(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting holess beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist P dancer or honorary member of the disinformation doesn’t what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and your expression so that you can finally
(02:46) truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production welcome back to Reclamation radio I am Dr Kelly Broan and today I’m going to offer you some just quick tips on how to know when you are vibing in the victim Consciousness field but specifically when you are actively
(03:31) engaged in giving your power away so I have been steeped in exploring consensual and non-consensual domination exploring helplessness and dependency on parentified systems and exploring all of the ways that our victim can hide and even in service of my daughters I’ve become really interested in distilling this down to some simple pointers so here are five ways that you can know something’s up for you to explore at least just begin to gently place Awareness on okay so number one is the use of specific language so language is spell it’s a
(04:19) spell you are casting a spell on your life when you use particular language you are locking yourself in to a resonant field that may not be your conscious choice choice so whenever you say I have to I can’t help it I have no choice I think I have to is probably the most Insidious one I catch myself many many many times a day correcting I choose to or I will from I have to so you actually don’t have to do anything right and you actually always have a choice even if your choice is simply in how you are narrating your own
(05:04) oppression subjugation and abuse right you have a choice as an adult what we imagine are the circumstances of our enslavement are often of our own making and so the opportunity to step out usually does involve the initiation to self through the loss of something that you imagine you will die without whether that is your alcohol your prescription medication your TV your partner your parent whether it’s an aspect of your identity professionally or otherwise we often don’t have a choice until we know that we do so the awareness can come
(05:47) from and through that loss and the way that it delivers us to a field of uncertainty and an epic pattern disruption that affords us the experience of our own agency right okay okay so number two pretending to be asleep so I often reference that I did an aanti uh silent Retreat back in 2020 I wrote a Blog about it and he said to the audience now he invited us to consider what is something that you know about yourself and your life that you deeply wish that you didn’t know and when you ask yourself that question you smoke out the that divided
(06:30) will you smoke out the fact that you know something that is in conflict with how it is that you are pretending to not know you know where you are buying eggs attempting to buy eggs from the hardware store you already know and you’re pretending not to know number three whenever you imagine that appreciation is owed to you that gratitude is due to you so I often teach my daughters not to do anything for anyone like don’t be just a nice person a courteous person a thoughtful person a considerate person if you actually need them to appreciate
(07:13) what you’re doing and particularly if it has to be in a certain way don’t do it because that’s a covert agreement that they didn’t consent to so if you know that you need appreciation in order to do something for someone then then either share that upfront as part of the condition of the exchange or recognize they actually not even doing it for yourself recognize that what looks like something that you’re doing for them you wouldn’t want to do otherwise if they didn’t appreciate it so you’re not doing it for yourself and the only way that we
(07:49) can liberate each other is by only ever doing something that you want to do right so I just came out of a BDSM intensive and am also very interested in Betty Martin’s work around the wheel of consent where she divides our intentionality particularly around touch into giving and receiving taking and allowing and the importance of identifying which quadrant you’re in in a given interaction agreement or exchange right and the teacher that I was working with Omani in this intensive he said you know part of the issue that
(08:26) he takes with Betty Martin’s wheel is in the take and allowing right so when someone is taking touch right so let’s say you’re petting your pet you’re taking touch from your pet that other person involved is allowing but he actually says the other person involved has to enjoy it as well right so if you are receiving impact play flogging or spanking from someone as the flogger you actually have to enjoy doing that as much as the person receiving right and I thought that was a very good illustration of How It’s essential that
(09:02) we do what we want to do because we want to do it and nothing else because when we get into the world of altruism and philanthropy there are all sorts of covert Dynamics there that are manipulative strategic and that involve power over rather than power with so we’ll pause here for a message from our sponsor my membership Community vital life project so if you want to hang with me ask me questions in live coaching get free access to my master classes curated content discounts and to the incredible humans that I attract my membership
(09:36) vital life project is where it’s at it’s the only membership of its kind and you’ll shed your struggle transform your victim story and level up your Reclamation game with others who get it join at the Lincoln show notes and at Kelly Brogan md.com okay number four is bomo so whenever you feel activated by the possibility that you could be missing out on an experience that there is such a thing as missing out on an experience then you’re in the fantasy that there’s only one way to secure that which you want and need
(10:15) and you can get into a lifestyle of what my coach Whitney calls if then living right so if I go to this party then I’ll experience this if I you know have this partner then I will learn how to be you know a submissive woman if I have this much money then I’ll you know enjoy going on vacation and when we are in that we are engaged in the disempowerment field of disconnection to our present moment and what is available and within our control to provide ourselves and secure here and now right we also imagine that it’s possible not
(10:55) to have something that we are meant to have and at least my worldview is that you can’t lose something that you’re meant to keep and you will always have something that you are meant to hold okay and number five is a huge topic it is essentially the topic of my relationship real talk and breakup breakthrough master classes which is connection at your own expense so this is the field of codependency right and emotional insecurity and it applies not only to romantic relationship but even to mundane experiences right so many of us
(11:36) are are more comfortable expressing our needs and boundaries when we feel transgressed or violated we’re angry right so we can ride that entitlement wave into you know maybe a modum of self-expression and you might think that I have a big mouth and I know how to use it which is true in many cases however I struggle with this still to this day on on small levels and potentially still big levels we’ll see in my future relationships however you know an example is staying in a relationship even though your basic emotional
(12:12) security needs are not being met and you know that right so even though you have a volatile partner who leaves in the middle of conflict and you know what you need is a safe container and masculine containment as a woman but you stay anyway right whenever you’re prioritizing connection over yourself your self-care your personal relationships right whenever you’re vectorized into the field of relationship to the extent that you lose yourself and we all I think on some level relate to that because of the universal and meshman Trauma that we
(12:46) experience that if you didn’t conform to your parents experience your parents needs then there was punishment and the only rewards we experienced the ways that we access love and connection were through conforming you know to that reality to their needs and expectations right so when we get into the practice of securing connection despite ourselves betraying ourselves not saying no in an uncomfortable situation it’s another reason why you know BDSM is a framework of really optimized consent where there is a clear awareness and there are safe
(13:26) wordss right so that there’s almost this encouragement to express you know no this doesn’t work for me so when you just sort of go with the flow of something even though you have a little sense like oh I don’t know if I like this you are prioritizing connection at your own expense and I had an experience at this Workshop where it was time for me to and my girlfriend to leave right like it was time for us to integrate in another setting and we’re close to the end and only had I don’t know what like a night before we were coming home to
(14:00) children and life and whatever and it had been a very intense experience and in letting the instructors know that we needed to leave at this point and to opt out of like the last section of the workshop I was so nervous and afraid to do that that I really needed her to take the reins and in this instance what she modeled for me was how you speak your needs so we are leaving because we need to integrate how you speak your needs and also remain connected right we’re not angry with the instructors we’re not stomping out right so we you know took
(14:42) photos we hugged each other and we said Thank You Express gratitude and then we also met our needs right so I might have otherwise you know just sort of like snuck out and send an email later or needed them to be bad and wrong like needed something to be wrong with with the situation in order for me to exercise my power of choice so we have such deep seated and conditioned discomfort with expressing our needs and the associated potential punishment that we remain in constant vigilance unable to orient around our own felt sense of a
(15:23) yes and a know and our own ability to really ascertain what it is that we need and how to deliver it and how to secure it and how to set the conditions so that that need can be met so this is a a very very big terrain obviously of self- reclamation however I do think it it starts with watching these little patterns these little ways that we give our powerway on a daily basis and to know that eventually one day when you’re ready you can begin the practice of self- ownership all right hope that helps
