(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting holess beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times best-selling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pul dancer or honorary member of the dis information doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and
(02:44) your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production hello beautiful humans and welcome to Reclamation radio I thought I would start off by introducing myself and if you’re here you may already know
(03:23) a thing or two about me so I thought to tell you a thing or two you may not know and I have comp filed a list of 25 ways that I have become that which I have judged because I thought that it would be a more factual narrative than whatever I might otherwise tell you about myself and my journey and because this is a lot of what I’d like to explore in this space with you is an experience of self- ownership that actually becomes amusing and enjoyable right once you get through that experience of your own shame that is limiting Your Capacity to
(04:12) recollect all of the parts of yourself that are hiding in the closet so maybe this will help you see what I’m up to so in no particular order I am going to share with you these 25 things so number one is that I used to not only judge I was actually trained to deride dismiss and criticize alternative medicine and what you’ll find in this list is that sometimes I will go from one polarity to the other like some from one extreme of perspective to the other and then there’ll be a third step so I’ll go from
(04:51) one to the other to another and in this case my relationship to health and Medicine fits very neatly in the category of polarization because as a card carrying cult member of the western conventional so-called traditional medicine can you believe it’s called traditional medicine as a member of that establishment I was trained to believe that illness and symptoms and sickness are not only something to be concerned that’s one of my least favorite words worried is another because it’s really just a way of
(05:30) refusing to look at what it is that you’re feeling right so not only are you trained to be concerned about your symptoms but you’re actually trained to be afraid of your body and you are encouraged to triangulate against yourself with the system in collusion with the system right so I’ll talk a lot about the victim triangle and this is one of the the chief examples and I was a very powerful match for that system because of my belief system at the time so I thought that alternative medicine was not only silly but I thought it was
(06:04) actually dangerous and that you would would be Reckless to consider something like lifestyle change or supplements or Homeopathy or Energy Medicine when a Bonafide gold standard pharmaceutical option was available so most of you probably know that I was trained through Fellowship level to specialize in prescribing to pregnant and breastfeeding women all manner of Psych ICS and that is how much I believed that this was the way out of the problem of who you are the problem of your experience the problem of your so-called
(06:41) brain chemistry right and your bad genes and bad luck and about well let’s say in 2010 I woke up through the cognitive dissonance of my own health experience and that is a very typical story for MDS who you know G Rogue is once we are in a position to actually interact with what the system has to offer and the very low ceiling of possibility it doesn’t feel good right and we venture off into the wild unknown to seek out something different maybe something that we’ve heard about from you know a colleague or
(07:19) a friend of a friend of a friend and after I was diagnosed with Hashimoto thyroiditis I found myself in the office of a naturopath and put my so-called illness into to full remission and that is when I became a very passionate um advocate for functional medicine and lifestyle medicine specifically so the ways in which you can live differently you can choose differently and that can impact all of the networked dynamics of your physiology your psychology and your emotional well-being and health and it was only after I began to see the power
(07:58) of lifestyle change to redirect the course of one’s entire life not just your health that I started to understand the spiritual underpinnings of the very specific symptoms the very specific timing and your very specific narrative you know so this surfaced at a point in my journey where I was really at a a Crossroads either I am going to pursue the truth the truth Within Myself And The truth without of myself or I am going to stay asleep and go on pretending that I feel fulfilled uh serving A system that is really just
(08:38) managing these women’s experiences and I obviously chose the path into the the wild unknown for me at least and that is where I began to understand that you know there’s there’s more going on here this is actually potentially not just your body speaking to your awareness but actually your soul speaking through your body to the awareness uh that is your Consciousness that is what health is and how can you begin to explore and discover what it is about yourself that is here wanting to be known so at this point my perspective
(09:14) is um much more aligned with you know modalities like German new medicine where I am interested in the psychospiritual interpretation of life that is being expressed through symptoms so here I am somebody that I absolutely would have judged and when I was on the The Joe Rogan show years ago he asked me he said you know how how would you have interacted with yourself if you ran into yourself 10 years ago at a bar and I said I don’t know what I said but I think I said something along the lines of you know I would have wanted to
(09:54) dismiss you know and write off this newer version of me but I think it would have had a hard time because of whatever the energetic dimension of who I became even though I became somebody that I would have wanted to write off as a quack there’s something in there that’s a little harder to dismiss because I certainly you know am energetically a very different uh individual than I was when I was you know eating Snickers and Twizzlers and McDonald’s and Popeyes and White Castle never exercising dyeing my
(10:28) hair black and taking the birth control pill for uh I don’t know 12 years on end so I was still me but I was just like shrouded In This Cloud you can even you know sort of see it in in photos so that’s number one number two cats so I remember that I used to find cats absolutely disgusting and thought that they’re like greasy fur and they’re like dandruff or whatever you know was on their gross fur and they’re like Slinky creepy way of moving around was really incomprehensible like why anybody would
(11:05) want that kind of a creature in their home and lo and behold um it was in 2020 that A girlfriend of mine Maya she treat that she told me she said listen I got a download of meditation isn’t it fun having friends and give you life advice through spiritual channels so she got to download that I needed to get a cat for the benefit specifically of one of my daughters and the experience of unconditional love that can come through that relationship and I just knew she was right and so even though I still was you
(11:42) know first of all in a in a phase of my life where I was still barely head above water I adopted Mushu Kitty and after that I adopted bitty kitty okay I’m not responsible for these names and these two cats are clearly soulmates you know I got one off of Craigslist and one off of next door and somehow I knew to bring them together into our home and these cats completely revolutionized our lives so not only do I love cats now but these cats are actually like semi deities and the way that I care for them and you
(12:21) know the way that they have taken up very very valuable real estate in my inner dimensions and those of my daughters is can really only be explained through the satisfaction and fulfillment of a little girl part of me that was otherwise so locked in the closet that she couldn’t even express her desire to have animals and it’s very funny because I found some photos of myself recently have very very few photos of my childhood and I found maybe four or five and they were four of them were me with cats and chickens and right
(12:58) now I have six chickens and two cats and I love them so look at that number three diet so I have been on a diet Journey there’s much more to learn about that largely through my health Reclamation protocol vital mind reset but suffice it to say that I was a standard American diet lover as somebody who’s always you know I’ve always been thin my mentor would say that that’s because I am a sympathetic dominant my mentor Nick Gonzalez and I could treat myself like a garbage disposal you know literally
(13:36) eating whatever I wanted whatever I felt like whatever addiction food addictions I thought to satisfy in the moment and I drank six cups of coffee a day at the height of my medical training and when I was diagnosed I it was recommended that I make modifications to my diet and specifically that I take out uh gluten and Dairy I had a little stint as a vegetarian which meant that I was eating pizza and drinking soda and literally like eating Cheetos this is not a joke I still find it amusing that I thought this was an option and when I got
(14:16) pregnant I started eating meat and that meant fast food hamburgers so my daughter will always hold this over my head whenever I cast a judgmental glance over at what she prefers to eat she always says well it’s my fault because of how she incubated in utero anti-natal and what I was eating at the time because you might remember my previous bullet point that I did not wake up until postpartum I did and I’ll mention this um thankfully wake up about the nature of of birth so I went on to become an ancestral diet Advocate and a
(14:50) Paleo mama so to speak and continue to advocate for many reasons for that approach to eating for those who find their way you know to my little corner of the world because I have now a lot of published evidence and reason to understand why those who struggle with what is called depression or so-called ADHD or you know multiple chemical sensitivities autoimmunity and allergies why these folks are stabilized on a specifically red meat containing diet and that also worked for me right it was a very major component of the
(15:28) physiologic reclamation process for me and specifically restoring uh blood sugar balance and nutrient density and I’m now a couple of years into vegetarianism so I currently eat my chicken eggs and I eat fish and otherwise eat absolutely none of the animal foods that I once ate and that was a spiritual Evolution for me that specifically Grew From caretaking these animals and was not a health decision and is one actually that I had a lot of apprehension about initially because of my own conditioning around the
(16:05) importance of you know particular nutrients coming through animal foods and so my belief at this point is that you know the specific spiritual relationship that you have to that which you consume is very related to the healing and resolution of your mother wound and obviously that makes a lot of sense right because this is your self-nourishment through and from the Earth and and a highly highly personal process so my advocacy publicly at this point is only for a health Reclamation ritual that I know serves the outcome
(16:40) that is often desired after that point it’s for you to discover right it’s for you to intuitively relate and at this point in my life there will be times where I am craving radishes or dates and I will literally eat them like all the time for days on end and then move on so I would say that the intuitive eating realm has taken me from at many points in my early career the vitriol that I would receive in my inbox and the office would because of my advocacy for animal foods from vegans and vegetarian activists was extraordinary you know to
(17:18) the point where I thought well there’s really something deeply wrong with these people because of their anger and bitterness and their effort to persuade others you know how to live was really difficult to relate to and that I have crossed over now you know twice and I’m on the other side you know not publicly necessarily advocating for because of the reasons that I suggested I don’t believe it’s my business to tell anybody what to do but understanding you know what it might be to sensitize um to the
(17:50) sourcing of your food to such an extent that if you were to eat animal Foods you or your you know or your man or your family or Community would be um directly responsible for their racing and and Slaughter so and if that’s cool with you great so number four caring about cars okay so some of these will be super off the cuff so I never understood why anybody cared about cars I didn’t understand the difference between the different brands why does it matter you just get in it it goes from point A to point B what’s the big deal I remember
(18:22) that my former partner at one point bought a Porsche and was understandably excited about that opportunity in his life and I remember getting out of some establishment that we were in and going to the parking lot and I walked over to what must have been like a Honda Pilot or something like some sort of you know very domestic brand uh car that was the same color black and I literally couldn’t tell the difference so fast forward to now at for the first time in my life as a single woman adult woman I actually spent I think two months
(18:59) researching different cars and which ones were pleasing to me and what their different attributes were and are and uh Consulting tarot readers on which car is best for me and I am a Bronco sport gal in bronze and I am very very very in love with my car and it feels so good to get into it and I never thought that I would give a so here I am look at that number five Nails heels dresses and hair okay so this could be an entire podcast in and of itself but as I have developed more of a relationship to my inner child Parts there are many of them
(19:37) there’s not just one you’ll learn over the course of this relationship that we develop through Reclamation radio that I am a huge partswork advocate and I have met many many many dimensions I mean Lord there must be hundreds in there of my little girl selves and as I have reclaimed those parts of myself I have found myself interested in things that I thought I would never be interested in okay so I was like an Adidas only sneaker wearing girl from most of my life in New York um I had boy short nails like super super short never
(20:16) polish who would take the time to bother you know growing polishing their nails so inconvenient so not for me and I ped my locks with a we blowout when I lived in New York there was like a dry bar downstairs and I would go down there and flatten my hair because it was too much was too this and at this stage in my life you know the bigger the better with my hair I enjoy its volume and I enjoy letting it I also used to dye it black for many many years and now I don’t I it anything and I relate to my hair as one of my favorite
(20:59) parts of myself right like this I don’t know wild expression of my feminine energy I now wear heels not only to dance um but also to go out and I am learning to walk in them it’s a whole thing and I love the feeling I have grown my hair my on my hair yes oh that’s an interesting detail too is that my hair never grew below my nipples I would say like my breasts for many many years of my adult life and as I entered in 2016 The Gauntlet of thanks to the monogamous Crucible of my relationship at the time the gauntlet of my own dark
(21:41) KN of the soul and personal Reclamation around you know my relationship to my childhood my hair grew probably I don’t know what whatever that is 68 inches within one year you can even see videos from my early career in 2014 where my hair is short and that’s as much as it would grow and something was unlocked as I began to do inner child work and now my hair is super long and I have no other means of explaining that so anyway I also had a dream actually several months ago where I told myself that I need to grow my nails so I started to
(22:19) grow my nails um also inspired by my daughter who has beautiful hands and fingernails and it’s very very feminine in her self-expression and I started to grow them and now they’re long and I chose to learn how to live life with long nails and I have experienced so much delight there’s an organic nail salon near me and I experienced so much delight in choosing the color and having them feeling adorned in this way where I look at my hands and I just like want to like I want to like giggle with how lovely I
(22:56) experience my own fingernails imagine so that is a part of my experience of feminization and that is another bullet point which is my relationship to feminism itself so let’s say this is number six which is to say that I was once a very very belligerent angry bitter rageful feminist actually for most of my life I would say that I was and I was excited about things like the HPV vaccine when it came out uh which I thought was like a women’s health Victory I never understood why you would want to have a natural birth when you
(23:35) could have an elective C-section I took birth control for 12 years continuously so that I would not bleed and be inconvenienced by that and I was very much at war with men my understanding of feminism now I’m actually going to be doing a so stay tuned for a two-part podcast on the subject because this is probably my greatest interest at the moment is the like wow I had no idea this would be my truth ways in which I have changed my relationship to feminism as a concept and the surprises therein you know because I used to think that it
(24:12) was about power over and you know I can do what you can do bleeding kind of a relationship to mankind uh I have surprised myself by what it is that I have come to know as Truth at this point in the in the realm of femininity so stay tuned for that all right another one is that I would tell people what to do and I would you know judge people who were just like listening just listeners right like what do you have to offer if you’re just listening and now I understand that as my immature masculine right that always
(24:51) needed the problem to be fixed that couldn’t hold whatever experience of discomfort somebody’s you know adversity somebody’s challenges somebody’s problems were bringing up in my system I couldn’t hold it my masculine was that immature and so as I have matured him within me I understand now first of all that it is not my job to tell anybody what to do it’s not my job to fix anybody’s problems and it is really only interesting for somebody else to learn about my perspective if they want it so
(25:25) I am am now a believer in consent based advising of my friends working on it still by the way so let’s see another one is my relationship to dance and sexuality so I will be doing an upcoming podcast on my relationship to pole dancing as a spiritual practice however suffice it to say that I was raised a ballerina so I worked with a Russian ballet teacher for many years of my tween Hood and anybody who has dance ballet and plus sort of the the collective awareness of it knows that there is a lot of beautiful powerful
(26:09) feminine expression that is available through that art form and there is a lot of rigidity and structuring Hyper structuring and potentially what you might call repression so as I developed an interest in other forms of dance like hip-hop and twerk and uh African dance and ultimately pole dancing I evolved my relationship to the Judgment that I felt around women who would do those kinds of dancing right and my experience that women who were what I would call like sex forward or attention seeking that something was really wrong with them and
(26:50) it’s very awkward for all of us to have to look at you know you display your like dirty laundry of your inner trauma terrain for all of us to have to look at like can you please stop and I was actually uh watching recently a video that was a BDSM scene demo and there was a woman in it and she was you know nude in the video and this was for the purpose of education and a demo and I saw that same part that said oh this poor poita like this poor this poor woman who is something is so wrong with her why is she doing this and then I
(27:30) caught that part right I could relate to that part and really continue to explore how it is that I might project continue to project my own discomfort with my sexuality my embodiment and the free choice that I have to express it however fulfills me onto other women so I’ve certainly become in many big ways uh that which I have formerly judged in that Arena so let’s see number nine I used to think that if you weren’t an activist you were essentially like a degenerate so if you weren’t fighting
(28:09) for a cause then what were you doing and you were just participating in this very shallow dimension of humanity I have nothing to say to you I have no reason to relate to you and let me know when you actually give a about our experience here you know and certainly now I have come to explore and teach about and write about the shadow of activism in fact in vital life project I will be doing an upcoming master class on this subject for so-called light workers and healers and change makers and activists who imagine as I have that
(28:45) we have the answer that we know how life should be that we know what it should look like as I’ve begun to explore the Shadow Dimensions of that self assertion and relationship to reality and truth I have come to appreciate that those who have not been captured by the sense that they know better how the world should be are actually still quite interesting people imagine that and I have come to attenuate my relationship to righteous activism in a pretty significant way that I formerly would have judged so I
(29:18) went from being you know somebody who didn’t even know the relevance of activism to a righteous activist for many years with my sword a loft to somebody who now has a lot of circumspection around activism as a life practice so number 10 is that I used to think that cesarian section was the only way as I mentioned to have a baby my relationship to natural birth my relationship to birth as an initiation ritual for a woman my perspective on birth as a powerful bond between the man and the woman involved without the
(30:01) interlocutor of the system intermediating between the two thankfully evolved just in time so I was a very very science quote unquote sciencemed uh let’s say scientism minded person uh at the time where I was pregnant uh with my first daughter and I actually because I was specialized in perinatal medicine as a psychiatrist I was very comtable with the medical literature knew how to read it and I started to research all of the medical interventions that at the time my obstetrician was you know making sure that I was aware of things like otomy
(30:38) and Fetal monitoring um induction and as I researched that I learned that you know less than 30% of practiced OB cetric is based on tier one evidence and I became very indignant and as a recovering know-it-all I thought well what does this woman know that I don’t know what is she even doing she’s wrong about this so I actually went on with a midwife actually I changed practices and I went on to have a natural birth not because I understood its role in my own self-actualization not because I was some sort of a crunchy hippie but
(31:13) because I actually researched the science and the evidence and I knew that it was safer to have a natural birth so I uh went on to have a home birth had a a birthing center birth for my first and went on to have a home birth with my second and I really found myself wishing that I had had a woman in my life who would have suggested you know that I consider home birth for my first birth because if you don’t know and you’ll hear me say this over and over again if you don’t know that something is possible it’s hard to want it it’s
(31:42) hard to imagine that big I am very very passionate about the subject of birth as the beginning of the establishment of your power Dynamic with your fear and who is actually driving the car of your life as a as a woman as a mother are you going to hand that over to a system that has no capacity to put your psychospiritual or physical best interests at the Forefront of any decisions that are made are you going to claim your experience as a mother and a woman right at that moment where it matters most where that all of that
(32:25) Dynamic complexity is established which is in the birth experience not to mention that this is a built-in initiation to your own power and if you forfeit that you know there will be others I worked with hundreds of women for whom coming off of psychotropic medication served as that initiation so there will be others um however this one is built in so why hand it over right and I am very grateful you know that I woke up in that Dimension just in time and evolve from a woman who would have judged a home birthing woman as Reckless
(33:02) and dangerous number 11 my relationship to spirituality right so I was a an atheist I was raised Christian and I became an atheist around the time of what would have been my confirmation and I fell in love with science as a religion and that’s obviously referred to as scientism and then in my Awakening process I discovered uh Kundalini Yoga and all manner of what in many ways have been co-opted by the new age scop all manner of spirituality and I became very interested in transcendental spirituality and uh forms of meditation
(33:42) where I could potentially get up and out of this body right like please let me out and of course so many people who are attracted to spirituality are attracted to spirituality because they’re suffering and they’re in pain and they want a way out that’s why so many who have struggled with substance relationships find their way to Kundalini Yoga for example it is very effective that’s why I actually teach it and incorporate it in vital mind reset three minutes a day because it works to alter your state it works to confer a
(34:15) new uh sensation Within These Days my relationship to New Age spirituality has evolved to the extent where I am quite allergic to spiritual bypass and what I now see as a lot of avoidant tactics a lot of passive aggression and a lot of suppressed Shadow dynamics that end up being projected as we have seen by many spiritual so-called gurus who relate to Health in the body very conditionally and who are you know afraid of germs and encouraging pharmaceutical interventions and masks and all the rest because apparently death is a very bad thing to
(34:52) be avoided and your body is a very dirty thing to be cleaned up and oops I guess we forgot to really explore that through a spiritual lens as we come to connect ourselves to one love and Oneness and all of the things light love rainbows and gumdrops so I now uh have a lot of regard for everybody’s process and journey and also an awareness that for me and my uh spiritual process inner child work Shadow work and specifically embodiment practices have been the way to really reclaim these aspects of myself that I
(35:31) might even through spiritual ego and bypass continue to project outside of myself and continue to live in the same struggle and pain dynamics that brought me to spirituality uh to begin with okay number 12 I uh absolutely used to call myself a low-maintenance woman I prided myself on being like kind of a bro girl and somebody that guys could like easily hang out with and who was like super chill and and you know just like whatever goes and in my relationships I often consider myself to be a very low-maintenance woman because I never
(36:05) had emotional histrionic outbursts and it was always very cool calm and collected well I have spent the past five years learning how to feel and express feelings so it turns out that the emotional part of me and maybe even the hysterical part of me was locked in the closet and I have invited her to come on out see the light of day you know have a snack at the table and begin to feel at home inside of myself so I am only as low maintenance as my needs are met you know and otherwise I have needs and my awareness of them and my choices
(36:50) to fulfill those needs and Dynamics where the Fulfillment of those needs is actually available has become my lived practice of spiritual integration so number 13 is that I used to be a very hardcore rescuer right so I teach a lot about as I mentioned the victim triangle and I used to really perceive that you were probably a bad selfish person if you didn’t go out of your way to express your loyalty to a friend through saving them from themselves that would often be like a financial gesture on my my part
(37:28) where I would go out of my way to help somebody financially even though they didn’t ask um even though there was no consideration of how this might actually disable their process or impair or impede their process of self-actualization and now I can smoke out that rescuer anytime I imagine that it is my job to help somebody take care of somebody or do the good thing when I have not been asked to do so number 14 is that I used to have a lot of trouble having I spent a lot of my adult life Smalling myself making sure that I had
(38:08) good things to complain about making sure that I would mitigate anything that others might perceive as valuable you know from the smallest compliment that I would say like oh I got it on the sail rack kind of a thing to if my house was too nice I would make sure that people knew how much debt I was in to mitigate you know how much havingness I was perceived to be enjoying and I remember that I had an experience of I have a generator and there was a blackout in Miami on my street and as the whole street went dark
(38:46) and my house lit up and I have like fuchsia landscape lighting and my house lit up um and I felt this reflex of unsafety I felt like somebody was going to come attack me or get me and I could see I had an awareness to see like wow that makes absolutely no sense rationally uh because if anybody’s GNA get anybody it’s going to be the dark houses that are you know easy to uh take advantage of and that felt like one of the last gasps of this coupling of having which of course for many of us arises in childhood when we learn that
(39:22) it’s important in relation to our mothers especially as women that we stay small although this doesn’t to men do that we stay small and specifically smaller than her and that expanding in any big way having an any big way could bring retribution or punishment of course this is the imagined Dynamic maybe it’s sometimes a literal Dynamic and that generator experience felt like one of the last moments where I was going to not stand in having this expand my nervous system capacity to hold that which I enjoy
(39:56) so the next one number 15 is that I used to be a complaint addict similarly relatedly I would always commiserate through my Victim Consciousness with those in my family with friends and as I grow my capacity to have I enjoy connecting to those that I love through celebration through you know can you believe this is happening for me this is extraordinary like please celebrate this with me I’m psyched about this that is a dimension of nervous system healing that is an ongoing practice I also when I must complain I’ll either ask my friends to
(40:35) create an intentional space for me to vent both of us knowing that I’m not a victim that my life circumstances are how I narrate them and that I am always being shown that which I am unwilling to see Within Myself outside of myself if I unable to speak without complaining or victimhood then I will often go silent so I will take fasts from topics and I’ll tell my you know my friends I’m just not talking about this particular topic for a while I’m just going to allow it to you know sort of alchemize
(41:08) within me in silence all right number 16 I used to think that I needed a really good reason to feel how I feel so as somebody who is you know I am trained as a doctor I could have easily been a litigator because I keep a Rolodex of reasons that I’m right at the ready for pretty much every topic from the smallest little thing to the biggest thing and when we are raised in families that are which is I would say most of us if not all of us that are predicated on rightness and goodness affording more love connection and
(41:45) approval then you always want to make sure that you’re not on the other end of that stiff finger pointing somewhere right so how can you be on the pointing end of the finger not the OED and and I became really attuned to the collection of evidence around my rightness and that began to apply to my feelings so that I imagined I needed a very good reason to feel what I felt and that feeling what I felt was not reason enough to make a decision or a choice or to experience my own validity of something not working
(42:21) for me so now these days uh and I will you know talk about this more in in future episodes but in these days there are two phrases that I have at the ready all the time one is I’m not available for that and the other is that doesn’t work for me and those phrases began to shore up my capacity to honor my feeling of no without actually needing a single reason a single justification and that self- Allegiance builds trust it builds a bridge of connection between my inner feeling uh places my inner child Realms
(43:00) and my adult self so okay guns I absolutely used to believe that anybody who owned a gun was creating the conditions for them to use it that it was like a really low Vibe bad idea to to do so and at this point in my life suffice it to say that I’m not sure I could possibly trust a man for example who does not own and know how to readily handle a gun and that also comes from some of the teachings on masculinity wherein there is a suggestion that I happen to subscribe to that if you as a man do not know and I’m just happen to
(43:44) be talking about men but it’s the clearest reflection of the evolution of my judgment if you don’t know that you can kill if you don’t have a relationship to that Yang aggression within you then you’re not actually trustworthy because you’re not choosing not to and I’ll just drop that one right there okay number 18 I used to believe that trauma didn’t matter even though I am psychodynamically trained uh from a very ferdian oriented Institute where I did my training and internship and
(44:17) residency and fellowship I not only applied this to myself but also to my patients that you know we are essentially personalities that are born and we have experiences and some of them are good and some of them are bad and it’s kind of like we all you we all go through it so like kind of walk it off right walk it off and because I invalidated the emotional experience of my own childhood right from the small to the big I was not in a position to appreciate the ways in which our experiences actually form our
(44:48) personality and the ways in which every single interpretation of those experiences ripples forward into the lived life that we wake up to every single day so the fact that I used to think that trauma didn’t matter is pretty comical now that it’s the primary lens that I look through as I interpret every single aspect of human behavior and experience number 19 I used to believe and be afraid of infections and contagion I never even would have imagined that there was any reason to question it and even in the earlier
(45:26) stages of my uh vaccine advocacy I very much represented scientifically the concerns about these interventions through the lens of germ Theory and the ways in which these interventions would actually put you a greater risk for that which you are seeking to protect yourself from all through you know consideration of viral contaminants and antigenic priming and all of these different con cepts of the immune system as you know a bunch of soldiers that are defending the fort kind of a thing as I began to research the actual science
(46:08) that I might not have been told about as I began to explore my own lived experience of cognitive dissonance around assumptions related to Contagion and infection I recognize that theory for what it is first of all Theory second of all a very powerful mechanism of capture in the victim consciousness ious realm and I jail broke myself from that way of thinking and as I did so I began to understand other Myriad other explanations for that which we are calling infectious disease and I was never afraid again and it was one of the
(46:45) most empowering transitions that I made you know from somebody who would have deemed who I am today Reckless dangerous all the things now I look back at myself and I feel comp passion you know for that person who was living arrested in fear around the invisible enemy jumping from person to person and afraid of other human bodies so number 20 I used to think that school was really important so anyone who is raised by second generation immigrants knows that you better get straight A you better go to a good school and you better get a
(47:21) well-paying job so I am very shocked that I am at a point now in my life where I actively discourage my children from going to school I also am a believer that they are at a well first of all they’re at an age where they’re expressing their Sovereign impulse and I am here to support that so they do uh choose to go to school however I very much wish that they would not do so because of the well first of all I interview Dana Martin in the sovereignty series collection and we go deep on the sub subject but there are so many ways
(47:59) in which I come to understand that school is the place where you are fundamentally disconnected from your creative impulse from your curiosity from your soul expression and the Reclamation of that over years I mean now you can’t stop me from learning I literally could could not be kept from learning and if I were compelled to learn that which I am fundamentally uninterested in I might look like somebody who has some sort of you know ADHD disorder or you know a motivational syndrome or something like that and so
(48:31) the relationship the Integrity of the relationship that one can have to their own inner Drive their preferences their interest interests that’s what makes us so exciting that’s what makes humankind such a glorious expression is our differing interests we organize ourselves into this extraordinary mandala because of our preferences our curiosity and our interests and school is a place where we are intentionally disconnected from that and inculturated around hierarchical model of servitude and subservience and externalization of
(49:13) validation that of course serves the agenda quite conveniently later on so it is my hope that my uh children do not attend college for example and that is amazing to me you know that I am this same person who once thought that there was probably nothing more important than where you go to school okay 21 is money I have a lot to say on this subject but my relationship to money has evolved from you know somebody who was apologizing for any money that I might earn or want to now somebody who is very deeply interested in embodying
(49:53) wealth Consciousness and owning the fact that my acquisition of money my experience of abundance is only ever a better thing for myself and everyone around me and I have witnessed that that what I do with money the things that I want to do with millions of dollars I have so many exciting ideas and plans and why shouldn’t I have it you know especially in activism there is a strong coupling of wealth and prosperity and abundance with shame and activists should not and of course doctors have a similar thing
(50:34) often they should not be earning money they should not be compensated because that undermines the Integrity of what it is that they’re doing well I’m not sure I believe that anymore because I certainly wish that most of my you know truther friends and colleagues were the ones rolling in billions because this would be a very different world experience that we would have so I really hope everyone can work on that and experience you know an expansion of their capacity to hold abundance and prosperity because I I certainly hope
(51:02) that everyone listening is in a position to grow in that way and you know it’s so interesting because I I have a family member I will say who is a self-made multi- multimillionaire and I always judged that as superficial of course you know oh he’s not an activist uh what is he doing to contribute and now I just admire that so much like wow you created that you did that you attracted that that’s extraordinary really proud of you and that shift of course heals also the part of me that I might otherwise project
(51:40) number 22 as I mentioned I used to be an atheist hardcore atheist and then as I moved into more new age spirituality I had an altar full of all these chachis and you know deities and crystals and one day I I basically had the vision that I don’t do well with an altar you know that I got rid of it I got rid of all the things crystals and deities and all the things and now I just pray with my own body every day and largely to my deep self to my inner self and inner Dimensions so that Evolution you know from atheist to spiritualist well I
(52:19) guess I started as you know I was never really identified with my early teachings but let’s say atheist to spiritualist to now you know some sort of integration oriented human being who is in a daily practice of self-devotion so that I might be in a position to serve love and connect to others in a way that is increasingly devoid of my own unacknowledged needs my relationship to sleep is number 23 wow this is I could go on I have dozens and dozens more so I just handpicked some of these my relationship to sleep is one of the hugest shifts
(53:02) because I used to be a night owl and I used to love to you know sort of like claim those late night hours especially as a mom after my mentor died I started a pre-dawn practice uh meditation practice and I was not able to go to bed at 2 2 am and wake up at 5 a.m. that was not working for me so I started to go to bed super early and and since then that was many many years ago my bedtime is 9:00 I get ready for bed around 8:30 my kids know it my friends know it and it’s you know I have exceptions obviously as
(53:37) I have resolved my rigidity over the years um however my productivity My Clarity my experience of my day shifted so dramatically that I am a zealot for the early bedtime and you know I might have judged well that’s sad and lame and YOLO right like why are you going to bed at 9: and now I am literally famous for this particular aspect of my lifestyle and its power number 24 is that I used to be in the New York cult Big Time judging everyone else who lived anywhere else as inferior and New York is an extraordinary place and absolutely
(54:25) served my fullest expression of my masculine Dimensions to a certain you know developmental phase of my life where I was really in my you know sort of girl boss Vibes and I’m pretty sure that I would be quite ill if I had remained there and so for many many reasons in 2018 I moved to Miami the way that my body thanked me when I moved here was the beginning of the reunion with my my feminine and the dimension of my masculine that actually is here to attune to my needs so that immediate maturation that occurred on many levels
(55:08) afforded me the conditions really to begin this deeper work uh Within Myself and I used to of course like who didn’t judge Floridians right I used to judge the culture I used to judge the non- intellectualism I used to judge you know the superficiality right like the nails hair heels all the things uh probably like wearing a g string bikini I don’t know and now there is nowhere I would rather be I absolutely love living here so lastly drum roll number 25 I’m just GNA mic drop here and say that I used to
(55:49) believe in dinosaurs in history as we were taught it in evolution and in a spinning globe solar system and now I don’t so I hope this was amusing and entertaining I’m super excited to have this opportunity and platform to share what is swirling around in me and for you all to get to know me as I evolve and for me to get to know you so I am super encouraging of feedback and questions and things that I might weave in to what it is that I will share in my solos on Reclamation radio and I will also be bringing in some of the most
(56:29) provocative folks that I could think to interview because I love to push the envelope so I will talk to you soon
