(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting holess beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist P dancer or honorary member of the disinformation doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in
(02:50) you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production no no [Music] no [Music] no hi I’m Kelly Brogan and welcome back to Reclamation radio today I want to talk about voice Reclamation in the hopes that it helps you to recognize when you are reaching a Crossroads in your life experience that could afford you the opportunity to rec claim an essential part of your creative
(04:03) expression so I have as I always mention done a good amount of Parts work which is I think more formally called internal family systems developed by dick Schwarz and in this kind of work I explore we explore right the aspects that are living in polarity so the inner Warfare that is being experienced on the outside even though it’s all an internal circus right it’s all this melding of different voices different beliefs different energies and different held emotions and as I have learned what these different parts have to say that are often in Conflict I see that they are both
(04:45) sometimes there are many of them protecting what in Parts work or is referred to as an exile so a trapped emotionally arrested Child part and as these parts are unburdened as they release and express and feel seen and heard for their experience which is typically decades in the past they are liberated to live the way that they want to and to do what they want to and what I have found is that these child Parts want to dress up in you know tutus and high heels they want to play with my cats they want to dance and they want to
(05:25) sing and this is called being a child this is called being attuned to the expression of that Eros that vital force channel that was so available to us until we had good reason to begin to pit ourselves against it so in my recent process of voice Reclamation I recognize that there are a lot of elements of this journey that are really archetypal and I want to share a bit about my experience so that we can explore together you know what it looks like when you’re at this moment in your life where something huge could shift and you might otherwise you
(06:07) know suppress it or avoid it or dismiss it talk yourself out of it and why it’s worth it so I don’t have you know sort of a clear shame story like a a tale of Woe about my voice I remember in elementary school when a lot of my memories sort of start so around like fourth fifth grade that there was a music teacher that I had who had me audition for something and whatever it was that I had to sing was literally not coming out of my throat and it was so embarrassing I wouldn’t even say shameful it was just like classically embarrassing and I decided then that I don’t have a particularly
(06:48) good voice but it’s not like I carried with me through my life this belief that I have this like horrible like frog Voice or something like that and you know over the course of the years I identified as a dancer right so I’m a dancer I’m not a singer and that’s fine I’ve got my thing that’s for other people and then I had two daughters right and girls love to sing so I found myself you know singing with them and my daughters have gorgeous voices both of them totally different beautiful voices and we would find ourselves like singing together you know to popular songs or
(07:25) whatever and I would start to listen to myself and I noted that I have I think I think a very good ear right so I can tell when someone’s Voice or my voice is like off and that’s of course a blessing and a curse because then every time I would sing I would you know sort of develop this self-conscious awareness that you know could have been a little better how I hit that Sam Smith note or whatever and I sort of left it at that like this wasn’t really a big thing for me and of course many of you know I have a history of having been diagnosed with
(07:56) Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which from a more energetic perspective of course is my you know fifth chakra it’s my throat my personal expression and this was the beginning of my journey home to self a path I’m still walking so it makes a lot of poetic sense that I would come around to this place I also have noted that this is in the Zeitgeist that there are so many of us you know my girlfriends and others who are exploring voice lessons just for the hell of it just to you know have a couple of lessons to learn what their voice actually sounds like with no ambition to become a
(08:36) performer or a teacher and so I recognized that on December 24th when I had this this moment of dawning you know this Awakening to this potential for my myself that all of the work I had done I think chiefly in the past year but arguably for the past several years to mature my inner masculine and to shore up my my sense of really holding myself with strength and confidence and really respecting and honoring the energies impulses and emotions that move through me holding that space that all of that work was required for me to really
(09:16) travel into this place first because I had to develop a trust of my impulses right so in my rubric you know my inner masculine notices, attunes, and feels when there is an important creative impulse that comes through me whether that creative impulse is to you know make a video do a dance wear a certain you know combination of clothing to otherwise create as silly as it might seem and as easy as it would be to talk myself out of it like don’t do that that’s like ridiculous right this maturing inner masculine says tell me more hey what’s going on for you and so honoring the
(09:59) those impulses I’ve also talked in previous podcasts about how essential it is to start establishing this trusting relationship by honoring your biological impulses when you’re hungry when you’re cold when you have to pee really attending to those as if they matter and not power through in those moments so the container was available to me when I woke up on the 24th and had this intense impulse to see what it would sound like like if I sang really loud and no one was in the house other than my cats and I had been inspired by this Alexia
(10:39) Evelyn video that I saw and I just watched this woman’s Soul you know animating her body and this sound come through her it so bold and so Fierce and so beautiful and I had obviously no as not obviously but I had no aspirations of mimicking that or replicating that but you know I have experience with Dynamic meditation and screaming into pillows and I’ve done a fair amount of screaming in catharsis in my healing journey and I wanted to see what else could come out of me that loud that might actually sound pretty and so rather than dismiss that and you know get on my computer and check messages or
(11:17) you know go meet a friend for lunch or you know take a nap I honored that so that’s what I spent the entire day doing was seeing what my voice sounded like when I put a lot of breath behind it and I allowed myself to make really loud sounds and I will tell you that this was extremely extremely challenging so I had already engaged a practice with my coach where in some of the moving towards my growth edges around self-pleasure you know one of the suggested assignments was that I you know in the privacy of my
(11:54) home often you know when I have space to myself that I would Express pleasure really loudly like so the neighbors could hear it kind of a thing and that was very challenging right this was even more so believe it or not because it took me probably half an hour to just get to the place where I could allow the sound to exist that loudly and not into a pillow right so I wasn’t screaming into a pillow I was just making this loud sound okay so I have like weatherproof doors and windows other than you know my cat’s curiosity about
(12:27) what the hell I’m always doing there was not a legitimate logical concern and it was really about the way that this level of expression or maybe even the nature of this expression has been tagged with danger and the importance of staying in my Lane I also had to prepare for This Moment by sort of accumulating evidence that doing things that I’m not good at is also safe and I’m sure I’m like many of you type A’s who have really curated my life experience around the things that I Am Naturally good at so pretty much everything up until I would
(13:08) say you know like two years ago that I’ve ever shared publicly are only things that I know I’m good at and like quite good at actually and I wouldn’t even mess with things that I wasn’t even curious about things that I wasn’t sure I would could develop some degree of Mastery with I think Kundalini yoga teacher training was one of the first first times that I engaged in something with no intention of becoming a teacher with no intention of becoming like a master and of course then I Incorporated it into my program you know so there was
(13:40) a way that I became sort of like you know oh well here’s the way I’m an expert in this in my program and my relationship to dance where I have never wanted to be a teacher imagined I could be or a professional dancer and I’m you know I’m like okayish at it right and that’s okay with me and that feels safe cuz it’s just something I do for fun but when I started to share those videos publicly that was part of needing this masculine container to hold me through that process and there are many things that I’ve done in the past several years you know from learning how to raise you know chickens to sewing to Pottery to
(14:19) guitar to archery and shooting that I am not particularly good at any of those things I mean especially gardening despite having had many excellent teachers and it’s okay in fact sewing is one of the things I enjoy immensely and I’m like really mediocre at it that’s unfortunate because some of these things are intended to be worn and so the part that imagines there’s risk associated with mediocrity or there’s risk associated with even effort that leads to something you know akin to failure is a part that wants attention
(14:53) and wants to feel held and really largely you know assigned to another task so I had all of that preparation when I began this exploration on the 24th and the way that I have related to new and vulnerable exploration is to share it almost immediately with my friends obviously I have a public platform easy to do that because otherwise I might crawl back into the hole right so crawl back up into the womb and for me that’s helpful like hey I’m working on this or like to make a little bag even before I know fully how
(15:26) to do it for somebody again to feel seen in the early stages has felt at least for me important so I chose to work with three different teachers for the month of January and I’ll share their names Amy the Brook Wolf and Dominique ziga and the experience even in this month has been life-changing so I’m a big believer in the mentorship model I think it is part of how you Shore up that masculine container so that you can feel held in your process and also inspired and brought into your Fuller expression in a way that self-study doesn’t always afford and I am a huge autodidact so
(16:10) it’s not that self-study doesn’t have its place but really in I think creative expression it’s incredible to work with somebody who is there to take your hand and that’s one of the most beautiful things about the ways in which I want to learn and explore in this realm is that there are so many women who are already there they’re already already there in their extraordinary expression holding out a hand because I also spoke to a number of other incredible vocal coaches and they’re all there just waiting to
(16:40) support I’m sure not just women but it’s a beautiful fabric of women holding each other in this more full expression of our inner selves and so in my first very very first session I was asked to sing for five minutes just like a timer set and I was asked to sing for five minutes like with no yeah just do it whatever like whatever comes out and all of the same nose surfaced that would have surfaced 10 years ago 15 years ago so I cannot do this this is going to be immensely humiliating I don’t have the skills that’s why I’m paying you like why are you telling me to do this what
(17:22) if I just like close the computer right and pretend the power went out you know there’s going to be like no coming back from the humiliation of this so all these thoughts and then the somatic experience of my heart racing my throat tightening and you know my underarm sweating so like no no no and a freeze right all of that was the same and the only difference is that I have matured this part to some a sufficient extent such that I could hold all of that going on all of that was going on still right so it’s not like I’m actually thinking
(17:58) that differently and it’s not like my nervous system is like magically unreactive it’s that there is a presence this container that is holding all of that with a reassuring approving energy of support and I did it I did it and the pride that I felt after those five minutes was like worth every aspect of the exquisite discomfort that was involved I’m going to pause here to let you know that if you want more access to me my content and to the incredible humans I attract my membership Community vital life project is where it’s at one of our members Sunny wrote in to say when I step into a VP circle group chat
(18:46) or live Meetup I can take a deep breath and remember that I am among like Minds who will support and encourage my growth and exploration she said this allows me to feel like I am not alone on my journey and that is my goal that you will feel a dimension of yourself finally exhale when you step into my field your permission to own yourself grow and your practice of getting real about radical responsibility strengthen and that Walking The Sovereign victimless walk from Health to relationships actually becomes delightful when you’re with
(19:18) others doing the same join at the link in show notes and at Kelly Brogan md.com and there is for those of us who are curators right which I would argue as most of us but I don’t know for sure certainly most of the folks I relate to and I know we curate right and the way that we do that is we attune to some extent we study what it is that we imagine our audience if it’s a person in front of us or our family members or you know maybe the public at large what it is that they would like and then we present those aspects we present those parts so I call you know I call this the
(20:00) performer part and when I’ve done Parts work around this I have met chiefly like three performer parts that work together and these parts are in tension in space tension and they are it’s called Blended I’m very blended with at least two of them such that I am really comfortable when I can perform in my lane at the things that I am good at and and when I have to surrender the script or my pre-existing skill set or anything that would deliver me to a sense of so-called confidence there is like a Silent Scream Of Terror beneath that I mean it’s it’s
(20:46) really that extreme so this performer part is also for many of us and for myself very active in relationship and romantic relationship so this is the part you know that has a moment with your lover in the bedroom and says like I’m going to be the most extraordinary you know seductress at this moment and almost it’s like watching you be sexy kind of a thing rather than like so oriented towards how you’re being experienced and what you’re like the pleasure you’re putting on the person you know rather than internally
(21:24) oriented towards the actual embodied experience so that expression can be authentic and actually guide intimacy between the two of you so this performer part also can exist in the ways that we show up to social interactions and the need that we might have to like you know have so much alone time because it’s the only way we can exhale the tension of that curation so you know my performer Parts there’s a performer part that makes sure that I look attractive right so that is responsible for my physical appearance but then there’s another part that says well that’s not quite enough
(22:01) because you’re also all these other things and if you were just perceived as attractive you know that wouldn’t be good enough right so you have to make sure that you’re also experienced as you know intelligent or whatever this long list of other things is and then there’s this sort of like spiritual ego part of me that says oh you two silly Parts you know like it’s not about that right it’s about the energy and you can’t fake that so you know everyone’s going to know anyway and so you might as well just give up the fight you know and walk around with you know your hair dreaded and your PJs so these parts essentially were not invited to a number of my singing lessons and I’ll share one you know like little example where I was asked by one of my teachers to engage in an emotionally informed kind of call in response expression so she would sing like a riff with a certain feeling and I would then receive that feeling and sing something back to her any sounds like any vowels as if I were responding and you know this was one of several related like improvisational exercises and I told her that I was
(23:16) nervous, you know, to do this because I can copy with comfort you know like I’ve gotten to the point where now I can hear my own voice I can copy somebody else and that feels comfortable but to draw sounds out from in me and through my emotional body really felt not available to me and I went through it even though again I almost wanted to close the computer we took a break afterward and I walked down the hall in my house and I just burst into tears and this has happened most of the sessions that I’ve had I have come to a tearful moment
(23:50) after having done something that felt really scary you know and as I was crying walking to the bathroom I heard this phrase and the phrase was I am trying so hard to meet you I was like what does that mean I’m trying so hard to meet you it was almost this like pitiful like I’m trying so hard to meet you you know this is so hard and I thought okay well is it all that I’m doing you know to ready myself you know for healthy love and partnership and relationship and to move out of the patterns that I’ve been in my entire life and just that that’s hard you know
(24:29) I’m I’m trying to meet you you know this soon to be partner kind of a thing and then immediately it was it was almost like I was internally corrected and it was like no you me me I am trying so hard to meet me and I just felt like wow that is what’s happening here you know that I have an inner songstress right I have this inner Channel I have this erotic Dimension to me that expresses through the instrument of my body the literal instrument of my body and I don’t know her right I don’t know that me and why is it so hard why is it so
(25:10) hard and it is and the truth is that it is because of all of these protector parts that have for Myriad very legitimate reasons decided that exposing you know this dimension of me is too much unwelcome could be inviting certain kinds of experiences or punishments you know that I have decided I can protect myself from and so it was really this like profound experience of sort of just acknowledging how difficult this Soul retrieval process is and can be and how much more goes into this exploration of I would say specifically dance and art
(25:51) and singing that involves a capacity to feel shame and a willingness to also allow for the challenge of it so that whatever these tears are you know I don’t even really know what they are and why they come every time because it’s a combination of like relief and almost Pride like wow I just did that and also just literal shame that is like being discharged through my tear ducts and what that shame message has been which is like you know this is not a part of you that is safe to demonstrate to anyone and I know that I am not alone you know in this exploration and I’ve
(26:34) had a very similar experience in my pole dance Journey where there was just immense shame to move through I speak about it you know in in an episode here on Reclamation radio and the process gets easier and easier and easier I think as you move through the initial walls and you hold yourself through the walls and you don’t try to make that sensation go away and how can you really turned towards it with a degree of curiosity and right so in that moment I just sat down put my hand on my body and sat with it whatever that feeling is I don’t even need to name it or understand it just to care enough about it to show
(27:14) it presence so I I know also part of the challenge when you’re in these early stages of this kind of archetypal self-expression there is like the perception of the gulf between your limited self your repressed and diminished self and like what it is that you know you can be like how much Grandeur you can access and it’s something like you know when you are dropped in an extraordinary country let’s say and you only know like one or two words in the native language but you want to be able to like you know speak a sonnet or something to somebody that you meet on the corner there is an almost
(27:54) defeatist feeling of I don’t know if I can ever get where I want to go and when I interact with so many of these siren songstress teachers there is a sense of like wow how could I ever get there where you know there’re all of these potential notes that unfold in one you know breath that comes out of their mouth could I ever do that could I ever just carry my voice around like a ready instrument and always feel comfortable expressing it whenever I might want to and of course the answer is always yes right but that very loud voice that says like quit while you’re ahead because there’s no way you’re going to get to
(28:30) where it feels beautiful it’s very you know potentially has a lot of evidence for the reality of that has accumulated a lot of evidence for the reality of that and it’s important to hold that voice and not try to coer it and tell it that it’s wrong and no everybody can learn and yes and you know there is a journey and several of my teachers have shared that they started in places that were not in any way where they are now and that this dedication and the daily practice of opening up the voice and working these muscles literally is just
(29:00) like any other you know devotional Endeavor so I hope that’s interesting I look forward to hearing you know from those of you who are also on a similar Journey because I know that so many are and I wanted to share just two exercises that I think are really simple and really helpful in case this is interesting to you and you aren’t already an identified singer and you know I I am totally new to music I didn’t grow up in a musical family there were no instruments there was no dancing don’t remember music ever being on and so for me this was like a revelation for you this might already be obvious but
(29:35) there’s like a simple exercise it’s called like a zipper exercise where you start with a very very low tone that you can feel in like an o or an A that you feel like down in your pelvis and you can actually literally if you get low enough you can actually literally feel it down in that part of your body and then you just go you bring the sound all all the way up your body until you feel it in your head and that I was like wow there’s actually vibratory resonance that moves up your body as the sound gets higher and higher and higher pitched until it’s almost at your unicorn horn, you know, and then you just
(30:16) go back down and to sort of just feel that energy move up and down your body for me is has been really extraordinary it’s like a simple warmup and is aware that I’m not demonstrating these I don’t know I’m not going to demonstrate that and the other is to it’s sort of you know playing with polarities which I talk about all the time you know masculine feminine penetrative receptive yin-yang you know Dom sub to sing a note or a couple of you know a word or two out where you’re really putting the energy out and the direction is out and
(30:53) then saying the same exact thing as if you’re taking it in right so and there’s like a subtle shift in the energy of the same exact note and a lot of the work you know that I’ve explored Kaz or Ben X work is about like becoming more aware of whether your energy is going out and your attention is out or it’s actually you know coming in and bringing into itself simple things so it’s very profound practice and there’s so many amazing embodiment oriented teachers out there will put in the show notes the
(31:25) original post where so many of these teachers were tagged so I hope that this has been interesting and I will continue to share wherever the hell it is that I’m going in this twisty turny spiral path all right thanks everyone
