Splitting finances in marriage might be one of the worst things you can do for your relationship.
Dr. Tom Cowan is a retired physician, author of The Contagion Myth and Human Heart, Cosmic Heart, and one of the few people whose opinion I let in even when I don’t want to hear it.
I wanted his take on the backlash I got for saying I want my daughters to marry providers. The predictable pushback: what if he cheats or leaves?
Dr. Cowan has lived on both sides. He’s been divorced once and has now been with his wife for 27 years. He’s also blunt that he didn’t care what happened to his ex-wife financially, and he’s at peace with how he handled it.
In his view, without merged finances it isn’t a marriage, and a lot of people getting married should really just be hanging out.
I also tell him what an email he sent me a couple of years ago did to my relationship patterns.
Stay for the donut shop story. Dr. Cowan was living with another woman when he met his wife, knew immediately, and four days later was figuring out how to leave so he could marry the love of his life.
You’ll learn:
[0:00] Introduction
[6:04] Why I want my daughters to marry true providers
[9:15] If you haven’t merged finances, you’ve never been married
[16:42] If Tom died or left, would Linda be taken care of
[27:48] The email quiz that changed how I see marriage
[35:30] Freedom is the paradox at the core of commitment
[39:33] Selection bias and the fears women bring into marriage
[45:43] A marriage needs a shared project, not shared ideology
[51:11] You travel for a feeling, not an intellectual insight
[59:37] Kindness is the quality you can smell in a person
[1:02:42] Meeting Linda at a donut shop and knowing she was the one
- Resources Mentioned:
- The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin | Book
Kate Northrup | Website
Teal Swan | Website
Learn more about Dr. Tom Cowan’s New Biology Clinic here and use code KBMD for $100 off the membership activation fee. - Find more from Dr. Cowan:
Dr. Tom Cowan | Website | Books
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