(00:00) What actually is going on when people feel they have found themselves in that hellscape of stuckness? So if the conscious mind says I want this, but the subconscious mind says you’re not smart enough, good enough, worthy enough. Now we have this battle going on. How do you align your emotions? We have not been taught how to do that. So now I’m stuck.
(00:22) I feel stuck. And now I think about what I’m feeling and I feel what I’m thinking about. And I keep re-triggering. Would you go so far as to say that it’s something that we can become? Well, there’s a couple of things. So, the answer is Hi and welcome back to Reclamation Radio. I am Dr. Kelly Broen and today I sit down with John Aseraf and we talk about how to change.
(00:49) So, he is a renowned mindset expert and has been featured on many many mainstream platforms. He’s also written 14 books with New York Times bestsellers and he’s been in many, many movies including The Secret, if you remember that one. And he is chiefly interested in how to help and support people in unlocking their potential.
(01:17) I have sat down with many experts in this arena from many different perspectives, whether it’s Joe Despensza or Baron Katy or Carolyn Elliott. I sat down on Reclamation Radio with Gay Hendrix and talked about the upper limit effect. I am veritably obsessed with pivots and change and transformation. It is the most delightful aspect of my personal life and my career to find myself in a landscape that I had previously imagined was impossible to inhabit.
(01:50) and I’ve been studying the anatomy of these transitions for many, many years. So, in this conversation, we talk about what it is that he believes drives avoidance, so-called self- sabotage and procrastination. We talk about how he healed completely from ulcerative colitis, how he resolved his alcoholism, how he built five multi-million dollar companies, how he found his wife of 25 years, and how he quit sugar, and we also talk about the one question that determines success.
(02:32) I hope this is inspirational and educational and gives you a very specific way to enter into your stuckness. Hi John and welcome to the show. Hey, it’s great to be with you and thank you. Amazing. So, as I’ve mentioned in the introduction, you are quite a prolific gentleman and you have been on a mission and I certainly recognize a man on a mission.
(02:59) And I wonder if you could kind of summarize what is the problem that you have dedicated yourself, not the problem that you have. The end of the sentences. What is the problem? Lots of those. What’s your problem, John? No. What is the problem that you have dedicated yourself to solving? because I can see in the evolution of your your work, you know, this mission crystallizing and I wonder if you track back to your early days in your career and as it’s iterated, you could see, oh, I was solving that problem even then or do you feel like
(03:34) it’s become, you know, it’s evolved over time and and now you’re really clear on what is the problem that you’re here to solve? Sure. So the the problems were um trauma as a child but slightly different trauma than some people but trauma. Uh raised in Israel with war all the time. My parents want to leave war.
(03:57) Being afraid of picking up anything on the floor because it might be an explosive. Running into the barracks in the middle of the night to protect yourself cuz the sirens were going off. And I was told the enemy was 90 seconds away that could kill us like they killed, you know, aunts and uncles and family members before.
(04:18) Uh moving to a new country, not speaking the language, and falling two years behind, feeling like I’m not smart enough, I don’t fit in, I’m not good enough. English, failing math, getting kicked out of high school, being at the principal’s office, being in the police departments, being in detention centers, uh, lying, stealing, drugs, breaking in entries as a young little 13, 15year-old hoodlm.
(04:40) I just didn’t feel like I was supposed to succeed. And then I end up with a a wonderful mentor who who showed me that there are ways to overcome traumas and lack of confidence and lack of security and and to feel smart and to and to learn how to navigate uh you know the the world which he believed was beautiful with challenges.
(05:05) And then seeing for myself firsthand that with the right frames, the right way to look at things, I was able to overcome some challenges. And then I worked really hard to become financially successful and I ended up at 23 years old with ulcers in my colon. And then I started to look into, you know, disease versus being at ease.
(05:29) And that’s when I started to get into, you know, neuroscience and neurosychology, really understanding a little bit back then the power within every single one of us. So overcoming challenges that seemed insurmountable back then and having many challenges over the last you know 45 years since I’ve been on this journey of personal development realizing that we all have this unimaginably powerful beautiful brain and I think it’s worth you know hundred billion dollars we can’t even recreate it but very few people get the users manual for how do I use my brain a
(06:08) little bit better so that I can overcome traumas or challenges and insecurities and fears and limiting beliefs and and and disempowering emotions. How do I overcome those so I could fulfill more of my potential? And I know you’ve got a great background in neuroscience. And so we’re going to have a great chat because I believe everybody is capable of fulfilling more of the potential, but not everybody has the how can I do that? And there’s so much noise and some gems of information out there with regard to where to start, right? Like the body,
(06:44) the mind, your emotional terrain. Do you prioritize catharsis? Do you prioritize your diet? Do you prioritize, you know, cognitive behavioral therapy and making sure that you’re thinking straight? And my sense is that you have focused and trained your attention on the nature of change itself, right? and the role specifically of action which really appeals to me as a place to kind of start this conversation because there’s a light side and a dark side to action right so sometimes if you can’t hold uncomfortable emotions you will
(07:20) impulsively act ask me how I know and then there’s also you know the the light side of action is that is efficacy is feeling you know your mark translating your impulses into you know material action And before we talk about, you know, your perspectives on how to how to work with thoughts, how to work with your brain, how to translate into action, I want to sort of set the scene with stuckness because if the antithesis of change and transformation and and these glorious pivots is feeling like you said, like you just have no idea where to begin,
(07:59) like you are in this um you were dropped off with no user manual, That feeling of stuckness I’m told and I’ve experienced is it’s a kind of hell, right? It’s the the internalized belief that nothing’s ever going to get better. It’s always going to be this way. It’s like a sisophysician, you know, pushing the rock up the the mountain forever in perpetuity.
(08:23) And I wonder if you could speak a little bit to your perspective on like what actually is going on when people feel that they have found themselves in that hellscape of of stuckness. Yeah, I call that um you can call it stuckness hell or habit hell. Uh listen, every one of us um I don’t care how successful or not you are, we have, you know, moments of clarity, moments of flow where things are working.
(08:47) Then we have moments of hitting plateaus or being stuck. Um and it’s totally normal. So I think the first thing to understand it’s normal. Now the question is what contributes to staying stuck and in that case we have to go to uh self-t talk. How am I talking to myself when I’m stuck? Am I focusing on I can’t believe I’m stuck.
(09:16) I don’t know what to do. This is so hard. I can’t figure it out. What’s going on? Why is this so hard for me? And behind me uh I have uh Frankie’s monster. I call that right. And then to the over my other shoulder is Einstein. I look at this as two parts of our brain. When we’re in a stuck state, Frankie is highly active.
(09:39) These are the Stein cousins I call them, right? And so we’re operating from one part of our brain which wants to repeat this this disempowering, destructive, and in some cases negative selft talk. Now, why is that important? Well, when I ask myself a question like, well, I wonder why I’m stuck.
(10:00) Why is this so hard? Will this ever go away? Our brain’s going to answer it. Why am I stuck? Well, because you’re stupid. Why are you stuck? Because you’re lazy. Why are you stuck? And you come up with an answer for that. And then we release the neurochemicals of every word, every sentence, every question, every answer. we release the the electrical activity that’s happening releases these neurochemicals that either cause us to take action or to retreat back into being stuck.
(10:33) So the first thing I always start with is okay am I using the right self-talk to get out of being stuck. So I’ll give you an example instead of like why am I stuck? Why is this so hard? Why not shift to going in order for me to get unstuck? What would be one or two things I could do right now? So if I asked this bio computer a better question instead of it giving me the answer to why am I stuck? Now we go let’s flip the part of our brain that’s looking for a solution versus the part of the brain that’s focusing on what’s happening right now. So our brain is
(11:16) made up of these networks, right? We don’t need to get into those and different circuits. So we have our motivational circuit. We have a stock circuit. We have a fear circuit. We have a excitement circuit. You know, we have a a circuit of repetitiveness. So when these circuits are firing and let’s say they’re firing and we’re we’re achieving a result that we don’t want, right? Because every result is a result.
(11:44) Um we have to shift the self-t talk first because in a disempowering or negative self-talk pattern we release the neurochemicals associated with the self-t talk. Well, the neurochemicals that are being released are going into our bloodstream. And that’s what is actually called a feeling. Right? So now I’m stuck.
(12:07) I feel stuck. And now I think about what I’m feeling. And I feel what I’m thinking about. And I keep re-triggering. But more importantly, I keep reinforcing the very pattern I do not want. Would you go so far as to say that it’s something that we can become addictive to or just that it it becomes familiar or even that it just meets needs to stay in that place? Well, there’s a couple of things.
(12:32) So, the answer is yes, we become addicted to any pattern we repeat. And there’s um there’s something I teach a lot of. It’s called consistency compounds. So, whatever I do consistently, it compounds and becomes either better better better or worse worse worse worse. And part of the reason for that is our brain is an organism I like to call versus an organ that likes to conserve energy as part of its top four priorities.
(13:01) So if I repeat a pattern positive, negative, good, bad, constructive, destructive, our brain says whatever pattern you create and reinforce I will automate. And we automate it’s called automaticity. Our brain will automate any process to conserve energy. period. It just it’s not it’s it just is the way it works.
(13:23) That’s why I go back to we were born with this incredible brain. No users manual. Well, here’s part of the users manual. So, whatever my brain automates, right? I repeat. Part two of your question is this. There’s something called the law of secondary gain. Law of secondary gain, right? And the law of secondary gain says that even when I know I should take action to do this or that or that, whether it’s to eat better, sleep better, you know, do more work or the right work to make more money, my brain rewards me for staying in my familiar and safe zone, which is
(14:00) my habits. And so now I’m getting rewarded for not taking the action that I want to take, know I should take, and actually I know it’ll help me. Now I’m getting rewarded because I repeat the patterns of familiarity. So we have to understand that almost everything that we do 95% or so is repeating thought patterns, emotional patterns and behavioral patterns to conserve energy, to stay safe, to stay in our familiar zone.
(14:33) And that’s just how the brain works. And it doesn’t really care if it’s good or bad, whether you like it or you don’t. Uh, and that’s why you can say, you know, at 4:00 in the afternoon, you say, “Well, I’m supposed to be exercising now.” And then you hear this little voice says, “But I’m tired. I’m lazy. I don’t feel like it today.
(14:50) ” You want to rationalize, which tells you, which is telling yourself, rational lies why you’re not going to. there’s these, you know, neuromchanics, you know, and uh people repeat uh 90% of their thoughts and emotions and behaviors day after day after day. So, I want you to imagine what it would be like to never ever be afraid of a symptom again.
(15:18) to be comfortable in your body, have easeful digestion, stable energy, to never need a doctor or prescriptions again, and to learn the language of your body so that you can read your yes and your no and trust your intuition. The truth is that you already have the power to heal anxiety, resolve depression, and to put an end to all of the enduring effects of stress. I’m Dr.
(15:49) Kelly Broen, an Ivy League trained clinical psychiatrist who once believed so much in the conventional model of medicine that I specialized in prescribing to pregnant and breastfeeding women until I was diagnosed with my first potentially chronic illness and I decided to find a way out. And what I learned was how to walk through a life crisis and into your power.
(16:16) Since then, I have published many history makingaking cases of others doing the same through my 44-day health reclamation program, Vital Mind Reset. And I’ve learned that despite what I was taught in medical school, your lifestyle choices do matter, and you can make chronic illness a thing of the past, you can also disrupt patterns of struggle in your relationships and in your livescape.
(16:41) I remember I I first started to observe the secondary gain that you’re referring to in my clinical practice because I would work with women who were very motivated to come off of their medications. In fact, that’s why they were in my office and we would get to the point of basically divergence where they’re off their meds, they’re going to, you know, sort of fly the nest and there would be something some dramatic resurgence of something that would come up.
(17:07) And enough times, you know, this occurred where I was able to observe that there’s something subconscious going on here, right? That they actually are are meeting needs through their experience of being a patient in this kind of a diad. And there’s more to the story than just consciously wanting something. So, you know, when we look at I personally don’t use the phrase self- sabotage just because I think there’s wisdom in everything that we do, but I you may just even colloquially, but when we look at avoidance and procrastination and you know what is
(17:38) referred to as self-sabotage, do you see these all as just being you know habits just habits that are familiar and the the intervention is which we’ll get to is essentially the same it’s starting with how you’re talking to yourself, how you’re thinking and what you’re, you know, able to take small actions towards or do you see them as like kind of different flavors? Avoidance, procrastination, and and sabotage.
(18:04) Yeah, I think they’re cousins, right? So, if we think about procrastination, right? Like if you ask if you ask any, you know, sane human being, right? Do you want to procrastinate? You know, she’s going to tell you, “No, I don’t want to procrastinate cuz I know it’s not good for me.
(18:21) it won’t help me achieve this or stop that and be this or or experience that. No, we don’t want to procrastinate. And so we go to well, what are the real causes for male or females to procrastinate? And why would I procrastinate? Like why would I why would I engage in a behavior? And I consider not taking action a behavior, right? So not taking action is a behavior. Taking action is a behavior.
(18:47) So why would I not do what let’s say I know I should do and one answer right if we’re going to go back into into some of the stuff that’s happening in our heads and hearts and and guts is uh fear and so maybe maybe at a subconscious level I am assessing without like consciously being aware of this that if I take action and let’s say like the last five times when I did this I failed and when I failed I felt less Then and when I failed, I got berated by so and so or I was disappointed in myself or my husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend or
(19:27) children or child was was disappointed in me. Well, we do more to avoid pain or discomfort disappointment than we do to gain the pleasure that taking the action will give us from a neuromchanical perspective. So if I have a fear of being embarrassed, ashamed, ridiculed, judged, rejected, uh unloved, abandoned, um disappointed, my Frankie’s monster is going to go, “Hey, if you do it again this time, and let’s say you lose the weight, but then you put it back on, then you’ve just wasted 30 days of your time and the money you spent and and the
(20:06) new clothes you bought.” Uh so so now my brain goes into a protective mode to protect me from a future potential disappointment or pain but it feels it in the moment. Right? So so fear might be one of those things. Second reason I might procrastinate or self-sabotage is um my self-image.
(20:31) The part of me that wants this result that I’m choosing deliberately uh valitionally is my conscious Einstein brain that can imagine what I would like it to be and can say well in order to achieve this you know career um advancement this business this financial this physique this relationship I want that and and the reason I want that is because uh it’ll make me feel and do and have and be this and that makes logical sense and yes I want to do it and I’m motivated to do it.
(21:03) But in the very next nanocond, Frankie is going to come online and go, “Hey, um, do you really deserve that? Are you really smart enough to achieve that? Do you really feel worthy of achieving that?” And and now self-image, self-worth, self-esteem, identity may be in getting checked out because you may want that, see yourself consciously wanting that.
(21:26) But if your subconscious patterns aren’t in alignment, um you’re in a destructive coherence pattern, right, versus sympathetic resonance. And so when we want to get in alignment between my vision, my goals, my emotions, and my behaviors, I call that sympathetic resonance. So at an energetic level, at a vibrational level, at a frequency level, I’m aligned.
(21:52) and then I have the motivational circuit gets activated and now I take action consistently. But when there is destructive interference, so if the conscious mind says I want this but the subconscious mind says but you’re not smart enough, good enough, worthy enough, deserving enough, uh you might fail, you might be disappointed.
(22:11) Now we have this battle going on within ourselves and that’s why I call the the Frankie battle. And um first and foremost, it’s totally normal. Second, every brain functionally works the same. Like every car functionally works the same whether it’s electric or gas, right? Every brain function works the same. of course is anomalies.
(22:35) But if I have this destructive interference where I want X but I believe Y or I I I I I want to look like this, feel like this, earn this, be in this relationship, but there’s insecurities, there’s an identity that doesn’t match up with that. There’s an internal battle going on. And I look at, you know, thoughts and emotions as as energy, thought energy, emotional energy.
(23:04) If you look at uh wave functions, and I’m going to go a little bit deeper than the average right now. Um if you’re in the ocean, for example, and you have a 5-ft wave going along and it intersects with another 5-ft wave, sympathetic resonance occurs, and it becomes a 10-ft wave. It amplifies the energy, right? It’s there’s like a motivation for amplification.
(23:29) But if you have a five-foot wave, an idea, a thought, a vision, a goal, and it intersects with a 10-ft wave, you have destructive interference, and you have a collapse of the wave function. So, we are energy, we are vibration, we are frequency. And there’s not enough attention in my opinion to show people, you know, how do you connect to this higher intelligence that you and I are? I call it your spiritual intelligence, your spiritual being.
(24:05) How do you align your emotions? Right? So we have S at the top. Emotions the energy in motion your body 100 trillion cells vibrating and oscillating you know either at the level of your fear or the level of your vision and goals. How do you focus your m your mindset right so that instead of being diffused sunlight you are focused like a laser that can cut through steel.
(24:32) And then the P this is the SM model I call it SEM. The P is to take this physical thing that I have called my body and get it into the right action at the right time. And if you have the recipe of spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical in alignment, it’s the equivalent of having uh flour, eggs, sugar, chocolate, milk on your counter.
(25:03) And if you put everything in the right order in the bowl and you whisk it around, you let it sit and you put it into the oven at a specific temperature for a certain amount of time and you’re following a recipe, you can almost anywhere in the world bake a cake, a beautiful chocolate cake. But if you put the ingredients in in the wrong order and then bake it for the wrong amount of time, you have something, but it’s not a chocolate cake.
(25:31) And I believe that a lot of people even though it’s 2025 and I can go to chat GPT right now on my iPad or computer and I could say hey I’m a woman 45 65. Uh here’s what I do. Here’s what I know. Here’s my degrees or my pedigrees. Here’s what I what here’s everything you need to know about me. And I want to achieve my here’s my health goal, wealth goal, relationship goal, career goal, money goal, uh whatever goal I want.
(25:59) help me create a minuteby-minute plan. I could do that in less than 90 seconds. I have AI, artificial intelligence, give me the entire plan so that I know what to do, when to do it, how to do it, and why to do it. So, how to achieve any goal is the least of your concern. It’s an inner game that you have to win first.
(26:22) this inner landscape and even the the discord, the tension, the conflict, the the warfare that you’re referencing between these dimensions of ourselves, these parts of ourselves. Maybe we were designed this way so that we could be really invited to to self-discover and to journey inward. And I imagine that you like me also believe that there are, you know, no mistakes in the journey, right? that that so many of the challenges that you described in your own life teed you up perhaps perfectly to get to know these parts of yourself and to unlock this
(26:58) potential. So I wonder even if through your own example you could take us through that, you know, that that hierarchy of interventions that you’re referencing and and where it is that you could possibly enter when you’re feeling overwhelmed, when you’re feeling stuck, when you’re feeling in that victim mantra of no fair, I hate this, you know, why.
(27:22) So I first I totally agree that everything happens to me and for me uh for my spiritual and physical and emotional growth and I accept that and I surrender and allow what is bringing forth um and I’m also hyper curious what is this emotion here to teach me what is this experience here to teach me and let’s make no mistake about it some of our experiences can be darnright painful ful, right? And and nature doesn’t think twice about inflicting capital punishment.
(27:56) And if we, you know, if we step off the side of the street and we don’t look left and right for cars, we might get hit by a car. Uh so we have to we have to understand that. So I’ll give you an example of where this really really started for me. When I was 23, I had severe ulcerative colitis from working so hard to make money.
(28:15) And I was taking 25 pills a day, uh, salazapyron pills a day to reduce the inflammation. I was doing a cortisone enema morning at night at 23. And every month I was going to the hospital to get a sigmoidoscopy done, which means they would insert a probe into the wrong side of my being uh to look into my colon to see what’s going on.
(28:37) And that happened for about a year and a half. And um they thought that if it doesn’t get better, it’s probably precancerous and they’re going to have to remove some of my colon. I’m like, what? I’m like 23. What do you mean you’re going to remove my colon? And so I said to myself, and this was just because I started to to learn, right, to to understand how to look at things differently? And Wayne Dyer said, you know, when you look at something differently, the thing that you look at changes.
(29:03) So, I asked myself, what’s causing my ulcerate of colitis versus being in this? I’m sick. I’m sick. I’m sick. I’m sick. I don’t have bowel control. I’m pooping all over the place in the car, in the restaurant, in bed, wherever it was. What? What’s causing this? And my answers were, it could be genetic, it could be food, it could be stress, it could be working too hard, stress.
(29:28) And so I said okay how do I get myself in a state of at ease instead of disease. And so I uh I found for example an affirmation selft talk. My body and all its organs were created by the infinite intelligence in my subconscious mind. It created all my muscles, tissues, bones and organs. It is perfect and so am I now. Wonderful is the creative intelligence of my subconscious mind. I am now perfectly healthy.
(29:53) I started reading that and listening to that every day 20, 30, 40, 50 times. I would close my eyes and instead of thinking and feeling that I was sick, I would see my colon healing and me being back to normal. I would write out I am so happy and thankful that I am now perfectly healthy 50 times a day. So between self-t talk, emotions, visualization and awareness of what I was focusing on during the day, 5 weeks later after 18 months of being sick.
(30:24) 5 weeks of doing that every day, I was healed and that was literally 41 years ago. Part one. Part two. Um I used to be an alcoholic. I used to drink a couple of cocktails every night and a bottle of wine and then maybe a couple cocktails more afterwards. 7 days a week. I was 243 pounds, borderline diabetic, fatty liver, and 33% body fat.
(30:48) That was uh let me see, 17 years ago. Stopped drinking alcohol. How I took a picture of a healthy body, a man in a healthy body. Um I have it over there on my on my desk on my on my vision board. And I started using an affirmation. I started to tell myself that I am no longer an alcoholic. I no longer have the identity of an alcohol. I wrote out a story.
(31:13) I’m so happy and grateful for the fact that I wrote out a whole page story and I started to see myself as somebody who didn’t have the identity that required alcohol on a daily basis cuz for some reason one drink was too many for me and 10 wasn’t enough. For whatever reason, I was gifted with that lesson.
(31:33) So, stop drinking alcohol. I haven’t had a drink in 15 years. I lost 43 lbs of fat and have kept it off. And at 63, I still have a six-pack like my two sons who have it. I was divorced two times and then 25 years ago did the same process again. I said, “Okay, I’ve got to work from the inside out. Let me create connection.
(31:58) ” First I like I was at the scene of both of the divorces. So I couldn’t just say it was her. it was her again and like no no I was there like I I was participating in the dance. So I said okay uh what is it about a relationship with a woman that that I keep repeating the same pattern. I found some challenges in me in my understanding.
(32:21) My father was a misogynistic ignorant human being that didn’t have a huge education had the great three did the best he can. Alcoholic gambler uh my mother was gentle kind and out but also no education from school. And so I was repeating my father’s pattern which was the environment I grew up in. And I did that with my former two wines.
(32:44) So what did I do? I went back to let’s create a new story. I wrote out a story. I’m so happy and grateful that I’ve now become the type of person to find the love of my life. We are living the best life ever. I am blank blank blank blank blank. She is blank blank blank blank blank. And we are blank blank blank blank blank.
(33:03) 25 years ago, I met Maria. 6 years later, we got married and I’ve had the most beautiful, respectful, loving, caring, kind partnership because I had to change my identity, my beliefs. Yes, I had to upgrade my skills in a relationship with a woman. Um, and I had to become a different, better version of me in a relationship.
(33:28) So, I created this alignment. Um, also business. So, I have built a few companies and I didn’t have the educator. I went to grade 11, failed high school, uh went to grade 11, failed English, failed math. I didn’t think I was smart enough. So, back going to literally 1980, okay? 45 years ago, almost 44 years ago, I started to write out my vision and my goals and my beliefs and what the knowledge and skills were that I needed to have in order to achieve these goals and beliefs.
(33:59) what were the beliefs that I needed to have? And I imprinted those through space repetition and visualization and mindfulness and any technique that I could find to refire and rewire my own map of reality in health and wealth and relationship and career and business and money and fun and experiences by creating this what I call is coherence, right? neurological, emotional, and physical coherence.
(34:33) And I’ve been practicing this and teaching this. I call it inner size. You know, just like you can exercise to strengthen your muscles. Why not inner size a little bit every day to strengthen your neurom muscles. So, I look at self-image as a neuro muscle. I look as your identity as a neurom muscle or collective of different muscles. I look at your beliefs as either empowering or disempowering.
(34:57) And we can change our beliefs to match the vision and goals we have. And so like I still invest 20 minutes a day on my inner size like I do about an hour a day on my exercise. And so I’ve taken very very seriously the fact that we have just this insanely genius brain that we live in this quantum field of all possibilities.
(35:27) And if it’s true, if it’s true that I am a part of that which created me, then can I operate from this space of connecting to the source and then bringing forth from the field of all knowledge and possibilities, everything that I need in order to achieve, you know, a little bit more of my potential. And I know it works.
(35:52) I don’t I don’t need anybody to tell me it works. I know it works. I have so much evidence not only in my life, in my son’s lives, in my wife’s lives, in the students that I have, uh, in in people who have read my books or watched my trainings that apply some of our methods. And I have literally over 100,000 success stories over the last 15 years of students that are like, “Oh my god.
(36:15) ” For money, for health, for relationships, career, business, is they’re following a process that takes human possibility and helps it become a little bit more predictable. So, there’s one tool that you can find lying out and about in my house any time of day, and that is the sonic slider. It’s a highly calibrated tuning fork developed by my friend and bioenergetic and sound healing pioneer Eileen Mikusk.
(36:45) It delivers a deep, penetrating, very specific vibration that tones your body from the inside out. I think of it as like harmonizing and organizing anything that I apply it to. So, it works on fascia, lymph, and subtle energy, of course, and it unwinds tension. It boosts circulation, vitality, and coherence in your electric body, which by the way is where it’s at, in case you haven’t heard.
(37:13) I use it on my face actually to lift and brighten. And I use it on my joints if I have any postworkout inflammation or pain. And then also on my midline to harmonize my nervous system. And every night before bed, I vibrate it on my third eye just because it feels good. So, this is one of those tools that bridges science and soul in the way that only Eileen knows how to. It’s super simple to use.
(37:41) You literally just tap it and then gently hold it anywhere that you want to apply it and it feels amazing. So, use code kelly broen at bofieldtuningstore.com for 15% off your first purchase. And it also happens to be one of my favorite gifts to give people. I live for these stories. I truly do and I’m so delighted to hear about these outcomes because I’ve come to understand and appreciate in my own professional and personal experience that when you hear about what’s possible, you have permission to even want it, right? So, what what I’m
(38:17) hearing you say is that that proclamation of what it is that you have, right, in the present tense and the visualization of it, the intimacy with even some of the details of what it might be like. So the imagination uh applied to it and then I’m imagining also your your feeling what it would be like right to to have the health the connection you know the the success etc are um a part of the ritual of self-dedication because I you know I I also hear you talk about consistency and commitment. So, where does the the
(38:55) action come in? Right? Is there anything you have to do or do you just look out for opportunities to receive this, you know, this abundance, by the way? And I’ve been off of refined sugar now, which I was addicted to. Uh, I wouldn’t eat a cookie. I would eat five, six, seven cookies.
(39:12) I wouldn’t eat a piece of cake or or a scoop of ice cream. I would have 12, 14, 16 ounces of it. and offer fine sugar for 14 months by using the exact same process. Part one, part two. Earlier I had mentioned that we don’t just want to take action. Let me show you something. Let me I got some props. It’ll be worth it for any there.
(39:33) There’s one there’s one other piece I’d like to bring into this if I may that I think will help people. When I was in my early 20s, my uh my first official mentor, I met him at through my brother because he was concerned for my well-being. And this guy was a a a real estate uh developer.
(39:51) He had real estate offices, a philanthropist, a husband, had kids, just a beautiful, beautiful man. And he agreed to meet with me to to maybe, you know, give me some guidance and maybe even offer me a job. And at the time, I was working in a shipping department of Philips Electronics, you know, opening up computer boxes, closing computer boxes, send them off, getting I hated it.
(40:14) I was making a $165 an hour and um I hated it. I was living in my parents’ home. I was um uh taking the bus and the subway to work and back and forth. It was like 19 and miserable. And I met this guy and he asked me, “What do I want to achieve in my life and I was like, “Well, I’d like to get a better job. I would like to get a car and I’d like to move on my parents house.
(40:31) ” He goes, “That’s great. What else would you like to achieve?” And I didn’t have any idea. So, he gave me this document and it just asked me a whole bunch of questions. Uh when do you want to retire? How much money do you want to have upon retirement? Where do you want to travel? What kind of clothes do you want? What kind of home do you want? Who do you want to help? He just asked me a bunch of questions and I just wrote out insane answers.
(40:50) You know, I want to make millions of dollars. I want to travel the world. I want to have an Italian wardrobe. I want a four-bedroom house. I want a Mercedes-Benz. I want to retire my parents. I want I want I want I want. And it was pie in the sky. Pulled it out of my you know what, uh, answers because he told me to dream and to imagine.
(41:10) And um he looked at this document and he says to me, he says, “Listen, uh this would be an extraordinary life if you could achieve and live and have and be all these things.” I said, “Yeah, of course it would be.” He says, it says it just by look at you. Says, “It seems like that would excite you.” I said, “Of course it would excite me.
(41:27) Nobody in my family’s ever done any of this.” And he said something to me that was a gamecher for my life. And I’ve asked this question of a million plus people in the last number of years. He looked at all this stuff and he looks at me. He goes, “I’m gonna ask you one question and the answer to this question will determine whether you achieve every one of these things.
(41:51) ” And I’m looking to myself, “Yeah, sure. One question is going to answer if I achieve these things.” And he leans in and he goes, “Um, are you interested in achieving these things or are you committed to achieving them?” And at 19, I was like, “What? Am I interested? Am I committed?” And I asked, I said, “Excuse me.” His name was Alan Brown.
(42:12) Excuse me, Mr. Brown. Uh, what’s the difference? Here’s the game changer. He says, “People who are interested come up with stories and excuses why they can’t or won’t. People who are interested allow their fears to control their thinking and turn instead of turning their fears into the fuel for success. People who are interested repeat the same behaviors over and over and over again hoping they get a different result.
(42:40) He says, “But people who are committed upgrade their identity.” And he pointed out his head to match the vision and the goals, the destiny they want. They upgrade their beliefs. They upgrade their knowledge and skills. And they upgrade their daily commitments and habits until they achieve their goals. And so I don’t know why but I just like it resonated with me.
(43:06) And he leans in again. He says, “So now that you know the answer, which are you?” And out of my mouth came, “Well, in that case, Mr. Brown, I am committed.” Reaches out his hand, puts my hand in his says, “In that case, son, I will be your mentor.” I said, “Wow, thank you. Uh uh uh uh what’s a mentor?” And he told me.
(43:28) And then I went to work for him. I went to I got my real estate license, got got certified five weeks later, got my my real estate license, then I went to work from on commission only. At least before I was making a $165 an hour, and then he went to work on every day getting me to visualize. And he said, “Visualization is a mental and emotional simulation.
(43:49) ” So I visualized achieving those goals. I then every day invested one hour a day. He said if you invest one hour a day to upgrade your skills that is 9 40hour weeks of training yourself. So he taught me cold calling which cold calling what he taught me how to knock on doors. He taught me what to say, when to say it, how to say it.
(44:17) So he taught me the skills required to match the vision and goals I had. I made like $30,000 in the first 6 months of being a commissioned only real estate agent. 000 was my end. I made 150,000 the second year by doing his process. Now, what I brought over here to show you is this. If somebody was committed to solving this Rubik’s cube, could they learn how to do it today? What about this one? If they were committed in the next 24 to 48 hours to solving this, is how to solve this available on YouTube right now? So yeah, they can solve any Rubik’s cube. Even
(44:52) though there’s a million, there’s actually more than a billion moves. If somebody was committed over the next month to solve this, could they solve it if they were committed? That’s like my personal nightmare, but I think so. So here is the point I want to make. Once you’re committed, how to is readily available.
(45:14) But when you’re not committed, then by default, you’re just interested. And then something is holding you back from being committed. And the question is, what is holding you back from a commitment to the thoughts, the emotions, the feelings, sensations, and the right behaviors consistently? Let’s go there.
(45:39) So, is it well, I’m afraid of failing? Good. Let’s deal with failure. Is it I’m afraid of disappointing myself? I’m afraid of it not working. I’m afraid. I I don’t deserve. Like, what is the real thing preventing you from being committed? Because listen, it’s 2025. We know how to lose weight and keep it off. We know how to stop eating this and start eating that.
(45:58) We know how to have better sleep hygiene so that we are not tired. We know how to be a great parent, great wife, great husband, girlfriend, boyfriend. We know how to make more money, how to build a business. We know how. That is not your problem. The problem is going to fall into either your fear, your limited beliefs, or your self-image.
(46:17) Let’s go to work on those. When we work on those, the how is readily available. Now, in the event we don’t know how, then we have doubt, right? Doubt creates uncertainty. Uncertainty triggers the stress circuit. The stress circuit activates fear and fear that holds you back. So we have to understand that if I’m sabotaging, procrastinating, not following through, those are effects.
(46:47) I don’t play the game of life at the at the level of effects. The effect is like an X-ray. Like you have a contusion there, you have a fracture there, you have a break there. Great. Well, I I I I hurt myself doing this. Great. Let’s take care of cause. Effect always takes care of itself. And this is why I say it’s like it’s like, do we have to do the right things? Uh yeah, I remember in the movie The Secret, which I was fortunate to be in, you know, we talked about this law of attraction and people asked me like, “How come it doesn’t work for so many people?” I
(47:20) said, “Well, in addition to the law of attraction, there’s this other law that nobody talks about, and it’s called the law of Goya. Go O y A. Have you heard of this one?” Oh my goodness. So in the movie The Secret, you know, people were led to believe that you think you believe and you’ll achieve.
(47:41) And that’s Just pure right? The law of Goya is the get off your ass law and do the right thing in the right order at the right time. It’s not effort, it’s the right effort. Am I doing the right thing? You know, am I am I managing my awareness of my thoughts? Am I managing my state, the energy in motion? That’s called your emotions.
(48:14) Am I managing my state so that I am controlling it versus it controlling me? Because if I can manage my physiology, I can deactivate or activate the circuits in my brain, the motivational circuit, right? or the fear or stress or anxiety or worry circuit or the procrastination circuit and we have not been taught how to do that and that’s the problem.
(48:39) Yeah, I can feel and and agree and experience so much the same in my personal and professional transformational landscapes. And what what I feel is is you become bigger than any problem in your life. It’s like you you’re you’re literally proportionally bigger and therefore there’s a a whole exhale or relaxation of your system and these insights come to you and if if the commitment is the foregrounding it’s like the frame of what will follow which I love then I I’ve also um heard you reference that a commitment for a certain number of days is important
(49:18) right that that sustaining that commitment for a period of time whether it’s you know 60 plus days 100 days is important and I wonder if you could talk a little bit about that kind of a time frame so I think it’s important for people to understand that a habit is nothing more than a reinforced pattern that just becomes automatic right and so the question is what do we know around the science of habits what do we know around around that science well based on some of the research that was done the university um uh in Toronto several
(49:46) years ago we know that you know let’s say I learn a new language today Right? Let’s say I learn three words today. Right? When I learn a word, you know, bonjour, hello. Right? Then my brain is firing these neurons, brain cells, electrical activity. And when the teacher or the babble or whatever your tool you’re using goes, way to go, you got that right. Boom.
(50:09) I got a hit of dopamine. And now my brain likes it. And we started to like wire my brain. Bjour. Hello. Low is water. Oh, good. I got another one. High five. That’s great. So, we develop these really weak patterns, right? No different. I go to the gym, I might take three pounds and and and and it it it, you know, I could do five or six or seven reps.
(50:31) If I gave myself a rest and then did it again tomorrow and gave myself a rest and did it again the next day, that three lb weight would would start to um create some muscle because it would be tearing some fibers. If I had protein, it would be rebuilding, you know, the uh the muscle and it would get stronger and stronger and stronger and stronger.
(50:48) So, we understand how that works with muscles. But now, let’s take a look at the brain and neurom muscles. So, the research shows that we need about 66 days to 365 days to create and reinforce a new pattern so that it becomes a new habit or overrides an old one. So, what I tell all of my students who who do inner sizes through our app or or any of our coaching is would you commit to a little bit of action every day from 100 days? And almost all of them said, well, yeah.
(51:28) And I said, if you if you did that, we would build a habit. And after 100 days, and probably before, you can add complexity and intensity. So before we start working on this, why don’t we just get you to do this one consistently for enough repetitions to create a habitual pattern that then will build on itself. So part of building a good habit, you’re better off doing three minutes of something every day for a 100 days than 30 minutes of something 3 days a week, but then you take one day off and two days off and do no.
(52:07) You want consistency is more important at first than complexity or intensity. Why? We want to reduce the I don’t feel like it muscle from activating. We want to increase our resiliency. We want to increase our consistency. So now I am a person that can give herself a command and follow through to completion enough time to start developing the self-rust to develop certainty develop self-confidence to develop the self-image of I can do this.
(52:44) And you’re better off with one minute a day for 100 days than being sporadic and kind of feel like it or don’t. And so I teach all my students, let’s focus on consistency for 100 days. Now, let’s teach you another skill. When you hear that voice saying, I don’t feel like it. I’m tired. Here’s what I want you to say. Just say, “I know. I understand.
(53:04) And I’m going to do a little bit anyway.” So anytime you could activate that reaction and then a response to that, then guess who’s controlling the show? Guess who is leading the pack in here, right? And so now we want to override the I’m lazy. I don’t feel like it. It’s late. It’s early. I’m this. I’m I know. I understand. I get it.
(53:27) I I get it. That’s us taming Frankie because Frankie wants to keep us in our comfort zone and we want to deactivate Frankie and go back to the executive director, the CEO of my brain like a conductor of an orchestra. I say, I know we’ve been here practicing a long time, just one one more time. And until you can do that, you will never be able to achieve more.
(53:52) So if you can’t override the I don’t feel like it, I’m lazy, it’s too late, it’s too early, all of the rationalizations, you know, that our brain comes up with to keep us in our comfort zone, you can’t develop any of those neuron muscles required for a newer, better, more improved version of result than you’re achieving right now. So by default, you’re going to reinforce the exact thing you do not want.
(54:16) So I prefer to go reduce it to the ridiculously small and then we build from there. Consistency is what we focus on, not complexity or intensity. I couldn’t agree more. I knew there was some wisdom in my uh health program, Vital Mind Reset. There are meditations and they’re only three minutes a day. That’s it for that reason.
(54:37) And often people come in, they’re like, “Well, but I’m already a meditator. I know how to, you know, do 20 minutes to two hours.” And I do know that that consistency is is that powerful. I wonder if you could distinguish a little bit for us between consistency and and and discipline. Like is there a nuance there? Yeah.
(54:58) Listen, I I have this um maybe a little bit different belief that everybody has 100% discipline to their current habits. So that everybody’s disciplined. It’s just a function of are you disciplined in a constructive empowering positive way or are you disciplined in a destructive disempowering negative way in some cases but everybody has 100% discipline to their current patterns and our brain just repeats patterns that goes back to what I said earlier that’s just called automaticity we repeat most recent research is that
(55:31) we have about 6200 thoughts a day that’s the most recent research in the last couple of years that I’ve heard And 80% of the average person, 80% is negative. So think about this. 80% of 6,200 is 5,000 negative thoughts a day for the average person. Now, you might be listening going, “Well, that’s not me. I don’t have anywhere nearly as much as that.
(55:56) ” Or you’re saying, “Oh my god, that’s me.” Well, you’re normal either way. Um, but that means that you have 5,000 of almost the same thoughts that repeat 90% of the time that you’re reinforcing. I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m too I’m too old. I’m too young. I’m not enough for this. I don’t have time. I’m so busy with the kids. The the the the or that my job.
(56:20) No, no, no, no. You’re just repeating what you are consistently self-disciplined to repeat. And this goes back to which are you going to be more committed to? What is or what you want your life to be like? And so you first make the commitment that what is maybe good, maybe okay, but what I want is more. And that’s okay.
(56:45) But now we’re deliberately and consciously going to evolve ourselves. We are no longer going to be creatures of habit. We are going to be creatures of mastering change. See, we’re either going to master change or we’re going to master disappointment. You choose. So, I prefer to master change because especially now with AI, uh you have to be change ready.
(57:10) You have to be change ready now and you have to be an adaptationist because every part of our life is has changed and is about to change in ways that most people can’t even fathom with us being the second smartest species on the planet this year. Like think about that for a moment. And so either you’re going to learn how to be comfortable in change or change not changing will be your master.
(57:38) Amen. And it’s interesting to even look, you know, over my own history and think, well, that’s actually what I’ve been in an effort to master is just change. It’s the pivot, right? Change is the only constant. Yeah. And I’m so inspired by your personal stories of transformation, let alone, you know, the the 100,000 uh outcomes that speak to your approach and methodology. It’s extraordinary.
(58:04) And also that you you know you have an app and you have all these books that uh support the resources for anybody who is in the commitment consideration phase of of change. And sometimes we need to be in the awareness stage which is awareness gives us choice. Choice can give us the freedom we want. And so you know for anybody that’s um you know in the awareness stage and they’re they’re watching and listening to you because they already are.
(58:31) But then awareness is going to give us the ability to make choices. And and then in making the right choices, then we can start to experience more self-control, more more awareness. And and if we learn the skills required to level up our lives, whether it’s health or wealth, relationship or career or business, it’s all available to us.
(58:55) And this is this is you know this is you know us feeling more empowered having some sense of control and fulfilling more of our potential where we say you know I could be I could be happy healthy wealthy in every area of my life and be fulfilled and have an impact where I feel like yeah what a journey and that doesn’t mean you’re not going to have challenges that’s kind of like how the universe allows us to grow and it’s in the challenges we get extra stripes or stars or whatever the case is And then once we learn those lessons, trust me, more more
(59:27) opportunities for you know for for growth um arise. I think that’s the that’s the desire of spirit is to fully express itself and to realize you know that um I can become the best version of me whatever that means for you and that I am purposefully you know on that path to um to love my life and make the biggest positive impact that I can while I’m here. Mic drop.
(59:54) I think we can end on that beautiful note and I want to thank you so much for your epic contributions and for the inspiration. I mean I feel inspired even just listening to this work that I’ve been myself immersed in for for so many years. It’s really why I wake up in the morning because it is so delightful to imagine that we can influence this kind of change and transformation and transmutation.
(1:00:17) It’s what makes it all u an adventure you know worth journeying through. So thank you John. I really appreciate it. Thanks for having me on. [Music] [Music]
