(00:02) we have been duped by feminism sexual Liberation and anti-depressants we have been told that we are powerful and free now as women but we feel tired wired and bitter we’re mostly eating right exercising and meditating wrangling to-do lists and arranging playdates and yet there’s a haunting hollowness beneath the huge complaint what if I told you that there is a huge Storehouse a reservoir of energy inside of you that has not been tapped that you could feel light and pulsing excited and alive in ways that a wellness lifestyle
(00:49) cannot deliver that you could trust yourself that the world could feel safe and that unexpected and expected Delights could start to illuminate your path no coach therapist doctor or Guru required just you learning to get real present and attentive with you I feel like I’m here to matchmake your inner parts for the greatest love affair ever written I want to help you learn first where you’re buying eggs from the hardware store which is the source of all pain I want to help you master entering through the upset which is the
(01:27) only spiritual practice You’ll Ever Need and to get real comfortable putting on your villain Crown which is in my opinion the key to True power and then you’ll attune to your inner yes so you can live the life defined by the specific pleasure of who you are I am so excited to announce my latest book called The reclaimed woman which is available for pre-order now so if you head to the link in show notes you can learn more about bonuses events and companion offerings and I cannot wait to see your gorgeous face on the
(02:07) [Music] path I’m Dr Kelly Brogan you may know me as a New York Times bestselling author of a book with an exploding pill on the cover Renegade psychiatrist pole dancer or honorary member of the Disinformation Dozen what can I say I’m a born provocator I’ve spent most of my recent life exposing deceptions connecting dots and discovering the secret places my inner victim is still waiting to be liberated and now I feel called to help you reclaim all of your parts your health your sexuality your power and
(02:44) your expression so that you can finally truly own yourself I want to ignite in you that inner knowing and the pulsing Vitality that lives beneath your disempowerment disconnection and resentment so that you can audaciously courageously and playfully alchemize your struggle into the specific pleasure of who you are this is Reclamation radio a soulfire production today’s conversation is very very special and exciting and almost in some ways overwhelming with my personal erotic coach Whitney and I was just kind
(03:25) of popping onto your website this morning Whitney because I wanted to find this this quote which I’ll share in a moment and I was just kind of scrolling through and I found myself like it’s happening to me now like overwhelmed with emotion like I just like this like flood of emotion come through my body just like reviewing what you stand for and because of our work together I was able to do something different than I would have done before working with you and the different thing was that I didn’t say
(03:59) why are you you getting upset right now what the [ __ ] is going on like get the quote and go okay got [ __ ] to do I didn’t do that but I also didn’t do a lot of what I had been doing in my sort of like feminization work before meeting you which was almost like fuel the catharsis with story right so like what I might have done in that moment is feel something that then I would call sadness that then I would tack on like all of like oh it’s so sad what I’ve been through and like tap into my ancestors
(04:34) and all of their pain and then all the pain of the women of the world and then get in the fetal position and like you know go through this whole drama really like not pejorative drama but just like a whole thing with a story and because of our work I just sat there storyless with this sensation you know just with the sensation and it was beautiful it was a beautiful experience it was like this microcosmic of so much of how I’ve benefited you know from your presence and your wisdom and your guidance so welcome first of
(05:07) all thank you and I wanted to share this quote you know from your writing and and ask you a little bit about it okay so you write I blend spirituality with sexuality and give my time to studying the erotic Arts so that I can help women dearmour their hearts descend into their bodies connect with the power of their [ __ ] and plure and get a whole lot more comfortable feeling feelings okay to my mind I’m not sure what’s more important literally on this plane than that work right now but right below that you talk about this phrase
(05:44) that is too excellent bitter [ __ ] right so you talk about how you are here to help bitter [ __ ] and I think that despite you know whatever um sort of like implied negativity might be in that phrase we all relate to that like we all feel like bitter [ __ ] and why and so I wanted to sort of like tee up your vast body of knowledge wisdom and experience with that particular Focus you know why are we bitter [ __ ] and what are the patterns and Cycles you know that you’re here to help women break or at least shed a light on yeah
(06:24) yeah thank you yeah so I came to erotic practices is to work on myself you know that’s what I thought I was doing I showed up and this is what clients to show up to me for as well as in this way of how can I be different in the presence of other human beings I didn’t feel safe with other people I didn’t know what my needs were what I wanted what actually made life worth living for me what felt good because I was so busy taking care of everybody else right so I showed up to this work not really understanding all the Dynamics that I
(07:03) was pulling into the room where I was like I want to learn how to squirt I want to learn how to have multiple orgasms I want to learn how to have energetic orgasms I want to have these deeply transformational experiences with my lover and what that transformed into really quickly was oh I actually don’t know how to be in the presence of other people without overgiving and without consenting to touch that I didn’t actually want consenting to sex that really wasn’t all that nourishing to me you know I said yes when I actually
(07:43) wanted to say no I was constantly caretaking other people’s emotions and mental well-being you know taking responsibility for their shame for everything I made myself responsible for everything and I didn’t understand how that was connected to eroticism because I saw eroticism mostly as just orgasm and pleasure and I wasn’t really thinking of it as life force energy you know of like where am I channeling my attention where am I channeling my life force what am I even feeling in my body and I was totally caught up still in
(08:23) that dichotomy of like brain versus body you know where I’m like I got to get out of my head that’s going to be the trick I got to get out of my head right and I was making dissociation really wrong and bad and like this other thing that I needed to fix with myself and what became apparent to me from my own journey and as I started to to work with a lot of other people is that my problem, I thought, was hey how can I be safe with other people when what was actually going on was oh I’m not safe with me yeah so that’s kind of
(09:01) like where my work is now centered around helping women learn how to be safe with themselves how does that show up in what we call self-pleasure how does that show up in our businesses how does that show up in how we relate to other human beings we often want to make the dynamic all about the other person like how we show up with other people but how do you show up with your body I know We’ve joked about how the most annoying part of this path and tedious element of this truth is that it’s an inside job right when I started
(09:36) working with you I mean yes I felt like the call of the erotic right I felt that like you’re pointing out that there is a connection to vital force through the expression of sexual play and really like a disinhibition in that realm I felt like there was there were aspects of me that I could tap into through partner-based sexual Alchemy and I I didn’t even know what I was talking about really but I had a sense it had something to do with like sexual behavior right and then we spent six months more you know doing very basic
(10:12) exploration of what are my like touch preferences right like what what is my understanding of my my own experience with my body and then a whole lot of Shadow work right and so I am probably just like every one of your clients who really want their partner or wanted you know their part partner to be the safe haven right we have as women I know you would agree this it’s almost like a whisper from a time immemorial you know to to come into this polarity right to come into this expression of our feminine we’ll talk about like the whole
(10:47) spectrum of what that means and we want a partner to hold that space like we want to feel that it’s okay but first the bad news is you know that it has to be okay here and that’s you know what you have helped me through this experience of becoming my own container right this experience of even observing what’s happening let alone you know being a custodian of that space let alone approving of it you know and even being in sacred witness to it so it’s you know it it does come right I think you probably have something to share
(11:23) about like the relationship between the erotic ceiling right like how far you can go with all of these orgasms experiences you’re describing or even the enjoyment of the play of an incredible sexual Dynamic and I know you have a lot of women who come to probably saying like I want to have tantric sex I know I did because I thought that just mean like meant like better cooler more expansive right and you know and you have a huge toolkit that there are very specific elements of Shadow work and the resolution of victim Consciousness that
(11:55) are required to lift that ceiling so I wonder if you could sort of speak to that relationship you know between the shadow of the blaming finger pointing projecting poor me he’s got to do it not I didn’t do anything you know so much of the work that you’ve done with me in leaving my relationship has been around not needing you know my my ex partner to be bad and wrong in order for it to be valid that I felt you know terminal incompatibility I mean that simple Reclamation from the space of victim Consciousness has liberated my body my
(12:32) pleasure capacity I don’t know that many many people understand that relationship so I wonder you know if you can speak to the the sort of almost like the Seesaw between the shadow woundology of victim Consciousness and the capacity for erotic expansion yeah yeah what’s coming up for me and listening to you talk about that is more of the macro micro and I wonder if I’ll just kind of Spiel for a minute and then you can let me know if you feel like that really touched on what you were hoping to discuss what I often see
(13:05) as we show up with a very real very tender desire for our partner to give us something for our partner to do something for us and we are in very real pain and what I call EMB bitterness because they seem to not be able to meet us there and when we’re looking at the micro what I mean is like it exists here it exists there it exists there like wherever you look in your life you see this Dynamic play out so for instance one of the main things that women say when they come to me is that they want to be able to slow down to slow down in
(13:50) life but where they feel the pain the most acutely is during sex with their partner because they feel like he’s kind of progressing faster than what their body’s really into and so they tend to rely on dissociation a lot during certain periods of sex especially after they have maybe their first orgasm or their only orgasm and then there’s kind of like this belief of you know it would just be considerate for him to like hurry it up now you know so it’s like this weird little pacing of I want to
(14:20) slow down so I can enjoy sex more and so I can be more present and so it’s not all genital or cliteral focused and then also this like but speeded up I want to speed it up right so but what I see is when we take that down to self-pleasure where you’re just by yourself and theoretically you should you could slow it down to whatever speed you want to go there’s still a speeding it up I’ve got 10 minutes to relieve this tension and like get back to my life so when we take it down to well how are you showing up
(14:58) with your body when it’s just you and your body in a room can you give yourself the thing that you want we can see that there’s still an unwillingness to give yourself what you are begging for from your partner and that is often fertile ground for the shadow work of okay what’s really going on here because there should be no tension there should be no you know we should on ourselves resistance to this if we really want it but that’s where we can see where we actually might not be able to tolerate have the nervous system
(15:33) capacity for the very things that we want the most in life so then we start to say okay let’s create fun little playgrounds little sandboxes for you to go and experiment and gently expose yourself to this thing that you say you want and you do want however you don’t have really physical capacity to meet that experience without dissociating like can you meet that experience of slowing down and be with the experience in your body notice what’s happening in your body for a lot of women that’s a no you know
(16:08) slowing down equals laziness which equals I am not worthy I am not loved I’m being too indulgent with all this time right and Indulgence means I’m being selfish that’s dangerous and destructive so these very positive things that we really want can register in our nervous systems as threat as something that’s going to bring us hardship and harm and so we can often project that onto our partner when our partner is in the room however when they’re not in the room then we have to look at what are we giving ourselves and
(16:44) not giving ourselves can we show up and give ourselves the very things that we want the most from other people often that is where the work is from my experience yes and it is Hol fractal right because as you’re saying like you’re talking about this dimension of slowness and patient presence but it’s also you know it’s it’s the Betrayal it’s the rejection it’s all of the hurts that we experience coming from the outside are invariably already you know being enacted you know on the inside and
(17:16) that’s where I think this concept of containers and this concept of creating the conditions for safe embodied experience you know because I don’t know on a spect like how extreme my recovery process has been but I know that when we started working together a year ago I you know and then I started doing more specific sematic experiencing work for months I couldn’t identify Sensations and you’ve talked about how like numbness is a sensation right so that was where I was beginning right it’s not
(17:49) like I had like this horrible feeling I couldn’t be with it was so excruciating like literally it was like just dead zone like my whole body just felt like I couldn’t identify anything I just knew that I didn’t like you know the experience of being still with myself or slow with myself and so that’s where you know setting up these containers time containers sort of you know making sure that the whether it’s that the door is closed when you’re going to be with yourself for 10 minutes whether it’s you
(18:20) know you’re going to do something for one song or two songs setting up these parameters so that you can cue and signal to yourself it’s okay to EXP and it’s not an indefinite space I think has really been super powerful so I wonder if we could move deeper into this topic because it’s so big and it’s so complimentary with the work I had been doing up until meeting you around nervous system capacity you know and what does that mean right because when you talk about feelings being you know sort of the most powerful service you
(18:51) could support somebody in right I think we know that we don’t want to feel bad feelings and we’ll do pretty much anything not to including self- abandoned self- reject put ourselves into situations that are even more dangerous than whatever it is that we imagined we were cening towards to begin with but I don’t think we really have a sense of the fact that there is a there practices there’s time there’s there processes required to expand the nervous system capacity to hold these so-called
(19:20) negative emotions and also most of your work is around holding the pleasure right holding the experience of bliss you know ecstasy expansive energies and yeah if you could share a little bit about like how our desire once we this makes sense to us cognitively like how sometimes our desire can outpace really the nervous system capacity and what it looks like to grow that capacity yes yes yes so I am so grateful to Luis Mojica, Holistic Life Navigation because he gave me these words and it was something that I had been feeling for a while but I
(19:57) hadn’t had a language to and that is desire versus capacity and when we think of desire that’s a very mental realm right it often is it’s our ideas about what we think we want or a craving we might have and and the desire that we will wrap around it is our image of what it will look like to meet that need so I may have a desire to go to the beach for instance and the needs underneath there might be in desire for warmth a desire for rest right and so it’s this mental image though of how I will meet that and
(20:38) it can be very true and very positive and very valid and then I might have expectations of myself as well like how things should look how things are supposed to look right so that’s desire in when we think of as more of a mental thought-based process whereas physical capacity is what my body can hold and can experience the amount of sensation I can feel in my body before I might need to reach for dissociation because I’ve reached that ceiling what I call the ceiling for a feeling right it’s it’s
(21:15) just too much and so I might short circuit or numb out or dissociate or go into like a fight flight freeze or Fawn and so when we think of nervous system capacity not a lot of people think of capacity in terms of pleasure we don’t think that we have a pleasure ceiling when we think of our capacity for things we usually think of words like tolerate and how much can I tolerate of a bad feeling like how much stress can I tolerate how much anxiety can I tolerate you know and often we can have a pretty high capacity
(21:51) for these things because that is kind of the comfort zone for our body is to be in an adrenalized State a state what I call like preparedness you know that’s how my body was for a really long time is I was always ready for the thing that was coming around the corner right there was like this hypervigilance and this Readiness and this bracing for something that was about to happen so I would be out in my garden or you know sitting in water floating in water and then all of a sudden have these thoughts come in of
(22:24) like conflict that hadn’t even happened or something that I I thought I should worry about a task that I need to complete you know these thoughts that made me clinch and constrict and get activated and now I can see that that’s just an indication that I’ve met my my ceiling for the feeling of floating out in the water of feeling that amount of peace and ease where my nervous system is like oh no you know last time or one time when we were feeling unprepared relaxed, released, expanded, resting then this thing
(23:04) happened and we weren’t ready for it and so we’re going to be ready next time and so it reaches for constriction clinch tension and that happens when you go to self-pleasure that happens when you’re sitting and trying to have a really connecting conversation with your lover that happens when you’re trying something new some new little little Kink scene or that fun game you want to play and you’re met with like a little bit of a collapse right or like a little bit of I don’t know from another person and then
(23:39) you immediately freak out like your whole system is like red level threat right over the tiniest little thing I think that one of the most grounding and compassionate ways to play with your nervous system is through the containers like you were talking about creating you know using the word titration that’s what they’ll often use in sematic experiencing and it’s just this word that comes from chemistry where it’s like imagine that you have a beaker sitting on a a lab and you are above the beaker with a dropper full of
(24:15) another solution just adding it one drop at a time so that you don’t have some like volcanic lava explosion all over the lab right it’s this idea of one drop at a time allowing that to slowly mix and then adding more and that’s what we’re doing with the amount of charge that you have in your body through these different things so let’s give an example so that people are like understanding let’s say that I really want to slow down and eat my food say I want to do that I work from home I’ve
(24:52) got kids things going on and what I really want to do is just be able to slow down and enjoy my food when I sit down to eat my food I feel an intense pain in my solar plexus area and like anxiety all a sudden like Sensations in my chest that I would call anxiety that’s usually an indication when we’re feeling this huge rush of charge you could call it energy electricity it’s just high levels of sensation in our body when you’re feeling that that’s a good indication that you’re up against
(25:28) that edge or you might even be beyond that edge a little bit of what your nervous system can hold without going into a place of constriction or Activation so if we’re titrating if we’re creating a container where you’re going to sit down and design this situation on purpose so that you’re like okay I’m going to sit down and I’m going to eat this peach and I’m going to be with the sensations that come up while I sit here I eat with this Peach so I take a bite I taste for a second and then all of that charge
(26:06) starts coming up I can feel the pain in my solar plexus I can feel all the anxiety in my chest I just set the peach down and I breathe I feel my feelings I look around let myself know that I’m safe that I’m fine everything’s okay right I’m just feeling the feelings on purpose I’m being present with what’s happening in my body I’m noticing what’s happening up with my thoughts and then I can pick up and eat the peach again and that might be a first little experiment can I sit here and eat my peach and be
(26:38) with the feelings that are happening in my body notice the deliciousness notice the thoughts and just be with this experience and then once you get comfortable there and eating the peach no longer feels what you might call stressful or negative and they’re no longer flooded because your body no longer sees that as you’re being too indulgent you’re not giving enough time to work you’ve got things going on you’re being too lazy you’re moving too slow you know whatever the belief systems are again it’s just revealing
(27:13) the programming it’s just revealing the conditioning it’s just revealing what might feel like it’s getting in the way of your pleasure but it’s actually the way to access your pleasure because you’re just meeting your nervous system where your nervous system is and where your nervous system feels comfortable you find that ceiling for that feeling and you hang out there for a while and you gently expose yourself to that ceiling over and over and over again with intentional containers where you’re consciously
(27:48) aware of what’s happening and then from there you expand but to me that is the conversation that is often left out in a lot of pleasure coaching a lot of sensuality coaching even a lot of embodiment coaching and because people come in with these very clear goals and it can feel really fun to like yeah let’s get you to do this and you know we’re gonna help you jump in to that Kink scene and go to that play party and we’re going to help you be squirting and doing all kinds of fun stuff but there
(28:20) can be a lot of dissociation a lot of dissociation in those practices when we when we’re not honest with ourselves about what our physical capacity is and we start honoring that instead of just honoring our list our desires because again that’s very mental right and I don’t want to turn dissociation into the villain because that can really happen a lot is people come in almost every woman comes into embodiment sensuality and sexuality spaces not wanting to be in her head as much anymore right so it’s
(28:53) this very there’s my brain and I’m really good with that and then there’s my body and I’m not so good with that and I can understand I can totally understand I came into it the same exact way but it’s just a matter of focusing attention right and we can focus our attention on thoughts it’s like a beam of light like we’re turning on a flashlight and we can focus that beam on a thought or we can focus that Beam on our body and I think you’re you’re interviewing Betty Martin as well and
(29:25) she has that quote in her book that we think that we need to turn our mind to the off setting when really all we need to do is turn our skin our body to the on setting so it can really be as simple as focusing the attention on this thought versus this thought or oh my gosh these thoughts thoughts thoughts okay I’m doing that thing I’m dissociating I’ve reached my ceiling for the feeling I’m beyond what feels comfortable that was sensory overload for me okay so now I’m going back in can I just descend into the body and see
(30:00) what I’m feeling and again I’m just focusing my attention I don’t need to turn the mind off it’s like that Polar Bear Experiment as soon as someone tells you to turn the mind off you know they’re like don’t think about a polar bear all you can think about now is is a polar bear all your attention then goes to stop trying to think so much and then making yourself wrong for the thinking the thing you know all the thoughts to me I’m incredibly grateful for dissociation because it helped me get
(30:29) through some really horrible experiences in in life and it’s been something that has helped me get through a lot of confusion and a lot of pain and so I don’t want to engage with it as though it’s the thing that’s in the way and that I don’t want to get fixated on fixing the dissociation as so once I handle this once I’m you know no longer thinking thoughts then I’m finally going to be that pleasure goddess and just be like dripping with sensuality you know to me I wish that we could all get a lot
(31:07) more curious about dissociation and just look at it like imagine you’re a little girl in a garden and there are wild flowers and there are rose bushes and you feel it’s just Lush and dripping with life hummingbirds are flying in butterflies the hum of bees you know it is really alive vital Lush vibrant and you see this Wiggly little worm on the surface of the soil underneath the shade of a rose bush and you go over and you pick this worm up and you hold it in your hands and it’s kind of gooey kind of sticky smells a
(31:48) little weird a little different and it’s covered in all kinds of bits of things but there’s just a sense like a little bit of fear Maybe a little bit of thrill but mostly curiosity and wonder and awe it’s only when our mother runs over and slaps it out of our hands and like rubs our hand on her skirt and tells us that it’s wrong and gross and disgusting right so I just wish that we could show up especially in sexuality because it’s so tender with your partner when you dissociate and how often you’re
(32:24) dissociating during sex and of course women really want to show up to those places and whip themselves on the back in this like kinky little game that we play with ourselves making ourselves wrong and punishing ourselves for something that’s actually quite necessary instead showing up and being like h i Associated I met my sensory overwhelmed was that a pleasure ceiling was that a ceiling for the feeling did I say yes when I was really in know was there something where I wanted to slow down or pause and I didn’t speak up like
(32:57) just starting to get curious and again this shows up in self-play containers as well I want to just put a little asterisk here because like I come obviously from the psychiatric pathological realm and and to me dissociating always meant like literally like losing time space reality right the way that so I wonder if you could sort of clarify like how how would a woman know if she’s in you kind of touch on a just now but that it’s it’s actually like a broad umbrella like I didn’t used to think of dissociation as encompassing
(33:36) like thinking about things unrelated to whatever my present experience was and now I I do right so they’re many different ways that we sort of like protect ourselves from this expanse of feelings that we don’t think we can handle so if you could just before I ask you another related question how does a woman know if she’s dissociating mhm yeah so how a lot of women will talk about it when they show up to coaching or you know in these spaces where they’re wanting to develop a different relationship with their body is it’s
(34:12) often we talk about it just being up in our thoughts so it’s like if I’m with my lover I I don’t even I’m like wait was his skin on my skin I didn’t even feel that it’s it’s I can’t I’m not actually in connection and contact with what’s happening in my body and again there’s a A plus to that right it’s like if I’m consenting to something that I don’t actually want to do dissociation is my friend and she will get me through a lot of sex that’s not necessarily worth
(34:47) having and self-pleasure self-play that’s as nourishing as like fast food you know and so when I think of dissociation and often talk about Association and thank you so much for like clarifying is can you be present to what’s happening in your body can you look can you feel can you notice can you describe if you’re with someone and they’re touching you are you there with that are you feeling that or are you up here and out here not at all attuned to what’s happening inside your body and to your body so
(35:31) that’s just a quick check that I feel like is a a quick and easy task for a lot of women to start to notice oh okay it happens a lot especially um you know in Kink where there’s like this very much I want to endure this and I’m going to push on through it’s like this push on push on through energy and also just an allowing I’m just like going with the flow and kind of allowing stuff to happen happen and I’m not really into it and this actually feels not that great and so I’m going to
(36:02) go up into thinking thoughts what you shared earlier about the titration I think there’s just one very important element of this conversation I want to foreground which is that I think it’s it’s what you’re describing in terms of this ceiling that is responsible for a lot of the self gaslighting that we do as women when we get and have the thing that we wanted and we still don’t feel good right and then we start to say, “Well, what’s wrong with me?” can’t tell you how many times in my career I’ve interacted with women
(36:37) who’ve said I don’t know what’s wrong with me like I just always feel flat or I always feel anxious or I always feel depressed and you know I look at my life I have so much right and so if you don’t have this piece of the conversation around the capacity to experience pleasure then you’re constantly in this pursuit of that which you imagine will help you to feel better and then it doesn’t because it literally can’t right so it’s like it’s this loop I know you know you’re very aware of and so I you
(37:09) and I have talked a lot about resolving if then living right so resolving this habit and potentially self-protective mechanism around like the good feelings are over there they’re over there and and once I once I get there then I’ll feel them and it’s this very disempowering you you know it all comes back to this same construct of disempowerment and and victim Consciousness from our childhood experiences I mean it’s literally pervades every aspect of what we struggle with from the mundane to the
(37:39) you know pathological and so if it’s if it’s over there the Good Feeling thing you know and and I’m just going to feel like [ __ ] and endure until I get to the Good Feeling thing or until I get the Good Feeling thing then I’ll get it and then if I feel bad I be myself up for feeling bad even though I have you know it’s like wow what a what a landscape we’ve created for ourselves so you you’ve really encouraged me to like bring little elements of what I imagine the Good Feeling thing will afford me
(38:08) into my life now like for example you know I love examples when I uh injured my ribs whole dancing and I couldn’t exercise I mean you saw me struggle with that pretty mightily for two months and we talked about like okay so what is the experience and feeling that I have when I get to dance and move that I feel robbed of and that I feel I can’t access now because I I’m injured and I can’t do those things so I have to wait until I’m Healed and I just have to sit here in displeasure and tolerate it right and we
(38:42) talked about okay well why don’t I go in the water right it’s like the water a place where I could feel some pull some threads from the quilt of satisfaction and fulfillment that I imagine is only woven through dancing right right is there some aspect of that I can experience right now I mean it’s the same reason that I you know I I painted the wall put up a pull changed all the lighting in a house that I’m moving out of imminently you know like and I did all those things because now I live where every day that I not giving myself
(39:15) pleasure I know I want and can is a self abuse it’s self- violation why would I wait one day you know versus you know claiming that now so that connection I think is very it’s like very applicable right like women can start to think this way today about how to relate to pleasure in these small ways you know so I wonder if you can talk about sort of you know titration as it applies to like the small pleasures and and weaving in what you think is going to come from the big pleasure you know that you’re
(39:47) chasing right most of your adult life yeah so the if this then that or when X then y you were talking about is like when I make a $100,000 a year then I will have this and get to do this and get to be this person when I have a man who is ABC then I get to have XYZ right it’s these formulas these rules that we’re creating and operating on and it can feel very disempowering and quite hopeless a lot of the time when and all of our happiness and satisfaction is riding on this destination that we seem to not
(40:35) really be able to get ourselves to so we put the the desire up on the Mountaintop you know and and then we just can’t freaking seem to get there because there’s so much stuff out of our control I mean you know there’s just so much chaos there’s so much out of our control so the trick is how can we take the goal off the Mountaintop and start weaving bits and pieces of it into your life using things like titration to start exposing your nervous system to things that you want but may not have capacity for yet so like one fantasy
(41:11) that a lot of my clients have is a level of wealth and Financial Security where they can spend more time in the garden they can you know cook these slow beautiful delicious meals and take a nap in the hammock and not feel guilty about it you know however when you look at their life now they are working all the time and they are running 90 miles an hour and so of course if I if you drop them in that reality tomorrow they’re going to fill up all that time and space with to-dos and stress and they’re going to create
(41:47) new things to worry about right it’s again it’s like even when I have all the life like why can’t I enjoy the life you can’t be present to it your body can’t hold all of this like pleasure and delight and deliciousness and slowness and spaciousness because you’re used to your schedule being stacked and you’re used to having to pour more coffee on it in order to meet the demands of the day right so we can’t just drop you into that Garden because if I drop you into that Garden you’re still going to be you
(42:21) and you’re going to be thinking all the stressful thoughts so then we start to do little Bey experiments like okay okay we look at that dream that you have up on the Mountaintop and then I start to poke you a little bit by being like well what if you took a nap and a hammock well like I don’t have a place for a hammock and I can’t take a nap because life’s too busy and d and we start to see like why you don’t think you can have it and sometimes it’s like we think it’s because of the logistics of our day
(42:51) when really often there are deeper beliefs underneath there like I can’t take a nap because I’m too busy can often translate to well I’ll speak for myself in my childhood laziness was like the number one sin so you couldn’t just lay around pleasure rest these were things that were earned these were things that you deserved after sweat and effort these were not things that you just did and you just gave yourself you know so sometimes beliefs like this are stirred up when we start okay like what about what are you going to do in
(43:30) the garden what feels delicious about being in the garden I love flowers beautiful do you have a place you can plant some flowers and go sit in the morning and have tea no okay that feels too much great we’re going to dial it back can you allow yourself the gift of buying yourself a bouquet of flowers every week and putting them somewhere where you can sit and enjoy them right it’s like we just keep pulling it back okay what’s another thing okay well I want to slowly cook meals great can you have one day a week where you cook a
(44:09) delicious recipe just one day a week where it’s like you have three hours to prepare everything from scratch can you do that no that might feel too much can you join a cooking class can you just allow yourself to go sit at that cafe that you love and sit outside put your phone in your purse put it away and just sit and eat that meal just keep pulling it back because when we put the goal and the life up on the Mountaintop it just seems like we can never quite get there and we leave a lot of choice and a lot of possibility on
(44:49) the table because we again we’ve created this mental construct this mental idea of how it’s supposed to look how it should look how it’s going to look when all of the pieces fall into place exactly like our imagination just created and that can really be so limiting and it’s can we use your creative imagination to me honestly I think creative imagination is the most powerful thing that we have right like all of the conflict that we have all of the desires that we have the needs that we have how we get them met how we get
(45:20) them fulfilled so much of the drama leads back to a lack of creative imagination and how you getting that met so much of the drama comes back to well I had this one way that I was going to get this need met this one way and because that one way can’t happen then I don’t get the need you know and it’s like that’s incredibly disempowering and we are so much more creative than that so I wonder if we can talk a bit about the Creative Dimensions of conscious Kink and BDSM like as a bit of a segue because I remember and and so do
(46:03) you when I first first first spoke to you I remember telling you well like I don’t know I I know I want to like expand and explore and I really want to bring Eros into my day-to-day life like into my every action every into my work into my everything and I said you know I I I would like to like do the whole Avatar you know like sexual Avatar thing and imagine like being able to try on different persona and try on different energies but like it’s so uncomfortable for me and I can’t even imagine you know
(46:32) like I from my you know trauma history of like hiding secrets you know from my childhood once I liberated myself like I don’t want to pretend ever you know like I need to be just me all the time and slowly slowly like over the process and you know quite a Dark Night of the Soul over the winter I find myself in this personal Arc right where I went from good girl like Al AIC doctor then to like subconscious Kink right so in the Renegade like notoriety of my health Freedom activism like disinformation dozen level you know R
(47:11) and I a bad girl you know kind of version then into like this Des secreting you know shame Alchemy around the incorporation of like my naughty provocator energy on the public stage and now I find myself in this place where I’m so drawn as you know to exploring like perhaps the destination in a way of of this entire Journey which is sacred submission right and and what would it be to have built up this arsenal of you know certain dimensions of power and dominant power and then to lay it at the feet willingly of you know
(47:53) a sacred partner you know who is embodying all of the virt virtues that I have from childhood and and probably previous longed for in in a man right and you you know you’ve held space for this Arc for me you know where you didn’t come in and say you know even though I have in my you know erotic blueprint I’m a shape shifter with a kink right like like subtype or whatever and I remember when you first mentioned that I was like sort of intrigued like oh what does that me you know that’s just not been a part of my worldview so
(48:25) I wonder if you can speak a bit I know you could do like a weekend workshop on this but just a bit to shame Alchemy right in the space of consented and conscious erotic power dynamics and maybe also touch specifically on you know what it is for women to make contact with this kind of not only personal individual sexual shame but the collective because you and I have exchanged many many voice notes and there is one voice note that you left me I don’t know some time ago where there was a passion that came through you it
(49:02) was like it would like gives me goosebumps recalling it right and you were talking about you know I just started to post scantily clad you know pole dancing videos on my social media and there was um a lot of response and really now I look at it and it’s like people don’t care that I’m like wearing booty shorts and it’s that I’ve changed right it’s that I have changed and you’re not allowed to change right it’s just too threatening and certainly that kind of contrast right but there was
(49:30) something that came through you that I just felt humbled you know by your depth of connection to the collective shame of all women you know in this realm and certainly in your sort of line of work I didn’t realize you know like how you’re as you know abandoned censored as us antivaxers you know and it’s that’s shocking to me and of course not surprising you know because is what is more threatening than this Reclamation so I wonder if you could just you know in a few minutes speak to the role of
(50:06) intentional power dynamics in the erotic space consented power dynamics for shame Alchemy and just maybe a word on like what we’re all doing with this shame you know how are we all doing our part can we all do our part to walk through the fire because that’s what it feels like it literally feels like walking through the fire and having your support and of course the support of my my women in my life is the only reason you know that I was able to recognize like oh this is an initiation and on the other side of this
(50:36) is even more pleasure even more freedom like even more sense of coming home to myself I can do this yeah yeah the shame Alchemy piece is so important and it’s what always gets me like the most excited about conscious Kink and about walking into these containers ERS that again we design on purpose with an intention so for instance one of the things that I’m still working on it’s still a big shame for me is how much work I am like I’m so much work I’m so high in maintenance when it comes to the
(51:16) to the bedroom because I’m also a shape shifter and I can go and go and go and be in pleasure and have hands on me and just be in that space for hours and hours and hours and still want more attention more affection more love and so there’s a lot of shame that I carry about that because in my childhood it was like the exact opposite I was in foster care for a little while I moved in with my stepmother and my father who were kind of like starting their own family and doing their own thing and so there was very much the story of I’m a
(51:55) burden and I you know need to to make up for myself by doing all this work around the house and not being too much work and not being too much of a bother I didn’t want to be a burden and so naturally when I came into my relationship and I started really opening and blossoming and really experiencing and what I wanted for the first time like having that first body imprint where things happened to my body and I didn’t even know that I wanted that right because again there’s this mental idea of what
(52:29) we think that we want and then the actual embodied experience of it and that’s really important and I’ll talk about that in a minute as well but we can show up and think oh this is what I like when in actuality through exploration we discover that we aren’t really all that turned on by that thing that we thought we really liked and our body is actually responding to something else you know Gia the erotic blueprints work is really in this and you see that in Sex, Love & Goop with I think the couple with Erica and Damon where he
(53:03) thought he was really into just genital Focus sex penetration was all that mattered you know however he actually prefers more energetic sex so he didn’t know that because he didn’t have an experience of that in his body before right so something gets unlocked you have an imprint of an experience where you have an entirely new experience of yourself and so once that started to flow through me and I realized just how much I wanted I immediately was met with self-rejection and fear and shame because that bumped up against my
(53:43) childhood beliefs of just be cool don’t be too high maintenance don’t be needy don’t have needs take care of yourself be you know that independent woman that can get everything done and not need someone else so this started to really impact my sex life and my connection with my partner in an unconscious subconscious way I was pushing him away a little bit and trying to like do a bunch of stuff myself because I think part of me wanted him to see hey she’s cool she doesn’t need me too much you know however playing with
(54:17) conscious Kink and coming into a conscious Kink container I can design a scene design an experience so that I can touch that shame of look how much work you are look how high maintenance you are look at all the stuff I’m doing to please you look at how much you need in order to feel faded I can touch on that shame in a way that feels really loving so for me the way that I’ve been playing with it when that starts to come up is we enter a container where I am a goddess and I’m like an earth goddess you know it’s it’s
(54:58) very like earthy and I am this being this old dark feminine sacred being because I’m like borderline evil when I get into my like dark feminine I am she is dark and when I my Southern accent comes out like in one of my archetypes and when that comes out my partner’s like oh [ __ ] I think that’s what I heard in that message yeah I was like oh God this is when she gets te this [ __ ] is yeah I’m like sugar yeah if I’m like hey sugar or like something like that he’s like oh it’s about to get real you know so the way
(55:38) that we started playing with it is I’m this Goddess that he must appease through worshiping my body through giving and giving and giving and giving to me how it looks structurally is like a bossy massage from Betty Martin you can YouTube that bossy massage Betty Martin and she gives the guidelines and then parameters but that’s pretty much how it looks is I lay and then I give him instructions and then if he gives me more or doesn’t quite follow the instructions I might punish him a bit I’m in a dawn role in this particular
(56:11) scene because I’m switch but then we keep playing with like how much can I receive how much can I receive and when the shame comes up he gives me love he puts his hands through my hair and kisses my face and tells me how much he loves how much I need right so he’s giving me praise for the very thing that I have a lot of Shame about needing and for some people praise might not be the thing that they want but for me using this as a container to presence the energetic elephant in the room to speak that deep deep pain and shame into the
(56:53) space I want to be met in this particular particular instance with love and appreciation and my man saying I see you and I love you and I love this about you too you know that’s what works for me so that’s the conscious container that we enter into right like beforehand we’ll sit we’ll talk about my yeses and my Nos and he’ll have like a general road map of what I’m consenting to and not consenting to so I’m not cons in to any kind of humiliation and not consenting to any kind of degradation right we have like a
(57:33) little checklist that we’ll use and so but he uses his own personality and Artistry to like fill in the blanks with that scene but the intentionality is hey let’s address the thing that you don’t want to say because you’re afraid if you say it I won’t love you anymore the thing that you’re afraid to say or do or be because you’re going to be punished because you’re going to be exiled let’s play with that intentionally in an erotic space to me for me personally in my relationship
(58:14) it’s been incredibly connecting to be able to be that vulnerable because of course so much of our shame just comes from sitting in silence and suffering in silence and not really addressing it right but if I can design a container with my partner and we can sit with that part of me and feed that part of me and be with that part of me and explore that and change my associations right changing my my body’s associations with what it is to receive because I’ve always been a giver give give give give constantly giving to
(58:53) other people you know hoping like maybe this will be maybe I’ll be lovable now maybe I’ll be worthy maybe if I give them this other thing then I can rest for a little while and they’ll leave me alone like constantly giving so receiving is really edgy for me and containers help me explore what are my limits what are my edges with how much I can receive before I start to dissociate before I start to just check out where I like don’t want to be in the room anymore right and so I just speak that
(59:22) and he might he might come over and like pull my hair back and check my eyes multiple times are you still here with me where are you come back you know and again I’m walking into that container knowing one the shame Alchemy piece we are going to play with the thing that I’m terrified to look at with the thing that I’m terrified to say out loud we’re going to bring her out and let her have some air right so there’s the shame Alchemy piece that’s also I’m changing my body’s associations with what that
(59:52) means like look this man that I love so much can see this and we can play with with this and it doesn’t mean harm and hardship which is what it means you know to up here into these different parts that live around my body he like oh no you know like okay he gave us love and we had that really great massage now let’s turn around and give him a [ __ ] so that there’s equality because we don’t want to owe him anything right it’s like can you be in a container where for an hour you are just worshiped
(1:00:24) for two hour you are just worshiped and given to and given to and given to like that’s a lot for the nervous system to hold and you’ll feel I should give back now it’s his turn I should give him the equal amount of pleasure right so it’s all those voices I’m seeing all of those voices that come up and all of that fear and I’m speaking it out loud during the scene that’s how I do it I speak it out loud so that he can meet me and we can again just keep addressing the energetic El in the room I can keep
(1:00:57) presencing all the fear all the shame all the stuff and it’s this special Sacred Space where you communicate on a level and with a level of formality that you might not otherwise yeah that’s the beauty of these very very delineated roles that are complimentary in and then not overlapping right that they’re they’re they’re truly the polarity that is possible between you know feminine and masculine energetics and I think for you know some of us who have had certain experiences there’s just there’s such a
(1:01:39) deep healing available I mean as somebody who’s not even experienced it I can just I can’t wait you know like I just like I feel the promise of doing this you know because I have done a lot of healing work and therapeutic work and there’s it’s something so different to engage this in erotic intimacy I imagine and and I love what you depicted it’s so illustrative of the potential like where else can you touch that you know with such depth and it’s really really beautiful so thank you for sharing that
(1:02:11) so I want to wrap up this is it got to be a tough question for you but I’m sure you’ll come up with something because you have so so so many resources and tools and that’s also how my you know I love tools like I love practices and and homework and you know I’ve collected so many girls from you over the time we’ve worked together but I wonder if you can share whatever tool comes to mind for you that has helped you personally come out of your head right so so really resolve that dissociation we’ve been
(1:02:45) speaking about and I know you have so many uh but I wonder if there’s one that’s easy for you you know to share with those listening yeah yeah so I’ve been studying the orgas mic Ark for a bit now and jenev who’s also a fellow erotic blueprint coach wrote a book you can find it wherever you can get like Kindle kind of books um digital I don’t think there’s a a paper copy yet but it walks through the process I will simplify and say what has helped me from that orgasmic Arc tool is safety coming
(1:03:25) into safety and connect ction with my own body when I am going into self-pleasure so that leaks out into bigger more intense longer lasting orgasms with myself that post orgasmic Bliss after an orgasm with myself letting my body lead so maybe genital touch isn’t even what happens and that’s really important like letting my body have a say instead of showing up with a plan of like I’m going to do this I’m going to use these tools and do the sex to myself and make the things happen because that’s my plan
(1:04:04) it’s my mental plan that I show up with right instead of being with what’s alive in my body right now and it means that I show up with my lover completely differently we follow the rhythms of my body so safety what does that mean for me it means before I self-pleasure I sit down with my body I feel the weight of my body you know in this chair now but like on the bed on the floor can I connect with where I’m feeling being supported and held can I feel the density of my bones the weight of my body and feeling supported and
(1:04:48) held I’m also going to notice where am I clenching where am I still trying to hold myself because I don’t feel feel totally solid and settled into the environment and I look I might need to close some curtains I might like maybe there’s some things in my environment that are keeping me from feeling like I can totally relax and let go and then I’m just noticing my breath my inhale and my exhale so I’m feeling the weight of my body I’m noticing where I’m clenching where I’m holding maybe I could soften
(1:05:21) my jaw maybe there are other muscles that might want to melt a little bit and I’m showing up not with like relax right I’m showing up with I see you I wasn’t even aware of you a minute ago but now that I’ve that beam of light of my attention is on my body now I see you and I feel you and like now that I’m here with you can you soften a little and from there a desire will come up or maybe a sensation becomes really obvious right so the other day I went out to self-pleasure in in the hammock
(1:05:55) and I walked out with my water and my vibrator like I’m going to crawl in the hammock and I’m going to self pleasure in the garden looking out at the ocean and all the flowers and I noticed pretty quickly that I was cold and I needed a pillow and the old me would have pushed on through and it would have said it’s fine we’re just going to be here for a couple of minutes the old me just used self-pleasure like a release you know like a cathartic release like a workout of like I got to get this energy out or
(1:06:29) like a candy bar where I could just dissociate from whatever’s going on in my life and give myself a reprieve you know and just be like I don’t want to feel those feelings I’m going to go stick a vibrator to my you know vulva and make intense sensation happen and I experienced a lot of short circuiting when I did that honestly like my orgasms were not nearly as intense as they are now but I went and got a pillow went and got a blanket came back snuggled in and immediately could feel myself then actually relaxing into being held by the
(1:07:05) hammock right so it’s like I’ve looked okay environmental safety what’s causing me to clinch handled it went got my pillow went and got my blanket and I’m feeling my body connect with the hammock I’m noticing my breath I’m noticing what might want to soften my jaw a little and then I had this desire come in that was like take your shirt off and feel the sun and the wind on your breasts just feel that and so I did that and I just felt as much as I could those Sensations and every time my attention
(1:07:41) wandered off into thoughts or I got you know jolted by like a sound I would come back to safety can I feel the weight of my body can I soften the clenching can I melt the muscles a little bit more and can I feel with my breath right I’m just coming back to safety and then I can feel and be with my body and I touched my breast a little bit but they weren’t really into that it just I just wanted to feel the feelings of the wind and the Sun so I la there for a long time I gave myself the space and I gave
(1:08:17) myself the pace that my body was asking for because again is your body safe with you or do you show up with your idea of how something should look do you show up with how something is supposed to look right what does my body actually need right now here in the moment not what it liked two weeks ago not what I think I’m supposed to do to it so I can get something out of this experience where it’s just an object that I’m acting on an object that I’m doing something to so that I get some result out of it right
(1:08:52) so then I noticed that like my jaw really hurt and my neck really hurt I took a vibrator and put it on the gentlest setting and just vibrated the bones of my jaw and put the vibrator back on my neck and my head and just sat there with that for a while and at that point I feel that I’m fully aroused I’m swollen there is like pulling up energy happening in my [ __ ] where there’s actually air that’s being sucked in and I press the vibrator to the opening and had this amazing long wave after wave
(1:09:33) orgasm right used to I wouldn’t be able to do that even after all the workshops and the Jade egg practices and all of the things I still showed up with all of those tools and applied them to my body as though my body was this thing that I should act on and do stuff to you know even with sensation play I can still get caught up in these moments where like okay I’m touching myself but it’s just I’m I’m treating myself as though I can get this 10 minutes of self-touch because it’s foreplay I’m just warming
(1:10:05) my [ __ ] up right and it’s like we hate that during sex so why do we do that in self-pleasure so if there was any tool I could drop is coming into safety and connection with yourself and your body and just being in conversation with what is my body want right now and letting your body have a say letting your body lead and letting self-pleasure look a bit different than what you might think it’s going to look like you might some days just need to take a nap right like you might start doing stuff and like the
(1:10:46) rope and all over your body and everything’s feeling really good and then all sign it’s like you know what I need more than anything in the world is a really good nap and you might wake up from that nap feeling that warm gooey tingly feeling that you feel after you have an orgasm right it’s like these experiences that start to get unlocked where we have new experiences of ourselves when we start to connect with our body in that way where it’s just can I get safe can I feel the way to my body where am I
(1:11:19) clinching where am I holding can I feel my breath I don’t need Total Safety this is a physical reality that’s possible but can I just get safe enough where I can explore sensation because that’s what we’re talking about we’re talking about safety is just can I drop in and be present to the sensations that I’m feeling what am I feeling in my body what’s happening a lot of the people aren’t even paying attention to that and again I’m still I’m still unlearning years of the same all same
(1:11:50) all you know now we call it self-pleasure because it’s like a flowery term for masturbation but I propose we play we play and we change it to self-play because play allows for something different to happen every time you know you didn’t show up to the playground as a kid of like I’m gonna play the same game the same way with the same people every single freaking day that would get boring and so it’s like can we allow our body to start to trust us where our body goes yeah she’ll listen she’ll listen when I say I have
(1:12:23) this really intense pain in my hip to pay attention into that for a minute instead of avoiding it and pretending like it’s not there and sticking a tool on the clitoris and creating a sensation you know I mean that’s just friction you can have an orgasm during rape that’s just friction right and so it’s like can we actually connect with our bodies in a deeper way and allow for things to be nonlinear and slow down and give ourselves the gift that we so desperately want from another human being
(1:12:56) and [ __ ] refuse to give ourselves in our own homes on our own time that illustration and just the the visceral experience that I had listening to that experience that is it that is it that is it in a nutshell what we can experience in partnered polarity can only become available when we partner ourselves right right when you become you know I think of like a like like a salsa dancer partner dancing right and and and the the masculine polarity the role of that man is to listen to that woman’s body right through his body and guide her toward
(1:13:45) what her body is telling him she needs wants to look like the beautiful queen dancing right and he’s like this invisible really structure upon which her you know blossoming Beauty hangs and and that’s what you offered yourself in that moment was this Exquisite capacity and willingness to listen you know and to you know because it sounds really like oh yeah of course I listen to my body most of us myself IED don’t even really know yet what that means and so that illustration I think is the it’s
(1:14:20) such a powerful example of what inner polarity looks like when it’s expressed right like what is it to recognize the tool you brought for your [ __ ] actually wants to be on your neck you know like what is it to take that moment in honor that you were Chile like what is it to to recognize that like you know you didn’t need to like squeeze your nipples in some pornographic way that’s not what was being asked of right so you were you were listening and responding and really being led through that open Channel and
(1:14:55) you you were creating the safety for that even to be felt I mean it’s so poetic and it’s so deep and it is the ultimate illustration of that very annoying tedious thing you told me early on which is that you know you become you must become the thing you are asking for in a partner and then the partner with whom you know you can have that experience in you know sort of like twood polarity will show up right he will whether it’s the partner you’re with or or a new one will show up you know as a force of mirrored magnetism so
(1:15:31) I I so appreciate that it’s so inspirational and just deeply deeply settling you know to to my nervous system to to feel something so true you know and to feel something so nuanced right because otherwise it can get very we get into that same dictatorial space and that inner rapist really does come online and put on the to-do list uh put in the small you know sort of like of time we’ve offered our bodies that sort of top down here’s what’s happening get it done kind of energy and we yeah check
(1:16:05) I did my pleasure practice for the day just like sex with your partner check we did sex for the day you know again it’s that fractal micro macro yeah for me the more permission I have given myself the more permission my lover has given me in return right the more I keep giving myself per permission to follow my body to say what’s happening to take up the space to take up the time the more and more he’s met me there right and the more that I’ve met myself in self-pleasure the more fully I can
(1:16:44) receive the gifts that he gives me right because if I want something but I can’t really give it to myself and I don’t really have a lot of nervous system exposure to the thing then odds are when I do finally get it from him I’m not going to be able to be fully open to it I’m going to clinch up I’m going to contract a little bit right so yeah selfplay and how we show up and be with ourselves and start looking at the dynamic between yourself and your body there’s so much there that women are
(1:17:21) giving to other people and saying no I’ve got to have the m or like no my man’s got to read this book and take the course and he needs to have the same language with me because I need to like shift these things in the bedroom and I’m like let’s talk about how you are with yourself because once you get solid there and feel legitimize there and you have the experiences with your body where things are looking a little bit different you say wait hold on a second you know I’m not my body’s not feeling
(1:17:50) like going in penetration can you pull on my hips it’s highly unlikely that you’ll be able to pause and to actually redirect when you’re not meeting yourself there and self-pleasure right the experiences just legitimize you in a way where you you know you have this trusting relationship with your body now where you know like hey let’s pause this isn’t working we thought we were this was working I actually need you to penetrate my heart before you penetrate my [ __ ] I actually need to sit here and
(1:18:24) connect with actually need to breathe with you this you know it’s so much easier to speak that when you’ve had those experiences yourself and you feel like I know I know this is going to work I know this is this is what I need you know and your body has this experience of like oh damn she’s listening now she’s not bypassing us she’s not you know rejecting us she’s not avoiding us she’s not ignoring us she’s actually listening to us now and that opens up an entirely new relationship and you know I
(1:18:59) can rant I can go on forever and I want to honor your time but no I love it no I mean that’s everything that that level of restoration of trust is is what it’s all about I mean it’s it’s literally the only path to experiencing what it is that we think we want and so I I’m so so so endlessly grateful to you and you have been and continue to be the med medum through which so much of this teaching needed to come to me to my life and you’ve inspired me to connect to many of the women in this salon and I
(1:19:35) just I can’t wait you know I’m in the front row of your theater and I can’t wait to see you know all of the things you’re putting on on stage I’m just really in awe of your transmission so thank you woman and I’m so so grateful to introduce you you know have the opportunity to introduce you to everyone it’s really an honor and I’m so grateful that you’re you’re doing this and bringing this to more women you know this is what we need for ourselves our sisters our mothers our nieces like me
(1:20:07) we need this work so thank you for spreading the message
