What is a Reclaimed Woman?

(00:01) so the companion community and program to my new book The reclaimed woman is called reclaimed it is a step-by-step six week approach to love your Shadow embody your feminine gifts and to experience the specific pleasure of who you are if you have followed all the good independent girl rules and you still feel overwhelmed resentful and disappointed you may think that you need to practice or learn or study how to be more soft slow abundant and pleasur L as a feminine woman or you might think that you have to be brave and courageous and

(00:41) finally stand up for what’s yours but the truth is that chasing femininity and fighting for power will just leave you more wired judgmental and disconnected there is a plot twist a big reveal and a hidden path that does not require rose pedals and goddess circles or declaring yourself a queen or learning the tricks of a high value woman you need a huge permission field that can be conferred by other like-minded and hearted women and perhaps my fairy dust to help you remember who you are I want you to imagine what it would be like to feel a

(01:24) rush of Pride as you decline an invitation without a trace of fear or defense iess or to sip your tea as you watch your husband fix the door hinge feeling like the prize who won the prize remembering when you used to think that you needed to show him how to do everything right or to feel the breeze move over your body and a wave of pleasure roll through you opening your eyes wider to the dancing leaves and the light fragrance in the air or to wait in the Carline for your kiddo hear your phone ding with a notification and smile

(02:01) that you’re making 3K while mommying or maybe to feel the charge of a trigger move from your chest down to your stomach letting it swirl until a smile creeps onto your face because you know now exactly what you need to create from this energy or maybe to never be afraid of symptoms or illness again because you know that your body does not make mistakes let me show you how to claim the confidence creativity and pleasure that are already there awaiting the safe conditions to emerge in six weeks this is the only live opportunity where I

(02:44) will personally be offering weekly coaching calls I will see you in there we start July [Music] 8th I’m Dr Kelly bro you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pul dancer or honorary member of the disinformation Dozen what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help

(03:25) you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Brogan and today is my book birthday the reclaimed woman and the

(04:06) companion program reclaimed are available to all of you women who are feeling the stir to come alive and to walk the surprising path home to your feminine superpowers so I’d love to talk a bit about what I believe this Reclamation path to consist of and it has has been since I began my work in the righteous  activist space of Health Reclamation the blossom that’s been waiting to bloom into coherence inside of me which is how are all of these things consistent with this experience of a woman’s becoming what is this path

(04:50) what is this trajectory and it turns out that it’s quite archetypal you know young spoke about it and many have since and I know that as I describe what I see as the journey you’ll find yourself somewhere in this process and you’ll also recognize that it’s a spiral path okay so we by definition move in that way there’s no goal there’s no arrival that moment where you finally have all the things that moment is never going to come okay so that’s like the big reveal is that the default state of the woman is as so many have taught including

(05:32) David daa who you know I am a huge fan very informed by his work and that is the resting state of being full and wanting more that if a woman has a curse it is that she will always want so if there’s something to get right with it sounds like that might be what the hell you want right it might be what it is that you desire and that sounds simple right like oh just get a you know your manifestation board out and write your affirmations that’s not my jam I haven’t found that that approach comes naturally to me I haven’t found it to be quote

(06:11) unquote effective and that’s why you know as I describe this trajectory you’ll see that there is a surprise first stop on this journey to your yes which is your no and really really understanding and developing intimacy and familiarity with and curiosity around your no so what is a reclaimed woman this is like what I think about as I’m like making my matcha in the morning my sense is and this definition could be iterated as I go along I am giving myself the permission to do so however my sense is that a reclaimed woman is a

(06:52) woman devoted to herself probably most of you have heard of you know this triple goddess concept or the maiden mother Crone tripartite you know expression of the feminine Maran Woodman is a yian analyst who has written about the subject and she speaks about the stage that is left out which is the Virgin and we think of Virgin we think you know of untouched right like unsoiled this pure woman almost like synonymous with the maiden right and the depiction that she renders really resonates with me because it is is in

(07:30) fact a woman unto herself a woman who has achieved the wholeness that is requisite for the Crone expression for being that wise adviser to the community to the population so a woman devoted to herself has the irrepressible capacity to devote to God to devote to her man to to her children and to her community she is a living experience of energy moving through her body right so I’ve paid a lot of attention to my own opening and closing as I move through the world right like I go to the gym I go to the store I get in my car I was sort of

(08:23) impulsively decided to get a new phone the other day so I’m only like a year back on my iPhone after two years of an experiment a social experiment in being on a flip phone and I’m sort of like I don’t know weirdly still like getting used to it anyway I decided that it’s time for me to upgrade my camera I’m going to go get a new phone so I go there and I’m sitting there and of course it’s like way more complicated than it needs to be you know transferring from my old phone at the Apple Store and at a certain point this

(08:50) like older gentleman gets up he’s sitting at the table across from me and he gets up and he hands me a note and he wrote this note right and the note says if I can remember it says smile period you have beautiful eyes and you are a beautiful woman God bless you and I gave myself based on his reflection like a good C minus for my feminine Reclamation during that experience right because he I don’t know what he was experiencing but let’s just use him to play off of right so he might have experienced my potential in that moment right not my

(09:30) potential as an entrepreneur not my potential as you know a facilitator or Healer not my potential as a mother or a daughter or a lover just literally my energetic potential as a woman and he was telling me to smile because on some level it probably like hurt him right like deep inside to witness like whatever resting face I was making across from him at this table and I would argue that even as I looked at all of you as you look at me now you can feel the degree of openness and I don’t mean like oh I’m so open-minded like

(10:08) I’ll do anything tell me anything no I mean like energetic openness you can sense it with your animal body and you can read where I have stiffness stuckness rigidity I’ve seen this so much in my dance Journey as I have had the opportunity to study is that the right word to practice with women who are running way more energy through their bodies than me and I can record myself and I can see like wow there’s still a lot locked up there and it’s getting more fluid right like over time there’s like more degrees of languid

(10:44) that become available so a reclaimed woman is running this energy through her system as a gift the amazing part is it’s a gift to everyone around her and to herself because it’s on this current that her creativity rides and I’m not sure that we experience more pleasure in our lives than when we are in our creative expression whatever that means right whatever that means to you usually it’s some kind of a marriage between audacity and risk and also impulse and you know something in line with intuition right something that just is birthed through

(11:29) us so there’s always that little flavor of danger with it because it has that energy of like he loves me he loves me not right and because of the nature and design of this journey where we are so disconnected from our Heros from our life force from God if you want to call it that the He Loves Me He Loves Me Not energy is is part of the play like we came here to doubt whether or not we are loved and that’s okay it’s okay I think it’s actually meant to be this way so when we create when we express through that vessel we don’t know how

(12:05) it’s going to land we don’t know what it’s going to feel like whether it will make us more vulnerable lead to rejection lead to judgment we don’t know however when as women we commit to developing intimacy with pleasure with play and with these impulses that trust builds right and then you live in a world where like it doesn’t matter if anyone is trustworthy so I’m in this like closed door of collegial group right and we meet and it’s like some of my colleague MD colleagues and other activist scientists whatever it’s a small group and there’s

(12:41) an even smaller group from that group right and there was a sort of suspicion that perhaps we’d let somebody into the smaller group who like maybe is in the end like a questionable character right so this is sort of like activism games right like it’s like who’s the op who’s the like it’s just in ways like a silly game however you know I was talking to the leader of the group and I said listen like I like to practice living my life as if I trust absolutely everyone and absolutely no one then what would I share right then who would I be

(13:19) right if every single if I had a camera crew following me around like all day long and every single thing I ever said was broadcasted what would I say right so we can get to the place where the only trust that has to be reignited is literally with yourself with your inner husband I like to call it with your inner masculine because when you trust yourself your discernment and you know how to read your yes and no in your body you literally don’t have to trust anyone you could be around axxe murderers and rapists you could marry

(13:52) one it doesn’t matter because you’re going to know what you need to do in the moment you need to do it and until that moment you’re going to wait until you know and by know I mean feel it’s going to arise right sometimes people ask what is the difference between intuition right so that that little I call it a little yes and a little no and like the sense of right action right like what is the difference how do you know if you don’t feel like going to that barbecue because it’s intuitively misaligned for you or because you’re like in your

(14:29) distance right and you’re projecting something on the hosts and you need to look at that right when do you lean into the discomfort and when do you say no that discomfort is the sign I should be backing away this is the magic right when you get to a place where you can read that little yes and little no then it has no charge it’s not a big yes or a hell no it’s not that it’s a little sensation right then you can develop this self-alignment where you can interact with anyone and I believe there are stages right so I don’t know how

(15:08) many of you in the past couple of years if you’re on my stream I’m sure this happened to you and in you if you cut ties with friends or family right if you got to a place where you were like there is no passing go here this is over goodbye I need space there’s just no common ground right and it could have been arguing about pandemic stuff or you know health related stuff most of us went through a molting process right in the past couple of years and even those of us who felt exempt from that probably had some experience of saying No this

(15:46) doesn’t work for me or maybe it was a bigger no but saying no over time and this is a lot of the kind of things I like to work on in containers over time you will get to the place where that not is neutralized you will mature that no so that its neutralization gives you back the power that is still trapped in that rejection it’s a process I like to think of it as maturational not better or worse right these are just phases and stages psychos spiritually that we go through so if this is the picture of like what a reclaimed woman might look

(16:24) like according to me it’s like quite a contrast to consider Where We Are are as women most of us today right so we have been many of us and my sense is that if you’re here you share this with me like we resonate on this front we were raised to be recognized for our doing this rather than our beingness right so in essence we were trained in our masculinity which obviously we all have we are trained rewarded literally pavlovian style for for our masculine nature right so if you have kids maybe daughters right the way that you might

(17:07) interact if you want to end that cycle with your daughter is to say something like I feel so good when I’m around you your energy is just extraordinary like literally I feel happier when you walk in the room instead what many of us were raised with is like you know did you behave what grade did you get you know and then celebration around our achievements the mother wound I you know everybody has their own interpretation I think of the mother wound if we’re going to really distill it as being the internalized belief that I am not loved

(17:45) right whereas the father wound is the internalized belief that I am not safe okay so the result of that lack of nurturance that lack of Celebration connection and intimacy around our feminine energy is that we go into control and perfectionism right compliant husband clean house kind of a thing and we never arrive right like we enter into this like relationship with success and failure which is the masculine Journey it’s like we got on the wrong track success and failure is not our bag love and unloved is our bag

(18:22) so if we stay in our Lane there’s a whole process that unfolds maturationally that is like stunted and distorted if we’re in the wrong lane and it obviously it’s not wrong it is what it is but this is part of that Reclamation is really resolving The Gaslight of like why it is that we are tired and wired and flailing we’re  exhausted and we have this like that guy across from me at the table we have this this sense deep in our hearts that we could be like you know being fed that’s even better like delicious grapes and

(18:58) you know resting on a Shades lounge and laughing right like we have this sense of what is possible when we prioritize running you know vital force energy through our body and instead we are in our performer we’re in our manager at work and in the bedroom and we literally never exhale right and then we choose men who say whatever you want honey right instead of men who say here’s what’s best I’ve got you I tell this story all the time it’s one of my favorite experiences I’ve had when I was at Weston Price you know and I had this

(19:34) huge audience and somebody was asking me about like the gender SC up and I was talking about the importance of you know manom woman Dynamics and the Reclamation of the free energy technology of the manom woman relationship and erotic relationship and I said you know I don’t know about you all but most of the women that I know have a deep Longing To Be Well handled by a trustworthy man and there was this like exhale moan that like swept across this 2,000 person audience and I was so delighted by it because I wasn’t expecting that you know

(20:12) I say provocative all the time and it lands or it doesn’t land whatever but it was literally audible what was really and by the way the demographic if anyone’s been to Weston Price like the demographic is like you know it’s the Crohn’s right it’s like like 60 plus age women so they’re holding that desire strong for you know the rest of us who are are just recognizing that we may have permission to want that that we don’t have to be in our I can do what he can do bleeding you know feminist moment another product of this mother

(20:48) wound and I’m not even talking about feminist programming that’s for another conversation but another product of this mother wound is that we compete with men right because we’re in our mascul and we compete with men and we’re pretty good at it like we are competent okay we have incredible masculine capacity and we are really good at right we often know better about how to do something or so we think you know than the men around us we compete with men and we compete with women now what I found in my feminist recovery journey is

(21:25) that actually women are my Ops in many ways right the most hate that I have received the most vitriol that has been delivered to me literally like aerial shots of my home with death threats you know back in 2016 when I was a matched to that okay were from women what’s up with that right this is the divide and conquer Genius of the hegelian dialectic right because it’s not just like the initial seeming polarity of men against women that Warfare it then splinters down right so if you’re in an activist Community or a

(22:02) truther Community like we end up fighting about everything right like you could be in The Germ camp or the no virus camp but then if you’re in the no virus Camp are you in the Flat Earth camp or the round earth camp like it’s just splinters and splinters and splinters because we are in this psychology of what victim Consciousness right that we have not matured from our childhood wounding this is what I am here for ladies this is what I am dedicated to is smoking this out in myself and lovingly reflecting when I

(22:34) perceive it in you okay so that we can all move through that little tight it’s just it’s momentary it’s like a tight squeeze of I’m bad and wrong because on the other side of it is the Reclamation on the other side of that I call it a shame wall is this piece of yourself that wants your attention and girl on girl Warfare is one of the actually easiest ways to do this work right and the replays are available now but in audish embodiment that was a lot of what you know the shadow work that I prompted was how do you use your hating

(23:15) on other women and women hating on you as spiritual Alchemy it’s very potent and Powerful so the other problem if there is one with this place that we find ourselves in when we are in our dominant masculine you know data calls it shells when we are in that is that we end up getting things that we want and it feels like nothing have you had that experience of like finally getting the thing and literally it’s like H okay that tasted like nothing what’s next right and you know I’ve shared that I’ve I’ve experienced many

(23:56) conventional because I’m what my mentor galz would describe as a sympathetic dominant autonomically I’m wired for this moment right like I am wired to function like in this capitalistic program in The Matrix okay so or Better or For Worse I think in many ways it’s made more difficult my journey home to self and the shadow work than it would be for many of the patients I worked with who were almost all parasympathetic dominants but I digress I have had many experiences right of achievements in my career and literally none of them felt

(24:33) like anything I mean I remember the day that my publicist called me to tell me that my first book had like somehow weirdly made the New York Times besteller list and I was in my office on my cordless phone in Manhattan and I just felt like I mean I felt like energy like excitement right but I really it was maybe 30 seconds or 60 seconds and there was nothing left in its weight it was just like a clitoral sneeze orgasm you know like it was just sort of like a okay cool you know and it had no roots it had no place to live in my body and

(25:15) that’s mostly because that was a masculine achievement and there is a dimension of me that says the more love I get for that the less love I get for my essence you know and even though that’s an extreme example I’m sure that you all have examples of like finally getting the thing I mean it could be like a dinner reservation or like a you know an apology from somebody or whatever the thing is you’ve been like perseverating on and focused on and obsessing about you finally get the damn thing and it feels Hollow some of your most seemingly

(25:51) exalted moments in life can feel really  incomplete I call it living behind a glass wall because at the right before I started this deeper work that I’m showcasing you know in my offerings these days that was the sense I remember even speaking to some like energy healer who did a body talk and I remember saying like I just I have so many reasons to feel happy and I just feel like I’m living behind a glass wall like it’s like the happiness is happening over there and I’m like somehow over here like yeah and we end up living in

(26:29) these like narrow bands of emotional permission and capacity we often loop around bitterness around resentment and around disappointment and my sense is that that’s where we begin to Source our vital force and it’s a victim triangle because like any good loose ritual it needs somebody else’s Eyes Ears you know energy on it right when I got my story about how dare he you know can’t believe this happened again I’m so sick of this you know I need somebody else to hear my story and agree with me and what happens in that collusion is that I get

(27:12) a little bit of their energy it’s a parasitic it’s a parasitic model so as I said too our bodies begin to take certain shapes right they like stiffen and become straight and hard that’s part of why I’m so passion about dancing and singing because it’s one of the ways you can start to animate you know these dimensions of your your body and just start to put energy into these places again and we begin to crystallize around this Cardinal lie deception which is that there is something wrong with me every single woman I ever helped to

(27:54) jailbreak from the psychiatric and medical system came to me with that very fixed belief that something is very wrong with her it had been validated you know through Her diagnosis and icd10 code and when it was first delivered right that first diagnosis so many of my patients described it as feeling validating feeling good in a way like God I knew something was wrong with me it’s ADHD you know I knew something was wrong with me you know I have this diagnosis or that diagnosis I have major depression it has a name what

(28:32) I’m experiencing that means that you and I can both see that I’ve been struggling that I’ve been suffering and the experience that it ensued for them was having a pill bottle with their name on it that they opened up every single day and they were conditioned and maybe you are even today right you’re conditioned around this belief through that pill bottle with your name on it to accept as truth yeah something is wrong with you and then your victim story is like all you have it is your connection to Life Force

(29:11) right and so all of the pity Dynamics and the boundaries right all of the yeses and the NOS that you get from your experience of your victim story I can’t do this I have to do this become your I am like that becomes your Declaration of Who You Are are into the world and it hurts and it’s supposed to right so like Alan Watts wrote a book called The Wisdom of anxiety this idea that the the flares sent up in the form of anxiety or the shutdown in the form of depression is the wise response to this total misalignment with the truth of who it is

(29:53) that you are and what it is that you’re you’re here to do and so in this self betrayal you forget what you want you never have any real sense consciously of what you need and you have no idea where you end and someone else begins because in alignment with those preferences is necessary to be aware of in order to understand what your boundaries are and so often we enter into you know what I call ledger-based relationships I was raised on these I don’t know about y’all you know everyone’s keeping a ledger about who was right who was wrong who

(30:34) did the thing you know who paid when who gave the gift who didn’t show up and you keep The Ledger as a means of balancing the transactions in the dynamic and so it makes sense that then what you know as relationship including marriage becomes a field of manipulation strategy and control right these are all like negatively connoted words but the truth is it’s a wise response when you don’t know how to ask for and don’t have the capacity to ask for what you need because you literally don’t even know that you need it you’re going to Source

(31:15) it indirectly right if I want you know my husband to take me dancing all I kind of know is like I want to do that I think he’s but we’re not doing it he never does it and I want him to take me dancing right I might say something like we never go dancing or you know all of my girlfriend’s husbands take them this is a stupid example by the way all my girlfriend’s husbands take them dancing I’ll use words like always never right instead of looking him in the eyes and saying I would love to go dancing with you right like how do you express pure

(31:57) desire it’s so vulnerable it sounds like well yeah I’ll try that next time try it it’s so hard it is so hard because the experience of vulnerability and of expressing our desires has been tagged with danger in our childhoods it’s used against us it is otherwise an opportunity to be reminded that no somebody is not there to meet our needs right so the vulnerable unattached ask is an art form and it is our responsibility as women to learn what we want and how to ask for it when it’s for us to Source within and when it’s for us

(32:36) to request without usually it’s both that’s a pro tip but our world is so full of noise politics social media other people’s expectations societal standards judgments it can be super challenging to access yourself and the wisdom of your hearts your inner compass and that that quiet place inside that is always okay I love the Mist Elixir and anointing oil called Quiet Mind by lotus way it just transports me to this space of clarity focus it gives me the capacity to pause and it’s become something of a conditioned ritual that every time I

(33:22) reach for one of these bottles I am able to open up in such a fast way whether I’m in Al meditating or just need to pattern disrupt some disembodied moments in my life if this is appealing to you I would love to invite you to head over to lotus.com use the code kelly5 for 15% off the link is in show notes for you we get into these strategies of manipulation because it’s the only way we can meet a need indirectly and our needs are our needs our wants are our wants they just are so you either get right with them or you’re going to find

(33:59) ways to make other people wrong in order for you to remain in contact with what it is that you genuinely and authentically want and you also engage in what I referenced earlier which is the giving to get so you’ll offer the thing maybe even the thing that you want hoping maybe it’ll come back your way right and that is you know many of us were raised with the sort of like after all I’ve done for you mentality martyr mentality so when we give and there’s a covert expectation for something to be returned even if it’s appreciation or

(34:36) gratitude there’s an unspoken exchange there there’s an unspoken agreement and we do this all the time right so I always tell my girls never give anything that you don’t authentically want to give for yourself so what is it to give for yourself it sounds even weird we only know how to give and receive like give right so I’m going to I’m going to give you pleasure and I experience my pleasure that way when you’re having a pleasurable experience I feel pleasure the first step in my opinion is to get clear on what you would take right would

(35:15) you touch his hair right would you you know squeeze his bicep right the most experience many of us have with this is with our pets right when I pet Mushu I don’t ask him maybe I should be I don’t ask him if it’s cool with him if I pet him I take touch from him because I like it I like to feel his body his fur right it feels good to me most of the time I’m not doing it for his pleasure I’m touching his body for mine and this sounds like what does this have to do with anything it has everything to do with how you organize around your

(35:50) desires in your life in your relationships so that you can identify with clarity which zone am I in here okay so all that is a hot mess and Reclamation is it’s like the record scratch of that song it is the disruption the ultimate pattern disruption and then there is a journey you know that ensues this spiral path that ensues typically when you recognize that the person the family the system that you thought had been there for you that you thought was supposed to be keeping your best interests in mind doesn’t and isn’t and that is a rupture

(36:39) right so most of my patients had that with the medical system I had that with the medical system then with many of us our family of origin sometimes with spouses right there is a moment where you see that there is a rupture of empathy this person doesn’t care for me this system doesn’t care for me the way I thought and assumed you know was the case and this is usually like the big  no I call it right so there is an energy of defiance you get into this place where you’re like well I’m leaving then right it’s like this adolescent

(37:13) energy and it’s very necessary I don’t say adolescent as if that’s like a pejorative thing it’s a necessary stage in the maturation of your no which I think of as the masculine and so in this this process and this can happen over and over and over again in your life as you mature the different dimensions of your masculine in this process you’ll dance with the projected and rejected parts of yourself you’ll have relationships you can make a hit list of all the things you hate right in that stage or in that Arena and you will

(37:50) dance with parts of yourself that are being symbolized represented by these objects of your hatred disdain resentment bitterness you’ll be in finger pointing mode you’ll be in how can I Corral as many people to agree with me about how right I am about how wronged I’ve been mode but over time as I mentioned this no matures into a you know what that’s not for me and the way that that happens in my humble opinion is that you reclaim your Power of Choice you understand that you don’t need to make somebody bad and wrong in order to choose in order to

(38:32) make a choice and through that transition your masculine goes from this self- rejecting betraying abandoning Tyrant honestly critical judging into the guardian of your life force and that’s where that discernment and that self trust becomes possible so you know many of you know I have a health Reclamation program progr called vital mind reset and this occurred to me many years into offering VMR that it’s actually a masculine initiation right that’s what’s happening that’s why we have like these explosive outcomes of Life Reclamation is because

(39:15) it is the initiation of that masculine because to do the program for 44 days you got to show up you got to make a commitment you got to make the choice you got to follow through have integrity of word and actually give a about yourself like turn the lights on in the house of you right and say Daddy’s home like that’s actually what is going on you know in those six weeks initiation can come in many forms however it usually looks like doing the hard thing usually that you’ve been avoiding doing the hard thing and finding yourself on

(39:48) the other end of it okay so in these days of self initiation because you know it’s not cultural standard anywhere you know thanks to the hegemony of American culture like it nowh really I mean say for some small indigenous tribes keeping this concept alive is initiation a community occurrence right so because of that fact we are in a moment Aquarian moment of self-initiating and what that means is you create the river banks to your own life you learn self-containment you learn what the dimensions of your know are and how you

(40:30) can exercise that without pushing things and people away but instead Discerning so I like to say like discernment is like judgment plus choice and this also serves to resolve a lot of addictions right so if we think of addictions we’ve been talking about this in my membership my life project recently but if we think about addictions you can think about the intolerance of fullness right needing to run from too much feeling stress or whatever it is bubbling up inside of you and people drink for that reason let’s say or you

(41:11) can think of it as the intolerance of emptiness when I drank even socially it was for that reason like I’m bored this is boring I want to throw some sparkles on it right so the intolerance of emptiness but when then you can broaden your spectrum of capacity to be with the fullness and be with the emptiness it’s because you have matured your masculine container that is the one witnessing the whole shebang right so there’s no real problems when you’re just witnessing it and then of course I don’t believe a ton

(41:50) in feminine maturation like I’ve been focused a lot and you’ll hear me talk a lot about masculine maturation that I believe across genders we need and my sense is once safety is conferred the feminine blossoms right like I in myself and in my experiences of my girlfriends and other women when masculine containment is conferred by you know a dominant heart- centered man or by women in a closed circuit unit that containment allows for feminine energy to just move you don’t have to learn how to feel you have to

(42:33) practice it but what you’re really practicing is creating these containers and prioritizing that because the experience I mean even again at audition embodiment I was like a couple of days and just life-changing experiences of energy moving and it’s really just because of the containment that women can offer each other it’s why like at the nightclub we go to the bathroom to together kind of a thing because we can offer each other that safety so I want to share just sort of like introduce or maybe you’ve heard me talk about these

(43:08) practices before because you know I really do focus on the ones that I feel are the highest yield and I want your toolkit to be big and I also want you to be able to in a moment of need pull on one of these because you’ve wanted to practice it all right so that extrinsic motivation of like I should be doing this we all know where that goes right but the intrinsic motivation might come like you might hear one of these things I say today and months from now you might be like I want to try that okay so here are

(43:42) a couple of practices in the no category and a couple in the yes category all right so in the no category so what I mean by that is when you feel something you don’t want to feel I call it entering through the upset all you do is care enough about what’s going on inside of you to pause for 30 to 90 seconds so literally if you’re in a conversation you’re going to go to the bathroom if you are at your desk writing emails and you get a shitty one you’re going to stop everything else and you’re going to put on a timer right if you’re

(44:22) with your kids and you’re feeling the things you’re going to say you know I’m going to walk to the you know take a minute in the bedroom I’ll be back in 4 minutes 3 minutes honestly 90 seconds is enough and this is the nature of emotional Alchemy it really is rapid and the resistance of it can go on for decades right so enter through the upset so what you’re going to do is follow and track this is sematic experiencing you’re going to follow and track with your attention and your interest the sensations that are in your body see if

(44:58) they have colors see if they have shapes see if they’re moving around and because the way that you heal anything you know in the physical Dimension is you ask your body what your body wants right that’s the answer to which only you know however there are templates right you can begin to eliminate the things your body for sure does not want okay we’re very interested in what the body wants so you will just offer the inquiry inside to yourself that says like what movement do you want what shape do you want to take

(45:32) body right A lot of times it’ll be you’ll notice like a curl up in a ball shame shape a hunching of the shoulders it might be like a punching shape or a kicking shape or like a standing and screaming shape like your body is going to tell you like what movement feels like it would complete what it is that you’re feeling and in sematic experiencing the teaching is that that movement wanted to be completed probably for decades okay so you’re going to prioritize the sensations you’re going to ask what does the body want in this

(46:16) moment in terms of movement or a shape and then you just slowly take that shape and you will find pleasure in it it’ll actually feel good even if the the feeling that you’re exploring is like a so-called negative one okay another one is I call the villain Crown right wearing the villain Crown so this is a lot of what’s easiest to do in like a coaching setting this kind of exploration of bad and wrong but essentially okay like I’ll illustrate this through an example so I have a girlfriend who left me a message about a

(46:53) struggle that she’s having with another girlfriend and you know my girlfriend we have sort of like an unspoken agreement that you can vent the things and in the end we’re all responsible for our you know that’s it there’s no like commiseration currency really so she’s talking about you know how she’s like feeling dismissed and feeling you know judged by this friend let’s just keep it General so what I suggested is that she find one sentence for what it is that she hates about what this person this girl is doing to her

(47:33) okay so you could find a situation in your life where you are feeling judgment and you are feeling upset and you’re going to distill it down to one sentence about what it is that you hate about the situation that sentence is going to help you to know what it is that you either don’t have permission to do or be in your own life or what it is that you have not accepted you already are a lot of times in the response and reaction to the thing we are embodying that which we’re judging this is like so often the case and then you’re going to come up

(48:11) with one sentence around what it is that you would ask for we don’t like to do this because it’s vulnerable right as I said and one of the things that I like to work on with women because it was so powerful for me is the way that we offers and asks right we’re more willing to like offer something like if you want to sit down and talk about it we can instead of I would feel so settled in my system if I could look at you across the table and and talk this through right so what is the sentence that you would ask

(48:47) for what is the thing you would ask for if you could ask this person for what you want I would love it if you would let me finish my sentence before speaking it would feel like I matter it would feel like you care about what I have to say it would feel like you love me they can do it or not do it okay but this is just an internal exercise for you to start to tease apart the pain from the want right the complaint from the desire okay and then in terms of yes practices there are two that I like and I’ve been organizing them into you know

(49:26) sort of category ories of you know sort of like mental work cognitive work Shadow work psychological work embodiment quote unquote work but it’s more usually pleasure and then creative right how do you translate all of this into creative energy and expression okay so this first one is an embodiment practice maybe you’ve heard me talk about it because it’s a real big one for me which is peeing practice is peeing practice the Reclamation of urination okay so if you haven’t heard me describe this this is one of the ways that you

(50:00) can begin to heal your relationship to impulse it starts with Biology and this is the case because of how we were raised in the school system most of us where we were told when we can and cannot pee when we can and cannot eat and we were otherwise divorced from the intimate relationship with our bodily experience okay so when you reclaim your experience of peeing part of it is the rhetoric around it right so you are going to become aware of when you say I’m going to go pequ or I have to go pee be right back like when you’re obviously with other

(50:46) people including your kids you may notice if you’re like me that you say that almost like a knee-jerk almost reflexively you’re going to go pee and be right back so you’re going to stop doing that and you’re just going to say I’m going to go use the bathroom or whatever it is right I’m going to go pee and no qualifiers about how long it’s going to take or how quickly you’re going to do it and then when you get there you are going to be present to the Exquisite leure available in the contrast from having to pee to not

(51:19) having to pee it’s one of the many inbuilt experiences of pleasure that are available right so you can literally just like run your nails up your inner arm and feel like eye rolling level sensations of pleasure right so there’s so many ways Betty Martin calls it turning on your skin that we can activate already available pleasure that we imagine is on the other side of you know optimizing our erotic relationship in our lives okay so you’re going to feel and be present to the pleasure of that release and that’s it okay so it’s

(51:57) a ping practice it’s in the framework the rhetoric so that’s your masculine setting the right container and conditions you’re not going to be rushed about this when you think about your masculine it’s like a devoted husband he’s making sure that you get every single damn thing you ever want in your life and it all feels good you can offer that to yourself moment to moment and it starts with assessing what you need and not whoring yourself out right it’s like as if you were talking about yourself like let’s say you have a handle right

(52:27) and that Handler is like okay she says she has to pee now I’m going to make sure it’s quick like this is how we speak on our own behalf and then we’re in there and maybe you have your phone or you’re thinking about something or whatever and you’re not present to your body’s experience that happens to be extremely pleasurable actually the other one is a sort of like mental cognitive psychological practice which is to explore what it is that you get when you get the thing that you want so what is it that becomes

(53:05) available when you get the thing that you want this is essential because my coach Whitney would call it if then living like when you are waiting to experience something until something happens first of all may never happen it may happen may happen in five minutes 10 minutes and it’s like putting a grain of sand into a clamshell and being like I’m going to hold my breath until the Pearl is ready your life matters now okay so how can you cultivate what it is that you imagine is only on the other side of that thing in your lived experience now

(53:39) how can you identify where it is that you already have it so my personal story about what it is that you get when you have the thing you want is that when I came out of the audacious embodiment experience I felt very fulfilled right so I had an experience of fulfillment on a lot of feminine Dimensions including you know all of these things that in my manifestation practices whatever that is like when I do the things like that I’m told to do on Tik Tok about manifestation or I listen to my girlfriend Tara who’s like very expert

(54:15) in this or whatever I do those things and I’m like okay well when I am in my next partnership there will be experiences that I have I will get to feel myself as a woman in my feminine body and I will feel so much pleasure you know just walking around like a rain orgasmic rainbow all the time like that’s what will become available when I have my partner right and all of those sort of illd defined aspirations were exposed because after I came back from that weekend I felt all those things I felt safe and contained seen and

(54:53) attended to okay and again in the replays if you weren’t there there is an experience that I had with a professional dominatrix in front of everybody that was very life-changing for me and conferred an extreme you know healing with regard to belonging right so anyway I felt safe I felt seen I felt the pleasure of my body like what it is just to be a woman I was able to play right that’s a big thing I’m like when I’m in this perfect polarized Union I’m going to get to just play in life right my inner girl will have a seat at the

(55:28) table and I did that too right so I did all these things had all these experiences and no husband was required for any of that so then what is it that I or any single woman you know imagine comes from that relationship like what is it that I actually get when I have that thing that I don’t have now or I imagine I don’t have now and so I got real clear oh I know the one thing that these women can’t give me right is erotic leadership right which is really spiritual leadership and that’s not to say I don’t have spiritual leaders in my

(56:09) life and guides who are feminine but there is an experience of leadership That I Want from my next marriage experience right that’s what I get so that’s my answer to the question that’s what I get when I have the thing I get to be led right and and that is first so many of us women at homecoming to our experience as daughters right I get to be led and then I looked around my life and I said okay well how do I get to be led now right now today right no dating app required and I was able to focus with appreciation and gratitude on the

(56:48) men in my life you know including I have a very special relationship like a you know he’s like a father figure to me with Tom Cowan and that’s absolutely the nature of the dy I consult him all the time spiritually and like whatever it was like three weeks later I manifested this like extraordinary Mentor who is a man in these spiritual Dimensions that I have are totally untapped for me and the way I knew he was the one I wanted to work with was because I was in this presentation and I just had this first of all intense energy running through my

(57:25) body and I had this feeling of like I want to go wherever this guy is going right like and so I called that in after I appreciated that I already had it right I don’t want you to like gamify this process I just want you to Delight in what it is to look around and recognize my desires are already being fulfilled and another dimension of this you know that we’ll explore in the desire container is really informed by Carolyn love Wells workk which is the artist formerly known as Carolyn Elliot which is really around Shadow desires

(57:58) and how it is that even in the that you don’t like about your life your desires are being fulfilled and what it is to like just get into the erotic approval of that reality through the sense that comes up when you experience your upset right so that’s another dimension it’s the blending of the no to the yes so I curated my insights and experiences from a decade and a half of Dark Knights and radical expansion and you can find them step by step in this book and this work is not meant to be done alone the transformation of

(58:35) victim Consciousness is a literal rebirth that is meant to be midwifed by other like-minded and like-hearted women that’s why I created a six- week actionable program to be worked in community so that you can arrive on the threshold of your unlived life I’ll see you in reclaimed