that you let go and you’re like all right I guess we’re here I guess
(22:11) there’s a lesson here the second I release to that is like when things start turning around and getting better but you can’t ask for it it’s a weird thing like you can’t force it you have to really succumb to that moment but yeah not they’re not even the word symptoms sounds like dirty you know it’s like no these are these are little gifts these are things that are like teaching me something else about myself that I am now lucky enough to be able to see like all these little closets in my body that have been shut for so long that I’m
(22:41) getting to illuminate so what I hear is what I have personally experiencing what I see over and over again and I do believe that a ritual is required you know to get us through this doorway of Consciousness from the child you know realm into the adult sovereign space but is that awareness right so so you have awareness now it’s like you know somebody’s home the lights are on your spine is strong and long and you can allow for Alchemy I mean that’s what I’m hearing right you’re you’re talking about emotional Alchemy so that is
(23:17) polarity right it’s like you know your masculine spine is there so that your heart can swirl in the way she needs and this inner reunion to me is the destination right like that complimentarity versus and I love that you even caught yourself too and and of course I was sort of like tongue and cheek about the symptoms thing because it’s this idea of I have these symptoms I want them to go away yeah that will happen like it will happen I’ve published many cases where that has happened right and you don’t take the
(23:49) meds anymore and then you move on but that’s almost not the point it’s like it’s like a side benefit to this deep initiation to self and relationship to self so I wonder like how do you think about mental illness like what do you think was actually going on on an existential level on a spiritual level when you identified you know as somebody who was mentally ill and you I’m sure you know people who do and you see people who do like what do you think mental illness is do you think it’s a thing right because the patterns you
(24:27) described we real right and psychiatrists are very good at pattern recognition I mean it’s arguably what I still do for a living right so patterns are real what we make them mean you know is an entirely you know different conversation so do you at this point have any sort of solidified beliefs about like what mental illness is do you even use that term how do you think about not to I really try not to I think and I definitely am present for and listen and try to be with those people in my life who still identify with
(25:04) mental illness and I remember in my life way back then identifying with those patterns and putting a label behind it it’s validating it feels like oh my gosh I I’m being seen like there’s a word for it oh I’m not alone like it feels like you’re not the crazy person oh gosh this is some in some way there’s a normaly to this and I understand that that’s where meds can come in and it it is again even more valid oh good there’s a cure for this or there’s something that can take this feeling away or yeah I I think that
(25:34) it’s the comfort in that label but beyond that I really try not to like I said I don’t even like the term mental health or mental illness because to me it really is a full spiritual experience it is like a right of passage that is being gone through and it is I think a Trauma from childhood experience but even even if you dig deeper than that you know it’s like why was that a traumatic experience you know where where is the seed to that because there are people that have experience the same thing that don’t have the symptoms that
(26:09) I have so it’s almost like this inherent knowing in your body that’s Case by case and that’s what I found is so individualized it’s so specific and circumstantial to each person and like what that looks like based on each person’s experience and I think mental health has kind of replaced spiritual uality and like spiritual growth and it’s like it’s seen as as woooo it’s seen as this like mystical thing that is is like cute and oh the ancestors used to do it and it’s like I I think that it’s been washed out of our society and
(26:44) it’s being washed away from people as like a practical route to healing but I think it’s as I look at it I think it’s necessary and I think it’s inate in all of us and I think your sensitivity level to it is going to determine how heavy your symptoms are or whether you get that label or whether you get what medication but I think every living person has the experience of trauma and symptoms in some way in their life that needs to be grown through I think it’s just a matter of how like I said like you even said I feel lucky now with how
(27:19) sensitive I was to the meds at the time like it seemed awful and it seemed like the worst thing in the world to me but like I really got to go through the brunt of the work in the beginning and now that I’m on the other side of it I’m like wow I’m glad I didn’t have to deal with this for a decade to get where I’m at now but yeah I think I think it’s just this inate thing that everybody has to experience yeah I’ve actually seen it in the medical literature referred to as narrative medicine which is this idea
(27:46) that the story that somebody has about their symptoms and all of the antecedence right like all the things that led up to their symptoms is like they call it n of one medicine right like is it you are the only one having this health experience and you referenced even something similar earlier when you were talking about the exceptionalism that you felt right you said like I’m the I’m the only one I’m one of one who’s like this and that’s why nobody can understand that’s why I feel all these traumas right unseen I
(28:18) don’t feel understood I don’t feel like I belong and what I can perceive in your journey and mine and in so many is the transmutation of that right of that exceptionalism into authenticity and I have had the pleasure of having you in my business containers in entrepreneurship containers and watching you on the public stage on social media really coming into the ownership of yourself and your gift and your personal expression and that authenticity is what you’re offering right it’s it’s the entirety of your lived experience right
(29:02) the blood the mud The Sweat The Tears all of it like this is what only I can offer you and you’re doing that as an artist so I’d love for you to speak to others out there who might be in a similar position of reclaiming their sense of self from the grips of the Guild of Psychiatry and at this point you know psychology and related fields that have really offered this you know I would call it a poison apple this bait that is is very tough to resist to those who are otherwise you know struggling to fit their circular Peg selves into the
(29:44) square hole of society and you are not only making it work but you are are flourishing so you have the sort of like the artist Journey but then you have also this you know this Alchemy around your emotional self relating and this concept of mental illness that you have escaped in so many ways and moved Beyond so whenever you could speak a bit about your journey like as an artist as an entrepreneur when I see you know like any video you make on a Wednesday I’m like that’s her right like this just you it’s just you it’s you in the energy of
(30:21) this medium and I also am like super inspired by whatever it is that you are sharing because I know how real it is like the currency of this realness has never been more valuable I think that’s by Design so what has your your journey as a like a work would you call it a working artist like been been like what has that been like and and how has it been challenging and how have you worked with that so one cool thing that I will start off by saying is that like the title artist is only given by you when you are ready for it but that never
(30:58) changes from the moment you’re 5 years old coloring on the ground in a coloring book to where I’m at now that feeling in my body when I’m creating has never changed in my entire life so that title of artist comes whenever you decide to claim it and I think that was a pivot in my career was when I had the courage to not just say oh it’s a hobby oh it’s just a thing I do or even feel nervous bringing it up because you were kind of in this space of wanting to meet other people’s expect ations and and oh I can’t call myself an artist because I’m
(31:31) not good enough yet and other people won’t believe I’m an artist and it’s all when you can drop that when you can drop all of the noise of the outside and just claim that title that’s when a shift happens that’s when a major shift happens because art really was a private thing for me for a long time and I remember letting opportunities go that would have been really good for me because I just was not confident in that I was like I’m I’m not an artist I’m just I just paint sometimes I’m I just do this for fun and there’s a worry when
(32:04) you attach yourself to that title that it’s going to remove the freedom that comes with just doing it on the side and that’s silly because you gain so much when you identify with that you gain everything when you say I’m an artist and I’m proud of it and I’ve got my shoulders back and here’s my work and I don’t really care if you like it or not because it’s not for everyone it’s for me so when I started calling myself an artist I started Selling paintings I started commissioning Works little by little stretching out of my comfort zone
(32:35) I think if somebody were in my shoes 5 years ago and they were given the opportunities that I was given today to be where I’m at with my business I would have just HIIT in a corner and been like no no that’s too much I can’t hold that that’s a lot so there really is this like baby feeding into it like this slowly pushing out of your comfort zone slowly being like okay that didn’t hurt as bad as I thought it would okay I can actually do this and you’re like kind of getting your legs a little bit until you’re before you know what you’re
(33:06) running so it I even in the craft itself pushing yourself always pushing yourself doing the thing you’re always going to have this little voice in your head that’s like that would be a really cool idea but I don’t know if I can pull it off and it’s like that’s the idea you need to go with 10 out of 10 times like there’s a safe option that you’re comfortable with and that you know and then there’s the super bright sparkly thing that you’re like wow wouldn’t that be awesome and it’s like that’s what I’ve been running
(33:35) to so really listening to that voice really learning to be like okay it’s a little scary and I’m not totally confident in it but that is what excites me the most that is what feels like energy in my heart in my chest in my body and what’s cool about my relationship with art as well is the and and I want other artists even if you don’t identify as an artist yet to know is that art is the safest playground for you to experience those emotions and your body doesn’t know the difference so when you show up for you know whether
(34:07) you’re cooking or dancing or singing or painting you learn to take risks and you learn what that feels like in your body and you learn where you’re playing it safe and you learn where you are hesitating or where you’re messing up in the beginning it’s such a good safe contained space for you to get to know those Sensations in your body and I think that’s another really important thing thing for everybody not just people who identify as artists but everybody to practice so you’ve touched on exactly like what I have determined to be the
(34:37) archetypal elements of this this journey which is first the legitimizing right so legitimizing in your really it’s like a right to be alive I actually think it comes down to that but more specifically it’s legitimizing in what it is that you are here to say to offer you know to be and when you legitimize which I think of as being that spine like when you legitimize I imagine as you know an artist who is interested in making money right because it’s one thing to just like create art and offer it and and you can virtually signal that all day long
(35:16) but when you are weaving these threads of creativity and Entrepreneurship there is an audacity if I may use my favorite word that is is required and if you’re not properly legitimized in that and you’re not right then you could certainly feel quite contracted and collapsed if you get even a little bit of criticism or push back I know that you dealt with that I remember that you dealt with some push back which is always fun for me to learn that pretty much in every field there’s haters in every field it’s not just you know
(35:50) whatever comes out of my mouth that seems to provoke everybody listening but the experience that you had early it’s was like relatively early early on in your your public platform moment do you think that there is like Alchemy to be done even with that kind of push back criticism and the challenges to your sense of of legitimacy so that you can I would call it align with your yes and your impulses more right because you said you follow this aliveness you honor that that’s virtually impossible to do as you know when you don’t have that
(36:26) strong self-containment when you don’t have that practice how do you develop that well one of the best ways in my opinion as you know is through experiences of of the judgment and criticism that comes from others so yeah I wonder if you’re you’re willing to share a little bit about what that was like yeah that oh my gosh that was probably like one of the most exhausting weeks in my career I had one video go viral and it was totally unexpected and my phone just was like buzzing for like a week straight and it was probably 5050
(36:59) between people absolutely loving it and people that are like this is gross and I am appalled by it like just such strong emotions like it’s not even oh this isn’t for me no it’s this is awful why did you create this this should never be created and everything in between so it’s like when you were putting yourself out there and because before that I I was sharing my work on the internet but it wasn’t really being seen so it’s kind of like this sneaky way of being like Oh I’m sharing my work but it’s like okay
(37:29) well when only a handful of people are seeing it that’s an easy you know it’s it’s an easy way out so when you really get seen as an artist which is the greatest Paradox I think because all artists desperately want to be seen that at the end of the day you viewing my art is you viewing me as an individual and that’s what I want but it’s also like the thing that we are the most reluctant to like I I want to put all of my art up for you to see but then I want to go hide outside while you talk about I don’t want to be there to hear it all
(37:59) because it’s you’re you’re so sensitive you’re exposing the most vulnerable parts of you when you’re sharing your work so when that video went viral and I had to deal with all the layers of judgment all the layers of criticism there was a very necessary period of I think it was not silence but like quiet reflection afterwards where I had to really notice and and I’m glad I had the capacity for it in myself I really had to notice how these comments made me feel and how they affected the direction of my work and it’s it’s interesting
(38:36) because I found that it made me want to like piss more people off in a weird way like I kind of En yeah there’s like this little Rebel in me that’s like you know what yeah that means I’ve done something right and I may be biased and I’m sure I’m biased in saying this but art is probably the one Arena that is judged and criticized above all other things because it really like when you find art that you like you are seeing a sense of yourself in it and we have such a diverse number of people in Styles and it’s like there’s this
(39:11) running joke with Contemporary Art where you see a guy sweeping a floor and there’s people like applauding him for sweeping a floor and people are like I don’t understand what’s happening this is Art like and they’re like this is not art and the truth is that anything that comes out of your body in any way any way that light comes through you and is expressed in any form down to the conversation we’re having right now it is Art and there is room for growth in other people when you look at Art so even when I see art that I don’t like
(39:42) it’s like oh I’ve got something to notice within me like there is a projection happening there so it was a necessary experience for me to have to know what it’s like to be seen and to not be liked because especially as a a like you’ve said chronic good girl as somebody who has wanted to play by the rules who’s wanted to be good my entire life to be seen and not liked was like a shock to my system but definitely needed because it it almost took the vinegar out of future experiences like to have it be so bad in the beginning and I’m
(40:17) like okay well the worst thing that happened was somebody saying that they didn’t like it and that was it and now I’ve got you know like 4,000 other people that liked it so much that they’re follow following me now and they can’t wait to see what I do next so when you see the aliveness in people when they see your work that is an addictive feeling that is a validating feeling and it’s it makes it so much easier to ignore the people that don’t resonate with your work and you know that that’s all it is they just don’t they’re not in
(40:46) a space where they’re ready to see it they may never be in a space that they’re ready to see it and that’s okay because it’s kind of an impossible ask to have everybody like all your work all the time so there’s this huge cloud of fear with letting yourself be seen But when you really walk through it you’re like oh this is this is nothing now I’m ready to like do any of the ideas it’s okay to do anything because the people who are meant to see it will see it and it will matter to them and in the same way I’m sure you feel like when I talk
(41:14) about my story and other women talk about their story and how you’ve helped heal them I have had multiple women send me emails and Instagram messages talking about how my work has resonated with them and has how it’s made them feel seen and that feeling makes you want to just forget about everything else and just keep showing up for that experience yeah because you’re in charge of where your focus is directed you know and that’s why I mean it’s such an example the story of the power of you know what I call the
(41:43) villain Crown practice right if you can create play almost right and and something that feels like it restores that Locust of power within you out of the most existentially threatening thing we’ve always been worried would one day happen right which is that the masses have turned against us right I mean we have to thank social media for this you know modern-day you know Witch Hunt public lynching experience that is very available and you get to survive that and you get to even Explore the parts of you that might agree you know with what
(42:22) it is that they’re saying and to find you know these dimensions of self that might otherwise be arrested in a curated version of you you know that you’re carrying around everywhere it gets very exhausting so that first initiation I always find to be it’s never never replicated right like that first experience of you know Mass rejection or even rejection from one very important person right it could feel the same is the big moment and then after that it becomes like familiar where you’re like oh yeah this again
(42:56) it’s okay you know it’s okay that they feel that way and is there a part of me that agrees and is there anything for me to look at here so you are now living proof that expanding and working on our havingness capacity right working on the capacity that you have to hold what it is that wants to move through you energetically and what it is that wants to come to you in the form of attention in the form of Revenue in the form of accolades you know it’s a process for a reason it takes time for a reason because your system is literally you
(43:31) know moving into a different resonance right and I don’t use that like in a new Agy way like very literally you know energetically so I wonder if you could share Lindsay like what is alive for you now what are you up to now so that we can you know continue to follow your journey yeah so I am always selling original artwork on my website I always have new work coming out that I in no rush to produce for anybody other than me and I say that with pride and then I’m also offering live wedding paintings and uh guest portraits for any major
(44:08) event which I think is such a beautiful new thing that’s coming to light in the world and I basically show up and I paint the most beautiful day of some people’s lives and they have this token of remembrance that they get to take home with them and it’s such a beautiful and honestly like I find it to be an honor to have that to be able to be of service for people like that so that is where I’m also active and then I have a lot of ideas that are going to be coming to surface soon but I’m not quite ready to share on those yet so you have to
(44:41) follow me on social media and subscribed yeah I love it well you are a supreme Alchemist and an inspiration and it is such a gift to you know be able to beautify my own space with your creativity and vision and and you know we didn’t get a ton into this but anybody who commissions art through you will learn like your investment you know one of the pieces that I commissioned through you was cosmological in nature right and was you know we explored really together you know like what does cosmology mean what does true earth mean
(45:18) you know what are the different depictions of what this realm might you know look like as opposed to what we’ve been told by NASA and you know the scientism priests the experience of your invested interest and curiosity was so much a beautiful part of what ultimately ended up on the canvas so I am very much subscribed to your journey and couldn’t you know sing your Praises more I’m like I’m like cheerleading all the ages of you from your 12-year-old self until now and in the future and I really live for these Reclamation stories and the
(45:57) capacity that we have to to Really take the Reigns of what it is that we want to experience in this life the moment that we are are ready so thank you make sure all of your your links are in the show notes it’s such an honor to know you woman thank you
