(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting hollowness beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pole dancer or honorary member of the Disinformation Dozen what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and
(02:44) your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production welcome to Reclamation radio I’m Kelly brogen and today I would love to talk about activism and specifically embodiment as a radical and disruptive
(03:28) form of activism so as somebody who spent a decade in the trenches of pharmaceutical activism and medical Freedom advocacy and was very convinced that I was positioned specifically to take down this Goliath of Industry that was harming so many people I mean when I published a mind of your own I took out a $2 million life insurance policy and basically like ripped my clothes off and decided to run on the battlefield with my sword a loft and you know screaming like a banshee and I had so much rage at that
(04:11) point because it was a lot easier and safer and more comfortable to feel the activism in my body literally that’s so interesting that it’s called that of Rage than it was the unmetabolized grief shame and disgust of of my inner trauma Dimensions beneath that rage and it would be many years before I would start to explore why it was that life didn’t feel any better even though I was you know working so hard to make the world a better place and to help all of these people and that is when I took a deeper
(04:51) dive into victim Consciousness and the architecture I guess of the victim triangle and began to understand the role of The Rescuer position and how it is that as a rescuer and you’ll hear me say this over and over and over again because I changed my life to own this and it was not easy and it was not comfortable and it was a portal through which I passed into a far more liberating and expansive and joyful LIF Escape so you know The Rescuer is also in victim Consciousness imagining that she must save the victim right that she
(05:28) is specifically appointed and you know specifically gifted with whatever is necessary to save that victim from the big bad enemy of course reifying that victim’s incompetence and inability to save themselves and also empowering the enemy I call it the erotic caress of the enemy because it is nearly an obsession if not frankly an obsession for most activists who are so focused on the wrongdoings of the so-called bad evil enemy well I have come to understand evil through the lens of disconnection and specifically
(06:07) disconnection from whatever it is that animates us you know whatever it is that the stuff of our soul Sparks from so disconnection from that disconnection from our inner landscape and disconnection from each other disconnection from nature when we are in this state it is very very easy to be influenced by aspects of ourselves that take the wheel and that meet needs impulsively and directly in ways that can appear wrong from the outside in and it’s my assertion having done a good amount of Shadow work and parts work
(06:47) that all of us but I’ll just speak for myself are capable of doing pretty much anything that we all have the entire Spectrum within we all have the whole circus inside and that it’s a matter of self-awareness to come to understand how to organize harmonize and bring into you know the constellation of an inner family all of these different parts so that none of them are acting out of sync and out of Unison with the rest so I want to talk a little bit about like how do we get to this place where we are living in a
(07:27) world that we imagine we are in position to fix that we are so distraught around how wronged we are maybe as a certain subgroup or maybe as humans in general by other humans by other non-humans and we devote ourselves to the energy of writing what is wrong fixing what is wrong so when we think about activism we might think about you know legislative activism or protesting or gathering with other like Minds to talk about you know the problems and maybe generate some solutions there’s a lot of cognitive process around it right so it’s thinking
(08:14) and strategizing and planning and I would like to zoom out a bit and focus on how it is that we are susceptible to deception you know as as people and why it is that some folks may be more susceptible than others why you might have friends and family members who you feel are terminally asleep and you just can’t seem to wake them up and then why it is that embodiment that coming into reunion with your body is potentially the most powerful antidote to all that is wrong in the world and it may be that the exter internal Solutions you imagine
(09:01) are going to bring us to this more beautiful world are relativized by the Paradigm shifting power of Inner Solutions so let’s talk about trauma and where it all begins so there are in the field a couple of different types of trauma there probably many more that I’m about to list but there are developmental traumas there are shock traumas which are what they sound like there are medical traumas there are specific traumatic effects that can be encoded in the nervous system when we are preverbal before we have you know
(09:46) cognition and memories forming there are those that can occur later in life and still have an enduring impact even if it’s you know an accident that happens in our 20s The Chronic trauma that represents the stress of being a child to unattuned parents is the trauma that interests me most because it applies to 100% of human beings as far as I can determine so when I list some of the ways that this kind of chronic unattunement can impact us you may even think well this is just like growing up in the generation that we grew up however there
(10:29) is so so much research from the still face experiment to attachment Theory experimentation that looks at how essential it is for a caregiver and potentially specifically a mother to use her nervous system and specifically her ventral vagal nervous system the vagus nerve you may have heard of is the largest cranial nerve and the ventral vagus is the branch of this nerve this is called poly vagal theory developed by Stephen Porges and I’ll share an article on it as a part of this cast but this Branch inates the voice box the inner
(11:12) ear the heart and lungs and the facial muscles so this is called the social engagement system and it’s how we can determine safety through facial expressions this is a learned exposure this is a learned conditioning through our caregivers we aren’t born with this it’s something that is co-created and that’s why it’s often called co-regulation of the nervous system so imagine you know the impact of masking mothers and children infants for multiple years in you know this window it’s extraordinary to conceive of the
(11:53) even deeper disruption of that Attunement that could have been a potential intended consequence of some of the Mask agenda for reasons that I’m about to discuss like why it is that when you don’t have that Attunement you are so controllable so when we are raised in these ways and our caregivers don’t have the wherewithal because they are so disconnected from their own system to attune to ours to see what we need to perceive it to have the bandwidth so to speak to meet our needs and observe in ways are we flushed and
(12:30) too hot are we hungry do we need a diaper change like is there something that is like too loud in the environment their job is to attune to us as infants so that we can begin to experience safety in our own expression right our own bodily expression and then we grow up right and we’re told things like you’re okay that’s like the ultimate emotional gas light right you’re okay no I’m actually not that’s why I’m screaming and having tantrums. I’m not okay I’m not okay actually you know stop crying
(13:04) you know go to your room and calm down with no assistance as to how to actually achieve that or accomplish that then we go to school and we are told when we can eliminate so literally we are told that we can only pee after we are given permission to do so and I’ll come back to this because you know literally the Reclamation of urination and the practice of urination is one of the deeper processes of somatic embodiment that I have engaged in my personal life I’ll explain that more later but then you know we go to school and we are
(13:39) micromanaged and conditioned in all of these ways that of course in the activism Community you know we are concerned about but the ways that we lose control we are divorced from our biological impulses is not just you know an incidental it’s actually a very in my perspective uh specific part of of this disconnection agenda right we are often raised by parents who are themselves afraid of other bodies their own body right they’re afraid of germs they’re afraid of you know um illnesses and so we’re running to the doctor all the time
(14:18) conditioned around the fact that the body makes mistakes that it is fundamentally Reckless and dangerous and unreliable and that we need to be worried about things like you know contagion and dirtiness between us and the invisible enemy in the air food is used as a reward we are told to eat when we are not hungry so we are disconnected from our own natural sense of uh satiety and interest in eating what is hunger actually is it something that we engage when we are being praised or is it something we engage when we actually
(14:54) have a biological need and then of course there is the coupling of our sexual vital force energy and shame right so I I’ve talked about this you know whether it’s just being too boisterous and jumping around jumping on the couch running around dancing singing expressing emoting when it’s like not appropriate or whether we are you know caught masturbating or something like that and shamed for that if we’re shamed as a girl for wearing something inappropriate like two short a top or Too Short a skirt and so we have all of
(15:27) these now heavily normalized weights that we are conditioned around our impulses our native sense of our inner biological terrain we are conditioned around this idea that somebody else knows better what’s going on inside of us and that we need to defer to that Authority in order to know how to be in this body so the disconnection between self and body right this like cartisian dualism starts very very early through seemingly commonplace you know patterns of parenting and this and many other emotional Dimensions lead to the
(16:10) crystallization of victim Consciousness and I often talk about how there are two phrases that are specific to like they’re like the kind of neon signs of victim Consciousness one is I can’t and the other is I have to and if you think about all of the disempowerment that is encoded in us through all of these means I just described of course you’re going to come away feeling like no I can’t I can’t do that I’m not able to do that and I have to do this when you have to do something it is because you don’t believe that you
(16:51) have a choice and so the Reclamation of choice in my opinion is the whole point of the process of self-actualization and individualization so when you recognize that you have a choice that is never compromised you always have choice you always have choice on the micro on the macro you have choices about your interpersonal Dynamics you have choices about your lifestyle you have choices about your spiritual perspective and your narration you are here to express your uniqueness through the power of your choice so that Reclamation
(17:37) process cannot be undertaken without a recognition that the prize the goal the Holy Grail is understanding how to resolve the I have into you know the experience of personal choice so our nervous systems are disregulated by these practices that induce a divorce from our own bodies by the never really being exposed to the Arc of an emotion so there are many of us who feel like if we start crying like we might never stop crying I don’t know if you’ve ever had that inner experience of like the first tears especially in
(18:15) certain inappropriate places and spaces you might feel like afraid that there’s going to be a tidal wave of Tears that’s never going to stop well that’s because you never experienced emotions as having an arc because the impediment of your caregivers own discomfort in their systems around your so-called negative emotions was such that they had to tell you to stop they had to make it stop whether it was with a lollipop or a smack right that is you know how we get to this place where we have a relationship to our own Sensations our
(18:50) own emotions in our body called feelings that is like an inner Warfare it’s an inner Battlefield and what happens to our nervous systems for those reasons and more including biological toxicity and exposure you know to literal toxicant and you know dietary influences Etc is that we end up arrested in a state of activation and the activation can look like all of the trauma responses at once right so fight and flight or the sympathetic responses and also freeze and fawn right which are from the dorsal vagel you know this is
(19:31) Again part of polyvagal theory so which is the sort of primitive lizard like immobilization response and reflex that our animal nature sort of comes with so when we are in this freeze but also this vigilance there is often an experience in our lives of like running in place like running a million miles an hour in place and we express it in different ways I know I definitely tend more to the Vigilant anxious side of the spectrum whereas many of my close friends tend more to the freeze and in action side of the spectrum and in you
(20:12) know so here is the landscape that has been either intentionally you know crafted conditioned and enforced and supported or it’s just fertile soil for the latest psychological operation the latest agenda to render Us in service of a power structure that ultimately is not serving us back okay to put it euphemistically so this is where we can talk about what is referred to as trauma based mind control so how is it that through propaganda and the psychological Mastery that clearly those who are in control of
(20:57) media and you know that that sort of hidden hierarchy clearly possess so trauma becomes an essential ingredient to population control and whether that is through dependent models like the educational system the medical system or whether it’s through specific false flags and media making catastrophes or you know this latest Endeavor you know over the past couple of years trauma is necessary it’s necessary so a psychological operation has a pretty typical Anatomy every time right so often especially over whether you know
(21:40) we’re looking at 911 or AIDS or you know so-called SARS CO2 there is catastrophic fear right so there’s emergent fear right so there’s like a big cataclysmic event right that you need to pay attention to and then there is an enduring right so it’s essential that we don’t enter that natural EB and flow of our autonomic nervous system right into the fight or flight and then down into parasympathetic rest and digest repair right so it’s essential that we stay arrested because that’s where we are
(22:18) most disconnected from our higher faculties so there’s catastrophic fear it’s all the more effective when there’s an invisible enemy because then how can you determine whether it’s actually there or not and then there are all of these subtle layers of psycho emotional control that we the population right we actually self- administer and virtue signaling right so I am good if I do this you are bad if you don’t right compliance right so the social pressures of Conformity and there have been extraordinary
(22:55) studies and and videos out there where you can literally watch people sitting a waiting room getting up out of their seat over and over again to a bell chime having no idea why they’re doing it participating simply because the other person in the room is doing it right so we are wired for this kind of tribalism obedience and of course the divide and conquer polarity so how it is that when we are in this more childlike Consciousness and arrested in these trauma Dimensions we think in black and white right so you’re either on this
(23:28) team or you’re on that team and this is the two teams are both serving obviously the third party’s agenda right so in more Health rated Sops the body is essentially treated as a an object and as a commodity and it’s important that public health and infectious disease sees the body as something that is the responsibility of not yourself and not somebody else necessarily but of the state if you will to manage the associated dangers right so that’s where things like asymptomatic carriers are a very important part of the psychology of
(24:10) an operation like this or HIV AIDS because you cannot possibly know how dangerous you are how dangerous your body object is so you have to be assessed and then once you’re assessed we will tell you what you must do with that body right so these are all very important elements of a psychological operation and they bring us straight into the consciousness of the unattuned aggressor and that’s why with virtue signaling and with you know so many who then become agents of that aggressor this Stockholm syndrome phenomenon of
(24:52) you know seeing that there is an unattuned energy here that is attempting to control and dictate beyond our own preferences and then allying with that against those who would seek to retain their sovereignty their bodily autonomy it’s kind of brilliant you know it works so how do we resist well this is what I have found as somebody who has been an angry activist as somebody who has been a an obedient and compliant servant of the system I see those now as very related right very related in terms of the emotional maturation and development
(25:32) that I had access to at the time so when I was a servant obedient and compliant I was very much in the relationship to my body that is a match to that system I had literally no relationship to my body how about that I um I mean I remember before I was diagnosed with Hashimoto I probably pooped once a month and had no idea that that was a problem that that wasn’t normal I mean what changing my diet did for my life for my digestive system and how it allowed me to see how far I had strayed you know that’s actually what dysbiosis literally
(26:09) means is wrong living so I had no idea how far I had strayed because I was not home in this body so of course it appealed to me to plug into a system that says don’t worry we got your body we’ll tell you what your body is doing we’ll offer the tests we’ll offer the interventions we’ll save you from that body should she become problematic right so the way to progress into more expanded states of sovereignty personal Authority and self- ownership is it’s not a will-based thing it’s an
(26:45) integration and it’s specifically a nervous system expansion and I’ll explain what I mean by that your relationship to fear your relationship to shame and your capacity it for connected intimacy are all essential for you to walk this path however if your nervous system does not have the capacity to hold the energies of fear to hold the energy of Shame then you will continue to collapse into the resonant vibration of victim Consciousness that familiar place of helplessness and dependency and externalized focus
(27:29) so when you have a relationship to fear that is reifying this idea that there is something bigger and better than you out there coming to get you whether it’s a so-called viral particle or whether it’s the government you will remain activated in your nervous system to an extent that disallows higher functioning and higher levels of free thought and most essentially that interferes with your inner intuitive guidance and your ability to be present to the here and now and your ability to sense what should be done right when I think about
(28:14) living an intuitively LED life I think about having this everpresent guidance knowing what needs to be said knowing which direction to turn knowing what to choose knowing what to pay attention to that is power that feels like power not being somehow like granted permission and Liberties that I then don’t even know what to do with right or like you know just sort of become the there’s a new shiny object on the horizon that then I’m seeking right so the ability to hold fear in the system and to relate to it intentionally
(28:52) and consciously is probably one of the deepest dimensions of healing because you must begin to relate to all of the old fear that is stored literally in your tissues right so so many incredible thinkers you know like Peter LaVine Candace Pert we have great reason to believe that trauma is an embodied process as much as it is you know a grid of thoughts that reinforce that disempowerment so what do you do with the arrested stress physiology in your system so that when it comes up again so that when you are triggered you know
(29:39) when you have what is called a somatic sequence right for me it’s like I feel a clench in my chest then I have heat that goes out under my arms and I have a sensation that goes up my neck and to my eyes and the whole system clenches right that’s a sequence that I now recognize when that comes online it is almost never about what’s actually going on in front of me but I could imagine and enter into the illusion that I am being threatened in real time and space by like an email or a lover or whatever
(30:14) right I could imagine that and really live into that reality I mean that’s the simulation right I could experience that as being provoked in real time if I don’t have command of my system and the capacity to work with not resist or suppress but to work with these Sensations and feelings of fear as they arise in my system right so the shame piece is also very key and has been a major Focus for me as I have grown and evolved and changed because the social pressures that I referenced above are only effective if you are controlled
(30:59) through shame which is the most powerful form of social control of course there is because it rides this deep sense that something is broken and wrong about us fundamentally and that if that is exposed we will be exiled ostracized abandoned or worse so whenever we have a little flicker of it most of us will do anything necessary to quiet that which will mean that we’ve gotten line so when you are willing to risk social and interpersonal disapproval to be who it is that you are to walk with Integrity to stand by what it is that you believe
(31:41) even if you’re not totally certain it’s true yet right when you are able to hold that shame in your body and to work with the old energies of Shame from your childhood that are now being you know activated in the current moment you will only be able to hold that because your nervous system has developed the capacity to remain in witness while these energies swirl around and because you trust your body to tell you how to work with that right so when I’ve worked with shame a lot of what has come up is
(32:19) postural right so I might have a little inkling of Shame and I’ll be working with my coach and she’ll suggest that I ask my body what shape my body wants to take what does my body want to do and almost always I want to curl into a ball and so a lot of Peter lavine’s work is around who is by the way the founder of sematic experiencing is around the completion of those simple motions right whether it’s like bracing against something pushing something away curling up the completion of what it is that we
(32:51) were arrested and expressing so that that can be integrated and released there’s also the resourcing of connection which requires the capacity for intimacy right so many of us have tagged intimacy with danger with loss of self with all manner of horrific experiences right so we might imagine that being close to somebody means serving them means surrendering every aspect of ourselves so that they can feel okay right this is what intimacy is no wonder most of us are afraid to access that the moment we come close to
(33:33) it right one of the most interesting aspects of Love addiction or anxious attachment is that it seems like on the surface and this is a lot of PM Melody’s work it seems like on the surface we are afraid of Abandonment right we’re afraid of being left alone or we just like are craving longing for that connection but many theorized and and PM Melodies work on love addiction is that actually what we’re afraid of is intimacy and so we’ll get close or we’ll choose people you know who fundamentally are incapable of
(34:05) offering that to us and then we’ll be in this sort of like the intense addictive pattern of the highs and the lows of connection and disconnection so we have to be able to connect because that is a part of how we activate that social engagement system we begin to understand that there is safety here that’s a lot of what vital life project my membership Community is is literally all about is offering that sense of no you’re you’re with others like you it’s okay it’s okay your nervous system can register that
(34:39) and you can exhale so these elements are essential for you to be able to reclaim the power of choice and I love alliteration so I was looking at you know how can I express this in a clear way what is it that you’re reclaiming really when you’re reclaiming your choice what are the elements that come into the Reclamation of choice so I looked at three Rs right so the first is responsibility when you take responsibility oh it’s so uncomfortable it is so uncomfortable especially when we are in the early stages of just
(35:17) hoping wishing praying that somebody will come make it okay right that that parentified Authority outside who knows better who’s going to save us from ourselves when you take responsibility you declare your I am that is the beginning of the individuation process that archetypal journey home to yourself that young talks about and you relate then to your intention from the energy of an adult who is capable you say this body is mine it’s my responsibility you say these emotions are mine nobody made me feel this way
(36:06) and nothing is actually happening to me this is me showing me me it’s all an experience of me so there’s nothing to burn out there’s nothing to medicate away because why would I do that to myself this is me this is all me you bring on online that masculine capacity for self-containment because you begin to say I got this I’m here father yourself right this is one of the polarity dimensions of reparenting that I’m interested in so another piece is the reason so the second R is reason right so you take responsibility you
(36:54) find the reason for being there is a very good reason for every single thing that is happening inside of you every thought every feeling every symptom so I love Parts work and internal family systems created by Richard Schwarz and I have found it to resonate so much with what I have taught over the years because there’s no demonizing that which comes from you so if there are no bad parts of us then that means that there’s no crushing the ego right or transcending the ego there’s no you know something that has to be
(37:41) stopped there’s only curiosity there’s a component towards your inner impulses your inner Dynamics your symptoms your Sensations that fundamentally approves of their presence right so if I have a part of me that wants you know harm to befall somebody who has wronged me and I also have a part of me that would like to do the right thing the right spiritual thing those two parts are going to be at war with each other and the one that I feel most Blended that’s the term they use with is going to be the one I
(38:25) identify as part of my personality and the other one I’m going to project on somebody else and imagine is not there but that war wages right and what is often experienced is this discomfort anxiety this sense of disease this sense of unwellness so when you begin to understand that there is a reason for everything happening inside of you and it’s not right. So it’s your responsibility. Nothing has to change on the outside in order for you to learn more about what’s happening on the inside and to make sense out of it
(39:03) and to understand its early Origins not that you need to know the memories honestly a lot of the specific narratives of your childhood can be a distraction from getting into a harmonious relationship with the terrain of defenses whether that’s you know anger anxiety all of the the habits right so the part of you that wants to eat all the cookies the part of you that wants to sleep instead of get up to your alarm when you understand that there’s a good reason you know they call it a positive intent for all of these parts to be
(39:37) doing what they’re doing then you relax and release the compulsion to get something on the outside to change in order for you to not feel the feeling so a lot of activism stems from an unwillingness to feel the deeper emotions the fear the shame the terror the disgust that are mitigated by this part that says if I just fight the fight if I just contribute to making the world a better place then it will be better but there’s still that part that is in Exile right and then another element a third R of choice Reclamation is the
(40:28) reunion so this is what I have come to understand is one of the most radical forms of activism which is the reunion with your body so the term for inner perception of Sensations is interoception and the way to begin to reclaim that gaze within so that you’re not obsessively focused on all of the variables outside of yourself must change in order for you to feel okay right all of the ways that you can become susceptible to the fear porn of you know any given s when you Orient inward it’s very it’s a very courageous
(41:14) act because there are many reasons good reasons why we would not want to take responsibility for what is happening inside and would rather focus on managing the external variables right so when you initiate this reunion I’m biased that one of the first steps is engaging the Reclamation of choice through lifestyle change right so that’s what my program vitom mind reset is about it’s literally about that yes it can you know we have evidence that it can heal help you heal and facilitate you know the remission of all sorts of
(41:52) things however what I think is really going on is that it’s an elaborate ritual 30-day experience where you reclaim your power of choice where your nervous system is sent a sufficient signal of safety such that the your activated fight flight freeze is disrupted and you can begin to deactivate right so you can begin to see oh my choices have power I’m here now right I’m not actually where I was when I was seven or six it’s like orienting on a fundamental level however there are all of these mundane ways simple ways
(42:30) that you can begin the reunion process literally right now so a lot of these come from the somatic experiencing World some of them are just sort of intuitive where you might begin a practice of checking in with yourself as often as you remember and you check in with the parts so you can do a scan right this can take seconds you just do a a scan of your body from your toes to your head and you identify the places that are clenched or bracing and just note them it’s not a bad thing it’s there’s a good
(43:06) reason remember so you know for me I almost always have clenching and bracing in my shoulders right so my traps like right here in my belly in my vagina actually and I know this is extremely common for women my inner thighs sometimes also my hands so if you think about like how much it changes your physiology to intentionally and slowly release these places your whole skeletal system your whole musculature then shifts right so scanning and noting scanning for any Sensations and also beginning a practice of asking your body
(43:50) what she wants what does she need right so these days I get myself socks when I need them I change the temperature on the air conditioner at the first indication that I’m uncomfortable I am heavily invested in my physiologic comfort unless I am you know intentionally engaging a challenge right in the form of dance or exercise or whatever as I move through the day I meet my nervous system and my body where she is and I care I actually give a [ __ ] about what is wanted this is a radical act because the trust that then begins to build your
(44:34) body literally begins to relax because finally somebody is here and somebody is listening and it takes a lot of practice and a lot of time you are attuning to yourself This is the ultimate in reparenting because you can tell yourself I am beautiful I am worthy I am lovable I’m okay I’m safe all day long however if you have have patterns of stress physiology stored literally in your body that are reactivated over and over again every time there’s the slightest trigger those affirmations are not going to do much for you right so
(45:11) how can you begin to meet your body where she is provide those you know what is needed and then note where it is that something might want expression right and that there might be some sort of an impulse that wants attention and I found that the impulse can range from the very basic biological right so like coughing sneezing burping whatever all the way to the creative so at when I went deeper in this reunion process I chose to honor every single creative impulse no matter how ridiculous and you can explore my
(45:53) Instagram for more data on that Journey the number one practice however that I have engaged I referenced earlier is my relationship to peeing so I noted that I have coupled two words in my vernacular “pee and quick” and I use the phrase pee quick like I going to pee quick with pretty much anyone I’m with whether it’s my kids or a colleague or you know somebody I’m paying for a service or you know a friend I’m meeting for tea I’m gonna go pee quick I learned that probably from school but also from a
(46:38) culture that said you and your needs are second to me and my needs and this is like I also in many ways raised my children this way so this is just a legacy of emotional immaturity that has been handed down because our parents did not know how to meet their own needs because they were not attuned to their own systems because they you know were in in this chain of legacy of self-suppression or safety I learned that right so when I have to pee I might tell myself I don’t have time it’s inconvenient let me just finish this
(47:15) whatever these days when I have to pee I go pee and I remember one of the first times I had this experience professionally was when I was on Luke Stories podcast uh I don’t know when it was I guess in 20 late 20 no no no it was early 2022 and it was three hours long and I had to pee so I literally told him I’m going to go pee and that is something I would have never done it sounds so silly I would have suppressed that and I would told my body nobody what you need right now okay so that could be water it could be a snack it
(47:50) could be a rest you know but specifically peeing is not permitted so I am now my own domesticat I am now in many ways my own abuser right and this is of course how it works so not only do I go pee when I have to and whenever I have to I catch myself whenever I say that I’m going to run and do it or I’m going to do it quickly and now it’s a joke with my friends where I you know I say I plan to go have an indulgent and pleasure-filled experience of enjoying the transition from the discomfort of having to pee to the relief of having
(48:24) peed for as long as it takes me and you are welcome to wait so like it’s whatever it’s like a comedic transition that I’m in however this is one of the simple ways that we can begin to signal I’m here body things are different now there is safety available and here’s why because I am attuned to you when I think about the lover that I want right and I think most women would agree I Want You Know a Man who is so observant who so honors respects and is so invested in what my body is expressing and
(49:10) showing that he can read you know like the smallest Flinch like the smallest shift and he can course correct and begin to you know connect with me in a more attuned way right whether that’s that he sees you know that whatever is happening is not quite right is putting me into like a little discomfort or dissociation or whether it’s you know that he can perceive that maybe I need like a strong squeeze instead of a light touch this is how we can self husband right it’s how we can become that lover that we long for right and it is it’s a
(49:55) radical Act it’s a radical act because you can now think freely you can perceive and you can engage your intuition and fundamentally you are reclaiming what is referred to as neuroception — right? So you are reclaiming your capacity to use this ventral vagical nervous system to assess safety but like really assess saf safety on the outside so I I think of this image like the pile of clothes in in your dark bedroom right that you you think it’s like somebody like some Boogeyman or somebody there who’s about to attack you
(50:38) I mean you might like jump out the window trying to save yourself right you might scream right you might freeze and be up all night long imagining like somebody’s there trying to get you this process of dedication and commitment to embodiment and reunion with the rightness of your own body right that your body does not make mistakes literally ever does not make mistakes it’s turning on the lights so you can see it’s just a pile of clothes on the chair and then you can go back to sleep and rest when you are in this arrested
(51:19) state of nervous system disregulation you can only perceive that as a danger and all of your choices are clouded and you literally cannot think freely you cannot perceive what is there to perceive there’s so many small examples of this in my lived experience where I have not only reclaimed elements of self-possession that allowed me to make choices differently and respond differently but I also have noted that things that would have you know had me throwing up in the bathroom like with nerves like conversations with family
(51:57) members or something like that now I can just do on a Tuesday why is that right because there is more safety available for me and that safety has come from my relationship to myself and my own body right so like you know for example I had an experience like I leased a car recently right and I I don’t know how many of the women listening have leased a car on your own I found it a very intimidating experience right because it’s very blurry right and there’s a lot of room for boundarylessness and and a
(52:32) lot of meaning like it’s not like oh it costs you know $600 and that’s just what it costs right like you’re going into Macy’s or something like it’s not like that right so there’s this feeling of like oh how do I show up to not be swindled how do I show up to make sure that I am protected anyway so I was literally signing this document with the guy who was leasing the car to me and I had this wave of anxiety in my chest and this fear like I was doing something wrong or I was committing to something that you
(53:09) know I would later regret or I was making a mistake and I might formerly have like suppressed that and said like just ignored it or not even totally perceived it and instead because I noted it and I was able to you know be present in the here and now I told him I said I’m feeling anxious talk about this anyway I ended up like adjusting parameters of the lease like it’s like the years and whatever some of the cost and so I was able to access an opportunity to align something more with my actual preferences that I otherwise
(53:45) would have you know suppressed ignored and then maybe later shamed myself for or projected my own victimization onto this guy and resented him whatever there’s so many dynamics that can can surface around fight flight freeze and fawn is sort of a but Fawn is a huge one for most of us that is sometimes called like appeasement right so when we smile when we’re terrified and we laugh and giggle when we are feeling threatened so the capacity to be in the here and now means that you can be present in your
(54:24) adult energy and you can discern what is being asked of you by the situation that you’re facing and it also means that you can expand your Consciousness right so when I see people getting hysterical in the activism Community whether it’s about whether a virus exists or not or whether you know the Earth is flat around that hysteria that I observe I see through you know the lens of the father wound and the fact that that energy is not yet on board that says there’s no threat here it’s okay and I can explore
(55:11) something I can listen to something you know I can expose myself to a new idea and and fundamentally I can consider what it would mean to live in a world where there’s this bigger layer of dis deception right because for for most of us the layers of deception also come with a release of Hope for the benevolent caregiver to finally show up right that th those of us who have questioned really deeply on a lot of subjects we’ve given up hope you know that there is such a thing as a benevolent caregiver right like it it can be there
(55:50) can be that much deception it’s okay it’s okay right so we’re not holding on to any thread like literally nothing that we’ve been told needs to be true in order for us to feel okay in the world sounds kind of funny right but a lot of times when you know certain truthers like hit their limit of what they’re willing to even entertain and you can see they get flushed and you know there’s like histrionics that is because their nervous system in my opinion their nervous system can literally not
(56:22) capacitate what they are making it mean for something that they have believed since they were a little kid to be not true right so free thinking self-possession and sovereignty are dependent on this embodied trauma healing right so it’s not just talk therapy and journaling right that there is a reunion with the body there is the taking of personal responsibility and there is the understanding that there is always always a good reason for every single thing that the body does right that can help progress us on this path
(57:00) of Discovery so that we can access more and more consistantly you know what is referred to in internal family systems as the capital S self which I think of because I love thinking of things in gendered polarity as the sacred Union of the inner masculine and feminine right it’s that strong spine and that soft open heart so a lot of the qualities that become available then are curiosity the antidote right the antidote to fear compassion creativity connectedness calm Clarity this is the state that you get to live in and it’s not to the exclusion
(57:44) of emotions it’s just then emotions are no longer a problem and by the way not just the so-called negative ones the big expansive positive ones too which are very difficult to capacitate and feel which is why I often talk about like how when it is that we get the thing we’ve been striving for and we imagine we want and then we get it and it’s like tastes like nothing and we’re on to the next thing because we we don’t have that capacity buil to hold pleasure Joy contentedness let alone ecstasy and and
(58:17) Bliss so when we commit to the body through lifestyle choice and self-care and through self-attunement and the practice of embodiment we fundamentally have the opportunity to resolve the victim Consciousness that renders us vulnerable to control by systems by other individuals in toxic Dynamics and that is how we enjoy what sovereignty has to offer and self sourced safety it’s how we can begin to see clearly and Orient to our lived experience with a fresh perspective and to unblended and from our past and also a
(59:13) neurotic obsession with our future it’s how we get to finally be here and now I hope that was helpful if you like this episode today you will love my one-day virtual event on February 25th science and Eros this event is for radical truthers freethinkers activists practitioners lovers and anyone who is ready to go deeper on the conversation around what’s real what’s actually going on and where we can focus our energy so that we can actually feel fulfilled and enlivened as we expose deceptions and bust myths join
(59:59) me and my dear friend Dr Tom Cowen as we explore what is real in biology and Medicine where our victim stories start why sacred Union is the most disruptive form of activism and why we take the bait of lies to join us live or for the replay go to scienceand eros.com or find me on Instagram at my handle Kelly Brogan MD for more details I can’t wait to see you there there
