(00:03) [Music] I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times best-selling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pul dancer or honorary member of the disinformation Dozen what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my n victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally truly
(00:43) own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of Who You Are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production hi and welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and I am so delighted to be in conversation today with Sahara Rose who is if you don’t know a chart topping podcaster a best-selling author and a
(01:23) multi-passionate woman after my own heart I’m super excited to dive into really the similar ity in our Journeys and as you all know I have a book called reclaimed women that is about the heroin’s journey home to self and there are a few women who have done what I’m doing in their own way on their own timetable and Sahara is one of them and I know that there you probably don’t need to read a page of this damn book because you already know its entire Anatomy because you’re you’re living it and and that speaks to the archetypal
(02:03) nature of this path that it has aspects dimensions and components and we travel through these Gates you know into these new pastures and it kind of looks and feels recognizable from one woman to the next so I want to Dive Right In thank you for being here with me and I want to talk about the ways in which your journey has unfolded relative to your motherline so I want to to start there because I know that you you think a lot meta and big picture and you teach and you support women in finding their purpose right
(02:46) their Dharma when it comes to your motherline I would love to hear about your story from that perspective like how are you doing it different than your mom than your mama’s mama what does it feel like was delivered to you on some sort of a karmic platter to work with and alchemize in your process and then I would love to sort of like you know dip and dive into some of the details of what you know has been going on for you the past couple of years which I know is very similar to what’s come up for me and we’ll talk a little bit about
(03:19) alchemy but I thought that would be sort of like a deep end I’m going to push you in the deep end It’s So Divine how these things work because this week I probably had the biggest rupture with my mom that I’ve had my entire life and I would say in my like entire entire like healing history was always around my relationship with my dad and I’ll give you guys background but there was always this underlying like judgment passive aggressiveness with my mom but it was never bad enough to like I need to focus my healing work
(03:53) on it until something happened which I’ll give you guys the whole story so this is like really perfect that’s I’ve never talked about this before and it’s present with me right now and in fact on Friday I’m going to Peru and I’m sitting with iasa and two days of wuma and this is my first day my first time sitting alone with these medicines I’ve done iasos in combination of something else but like to be in Peru sitting with the mother and then two days of the grandfather and my intention is to heal my relationship with my mother in
(04:20) maternal lineage so and I did not know this was the I thought we’re were G to talk about dance and singing I was like yeah we will also but first business okay yeah so let’s let’s get into it my family comes from Iran Iran Iran as many people know it it is like probably the most repressed country on Earth women in Iran legally today are considered 50% of a man so you’re not even considered a full human in Iran music is illegal dance is illegal games are illegal storytelling is illegal men and women interacting that are not
(04:52) married or direct relatives is illegal in Middle Eastern culture a woman’s name is daughter of her father wife of her husband mother of her son her name doesn’t even exist to herself my family is Muslim and it has been like this for thousands of years every woman in my family has been in a forced child marriage most of them one of multiple wives to much older men and that has been my lineage for the past you know I we’ll say 2,000 or so years because we don’t really know what was happening before kind of the patriarchal religions
(05:29) took so directly my mother was a refugee that escaped from the war of in Iran so she escaped on foot and the time that the borders were closed and you know got asylum in Spain and then got asylum in the United States worked at an English school trying to learn English and then met my father in the United States my father was an older 11 years older businessman also from Iran but more like grounded in American culture successful safe they get married and within two months of knowing each other get engaged and then have
(06:07) me and you know definitely no healing work has happened in this and definitely there was a lot of PTSD on both ends what happened in Iran is there was a revolution so Iran was you know it was a more secular country before these rules were not there until 1979 when there was an Islamic revolution that Sy law became part of the government so when my parents grew up there they could sing they could dance they could play games they could go to the beach and then this revolution happened where members of my family were killed people had to escape
(06:44) so that was a huge cultural trauma and then on top of that the you know individual traumas of literally having everything taken away from you overnight and you don’t if my mom were to stay in Iran she likely would have had to like be forced to marry an older man against you her will for survival so that’s a little bit of where my background comes from and I was born in the United States and I grew up in Boston and it was really encouraged in my family for me to be smart ambitious intellectual my dad really instilled those more which we
(07:21) could call more of the masculine qualities within myself because he saw it was not safe to be in your feminine and there was a lot of wounding in the motherline in his lineage and my mom never worked so her Focus was really more so on us but definitely had this resentment of never having her own sense of purpose so it was really attached to her children I grew up this very free-spirited child who you know by the time I was 15 years old I’m like I’m joining the Peace Corp like I’m out of here and you know any opportunity I got
(07:57) to like travel internationally and live in like Villages work in orphanages I was just like I’m here to like be of service to humanity and like get out of here and do big things and it was always tension with my family and I was also very expressive child I you know started dancing like just going to dance classes I became a competitive dancer I was performing and you know that was also just like whoa like you know and and so there was always this like part of me that like want to like shake and dance and then this other part of me that’s
(08:26) like studious smart ambitious get parents approval so and that was a journey and we can like go into many many layers of that but I want to just kind of come forward to like what happened more recently so about a year and a half ago in this time when I was 24 years old I met an Arab man who also grew up in the United States so we really had that commonality of being Middle Eastern growing up in the United States and it was a really beautiful relationship that we both really supported each other to live our dharmas
(08:55) our Soul’s purposes it was very focused on like you sit on your lap laptop I sit on my laptop we’re next to each other you know and like and I really and that relationship lasted for seven years and I really feel that it was like our souls chose to be like we both have these big missions and if I were single in that time no way would I have built what I created it helped me like buckle down seven years later I found out he’s been cheating on me the whole time and that sent me on the darkest night of my soul
(09:23) of my entire life because that was so different because that was someone that I chose you know and that caused me to go so much deeper into the ancestral work of the ways that these story lines were being played out in me and the way that this conditioning of I am not safe without a husband is so deep in all of our subconscious and witnessing the effect of this on every member of my family which you know you would think it would be nothing but unconditional support and love and it was not that you know it was a lot around well couldn’t
(09:57) you make it work or you know don’t tell people what happened or well find someone new and it almost felt like the conditioning and programming even than me was like life only starts when I find myself in another relationship so put all of my focus into being in relationship so I can get back to normal and start living again and never could I have even fathomed a reality that like I’m not saying this might happen but potentially I will never be in relationship again potenti like that is a potential you know and does that mean
(10:29) I’m no longer living and so really sitting with that and who am I outside of relationship with anyone so you know there was a rupture with my grandmother that she told me that his cheating was my fault because I became too powerful and that men don’t like that and you know she’s my mother’s mother so that was that maternal lineage and like wow she was so she was like really so nurturing to me as a child but then seeing that side of her so for almost a year I did not speak with her a wounding with My Father which eventually
(11:01) I you know really dove into and healed that and now this rupture with my mother which is especially around the way that I present myself online and her you know because I started making music and I started to turn my grief into poetry and then I started to produce Melodies I did not even know which we can go into I did not know I could produce music that was never skill set I never sang if you said what’s your biggest SP I would say singing and because I couldn’t read a book I couldn’t listen to a podcast I was so deep in my grief my disgust my
(11:34) anger my rage like all of it all I could do was listen to music and from being so openhearted in that space it made me listen to things I couldn’t hear before like listen to layers of the music listen to ad libs listen to Melodies and I was like wow this is taking me through a journey that words never could and then I was like imagine if I could like take these beats but add lyrics that I wanted in my subconscious because a lot of these beats it’s like if you listen to it it’s like Yo [ __ ] fought I’m like
(12:03) okay that’s not what I want in my subconscious right now so I’m like how do I merge the two and that’s what started my musical Journey my musical Journey leads to me dancing more and expressing more which led to what happened last week of I sent my mom pictures of what I was wearing for my upcoming music video for my song called sexy Dark Knight of the Soul which is all about taking your dark KN of the soul and making it sexy which Kelly I know you already do and she really lost her [ __ ] you know she really lost her [ __ ] of no man will
(12:36) ever want to marry you if you present yourself like that they will think you’re like a stripper you’re you know a trashy girl they’ll never respect you trust me I know what men think I know what people are saying about you and like again it’s it’s her own fear it’s her own genuine fear of if you show up that way online you will be alone forever and I I’m scared for you being alone forever and in a way she’s right the men that she knows the Iranian doctors in Boston would not want to marry me but I don’t want them to marry
(13:08) me either like if anything being in this expression casts away the people who are not in vibrational alignment with because it’s only getting bigger it’s only getting bigger so if you can’t handle this version of Sahara Rose you’re definitely not going to handle next year’s version of Sahara Rose but in her mind it’s who will take care of you because there’s no understanding of like maybe I can take care of myself and so it you know I tried you know I see the best in people so I tried to call her and it was actually on the way to my
(13:41) music video of like hey let’s just squash the beef like it’s all good and she was just still not having it and I was just like you know what as a mother I if I had a daughter calling me saying hey I produced the song wrote the song heal myself from divorce and now I’m making a music video that I created all this for myself I would say I’m nothing but proud of you not I can’t believe you’re wearing this in the music video and she’s like well if you just want me to sugarcoat things then I can’t you know if you need to grow thicker skin if
(14:07) you can’t handle people saying your truth and it was just this like I’m at this and it’s and I’m curious your perspective even on this a coaching session because I’m at this place in my life that I’m like I only want to surround myself with people who like allow me and accept me as I am in my full expression and she does not and you would think at this point you know I’m 33 years old you would gotten used to this but there’s this continual and it’s like every time I talk to her I come with this hope and it’s yes that’s it worse you just nailed
(14:40) it yeah I mean there are so many place I give people this feeling when I’m being interviewed they’re like I don’t even know where to enter there’s so many things and I’m I’m like literally flooding with so many things I could say the similitude of our Journeys is Eerie actually like I there just even the numbers you said I mean there’s so many aspects that are so relatable and and so familiar so I know this terrain really well I’m also you know almost a decade and a half year senior and I do believe there are like you know these punct
(15:09) youngan punctuation points like in our chronology maybe that’s changing because like my 15-year-old basically has like more maturational wisdom than I do so I don’t know what’s going on but there are like ways that you’re pushing up on places that I have been and the one thing I was going to say you just touched on it is what my family therapist said to me when I experienced the rupture of ruptures with my family of origin in 2018 which is Kelly you have not yet given up hope when it makes me want to cry to this day when you give up hope
(15:50) completely that your parents and this K she was talking about my mother but when your parent that your parents will ever love you ever love you in a way that you can feel that will be the beginning of your adult relationship with them for me giving up hope looked like five years of very minimal contact like that’s what I needed right so so I think about like these stages of no right and so that first comes like the [ __ ] no and the hard boundaries and then over time those things soften you don’t need that because you are more integrated right
(16:23) and the integration is like taking in the projection so I went through exactly what you’re describing not with my mom interestingly but just in my own self so PS if it wasn’t your mom the messenger would have been somebody else who matters to you or some other source right and the nutshell story is like I joined this I can’t remember what it was called any it doesn’t matter this like apparently like Christian value Z this was when I was still like on the sort of like when does my next chapter start like where’s my next partner right and
(16:55) so I joined this dating app I’ve told this story a million times so my list probably know it but I joined this app and it’s not like Christian per se but it has like Christian values like Traditional Values like men are men women are women I’m obviously into that and I am you know monogamously oriented like it was just sort of that kind of a Vibe so I get I get kicked out I get kicked out within 48 Hours of being in there because there’s so many complaints that I’m in there I have not posted a damn thing okay and I get kicked out
(17:24) because I have violated their like ethos which is represented by the fact that I am immodest profane and promiscuous okay that I represent these these things right and they’re citing like my public profile okay so I got all sorts of triggered and I I did not at that point follow my own advice which is to sit with the shame that’s what I [ __ ] felt shame right so I didn’t I chose not to do that and instead I wrote one of my classic Kelly like all cut a [ __ ] emails and I educated them about their ignorance right so I ended up
(18:00) apologizing for this email like 48 hours later because I recognized that what they were transmitting to me was the belief that Kelly you are not going to be able to partner with the kind of man that you value so that’s not what you’re saying that’s what I was is worse okay that’s what I was recognizing is like the kind of like you know Traditional Values guy that I’m interested in or was at the time that I am not going to attract that kind of guy because he would never want to be with a woman who has pictures of herself in pole dancing
(18:33) and bikini on Instagram and that’s what my inner child wants to [ __ ] do okay and maybe there will be a day I wake up you know on a March Wednesday that I’m like you know what I’m moving on I’m gonna like start posting about me reading you know literature whatever the [ __ ] I’m going to do I don’t know where the Magic Carpet Ride is going but for now she’s at the creative Helm and I know you know so that’s why these aspects that have have emerged in your story of dancing and singing and creating and just like can you believe I
(19:05) did this feeling that also has a look at me do you like it right like I feel that I feel that little girl energy in so much of what women create and it’s beautiful it’s like the life force you know spark of God in that and what I recognized is that I was holding that belief so if there is a part that shares the belief that your mom has which would only be natural right because it’s the inject of her voice then it’s going to feel like excruciating right because if you don’t actually fundamentally think that she
(19:44) has any any real meaningful like thing to say then I I do think it would roll off our backs like these kinds of comments and so like what is it to get to know the part of you that is like wow I’m probably going to be I mean whatever like I’m probably going to be alone forever because I’m following my heart and look where my heart leads me it leads me alone because nobody wants this when I’m expressed nobody wants it like if that’s not relatable to me I don’t know what else is I mean that’s like literally like the tagline under my like
(20:16) deepest inner work is like when I am left to my own devices and I don’t have a man you know censoring and evaluating and saying do this don’t do this you know because I have attracted that kind of man who’s you know you could say controlling like my behavior in ways and now I’m just [ __ ] unhinged and what if it means that nobody wants this you know and so our mothers like our parents they don’t have the tools that we have to cross the bridge of reality to another person that they love especially their daughter’s reality I mean this is
(20:51) what I work on as a mother myself every day all day it’s like when my daughters are doing something I don’t like I wouldn’t do I don’t approve of I don’t think it’s even safe or right for them you know how can I allow them to have their experience and remain connected right so you’re having the experience all of us I think have had which is like when there is that rupture right when there is that difference in reality there’s no connection the connection is not available and giving up the hope it’s like you can’t prescribe it like I
(21:20) can’t even say like oh give up the hope you’re like you know what would that even look like but it’s it’s the same as the pain of Roman loss right it’s like we get to touch right like what would it be to have grieved as a child like not having the love available that we need to literally [ __ ] survive that’s what we’re talking about we’re giving giving up Hope on that like this is a deeply existential crisis and I know you know a thing or two about alchemy right about like what it is to turn grief rage shame into
(22:01) creative expression you know so I know you’re going in right you’re going to the Jungle you’re going in and I I mean I’m going to be front row seat watching like what you know what Creations come out of that because I know that’s what you use your body and experience your body to do as a vessel right our world is so full of noise politics social media other people’s expectations societal standards judgments it can be super challenging to access yourself and the wisdom of your hearts your inner compass and that quiet
(22:37) place inside that is always okay I love the Mist Elixir and anointing oil called Quiet Mind by lotus way it just transports me to this space of clarity focus it gives me the capacity to pause and it’s become something of conditioned ritual that every time I reach for one of these bottles I am able to open up in such a fast way whether I’m intentionally meditating or just need to pattern disrupt some disembodied moments in my life if this is appealing to you I would love to invite you to head over to lotus.com use the code kelly5 for 15%
(23:21) off the link is in show notes for you so I’d love to track back to like when you first learned this right CU I only first learned this I don’t know recently like I remember the moment I was it was 2021 I was in you know not running down my face probably week three of like hysterics right like I could not believe that I had lost this forever relationship what I thought was going to be a forever relationship I had you know let that fantasy like go up in flames and I just started to feel like a little s ing of like wanting to do something
(24:02) with the pain right like which I hadn’t experienced before and that was the first time that I like recorded and then posted a [ __ ] dance video and you might be like why the hell that’s isn’t that instruction for me it was the first experience I had of like oh this if I turn towards this it turns into something like pleasure desire creativity like playfulness right even mischievousness like it turns into something so I wonder when if you can track back like what were some of your earlier experiences even if they were
(24:36) like you know similar to me like last year or two years ago like some of your earlier experiences with like working with emotions alchemically to create from and yeah like what role does that play in your life these days like when you when you find yourself in the [ __ ] emotionally like you know right like you know the terrain better my moment which took me on this iteration of alchemy which has been by far the most golden and the most bronze on both so those of you don’t know when we say Alchemy it’s literally the process that they would
(25:10) use in ancient Egypt of turning bronze into gold so it’s kind of taking the muck and letting the Lotus Blossom and for me it was it always starts with an on your knees moment it was finding out that my then husband had been cheating on me throughout the relationship and I remember just first I was so shocked that I didn’t even have an emotional response I was out of my body and it was almost like this like quanan like energy of just like just listen and from this place of like okay like it took a long time to realize it was real but when it
(25:44) started setting in I just was on my knees sobbing to a level that I have never cried before like these guttural cries where you are coughing because so much is being released and I just looked at my face in the mirror I couldn’t even recognize myself you know it was like all of the tears I mean it was the start of all the tears I never got to cry my entire life exactly you know and I just was crying and sobbing and like nothing could even begin to touch the level of of pain that was just starting to tap in inside of me I looked at myself in the
(26:22) mirror and I was just like whatever happens I got you I got you and I remember there was a a song Spirit lead me which is also a Christian song I’m sure you’ve heard it and it’s like Spirit lead me more than my feet could ever wonder and my faith would be made stronger wherever you would call me take me deeper than my faith could ever wonder and it’s something like around surrender and I had never really understood the term surrender before obviously I had heard it I never got it if anything I was resistant to the word surrender because
(26:55) I remember a friend of mine she’s like I want to write a book on surrender I’m like I genuinely don’t understand it because if my mom were to have surrendered to the Islamic revolution she would have stayed in Iran she had to go fight against so my journey and my family has been a lot around defying the odds and regulations not surrendering and and she didn’t really have an explanation for me so I never got it until something happens so [ __ ] big that there’s no amount of pushing you can do it’s just yeah nonlinear invitation yeah
(27:27) exactly and just trust that if this thing was being what it felt at the time taken away from me God had something so much greater on the other side and I had no idea what that would be but all I could do was just trust and so these are when these words start to become my Mantra trust flow surrender let go trust flow surrender let go that became my Mantra and I continue to say it to myself my ex and I supposed to go to Egypt four days the flight was booked for 4 days after he confessed this to me I could feel this trip to Egypt was
(28:07) meant to be to heal my relationship with the masculine I invited my dad to come at this time my dad and I still had a really strain relationship then I invited my brother to come because my brother was in Qatar at the time so I was planning to go to the heart of the Middle East with my husband at the time my dad my brother like heill the lineage find this out do I cancel the flight what happens my friend’s like I’ll just come with you 4 days after finding this information out I’m in the Great Pyramid of Egypt it was the place I had to die and
(28:39) I grieved and had a thousand funerals for myself every Tom I went I just let go of another layer of an identity I held on to as a wife of The Unborn children I had from the abortions I had with him of just the life that I thought that we would share like all of the things and I just let myself unravel and you know I remember telling my friend I’m like I probably will never dance again will probably never like bright colors again who you knew no longer exists and I will be in this death as long as it takes and it’s interesting that I even
(29:17) had that wisdom because I was always like a joy like a joy Priestess like that was my thing I was like singing dancing like that’s like my gift I’m very Sun like sun goddess and I was just like no I will I will be in the Tomb as long as it [ __ ] takes and I will die and I will feel this all and I was like a Walking Corpse for the first few months but especially the first month I physically couldn’t eat I couldn’t breathe even out of my diaphragm again it was a complete shock to me so it was not like I saw it coming
(29:51) it was not even like we were fighting it’s not like we even had a bad Rel we had a great relationship and I find this out and even to this day I’ve sat with so were there any there weren’t and that’s what’s so [ __ ] crazy because you’re like trying to think what could I have done to DB differently I wasn’t supposed to know until I did it was like all of a sudden the veils were lifted and it’s like okay that reality is no longer serving you for this next evolution of who you’re meant to be and so when I was in Egypt I just knew I
(30:20) could not go back to Miami I need to be apart from this person because I’m scared that I will get back into this relationship if I’m around him again so I literally had my things be moved into a storage which they are still in in Miami and I’ve never seen them again and I had one suitcase and I lived out of that suitcase for a year and I from Egypt a friend of mine was like we’re in Bali and so I just went to Bali and then his mother was dying he had to leave so I was just alone in Bali for a month and I had to go into my deepest
(30:50) fear of being alone what is it like to genuinely be alone no one knows where you are no one knows and that’s actually where I touch the darkest of the dark of like oh I see why someone would kill themselves you know like I never understood that fully but I’m like I can actually understand why especially the way that he was acting so much suppression I wasn’t allowed to share my story it was like my true hell if I were to design hell I was in it and I’m like oh now I get what that’s like and then there was a part of me that was like
(31:21) [ __ ] cly Lilith energy of like I will burn your ass to the [ __ ] ground and another part of me that’s like it’s not even worth it move on and I’m like both are making really good good arguments here what do I do take you to court forever or just like Let It Go and like let’s just let bygones be bygones and I don’t [ __ ] know because Parton me wants to fight against the patriarchy through you and another part of me wants my just upgrade to be the thing and it’s like and it’s so hard to know and I would just pray and pray for guidance
(31:54) and pray for guidance and and ended up being a combination of both you know and I I actually had like a a legal agreement with him that I couldn’t share my story like I want to write a book about it instantly because that’s what I do I’ve written four books and he’s like you can’t because it’s my story and you know how these divorces are and I was just like who am I if I can’t write a book around what’s if the worst s ever happened to me I can’t write a book about it like I what was the point of this then like the only thing that I
(32:20) have used to make sense of the shitty things in my life is at least I can help people with them and I’m like if I can’t help people through this then like I liter like I’m just like all my ancestors who have faced the wrath of what men have done to them and then are silenced to make sure he doesn’t feel the shame and so I’m like it was so hard and for many months it was this deep pain I would just go into the car and scream I started pool dancing at that time and it was something around pool dancing it [ __ ] hurts it’s so painful
(32:54) you know but I could make something beautiful out of it and I was just I let go really of like I I had to let go of team members I was like I just need to go into the depths of whatever this is for and I went into every healing modality possible but I would say the main things that really helped were first just bringing self-touch you know the times that I would feel that deep feminine loneliness slash yearning of I just want to be held and that would send me into the spiral of going on the dating app but from this
(33:27) Fran energy of I need to find someone to finish this chapter and move on and have the upgrade of now I’m in a way better relationship the end happy story and then I finally realized of you know in this traveling and kind of waiting for the man that maybe this love story was really about me you know maybe it’s not about I was in this bad relationship and now I’m in a better one and this is it’s like maybe it’s like who I became and so I started to just write poetry because I couldn’t write share my story in a book
(33:58) and from that poetry I started to come up with melodies for it and then serendipitously on my medicine journey I was listening to a lot of Portuguese music something around that frequency was very healing for me I don’t speak any Portuguese so my medicine ceremony was like move to Portugal I was like okay so I left for Portugal that was last June and then that first weekend I get I got there at this festival called afro Nation I was dancing with this guy we’re just dancing we’re having so much fun and it was just like a Vibe and then
(34:27) I started telling telling him I’m like yeah one day I want to make music it’s like afro beats with Persian music and this and that turns out he was a music producer him and I started collaborating the first song I made trust flow surrender let go and I started to turn all of the messages I received for myself in this divorce process the self-love being the vibe Maybe This Love Story is really about me and I started to make them all into songs and every time I not even just made every time I just like made one little thing I would
(35:00) be so proud of myself like wow I made this and had this not happened I wouldn’t have made this and that that makes it so worth it and I would say the more I did that the more I was like I am in love with this version of me I am my own dream girl I love this version of me and thank goddess I did not meet someone a month ago or six months ago or a year ago because they would have met that version of me and that version me no longer exists and now whoever I meet and and that will continue and and for the rest of your life but especially after a
(35:34) big breakup or divorce you are exponentially growing so quickly it’s like you are freef falling and I’ve noticed the longer you let yourself freef fall and the longer you let yourself stay in the unknown the more magical your life becomes and it’s like trust falling you know I know you’re nodding this and I’m just like and then eventually I reach this point that I’m just like yeah I don’t live anywhere and I just you know like then someone was like London and then I lived in London and and that’s where I ended up
(35:57) producing my album and then you know a huge message that came through for me is my body is a sacred site and will only be treated as such and that’s what led to the album my body is an alter and then creating the music video for that which you know for the first time I really showed up in my full like sensuality but like for her I’m wearing these long fingernails that are just kind of like also like don’t [ __ ] with me also this is for me I am enjoying myself but it’s not for any one’s gaze but my own inner and more recently I’ve been you
(36:33) know sharing more from the dark goddess energy I have an EP coming out called Dark goddess which is actually all me rapping and I just shot a music video for one of the songs called sexy Dark Knight of the soul and the way that the music video starts is I’m sitting on the couch with my act out husband and he confesses something to me and I break down on my knees like that moment I shared with you sobbing and it’s my future self she comes in with this hot pink loudspeaker pink bodysuit patted knee thigh high boots long ass braid to
(37:07) my knees and she’s like if you’re having a Dark Night of the soul I want you to know your sexiest days are yet to come this is for you and then I come in bad [ __ ] s on a motorcycle and I’m like yo nothing lasts forever except my swag and I drop into this new energy and it’s been so cool like I’m like thank God I didn’t [ __ ] write a book that would have been so boring like now I’m like rapping and making music videos and all that [ __ ] and I’m like my ex now I’m just like yo thank you oh my God I’m like literally louder
(37:42) for the ladies in the back this is just so so delightful for me to hear this and what a portrait of alchemy like what a portrait right and you probably know that I’m obsessed with victim Consciousness and and SM looking it out and really recognize that this is where and how women have taken the bait of a lot of programming that seems like it would Empower us but actually ends up rendering us dependent on that which we’re afraid of right like the the persecutor the Violator right that we’re mimicking right and so when I look
(38:20) through the lens of sovereign Consciousness when I look through the lens of adult Consciousness I can see your ex and I can see that he I mean depending on whatever you believe like let’s just say he agreed to play the part of the villain he did a [ __ ] standup job okay crushed that one like a Scorpio crushed ited it and he delivered to you these opportunities that I’m not saying from like a like a Hallmark trait like it was an opportunity every cisis no like literally you would not have met these dimensions of yourself certainly not in
(38:57) this potent raw like dig your hands in the mud get your nails dirty kind of away unless he did it exactly the way he did right so like you know what I mean when I say is it possible it needed to be just this way every aspect of it right you’re saying like thank God he didn’t let me poor me like he didn’t let me write the book thank God because there was more vibrant Dynamic Technicolor Flame that was going to be ignited so like when we can start to to hold you know what Young calls attention of the Opposites when we can start to see like
(39:38) he served this purpose he played this part like because I wanted to go on a journey a heroin’s journey I came here for this right then that retaliatory like zero sum game I’m gonna get mine kind of energy that trust me I’m very familiar with that energy like it’s like really a choice right it’s you’re like maybe I want to try that on or maybe I want to just like you know run over to Stage right and then you start to see I have choices here I have choices I can play this character I can use this energy I can like you know walk that
(40:16) direction and that is it’s like the seat of creativity because how do you create when you don’t otherwise feel like you have choices and you’re just arrested in helplessness and it’s not the same as surrender right because the missing ingredient is the trust Factor right trust in God trust in the design in the just the unscript nature of the story that will become your life and and the victim bait in this space is so it’s so tempting and you’re you’re because I remember one of the first things I did in that time was like I need to read a
(40:53) book about this and I read this book and it was like leave a cheater gain your life and this book was like the most victim Consciousness thing it was like this perpetrator cheated on you and he ruined your life and you have post traumatic betrayal complex that you will never from and you never trust again in this and I was even more angry at him I’m like now I have this pts betrayal version of it and then they say it’s the worst kind and like then I was reading the conscious and coupling I’m like damn mine was a 10 out of 10 and it was like
(41:21) all these things of like this is the worst thing ever that happened to me and you [ __ ] did this and way I think that was part of that I needed to get to that level of anger because I think these opportunities actually give us the invitation to feel all of the feelings that we never felt our whole lifetime so when I would get so angry a lot of it was anger I had towards my dad anger I had towards men yes exactly oh my God like so much anger I had towards what’s underneath the anger is fear exactly Fe and then you feel that little girl and
(41:53) you’re like there’s different ways for me to keep her safe right then fight going over there abandoning her to fight the bad daddy I mean that’s my activism was exposed for being just that exactly and the beauty of it too is that when you then go into that feeling all the anger feeling the grief feeling the why haven’t we been met why aren’t we loved why aren’t we this then it opens you up to just feel more on the other side like I had never experienced so much just love so much more openhearted like my range became so much greater it was like
(42:28) almost like I was operating from like radio stations 800 to 1200 you know and now I had like radio stations like 0 to 10,000 and I’m like whoa I’m really alive like I’m really in this [ __ ] like whoa and and then your empathy increases so much that I’m like wow like I can’t believe I just like you know sometimes you just are you walk by or you don’t make eye contact with your cashier you’re this or that you just kind of let these that changed 100 I was just like everyone’s alive everyone’s feeling this pain it was just of course I I knew that
(42:57) but it was such a reminder to me of this and I remember then last summer a friend of mine was like well you needed to experience this level of heartbreak to have this level of heart opening that’s what your heart wanted and at that time I was still like I didn’t want to feel this you know and it was and now I would say 100% And now I can see so many parallels of my ex was a music manager when I was 24 years old I worked at music festivals I was a vendor and I was like wow he’s made a career in music that’s so cool I’ve never met a middle
(43:31) eastern person do that before I love that he is doing his own thing never in my life did I ever think I would be in music that it was almost like my soul saw that that was possible within me but I didn’t know that I thought you had to be in relationship with that and then again when I became single last year I noticed that all of the men I was attracted to I wanted to be in some kind of way it was like a a muse energy for me all them they were all music producers you know why because I wanted to produce music I was inspired by the
(44:03) way they show up I was in inspired Maybe by their their style their courage their expression they’re this they’re that and then the more I integrated those things in me it was like then all of a sudden the attraction Bell would shift to something else I want to integrate and something else and then you know now I’m at this point that I like I just feel this dating culture is so toxic of the way that it’s like just meet a bunch of different people and like it’s just the numbers game and you know I tried the dating apps for a little bit and it
(44:31) would just it was create a lot of scarcity I never really felt worthiness issues until up dating you know of like why isn’t he texting me back he doesn’t like me and then all of a sudden you’ve like pedestaled that person so much I’m curious where your journey is at with it that I’m like you know right now I feel my soulmate is my highest self it’s my full expression it’s who I’m becoming and whoever I’m in relationship with will be the person that’s the most supportive of that yeah yeah this journey of the selflove expansion and you know
(45:08) self-love is thrown around and people think it means like going to the spa or whatever and I’m all about self-care and understanding how to at least this is how I break it down align with your no say no when you [ __ ] feel no and align with your yes which means following the crazy impulses you know when they arise in you and doing the nonlinear things that seem like they could be all sorts of risky that self-alignment is what translates into love and that process for most of us takes a lot of time and a lot of
(45:41) introspection and a lot of slowness and a lot of quiet right and I know that if I so I’ve been celibate since I left my last relationship how have I a year so I could feel it yeah I didn’t want to like put you on the spot but I I I talk about the time and I’m curious what that Journey was like for you because at first I was like I don’t want the last person I had sex with to be him but I was like I can’t have heartless sex I literally just can’t okay continue no I mean it’s funny because I just recorded a little thing about this because I saw
(46:12) that Bumble you know the dating app yeah did you see they have like a billboard campaign super super unattuned but anyway it’s fairly off but anyway calling women out for celibacy and saying it’s not the answer so obviously there’s enough of us making this choice and people make it for different reasons right like there’s a lot of women who are like [ __ ] men I don’t need you that is that’s not where it’s coming from for me it is it was initially just this sense of like I don’t know I this is very valuable terrain you know and I’ve
(46:43) always been a serial monogamist and nobody has access to this other than these like very select few people in my life right and so the idea of like opening this to I just felt to important too special I don’t know it just it’s like no this is not right and now there’s a whole culture that like about how high value women behave but there’s like a little seed of that and then what ultimately became the case was that I saw BEC I mean I was the kind of girl who would I would have sex every day I mean I thought I needed to have sex like
(47:16) I didn’t even know how to regulate my system without like actual literal like that much like [ __ ] going on in my life escape and I was obsessed with sex and all the intricacies of it and the potential and whatever and as I have celibate studied things and been in cultures like BDSM culture and conscious Kink and I’ve started to learn about like you know what is what’s really going on here in terms of power right and and the relationship between power and sexuality and vital force energy I understand the reason that I have
(47:49) created so much and I’m sure you would say the same is because I am not having sex it’s like there’s a direct relationship you know like the bag I seed yesterday I doubt I would have done that you know like had I had this other Outlet it’s not to say one is better than the other it’s just that when you create this strong container to see what your energy does when it’s not you know transmuted erotically orgasmically because I was always a very like orgasmically focused like sexual being anyway that has a season you know for a
(48:23) lot of women and so for me the choice now I just recorded a podcast on this a solo is is related to my role as mother like I’m finally at the point where I’ve decided I’m not available for relationship for at least the next five years because I’m prioritizing my role as mother and there’s just not there’s just not a place in my lifescape right now and the things that matter to me and that bring me joy for this man who’s not their dad to occupy you know I I tried that it’s not something I would recommend stepfathering to anyone I just
(48:56) don’t I you know when there’s a dad in the room it’s a very very difficult thing to navigate and so that’s why a lot of us who can support ourselves I don’t need a man I don’t need a man and would I be gaslighting myself to suggest that in my deepest heart I don’t yearn for that experience of safety and erotica in one diad of course I would and like you I had to get to the place where I gave up hope truly and I said you know maybe I will be with my cats right like maybe I’ll have the most extensive you know Crystal dildo
(49:33) collection that ever existed by the time I’m you know 89 years old and really be okay with that while also recognizing that at least from my perspective women aren’t wired to feel safe alone right to live alone to walk the world alone and if I had my choice I would have all my girlfriends you know living in and around my home and I don’t so to tell my system you should feel totally you know optimized and stable and everything is fine is also a gas light so it’s just balancing priorities but I see that there’s a lot of women who are saying
(50:13) you know like I will only like open my energy and allow access to a man who comes with these qualities I now know how to recognize right because when when you’re in your trauma programming you see things that don’t exist it’s called projection right and so once you’re sober once your eyes are more sober you can see like oh this man is not provider material or whatever your values are those are mine you know this man does not have father archetype energy I have no intention to have more children and I still want a man in his father archetype
(50:51) 100% for what qualities that confers right this man is not a protector this man does not understand that this you know isn’t a competition right so so so I laughed when you were saying like we would sit next to each other on our laptops like oh my God that was my life for eight years and there is like a sibling rivalry energy that can come up in so many of these unpolarized or insufficiently polarized dynamics that you’ll recognize because it becomes a zero sum game anytime there’s a conflict right so it’s not like we’re on the same
(51:23) team experiencing this how do we navigate it’s you know who is right about being wronged and that’s how you know I spent many years probably all of my romantic years and I’m just learning now you know what it is to navigate with emotional security and you know the kind of self Allegiance I was referring to that allows you to see somebody else in their experience and reach for a win win you know so how conscious was your celibacy decision or was it just that just weren’t good candidates coming through the coming down theight go you
(52:00) know at first I’ll be honest I did I was like had the biggest crush on this afro artist and I was like that’s who I am going for you know like when you first become single of like I’m g go for the what I thought at that time was the go I was like had the biggest crush on the singer Guy we were talking he ends up not making really an effort kind of like [ __ ] boy energy so that was like my first like I thought oh like again I had not been I was in a fouryear relationship before that so I really had not been single so I thought just like
(52:32) everyone just asks each other on dates and like shows up and I’m like starting to slowly realize that’s not what the world is like today and so that never happened and then but like my standards were like I I want to be for me it was a man that inspired me I don’t know what that is it’s that’s the thing and like maybe because my dad was kind of he though he didn’t really inspire me he was like an inspirational person in our community so I always looked for man that especially creatively inspired me so I just wasn’t really finding anyone
(53:01) that I was aligned with but I wanted it for the first six months and then after six months and six months it was like yeah like I would I would go on dating apps or I would walk into a room is he here like this frantic are you know that like little story book are you my mommy are you my mommy are you my mommy I was like that are you my next boyfriend are you going to be my boyfriend are you going to be it was like really this like graspy energy I get it so ones or zeros it’s like husband not husband you know
(53:33) exactly that’s all I was thinking you know and I was just like almost like I felt like I need to go here I need to go I couldn’t even stay home because I felt like I was like losing a weekend night that I might meet someone so like because we’re such proactive people I was like okay I need to take this level of proactivity into my dating life I’m not going to meet anyone if I’m just staying at home but like it’s not like I’m going to meet anyone at the [ __ ] club that I want to be with either I don’t know where do people meet these
(53:58) days you know so after six months of that I’m like this is exhausting I I can’t live like this anymore I I I need to go back to work like I need to like focus on my my life again like this just can’t continue so then I shifted Focus the way that I got myself to do it I was like imagine this is like my last summer ever being single what would I do to like really live it up and so that’s when I just went like full like wearing my crazy long hair extensions going to all the music festivals like going all out that’s when creating music started
(54:34) being in Portugal and all of that after a few months of that when it came fall I’m like okay now I’m gonna like in London I’m gonna find a British boyfriend and it’s so funny how as women like we go places for again the Love Story We think we’re going to have there oh I’m gonna find like freaking like a black Brit who can dance really well that’s what’s going to happen you know and then I’m in London and it was just that wasn’t happening but you know the London experience for me was and I’ll share with you something that happened
(55:04) there that caused me to leave so I was really in this place of like I want to start a new life with people who didn’t know me before where I don’t have to keep retelling the story and I was like the spiritual space in my opinion at that time what I was thinking is whack and I’m so sick of all of it and I just want to be friends with like artists and new people and just like be in this new energy so I was doing that in London not meeting any men but like really just in my own energy I was podcasting and I had my
(55:35) friend on the podcast and we went to dinner after and we were literally cheersing saying life is so good right now cheers I get a call hello it’s the property management company of Kensington la la la what is it well your place has just been broken into we don’t know what’s been taken the police are there please get there as soon as you can and I was just like what just it was like one of those moments of finding out about being cheated on of my laptop might be gone my password might be gone everything might just be gone I went there it was a
(56:11) commotion there was this guy in there who claimed he was a security officer but he wasn’t a security officer had I gone into that place alone and the police not been there I don’t know what would have happened to me and it was the middle of the night that guy was not leaving thank God whoever broke into my place by the way they broke down the door they hammered through the lock and they broke down there so it was a very aggressive Breakin I was the only person on the Block targeted it was in a very nice neighborhood Kensington so
(56:42) someone had been watching me and targeted me for a Breakin because they saw I was a single woman and it was literally like we’re going to take you into this big fear that you have of being exactly exctly we’re gonna take you right into it and you know what you’re there with your best friend she helped me all night pack up all my things the police officers it was one woman and this gay guy they were so nice and friendly I was so supported even as a single woman in that packed up all my things went to my friend’s place and I
(57:12) just knew this London chapter not just London chapter this travel the world’s chapter kind of like headless chicken like is he the it’s done it’s time for me to just ground and focus back on my Dharma and back on myself it’s time for me to go back to LA I had the story before that if I go back to LA it was going back to my old life and I needed my new life to be better I got a divorc and now I live in London you know I can’t go back to my old life and I’m like no but it’s me I’m a new person coming back had that breaking not have
(57:43) happened I would never have left I would have just I was planning on go to B next and go somewhere else and go somewhere else and I was waiting to meet someone to like then start a new life right based on where they lived you know which is like now that I think I’m so freaking crazy that as women we’re just like oh my whole identity friend group and everything doesn’t really matter I’ll just take yours on you know which is again so how many generations have done that so going into that fear it was like and I’m okay even if this happened and I’m
(58:14) okay and it was also very ancestral because literally my mom had to leave her country overnight leave everything behind and it was like me going through it with this Consciousness now of knowing that I’m divinely supported I come to La I find the most gorgeous apartment on the ocean like so beautiful I’ll literally show you my view right now oh my God amazing I paint it all pink which I always wanted to do I make it into my dream Sanctuary I make the second room into my podcast Studio my music studio I’m back with my dog and my
(58:49) life got 10x better and I could say I’m literally living the best reality that I’ve ever lived in my entire life before like I literally made two music videos this week like you know like I I create for a living and also the fears I had of like oh well because I have to do all this healing my business is going to fall behind because I’m so much more expressed in myself it’s actually way easier to be in business the little things that used to bother me ah the copy on the sales page is not right I just give a [ __ ] anymore you know and
(59:22) and then my business actually has skyrocketed because I’m just in my element and like the bright people who feel it the fears I used to have of what if people comment this that oh God when you’ve been through hell and back you don’t give a [ __ ] with someone kind commented on Instagram and it and again it was I my soul designed that experience I had my entire life Perpetual dreams of someone breaking into my place ever since that happened I’ve never had that dream again take whatever you want you will never take my
(59:51) swag amen amen so so so delightful I could listen to you talk literally all day long about your story and it just is so affirming to the place that we’ve both arrived that I know was challenging for you and challenging for me which is this reconnection what I would say of like my inner masculine is IM maturation to God right because that frantic like where’s the husband what’s happening when is my life starting I got to keep looking you know that immature masculine energy that is solving the problem of your aloneness
(1:00:30) and the incapacity to be with yourself like your version of when you were alone and Bali I had in a water fast that I did a nday water fast by myself and it was I touched that place of like I If if this is me I don’t want to be here you know like I’m where’s the escape hatch kind of a feeling but it it can mature and it matures when you connect to God it matures when you see like and feel the Angels around you like you see the the Divinity in your process and you know that you’re going to make the right choice for yourself I call it
(1:01:07) self- husbanding ironically but you’re going to make the right choice for yourself because you are rested back in that like more comprehensive gaze right you’re not like in this myopic like skittery kind of like kinetic like w how do I do this how do I get the thing right business too it’s the same exact thing it’s all Hol of fractal so when you rest back because you know you’re supported you know you’ve got you and God’s got you there’s just pleasure there’s pleasure there’s creativity there’s joy that becomes available that
(1:01:40) otherwise might have felt at least I’ll speak for myself performative or manufactured or like what I call the glass wall right like it’s like the happiness is happening in my life why don’t I totally feel it right like why can’t I access it so I would be remiss if I wrapped up our conversation without even a word about twerking hello and I know you’ve probably seen the same meme that I have which is like the final stage of what is it like the final stage we can shake ass yeah yeah shaking your ass is the final stage of Spiritual
(1:02:13) Development or something and I mean it’s it’s just you can’t make it up that that we both have found our our way I mean you I’m sure far more professionally and with far greater skill however for me this Arena like in in the singing and dancing I like I don’t even care whether I suck or not like it’s just so much about the fun of it and I would say for the female Gaye that I know when I post and that’s why I was so painful when I got so much push back initially from women that was only ever from women actually so painful and I got to look at
(1:02:51) the part of me that agreed with them that I was doing all sorts of embarrassing stupid things and whatever but the experience of the female gaze for me is just one that I live like I look to other women I love watching your videos I look to other women for inspiration and to get a feeling in my own body of what it might be could be maybe be like to play in the way they’re playing right so I actually think it’s it’s such a gift that we give to each other as women to showcase our experiences as weird and wild as they
(1:03:24) might be so yeah I would love to just hear a word or two about like how it is that you have found also I mean I literally go to T class here with Simone sober a boss chick Dance Workout right I think I told you about her when you were here and I would say two out of three times for reasons I don’t understand I have like tears in my eyes during the workout class okay like what is actually going on and I’m there with other women I’m moving in this way I don’t know what do you think like what do you think is the spiritual nature of this kind of
(1:03:59) movement that has also this you know colloquially maligned you know sort of like that’s dirty that’s you know like so many people have been so Disturbed that I like move my body in the way that I do publicly and I have daughters like how what if they saw you kind of a thing it’s almost like right like the projection of what your mom is experiencing but yeah so I’d love to just hear a word about like what dance and specifically you know yeah I’m going I’m going to wrap it to you because I have a song about it called the feminine
(1:04:31) is rising and we shot the music video for it yesterday so I’m going to share the link with you I don’t know when this is coming out the video will come out this summer and the music video is really showing why all forms of dance are the healing path of the feminine why they have been the path of the feminine for thousands of years it was never us sitting alone on the mountains in sodna it was us being in community dancing gyrating that’s where belly dance comes from that’s where you know all forms of African dance comes from salsa Bachata
(1:05:02) like all of these things were ways that we moved our hips we know that our hips are where we somatically hold on to tension and Trauma in the bodies and when we shake them we recalibrate our nervous systems just like when a zebra is running away from a lion and makes it in the nick of time and shakes off and its nervous system recalibrates it’s back in peace and it can move on we are just like this however our conditioning because we so afraid of sexuality and a woman owning her sexuality if we see a woman moving her hips we’re like oh my
(1:05:32) God that could mimic sex just like you know even the push back Elvis God from the wiggle in the in the 1950s I feel twerking is what that is for today like God forbid you move your hips on their own and it could look like anything sensual or sexual God forbid even though it’s actually extremely racist to think that because that is just the style of dancing in most on white cultures period so I’m going to do this wrap for you this is the this last part so the the chorus goes the feminine is rising the body is the path the feminine is rising
(1:06:07) so I’mma throw it back then the verse goes we don’t do this for the fellas we do this for the girlies that embodied girl swag for you we say more please we dance for ourselves for our ancestors who couldn’t we dance for our freedom the woman told they shouldn’t cuz when we shake our asses we awaken our powers we remember our Essence remember this body hours let your heartbreak Queen make you break it down let them keep judging by brush it off your crown cuz dances of prayer we are highly favored we honor Every Flavor now go ahead get
(1:06:36) that paper cuz daners of prayer we are highly favored we honor Every Flavor now go ahead get that paper I’m like crying and you know I would say this I got so much pushback there’s a video of me on Andrew Tate’s Instagram I think it has 15 million views right now what I said in the podcast and they put music to it to make it look like I’m a clown of some sort that’s how triggering for me it’s mostly men that come for me actually interesting and I’m like the fact just like the thing my mom says to me the fact that it gets to me means
(1:07:11) that I can still feel a truth the fact that this is getting to them so 15 million men took time to watch that podcast CL wow I’m amazed thank you because they’re like oh my God the women are remembering their power and women from where I’m from cannot dance women in many parts of the world would be killed for dancing this is a privilege and an honor for us to dance this is how we have gone through genocide this is how we’ve gone through poverty this is how we’ve gone through many forms of Oppression women have fa throughout
(1:07:42) thousands of years and to tell us that now all of a sudden we’re supposed to forget about it and forget about our bodies which by the way created life like what do twerking look like it looks like child birth as well why are we trying to hide again what are nipples life why are we trying to hide life where are we going as a society do you want me to be AI too do you want me to be your AI girlfriend and say whatever you want and maybe you just have sex with a fleslight and pretend it’s someone else’s vagina [ __ ] that [ __ ] you
(1:08:11) know they’re trying to wipe us out and when we dance and we bleed and we sweat and we celebrate each other our aliveness comes back on and that’s so threatening for system that’s already crumbling I said the exact same thing on stage I said a woman alive is the most powerful force on this plane and I know I know you know that woman I just am so in your corner cheering you on and really growing this permission field with you for all the women that we touch and Inspire and Trigger because I’m sure you have some of those gals too I have
(1:08:52) so many women who come to me and say I [ __ ] hated you I unsubscribed I couldn’t believe what you were up to and now I’m here and I get it I get it my coach would say first you hate them then you hire them and right the journey is both pre-written you know because it’s it’s that ancient a path and we’re also writing it it’s also something that we are discovering and playing with as we’re going and I’m sure you and I could say the same thing like who knows what six months from now is going to look like and that’s delightful rather than
(1:09:27) it being scary so I am very subscribed to your process I’m so honored that you shared so candidly and openly so much of what’s just very healing for me to hear and I’m sure for so many others and I look forward yeah to crossing paths again thank you well I just find it so Divine it’s just such a remembrance when we hear other people came to the same realizations that we came to on our own on their own and that’s when we can trust God is behind is supporting all of this that this is all orchestrated that so many of us you know it’s so interesting
(1:10:03) like coming back to the celibacy thing my mom is like if people saw the way that you showed up online they would probably think you’re having sex with a lot of people they don’t know you’re not even doing that and it’s this interesting thing of those of us who actually are the most centrally created know how powerful our Sexual Energy is and often are actually the ones who are remaining celibate and it’s so in that we never none of of us ever had that conversation but we’re all like coming to this understanding on our own to the
(1:10:29) fact that Bumble is creating postcards of stop and I really feel that right now it is almost this like the women are pulling back of like we will not share this life force with you until you can hold it and I feel that it’s actually the wakeup call in the Dark Night of the souls that many men are now stepping into of like how do I take care of my own emotions without woman there how do I learn to Mother myself and nurture myself and take care how do I connect more to my heart and and I really believe we will have sacred Union in
(1:11:03) this lifetime I really believe we all it’s like our story can’t stop and then Kelly and Sahara were cat twerk ladies till the end of time I mean it wouldn’t be a bad story know our ass cheeks would probably just be on on another level at that but I really don’t believe it’s like especially those of us who are sharing our stories it’s like it can’t end here but we’re all in this really important chapter of being like and I’m so okay with who I am without any of it and and it’s only from that letting go and that trust that I know like I can’t
(1:11:36) wait to come to your I’m not even say a wedding it’s a talicious fiesta that you will have one day with your sacred Union partner will be like remember that podcast we did like I know it and I feel it in my bones and it’s this like dichotomy that sometimes we have in our own minds of like love or Liberation and we have to choose like I’m either going to be liberated not have love love not have and I know in this lifetime we will have both thank you woman from the bottom of my heart thank you yay we need to do this more
